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TEST DRIVE MEME #7
1. before she hung up, she said she was a skeleton
[there is no note in your cabin. no forces stall your legs if you decide to walk anywhere but the atrium. in fact, for the first time in hundreds of years, newly arrived passengers on the Serena Eterna are waking up with absolutely no guidance. nothing but your fellow passengers in the halls - or maybe in your bed.
perhaps you end up in the atrium eventually anyway. it is where guest services is, and where Gal Friday… actually hasn’t been in a few days. until today. and she is visibly frazzled, her hair uncoiffed, her suit rumpled, something a bit like a bruise blossoming down from her hairline and over her smooth features. more papers than ever cover her desk, and when she turns to face you, her voice is as cheerful as ever, but audibly strained.]
Welcome aboard the Serene Eterna! [a pause] You know how to work a life vest, right? Everyone knows that! You don’t need me to teach you that!
[a light bulb burns out behind her head.]
… I’ll get right on that!
[freedom includes the freedom to not know what the fuck is happening. maybe you should reflect on that.]
2. grandma went and can't stop screaming
[it’s something about the lighting fixtures, this month. has the Bellona always had a massive chandelier? maybe. who knows. don’t ask questions. either way, in the stillness of the night, or day, or late afternoon, there is a noise like a cord being cut, and the chandelier plunges into the audience below.
it hits nothing, of course. no one is ever in the theater. and that, perhaps, is what the trouble is.
so, the chandelier starts to… travel, one could say. it starts to hang in various rooms: the dining halls, the bars, the clubs… sometimes, if you’re out on the pool deck and suddenly realized you’re under a shadow, you can glance up and see it suspended 20 feet above your head, securely fastened to nothing in particular and yet remaining perfectly in place.
until it isn’t. until it falls, crystal shattering on whatever surface it lands on: floor, table, person… and, wherever the chandelier goes, a lilting childish voice follows it, singing without any obvious source.]
Ring-a-ring of roses, a pocket full of posies… ashes, ashes, we all…
3. jeff bezos murdered the infinite tommy bahama
[the lights of the Infinite Tommy Bahama go out three days into October.
barely an hour after its closure, the lights go on again, and a new banner is unfurled.
physically, it is the same store. you can even see the old signs hidden behind the new ones. however, long gone are the tropical prints and khaki dress shorts. now, one can purchase any number of officially licensed or legally distinct Halloween costumes, decorations, and various other haunted accoutrements, leading back as far as the eye can see, and then farther still. is that a Gal Friday mask? spooky! well, at least you’ll be good and ready for the Halloween party at the end of the month, which is absolutely just a normal party and in no way whatsoever anything even remotely resembling a trick. there are only treats at The Infinite Spirit Halloween!
note: bahamanuel is still here! somewhere! it kinda looks like dan bongino.]
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"Anyone ever tell you that you've got the most stunning eyes?" he asks, then takes a sip of the drink. Actual gin. Vermouth. Perfectly mixed. He takes a moment to process the taste of alcohol that isn't just glorified moonshine.
"And also, marry me?"
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This is a normal conversation, really. This is just how the ship works.
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Hawkeye takes another sip of the martini. This alone means he's either dreaming or in heaven, and there's a dearth of harps lying around for it to be the latter.
"When's the 21st? I think I left my calendar in my other pants."
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Another chuckle, and Hawkeye extends a hand.
"It'll be a stretch, but I think I'll manage. Hawkeye Pierce- charmed."
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"Two of them? Do you need two priests for that, or is the one pulling double-duty?"
Hawkeye pulls up a seat, retrieving the cocktail skewer from his glass to pull one of the olives free with his teeth.
"You been doing it long?"
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Considering Klinger's outfits, the number that Johnny's got on isn't that outlandish.
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He sighs. "The nature of the conflict we face is more an internal one. The Captain is an entity who derives power from emotions."
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"Okay- hold on, what, like- start from the beginning. The Captain here derives powers from emotions? How? Why?"
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Johnny sips his drink. "There's more to the matter than that. In the Library, there's a black binder full of information. Read it when you're ready."
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Hawkeye holds up a finger and utterly disrespects the drink by downing it in a smooth motion.
"Okay- so you're telling me that we have a Ming the Merciless on this ship sucking our emotions like- like a leech? No, no this? This is ridiculous. I must- I must be having some sort of mental break or-"
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Hawkeye places the glass back on the bar.
"I'd ask you kindly to at least make me another drink before you drop the next bombshell on me. My delicate nerves can only take so much frazzling all at once."
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Hawkeye takes a long slug from his martini and- maybe good drinks is the good news, and with any luck he'll die of alcohol poisoning and just not have to deal with any of this.
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And he means it, all of that.