sail_ooc | TEST DRIVE MEME #7

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TEST DRIVE MEME #7

1. before she hung up, she said she was a skeleton

[there is no note in your cabin. no forces stall your legs if you decide to walk anywhere but the atrium. in fact, for the first time in hundreds of years, newly arrived passengers on the Serena Eterna are waking up with absolutely no guidance. nothing but your fellow passengers in the halls - or maybe in your bed.

perhaps you end up in the atrium eventually anyway. it is where guest services is, and where Gal Friday… actually hasn’t been in a few days. until today. and she is visibly frazzled, her hair uncoiffed, her suit rumpled, something a bit like a bruise blossoming down from her hairline and over her smooth features. more papers than ever cover her desk, and when she turns to face you, her voice is as cheerful as ever, but audibly strained.]

Welcome aboard the Serene Eterna! [a pause] You know how to work a life vest, right? Everyone knows that! You don’t need me to teach you that!

[a light bulb burns out behind her head.]

… I’ll get right on that!

[freedom includes the freedom to not know what the fuck is happening. maybe you should reflect on that.]

2. grandma went and can't stop screaming

[it’s something about the lighting fixtures, this month. has the Bellona always had a massive chandelier? maybe. who knows. don’t ask questions. either way, in the stillness of the night, or day, or late afternoon, there is a noise like a cord being cut, and the chandelier plunges into the audience below.

it hits nothing, of course. no one is ever in the theater. and that, perhaps, is what the trouble is.

so, the chandelier starts to… travel, one could say. it starts to hang in various rooms: the dining halls, the bars, the clubs… sometimes, if you’re out on the pool deck and suddenly realized you’re under a shadow, you can glance up and see it suspended 20 feet above your head, securely fastened to nothing in particular and yet remaining perfectly in place.

until it isn’t. until it falls, crystal shattering on whatever surface it lands on: floor, table, person… and, wherever the chandelier goes, a lilting childish voice follows it, singing without any obvious source.]

Ring-a-ring of roses, a pocket full of posies… ashes, ashes, we all…

3. jeff bezos murdered the infinite tommy bahama

[the lights of the Infinite Tommy Bahama go out three days into October.

barely an hour after its closure, the lights go on again, and a new banner is unfurled.

physically, it is the same store. you can even see the old signs hidden behind the new ones. however, long gone are the tropical prints and khaki dress shorts. now, one can purchase any number of officially licensed or legally distinct Halloween costumes, decorations, and various other haunted accoutrements, leading back as far as the eye can see, and then farther still. is that a Gal Friday mask? spooky! well, at least you’ll be good and ready for the Halloween party at the end of the month, which is absolutely just a normal party and in no way whatsoever anything even remotely resembling a trick. there are only treats at The Infinite Spirit Halloween!

note: bahamanuel is still here! somewhere! it kinda looks like dan bongino.]

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

Demons could be a literal thing in this world, he supposes. He's been called one himself many times, but considering they're being served alcohol by ghosts, Ed doesn't really need to know if it's literal or not.

Ed doesn't answer at first. Did he choose it? He supposes, yes, in a way. You choose between being a pirate or dying by one's hands, so he guesses he did. But that's such an incredibly long story... one he is not thrilled to get into with a complete fucking stranger.

"Change the fucking subject, man." he mutters, "If I wanted a fucking therapist or to be yours I'd have asked for one or offered." All the bits about past fucking trauma and shitty dads? Fuck off.

Klaus holds up their hands. “Sorry, geez.” Maybe more like Five. “I wasn’t trying to do that.” But what the fuck do they even have to talk about? Maybe music? Does he even like music? Probably doesn’t even know about karaoke.

“Do you like music?” That could possibly be a better conversation? “Or like whatever?” A beat. “Oh! There’s a knife club on board! That might be more your speed.”

"Everyone likes music." he replies, making a face. Right? Even famous curmudgeonly Izzy Hands likes music. He and Edward even used to play it together, when they were younger men.

"The fuck does a knife club even do?" he asks, wincing as if trying to imagine it. Is it a glorified show-and-tell? Do they all perform in a talent show and do knife tricks? Do they just sit in a circle and talk about how much they like knives and jerk each other off? Sounds stupid. Maybe. Probably. Not like he'd be into that kind of thing or anything. Stop looking at him like that.

“Oh. Cool. I’m sure you’ve never done karaoke, but I promise you’ll love it. They have to have songs you know on there maybe. There’s Disney songs of all things! If not, I’ll teach you songs.” Sure, he is about to know way too many Destiny’s Child songs and probably every 90s pop or R&B song Klaus has in their repertoire, but that’s fine, right? Who doesn’t love 90s pop music?

I dunno, buddy, sounds like you’re totally into that. “I think they just fight each other with knives for fun. I dunno. I’ve never been. I can’t fight with a knife to save myself.”

Ed doesn't know what Klaus is talking about or like... what a Disney is, but he does like singing sometimes. But he doesn't want to look too eager, here. He's supposed to be tough and cool.

"Well that's fuckin stupid." he mutters, "All you do is pick it up and stab."

He pulls his knife from it's holster to demonstrate, stabbing forward in the ghost bartenders' direction. He side-eyes Klaus then, hesitation clear on his face. The last time he offered to teach someone something it spiraled into an exciting but fleeting romance and ended with him being the most hurt he's ever been in his entire life...

Okay, well, he's got to make some use of his time here, and Klaus already set a boundary on romance, so, what's he got to lose?

"Could teach you how to use one well, if you were serious about the song thing."

At first Klaus thinks that's in response to the music, but then they quickly realize that's in response to not knowing how to use a knife. So all the defensive hackles settle back down and he looks over. "Knives were more Diego's thing. I was just ghosts and dying over and over." There's a shrug at that as he waves it off. Totally not important. "Like, sure I killed a guy with my hands once, but that was also an accident." Right right. Don't overshare. Uhhhh....something different. Right. Knives.

They look over, watching the stab and glad that it's not them getting stabbed. The ghosts are whatever. They kind of ruined so much before. So he's kind of aware of the hesitation, but he's gonna act like he's not. That seems like the correct move here.

"Oh. Really?" They smile. "Yeah. Totally, buddy. Would totally be down to learn knives well. I live for the look on Diego's face if he ever shows up and I can actually fight with knives for a change. And of course I'm serious about the songs. I never joke about karaoke."

Edited 2022-11-22 00:21 (UTC)

"I don't know who the fuck that is." he replies, stabbing the knife tip into the bartop. "Can you move?" he asks, "Like, are you quick? Or if someone's stabbing at you do you just fuckin take it?"

Ed needs to know how pathetic Klaus is talking here, because even Stede could wave a fucking sword around. But if Klaus has absolutely no moves, Ed has his work cut out for him.

"My brother," he says quickly as an explanation. Which then leads him to wondering if he needs to explain exactly about superheroes and training. "Yeah. I trained to fight bad guys as a kid. We were like teenage crime fighters." But with powers. "I remember some of it. Most of it's instinctual more than purposeful these days, but..." Are they gonna have to be more sober for this? Well, at least not high. Maybe less drunk than usual.

"And I can still remember all the ballroom dancing our dad made us learn." Does that count as being able to move? "And I've had to run from the authorities a lot as an adult."

"I get it." he scoffs, giving Klaus a sidelong smirk. "You'll be fine."

Ed leaves his dagger stuck in the bar to gulp down more beer. Absolutely not gonna be sober for any of this. He'll smoke whatever you've got, too... actually...

A few beers in him, be feels a bit less on edge and a little more himself. It helps to have company that seemingly doesn't expect him to Captain them about and isn't, well, you know, Izzy. A little bit of the old Ed can slip in, here and there. He reaches inside his jacket and empties the contents of his inner pocket. There's a pipe, a small portable snuff box and a smaller box of matches, which he starts to fumble with on the bartop, stuffing the pipe as he talks.

"Most of fighting is about avoiding getting hit. Surprise someone or tire them out first, then strike. You probably know this shit but... whatever, add a knife. Look for weak points. Get creative. Half the time if you scare a guy bad enough they go down easy. And if you have to take a hit," he stops, only to put the pipe in his mouth and light it, taking a different kind of hit, then speaking again with the strain of some with smoke in their lungs, "know where to take it."

He exhales, taking a deep breath. Fuck, he needed that.

And he's chill again. Klaus smiles a little, resisting the urge to feel good about himself over it. Blackbeard seems to go pretty hot and cold, so it's probably just a thing. But if there's more drinking, Klaus will just...uh...keep up. "I have skills," they say sagely, knowing full well that if anyone complimented them, they would die on the spot. Probably best not to reveal that as a weakness when you might be knife fighting someone.

Klaus pauses. "Not to be annoying, but probably less likely to get in trouble with Friday if she catches you smoking in the casino or Tauva," he says. "She might not have a face, but she's still spookily able to see things."

But yes. That's also something he's heard his dad say constantly. Usually with a heaping pile of disappointment in their direction. "Know where to take it?" Klaus considers that. "Is there like a better place to get stabbed?" Diego would probably know this.

Hot and cold is a good descriptor. Irritable or short tempered is probably more accurate, but Klaus is oddly enough in no danger at the moment. As long as he doesn't insult him or anything, he could be useful, especially if he does okay with a knife. All Captains need a crew, and Edward just lost his.

"Let her call the fucking Navy." he groans as he inhales again. He doesn't give a fuck.

"Left side." he mutters into his drink. "I've probably taken a dozen blades there. And I don't have the death count you claim to."

She has been know to spray people with water, so it would almost be the same. Klaus doesn't know this, though. Just that she doesn't allow smoking outside of smoking areas usually. "Just saying."

Left side. Klaus squints at the spot ahead of themselves trying to think if they even know what's on the left side. They don't. He's gonna ask Tendi. "It's hard to be this good at dying, so I'd hate to have competition." A beat. "That's a joke." Just in case. You can never be sure. "But I'll keep that in mind."

"No one likes a buzzkill." he offers.

If Klaus had wondered that question out loud Ed would have told him nothing important sat there. No one even knows what the liver does. It's all just cushion.

Edward finishes off his beer, a little looser in his conversation, now that the alcohol is flowing. Should he have two more? He's gonna have two more. And then probably piss off of the balcony into the pool or something.

"Mn. What's it like, anyway?" he asks, actually curious.

He puts up his hands. It's not his rule.

Klaus is pretty sure they need their liver. The alcohol they consume alone is fucking it up enough. But this is fine. Probably.

RIP to the pool.

"Dying?" There's a pause at that. "Um. You know...depends on how you die, I guess? I died in this club once cause I hit my head on the ground too hard, but I don't think I realized it was dying for real. Also apparently God hates me, so you know. Guess that makes it easy to avoid dying for keeps. That or just some random girl on a bike hates me." Right. This is probably sharing too much again. "Anyway...getting impaled is a real bitch. I got shot through the chest with a harpoon once. Fucking awful. Hated that. And then when...ahhh...I impaled myself on a buffalo horn once. I was gonna die anyway, so I chose how I was going to die."

They shrug. "Then before the buffalo horn thing my dad made me play busball and get run over by trucks and cars and stuff like a ton of times so I could come back faster. That shit hurt dying and coming back. Like fuck, dude. Bones breaking and unbreaking multiple times. Fucking sore as shit. I don't really remember a lot of the times before all those."

"Pain is pain." he waves his hand, "I mean what comes after? Is it quiet for once?"

Maybe Klaus doesn't know, considering he comes back each time. Edward only hopes for peace. A way out. Maybe he'd rather be fucking dead than to endure more painful bullshit. And yet he continues trucking on for who??? Izzy? If only.

"You're a real fuckin' nut case." he mutters into his beer as Klaus describes the ways he's killed himself, then pushes away another empty glass, his speech audibly more slurred. "S'a compliment, by the way."

Klaus considers that before nodding. "Yeah. My void's pretty peaceful. Saw my mom there. My birth mom. Got to just hang out for a bit. Don't know if it's the same for everyone, but..." They shrug. "I like to think yes."

This got a little deep, but...yeah. Thank god for the fucking beer right now.

They grin widely. "Yeah. I know. I come by it naturally. One of my many attributes." He laughs, resting his head against his arms, folded on the bar now. "Same to you, buddy."

"Sounds nice." he hums, fingering st the glass in front of him. He doesn't know what he'd do if he saw his mother again. If she's alive or dead. He'd abandoned her after the death of his father, worried he'd be just as dangerous to her as he was.

He smacks Klaus on their back and nods, "Wanna take this last beer to go? You could show me that shit you were telling me about earlier."

"Yeah. It kinda is." For all he didn't really think that much about it, it is. They hope their mom's alive at least. In the universe reset. A question with no answers.

"Yeah, totally." A pause. "But which part did you wanna see?" Cause they're trying to remember exactly everything they've mentioned, but the alcohol has definitely made things a little more blurry to their memory. "Cause I'm pretty sure I talked about a lot of things."

"Forgot the name of it." he groans, "So fuck it, it doesn't matter." There was a mention of music perhaps? He's drunk enough to fuck around with that, probably. Klaus even gets an offered (gloved) hand to help them up.

"Wherever you wanna go. It's all new to me."

Klaus takes the offered hand, kind of delighted that they're here right now. "Oh." Klaus squints. "I'll think of something. Probably." He around for the time briefly. Maybe there's time for karaoke if it's not too late. At least Klaus can show him the karaoke. He's just gonna pick up this last beer. Friday won't stop this anyway.

"Come on. I'm gonna teach you 90s pop music and I expect both a captive and appreciative audience." They are careful make it obvious it's mostly joking.

Edward grabs his own beer to-go and follows suit, feeling a good deal lighter than he can say he has in days. "Don't know what the fuck that is." he replies, but he doesn't care. Any distraction will do.

"I only know shanties," he mutters as they move rooms, "And I wrote a couple songs but I don't think I wanna share those."

"It's fine. You're gonna know soon." He's in a great mood, honestly. This is almost as good as that time all the siblings did karaoke. Well...not Allison, but...it was the boy part of the party. Probably they should have included Allison, but she was on her villain arc at the time, sooooo.

"Aw. You wrote songs? That's cool! I wanna hear them one day." They don't know if they will, but hey. Maybe! "I don't think I know any shanties, though. They weren't super popular with the people I was around." Which isn't really surprising. "There's like so much music you don't know. I can't wait."

Ironically, Edward is in his villain arc right now, but that doesn't seem to keep him from drunkenly learning new songs.

"You won't." he assures Klaus either way, confident that singing his soul out won't go over very well given the company aboard. He doesn't know what to expect regarding wherever Klaus is taking him though, so he focuses on his beer and trying not to fall too far behind.

Klaus is still pretty sure that he wants to, but he’s not gonna argue with a pirate and die. It would definitely get him in trouble. They're careful to keep an eye on Blackbeard and stay sort of close so that the guy doesn't get lost. Klaus has been here for ages and still somehow gets lost, but that's usually when he's had waaaaay too much to drink.

Chatterbox is pretty simple. A scattering of chairs and a little stage. The karaoke machine is right there.

Normally, introducing someone to Destiny’s Child (because what else would they choose tbh?) is initially something like Bootylicious, but they’re still suffering from bad memories after killing Nobunaga to it, so…something else.

Probably something not sexy, which isn’t the hardest, but he’s just gonna go with Survivor because it seems like the one to go with. Even if Independent Women, Pt 1 was runner up. Klaus both can and will do a bit of dancing to play up the performance. Shame who? They do not know 'em.

Edward has seen enough aboard the ship that he thought nothing would surprise him. This was before the music is blaring and Klaus begins their performance, the lights and sheer volume of this unthinkable music giving Edward nothing less of a religious experience.

"What. The. Fuck..." He's saying aloud to no one during the song, unable to even blink so much as to look away.

TEST DRIVE MEME #7

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