TEST DRIVE MEME #8

[sailmods]

1. but times have changed for sailors these days

[you wake up.

it doesn't matter where you were before. going to bed? dying? opening the door to face a great evil? same result. you wake up in a soft bed with starched sheets in a cool, darkened room, sunlight peeking out from behind thick curtains. maybe you're alone; maybe you aren't. maybe you immediately notice the folded paper on the bedside table near your head. if you don't, you better fix that real quick: you won't be able to even open the door before you read it.

the note itself is written in a neat hand on white card stock; there is a stylized logo of a ship with the words SERENA ETERNA printed underneath. the note reads as follows:

Dear Passenger(s),

As your cruise director, it is my great honor to welcome you aboard the Serena Eterna, your destination for fun and adventure! We know you could have chosen any cruise line for your vacation, and we're very grateful you chose ours! On behalf of the Captain, I would like to assure each and every passenger that will we do whatever it takes to fulfill all your needs and desires during your journey with us.

At your earliest possible convenience, please attend the mandatory lifeboat drill by the end of the day. I'm sure everyone is very eager to get started on all the fun and sun, but safety always comes first! You can find your life jacket in your cabin's closet; carry it to your assigned muster station on deck one, where I will take you through the drill. If you can't find me in the crowd, just look for the gal with the winning smile!

See You Real Soon!

Sincerely,
Gal Friday

you walk to deck one. you have no other choice: every time you try to step in a direction some unseen being considers "not towards deck one," you find your legs no longer move, staying stock still, frozen. whether compelled quickly by curiosity, or delayed by pure stubbornness, the result is the same, and you are left milling around with other similarly curious or stubborn people.

you see someone in uniform near the front of the crowd. she seems to be a gal, but is missing the winning smile, along with most of her other features. she seems to see you, though, rushing to your side and placing a lei around your neck with great formality. a voice, cheery but artificial, sees to come from nowhere and everywhere.]

Welcome aboard! I'm so happy you could join us!

[you touch the lei. rooster feathers, lotus seeds, and a carved circle of something white and hard, linked onto a silk string.

after the drill is completed, you are seemingly free to go. or, well, your legs work, now. and maybe that's as good as it's gonna get.]

2. tried to amend my carnivorous habit

[the space inside John's where the piano normally sits is mysteriously vacant today. as a matter of fact, the entire piano bar is silent, without so much as a muzak-inspired interpretation of Uptown Girl to hum along to.

the piano itself seems to have disappeared... for the most part. unlucky, unsuspecting passengers who enter the cabin hallway, step out onto the lower decks, or find themselves in one of the other narrow corridors of the ship, may find themselves suddenly facing down a silent, unmoving grand piano. it takes up too much space to squeeze by comfortably...

and then, the cover lifts, exposing what looks to be... teeth?

yeah. yeah, those are its teeth. and it's coming right for you.]

3. that American creation on which I feed

[it had been a difficult October for bahamanuel, the bahamanal. its territory had changed utterly, becoming alien and strange. new predators were encroaching on its hunting grounds. its position in the natural order is under threat. and so, nature finds a way.

the old timers know to be wary of large piles of clothes, but even they won’t think to look twice at the tiny lumps of garish kids’ swimsuits and sundresses - until they feel something latch onto their leg, and then several more things, and anywhere from ten to twenty balled up clothes piles try to take down their prey.

the young must learn how to hunt, after all.]

Comments

[uncodlyawwesome]

Wow! Wow!! What a fucking rude asshole! Not even briefly considering the notion that maybe he's spent the last couple of months in deep, personal reflection? Not even going to ask if maybe he's had time to decide that maybe he did make one or two mistakes, which were exacerbated by Sollux and Feferi being total douchebags to him???

Here he is, standing in stupid shitty human vacation-wear and Karkat isn't even going to humor him?!!!!

"Wwoww! Reel fuckin' classy, Kar!" He immediately (and obliviously) begins marching right after him. "You barely evven let me get one fuckin' sentence out an' then you storm off to go, wwhere, exactly? You don't evven knoww wwhere anythin' is, meanwwhile I knoww all the goddamn ins and outs of this place. Wwhat I'm sayin' is -- "

JOG JOG JOG now they're in step, in sync, look at them, two trolls together, burying hatchets!!!

"-- I'vve got vvalue, evven if you obvviously don't see it." He says this like he's doing Karkat a favor...

Tw: suicidal ideation

[angrycrabnoises]

“LITERALLY ANYWHERE IS BETTER THAN THIS!” Karkat snaps back at him. He’s actually mad. Not like, whiney fake mad like usual. Karkat has mastered the art of seeming more angry than he actually is, so the fact that the feelings really are hitting him so hard this time is a problem. He seriously can’t believe the way Eridan has managed to twist this whole conversation. It’s like they’re in two completely different planes of reality.

He walks over to the deck and looks out at the water. If he does jump, he won’t be able to get back on the ship, and there doesn’t look like there’s anything out there for miles. If he drowns, will he just wake back up on the meteor? Or will he be actually dead? If he really is a doomed version of himself that’s split off from the main timeline like Eridan said, then isn’t staying alive just prolonging the inevitable? Does he really want to be trapped in some pointless meandering existence, filled with burning rage at a former friend who refuses to take any sort of responsibility for how bad he messed up?

He wants to cry. He can feel tears at the back of his eyes. He can’t cry. Eridan will see the color, and he is NOT ready for THAT conversation. Instead he just nervously gnaws at his knuckle while gazing out at the water.

percival de rolo | critical role

[thebadnews]

1. no place like home

[ The thing about dying is, you're not supposed to wake up again. Except, in Percy's case, that is a possibility when there's a cleric in his party.

Another thing about dying is, when you wake up from a resurrection spell, you should theoretically be waking up back in the same area you fell unconscious in. And this was most certainly not Glintshore, nor was this a temple of Sarenrae. Keeping a hand close to his holster, Percy cautiously emerges from the bed and tries the door. When it doesn't open, he carefully looks around, unholstering his weapon, and pointing it at chest level, as if expecting Anna Ripley to burst through the walls at any moment to finish the job.

He notices the piece of paper and holsters Retort so that he can read it, and anyone within earshot might manage to catch several curses, some perhaps even slipping into Elvish. Well, might as well see what in the hell is going on and get some answers.

The first thing he notices as he walks to the deck is that this isn't an airship, and they're clearly not headed to Vasselheim. The second thing he notices is -- ]

Huh. [ Friday's face. Or lack thereof. It reminds him of the Raven Queen almost, only somehow the Matron of Raven was not quite so terrifying. Sorry, Friday.

Still, he accepts the lei around his neck, and looks around for someone who looks like they might know their way around the vessel. ]

2. my baby's got a gun

[ Unable to locate the rest of Vox Machina, Percy resigns himself to exploring the rest of the ship on his own. It's very different from Whitestone. If anything it reminds him of Greyskull Keep, only with more floors and less contained explosions (courtesy of Percy himself). And since he doesn't have a workshop to tinker with his weaponry, well.

A cursory examination of the ship it is.

Only he's fairly certain he's not alone. There's something following him. He can tell, but hasn't spotted the who or what yet. Not until-- ]

Oh, for the love of--

[ He goes right for Bad News strapped on his back, aiming it right at the piano. ] Stay back, you fiend! [ Let's hope the gun doesn't misfire first. ]

3. a lesson in futility

[ This attire is not at all to Percy's liking. It all looks far too gawdy, something closer to what Scanlan would wear.

So maybe it's his disinterest in the clothes themselves that makes it a lot easier for him to spot the rustling of clothing from seemingly nowhere. Or was it perhaps a ruse? Because while his attention is focused on the larger pile seeming to slink around with a mind of its own, he pays little heed to the smaller piles starting to corner him. Smart. Genius move, even. Percy would be proud if he weren't the one they were sizing up as prey. ]

Oh, for fuck's sake! Does everything on this damn ship have it out for me?

4. wildcard!

[ none of these really jumping out at you? feel free to toss another idea my way! he's coming in post-cloak and dagger for maximum feels. ]

My baby's got a gun

[serialskiller]

[Fantasy gunslinger, meet sci-fi gunslinger, as someone approaches at a jog from down the Promenade at the sound of yelling, pulling up the sleeve of its yellow dinosaur hoodie so a sleek metallic energy weapon can come up out of its forearm and fire a pair of red laser-like bolts at the piano.]

Get back away from it!

1!

[not_the_last]

As he turns away from Friday, looking around for someone who might know their way around, he'll see --

She's standing about ten or twelve feet away, white in the face, eyes wide and disbelieving, mouth a little open. She looks about twelve years old.



"Percy?"

3. a lesson in futility

[crushed_pearls]

Ever since the fight with Siffleur, Erin's habits in haunting the Infinite Tommy Bahama have taken on a new air. Sometimes she's here just looking for the werecougar; other times she's taken to raiding it for laces and elastics and other bits of the endless supply of clothing that might make for useful survival tools.

The sound of a voice gets her attention, as it tends to, but the distress says something's wrong. Erin draws her saber and hurries that direction, wondering if it's the cat or Bahamanuel, only for it to be -

"My GOD it's FUCKING BREEDING?"

One six foot tall bootleg elf into the fray. Curiously enough she doesn't lead swinging; one of the tiny bastards goes flying from a vicious kick.

[thebadnews]

[ Perhaps if Percy weren't too preoccupied with the sentient piano trying to eat him he would have had more time to focus on the way this new gunslinger's weapon seemed to materialize, rather than be pulled off his person. Alas, that will just have to be unpacked later. ]

You certainly don't have to tell me twice.

[ He scans the area for something to hide behind, and winds up choosing the rather large golden statue. So long as this gunslinger can distract their enemy long enough, he can make it no problem.

But not before vaulting over some tables first. Show off. ]

[serialskiller]

[Murderbot, meanwhile, advances along the wall of the Promenade, finding a position to hold near the Drunken Sailor. It aims for the legs of the piano, attempting to halt its forward progress.]

Fucking hellship...

[thebadnews]

Of all the people Percy expects to see here, Cassandra is by far the last person on that list. Perhaps because he is still not too sure he didn't die, which would mean --

No, he can't think like that, not when he doesn't have all the facts yet.

Still, that doesn't stop him from freezing up, his face softening before a smile slowly forms. Sister.

"Cass." It's half-whispered, and suddenly it's as if the rest of the ship isn't there and it's just the two of them. "Should I be worried that you're here, too?"

[thebadnews]

"Well, that's certainly one way to get its attention," Percy comments as he dives out of the way before one of the little ones can get a hold of it. "I take it you're familiar with its brethren then? Does it have a weakness?"

Is the weakness gunpowder? Percy, you can't keep shooting everything.

Or maybe this calls for a longsword. He must save that ammo, after all, seeing as how it does not look like he will be purchasing black powder anytime soon.

[crushed_pearls]

"Good news is the bad news, the big one's not a fan of fire but the ship puts fires out unless you're in the smoking lounge." And boy howdy there's the big one coming. Erin kicks one of the baby clothes piles in its direction. "I've never seen 'em leave the store but that does mean actually getting to the - MOTHER FUCKER -"

Erin staggers away with one of the little ones latched onto her leg, swatting at it with her saber.

Still yelling: "IF THAT THING SHOOTS LEAD AIM FOR THE LIGHTS AND HOPE THEY REMEMBER LAST TIME!"

[not_the_last]

"Percy," she says again, and takes a step closer. "I ... yes. In full honesty, yes, brother, you should be worried for both of us that we're here."

A beat.

And in a sudden heartfelt burst: "But it's so good to see you."

[uncodlyawwesome]

Eridan opens his big fat mouth,

and finds that nothing actually comes out.

He knows technically, this Karkat isn't necessarily the same doomed timeline version of Karkat he used to know. His whole mood is wrong, he'd been shouting for one of the humans, he'd met multiple doomed versions of Eridan himself --

There's a long, blissful minute where Karkat might think Eridan's literally fucked off, but eventually he shuffles over to the railing. There is... a weirdly respectful amount of distance between them, although that's mostly by complete accident.

"...Um. Wwhat, uh. Wwhat happened? Before you wwoke up here." And, because he knows Karkat probably better than he realizes and can see where he's looking, "It doesn't wwork. You just wwake up back in your room the next day."

[angrycrabnoises]

“OF COURSE THAT’S WHAT HAPPENS,” Karkat lets out an exasperated sigh and drapes an arm across the railing.
He is grateful for the change of topic at least.
He snorts bitterly. “WHICH ‘BEFORE’ DO YOU WANT TO KNOW? HOW I WAS FUCKING AROUND RIGHT BEFORE WAKING UP IN THIS AQUATIC SHITSCAPE? OR THE GENERAL FUCKING AROUND I WAS DOING SINCE AFTER...” He doesn’t know how to end that sentence.

[sonofabinky]

[ And Max doesn't need to give her the same answer that he gave last time. But he still feels it, even as he holds it in. He fucking bit her. Holy shit, he attacked her again and he fucking bit her. The knowledge twists his insides and he kind of... stares at nothing for a moment, and he blinks heavily to hold in the warm pressure behind his eyes. Laura keeps saying it wasn't him, but...

It takes him a moment to catch up to what she's still saying. ]

W...wai...wait, wai... what?

[ Yikes! ]

But you... you went back and [ glance around. they are on a CRUISE SHIP ] got him, right? Like, we're not going to...

[ you know. ]

'Awooo'?

[sonofabinky]

[ Max stumbles forward as the wall behind him Fucking Explodes, and then swings around to keep the piano in view, just in time to see it get splattered with pasta. Maybe that's stunned it for a moment. Or maybe the thing that stunned it was the aforementioned wall. ]

It's a violin, man. What does it look like?? And I didn't do anything, it just came at me!

Wait wait wait, I've got an idea--

[ And he kind of. Puts his arms out and starts backing away slowly. Like, you know, a raptor trainer or whatever? But about a million times less sure that he's not about to get eaten. ]

Hey, shhh. Shhhhhh. Good piano. Goooood... grand piano.

[ The piano roars in a perfect C minor scale. Perhaps Max's idea is bad actually.

Then it recovers itself and charges, and Max screams and throws himself out of its way over the top of one of the buffet counters, taking metal lids and spoons to the floor with him. Yeah his idea was definitely bad actually!! ]

[interlunium]

[ Frustration boils up in her chest — not at Max, but at this stupid, impossible situation. They were supposed to have their fun summer job and then set off to college together. The universe has to be playing some massively unfunny joke on the both of them at this point. ]

He was right in front of me. I was looking right at him, and — [ she shrugs, shaking her head. ] — I woke up here.

So, yeah, Max. If we can't find a way off this ship it's going to be really bad. Like, really bad.

[ She knows Max knows but she can't help but stress how absolutely not good this whole thing is for everyone involved. ]

[sonofabinky]

[ Oh no. Oh no. Max steps back -- stumbles back is more like it, with how unsteady his step is -- and puts both hands on his head, pulling them through his hair. ]

Oh shit, [ he says. Because yep. He knows.

And then he stares at Laura like she'll have answers. If there's a way to solve this she'll be able to figure it out, right? ]

What the hell do we do? Like, we should... tell someone, right? Maybe they'll turn the ship around? I mean how did we even get on board without anyone noticing, like-- what, we both wolfed out, and then ran up the gangplank, and then tucked up in bed pretending to be grandma until we both woke up? And why is this ship so fucked up??

3. i'm sorry...

[uncodlyawwesome]

[Yeah, it's really too bad that this ship doesn't acknowledge the fact that some people need to have a glass of wine exclusively for aesthetic purposes. This guy gets that. He also gets imperious scorn. He gets sulking at the railing and glaring at nothing while all your machinations fall apart around you.

The only reasonable thing to do is, you know. Sssslide up on the railing so he can lean his elbows on it, very cool-like. Very nonchalantly. He wishes he had his cape so badly right now, instead of this shitty purple Tommy Bahama shirt.]

You must be neww here.

[uncodlyawwesome]

Eridan had meant the ship, but it's... tempting to ask about the after part. If he asks, though, that's just gonna piss Karkat off more and he'll run off and start screeching to everyone about how shitty Eridan is and how shitty everything is, and --

"...Before the ship, I guess?" Although he really hopes the two conversations just dovetail together so he doesn't have to acknowledge the thing Karkat is also avoiding all mention of. "Did... I guess you guys figured somethin' out, judgin' from you shoutin' for one of the humans like some shouty idiot."

I messed up the “sweeps” thing earlier. He’s been on the trip for a year, it’s a 3 year trip

[angrycrabnoises]

“YEAH. YOU COULD SAY THAT,” he sighs and tries to formulate an explanation in his head. “TO MAKE A VERY LONG STORY SHORT. THE HUMANS INITIATED THE SCRATCH AND CREATED THE NEW UNIVERSE. THEY GOT SEPARATED, SO STRIDER AND LALONDE ENDED UP WITH ME, TEREZI, KANAYA, AND GAMZEE. TECHNICALLY ARADIA AND SOLLUX ALSO LIVED BUT THEY STAYED BEHIND TO BE CREEPY UNDERWORLD GODS IN THE DREAM BUBBLES FOR SOME FUCKING REASON. SOLLUX USED THE LAST OF HIS STRENGTH TO CATAPULT THE METEOR THROUGH PARADOX SPACE INTO THE NEW UNIVERSE, BUT IT WOULD TAKE ONE AND A HALF SWEEPS TO GET THERE. I’D BEEN THROUGH THE MOST TEDIOUS HALF A SWEEP KNOWN TO TROLLKIND BEFORE WAKING UP HERE.”

[uncodlyawwesome]

In one ear, out the other. Even when he's trying to actively listen, Eridan can't help but let his mind wander back to how this all affects him... But then there's the depressing realization that it doesn't. At all. Even if they weren't doomed(?) offshoots, even if this was a real dream bubble or whatever -- he's dead, and there's no coming back from that.

Pretty much the one thing that does affect him at all is the fact that Sollux fucking survived. And he's back with Aradia, now, too? Like Feferi was nothing! God, that fills him with such rage! It's practically doubled back from black to platonic to black again.

"Of course that piss-blooded wworm livved," he growls. "Ugh. Wwhatevver. Wwhere does he evven get the -- wwhatevver!" He throws his hands up and repeats the word like he isn't the one who needs convincing. "I guess that dumb plan actually wworked after all. Still don't knoww wwhat a fuckin' Scratch is evven supposed t'be, but I guess it doesn't matter wwhat I knoww."

oh no

[darkseed]

[Ken's own cape billows behind him, though perhaps not as dramatically as he'd like to imagine.

He's aware of someone shifting towards him along the railing which makes him tense, though he's not sure if it's because he's preparing for a fight or for his day to get more annoying.

But the person just makes a statement.]

Heh!

[Ken adjusts his sunglasses and shifts around to address the...stranger? They're not human. He decides to put his money on "Digimon", final answer.]

Yeah. Is it that obvious?

[neverleave]

[Athletic kid. That's good, running is an important skill on board the Serena Eterna. Today it's toothy pianos, tomorrow it can be a horde of zombies or some pissed off passenger throwing magic around.

Once Ken is on the stairs, Natsuno sprints the last stretch of corridor to follow. He stops a few steps under the landing to see if the piano's coming. It seems to be having some trouble climbing the first stairs, but it somehow manages to twist itself sideways and slowly drag itself upwards.

Two of the piano's legs are braced against the wall, the sides are scuffed and it has to keep chewing through the rail, but by god it's determined to munch on these kids who probably don't appreciate Billy Joel.]

It'll rip your whip like nothing, [He remarks calmly.] Better we find something to roll down the stairs on it.

[angrycrabnoises]

“ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME RIGHT NOW?!” Karkat whips his head towards Eridan and glares daggers at him. “ALL OF THAT, AND ALL YOU COULD THINK OF IS HOW ANNOYING IT IS THAT SOLLUX ISN’T DEAD?? WHAT, YOU WANNA GO TROUNCE RIGHT OFF AND FINISH THE JOB? FUCK YOU. HE’S A PERSON, ERIDAN. HE’S MY FRIEND!”

Fuck, he hadn’t realized how much he missed Sollux until just now.

“YOU CAN CRY SCALEBEAST TEARS AT ME ALL YOU WANT ABOUT HOW YOU’RE A TOTALLY DIFFERENT GUY AND YOU JUST NEED ANOTHER CHANCE, BUT I’VE SEEN WHAT YOU REALLY ARE, AND I'M NOT IMPRESSED."

He jabs a finger towards Eridan. "YOU DIDN'T EVEN BOTHER TO ASK WHAT THE SCRATCH WAS EVEN ABOUT BEFORE DECIDING YOUR IDIOTIC GROVELING WOULD WORK BETTER. AND WHEN NOBODY LIKED THAT IDEA - WHICH OBVIOUSLY NO ONE WOULD - YOU JUST HAD TO RUIN EVERYTHING, DIDN'T YOU? YOU KNOW WHY YOU GOT THE TITLE 'THE PRINCE OF HOPE?' IT MEANS DESTROYER OF HOPE. AND THAT'S WHAT YOU DO. YOU DESTROY."