TEST DRIVE MEME #7

[sailmods]

1. before she hung up, she said she was a skeleton

[there is no note in your cabin. no forces stall your legs if you decide to walk anywhere but the atrium. in fact, for the first time in hundreds of years, newly arrived passengers on the Serena Eterna are waking up with absolutely no guidance. nothing but your fellow passengers in the halls - or maybe in your bed.

perhaps you end up in the atrium eventually anyway. it is where guest services is, and where Gal Friday… actually hasn’t been in a few days. until today. and she is visibly frazzled, her hair uncoiffed, her suit rumpled, something a bit like a bruise blossoming down from her hairline and over her smooth features. more papers than ever cover her desk, and when she turns to face you, her voice is as cheerful as ever, but audibly strained.]

Welcome aboard the Serene Eterna! [a pause] You know how to work a life vest, right? Everyone knows that! You don’t need me to teach you that!

[a light bulb burns out behind her head.]

… I’ll get right on that!

[freedom includes the freedom to not know what the fuck is happening. maybe you should reflect on that.]

2. grandma went and can't stop screaming

[it’s something about the lighting fixtures, this month. has the Bellona always had a massive chandelier? maybe. who knows. don’t ask questions. either way, in the stillness of the night, or day, or late afternoon, there is a noise like a cord being cut, and the chandelier plunges into the audience below.

it hits nothing, of course. no one is ever in the theater. and that, perhaps, is what the trouble is.

so, the chandelier starts to… travel, one could say. it starts to hang in various rooms: the dining halls, the bars, the clubs… sometimes, if you’re out on the pool deck and suddenly realized you’re under a shadow, you can glance up and see it suspended 20 feet above your head, securely fastened to nothing in particular and yet remaining perfectly in place.

until it isn’t. until it falls, crystal shattering on whatever surface it lands on: floor, table, person… and, wherever the chandelier goes, a lilting childish voice follows it, singing without any obvious source.]

Ring-a-ring of roses, a pocket full of posies… ashes, ashes, we all…

3. jeff bezos murdered the infinite tommy bahama

[the lights of the Infinite Tommy Bahama go out three days into October.

barely an hour after its closure, the lights go on again, and a new banner is unfurled.



physically, it is the same store. you can even see the old signs hidden behind the new ones. however, long gone are the tropical prints and khaki dress shorts. now, one can purchase any number of officially licensed or legally distinct Halloween costumes, decorations, and various other haunted accoutrements, leading back as far as the eye can see, and then farther still. is that a Gal Friday mask? spooky! well, at least you’ll be good and ready for the Halloween party at the end of the month, which is absolutely just a normal party and in no way whatsoever anything even remotely resembling a trick. there are only treats at The Infinite Spirit Halloween!

note: bahamanuel is still here! somewhere! it kinda looks like dan bongino.]

Comments

[treading_water]

Ironically, Edward is in his villain arc right now, but that doesn't seem to keep him from drunkenly learning new songs.

"You won't." he assures Klaus either way, confident that singing his soul out won't go over very well given the company aboard. He doesn't know what to expect regarding wherever Klaus is taking him though, so he focuses on his beer and trying not to fall too far behind.

[busball]

Klaus is still pretty sure that he wants to, but he’s not gonna argue with a pirate and die. It would definitely get him in trouble. They're careful to keep an eye on Blackbeard and stay sort of close so that the guy doesn't get lost. Klaus has been here for ages and still somehow gets lost, but that's usually when he's had waaaaay too much to drink.

Chatterbox is pretty simple. A scattering of chairs and a little stage. The karaoke machine is right there.

Normally, introducing someone to Destiny’s Child (because what else would they choose tbh?) is initially something like Bootylicious, but they’re still suffering from bad memories after killing Nobunaga to it, so…something else.

Probably something not sexy, which isn’t the hardest, but he’s just gonna go with Survivor because it seems like the one to go with. Even if Independent Women, Pt 1 was runner up. Klaus both can and will do a bit of dancing to play up the performance. Shame who? They do not know 'em.

[treading_water]

Edward has seen enough aboard the ship that he thought nothing would surprise him. This was before the music is blaring and Klaus begins their performance, the lights and sheer volume of this unthinkable music giving Edward nothing less of a religious experience.

"What. The. Fuck..." He's saying aloud to no one during the song, unable to even blink so much as to look away.

[busball]

Klaus hears the words, but really hopes that's a good sign and not a bad sign. Either way, they are not gonna stop performing until they get to the end of the song because...that sounds like a boring way to be.

Once the music is over, he looks mildly bashful. "One day I'm gonna make you come up here with me. Once we like...get you to learn more songs and you can do it. Then it'll be great and we can do cool outfits and make everyone super jealous. Basically."

[treading_water]

Edward doesn't know if that was a good performance or not, but it was wholly unique and nothing like he's ever seen or heard before... so, he's into it. He sits with his mouth agape for another moment while Klaus threatens him with a good time, and then nods slowly.

He's drunk and he's having a good time, and clearly he's forgotten than he's supposed to be incredibly intimidating and never trust anyone again. "Is that a thing??" he asks, looking around the bar and, well, not really noticing a lot of cool outfits but, maybe that term is used loosely.

[busball]

Klaus won't tell if he doesn't.

"Yeah. Duh. I mean, this is not my coolest outfit, but I am working with Tommy Bahama chic and that's a hard one. I mean, there's a lot of different things, but I'm hoping that I can get more clothes from different places. I got a bunch of random things from this diner before apparently the zombies happened and everyone was freaking out about it." Does Blackbeard even know what zombies are? Probably not? "Uhhh...like undead people that are reanimated and try to eat your brains. That's what zombies are. Never met one myself, but apparently it happened."

[treading_water]

Ed makes an unimpressed face. "I know what a fucking zom--" he pinches his brow, drunk and trying not to let this ruin his good time, "Why the fuck do you think I'm some fucking idiot?"

[busball]

Ooooookay. That's the upset face. "Sorry. I don't know what kind of stuff they have in the stories for you. The furthest back I've been is 1960."

[treading_water]

"I'll ask you when I don't know what the fuck you're talking about and I actually want an explanation." he mutters. Otherwise it just feels like he's being talked down to or infantilized in some way. Not his thing, if you couldn't tell.

Time to change the subject.

"The music--" he gestures, as an example, "How's it work?"

[busball]

"Okay." The vibe is maaaad fucking awkward now. But okay. He can deal with this.

"Um...you basically choose whatever song you want and it will play the music and you just follow the words on the screen here." He points at it. "You wanna see if it knows something you know? I've never tried."