sail_ooc | TEST DRIVE MEME #7

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TEST DRIVE MEME #7

1. before she hung up, she said she was a skeleton

[there is no note in your cabin. no forces stall your legs if you decide to walk anywhere but the atrium. in fact, for the first time in hundreds of years, newly arrived passengers on the Serena Eterna are waking up with absolutely no guidance. nothing but your fellow passengers in the halls - or maybe in your bed.

perhaps you end up in the atrium eventually anyway. it is where guest services is, and where Gal Friday… actually hasn’t been in a few days. until today. and she is visibly frazzled, her hair uncoiffed, her suit rumpled, something a bit like a bruise blossoming down from her hairline and over her smooth features. more papers than ever cover her desk, and when she turns to face you, her voice is as cheerful as ever, but audibly strained.]

Welcome aboard the Serene Eterna! [a pause] You know how to work a life vest, right? Everyone knows that! You don’t need me to teach you that!

[a light bulb burns out behind her head.]

… I’ll get right on that!

[freedom includes the freedom to not know what the fuck is happening. maybe you should reflect on that.]

2. grandma went and can't stop screaming

[it’s something about the lighting fixtures, this month. has the Bellona always had a massive chandelier? maybe. who knows. don’t ask questions. either way, in the stillness of the night, or day, or late afternoon, there is a noise like a cord being cut, and the chandelier plunges into the audience below.

it hits nothing, of course. no one is ever in the theater. and that, perhaps, is what the trouble is.

so, the chandelier starts to… travel, one could say. it starts to hang in various rooms: the dining halls, the bars, the clubs… sometimes, if you’re out on the pool deck and suddenly realized you’re under a shadow, you can glance up and see it suspended 20 feet above your head, securely fastened to nothing in particular and yet remaining perfectly in place.

until it isn’t. until it falls, crystal shattering on whatever surface it lands on: floor, table, person… and, wherever the chandelier goes, a lilting childish voice follows it, singing without any obvious source.]

Ring-a-ring of roses, a pocket full of posies… ashes, ashes, we all…

3. jeff bezos murdered the infinite tommy bahama

[the lights of the Infinite Tommy Bahama go out three days into October.

barely an hour after its closure, the lights go on again, and a new banner is unfurled.

physically, it is the same store. you can even see the old signs hidden behind the new ones. however, long gone are the tropical prints and khaki dress shorts. now, one can purchase any number of officially licensed or legally distinct Halloween costumes, decorations, and various other haunted accoutrements, leading back as far as the eye can see, and then farther still. is that a Gal Friday mask? spooky! well, at least you’ll be good and ready for the Halloween party at the end of the month, which is absolutely just a normal party and in no way whatsoever anything even remotely resembling a trick. there are only treats at The Infinite Spirit Halloween!

note: bahamanuel is still here! somewhere! it kinda looks like dan bongino.]

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Izzy abandons his shiv. It was only really relevant because of the bone talk, and it is, quite literally, Skulduggery's bone. He still isn't sure why he stole it. Boredom, maybe. And he needed a short range weapon. It was available. Shut up, don't @ him.

"Skulduggery and the Captain?"

A little shrug.

"Bessies, I think. He says cuddles and sunshine with the man will make him let us all go," Izzy says and gives Edward a flat look. He doesn't believe it and why should he? That doesn't work.

So as far as Izzy sees it, Skulduggery is just as much of a scoundrel as the rest of them. It's not real friendship, it's manipulation. Mr. Pleasant crewed Izzy for the mission as a favor for their captor and didn't deny when Izzy accused them of sharing a bed. What he doesn't know because no one fucking tells him anything, is that he was correct to the letter. It's romantic. Skulduggery is either fucking ruthless, or an idiot losing sight of his own plan.

"Unless it's some clever plan to starve the beast. His power feeds off his captives' malcontent."

The look Edward gives Izzy in return is one that, in a way, sourly and perhaps a touch mockingly asks Izzy 'Like that worked for you?'- because he wonders, idly, if that isn't unlike Izzy’s behavior with Edward some twenty years ago.

"Not a terrible angle, but leaves too much to risk." he replies finally. Either way, this Mr. Pleasant should be questioned, but even that will meed to be handled delicately. If he has a greater plan, he's not going to just tell a stranger.

"Right." Ed says, clearing his throat. "We have some loose ends to tie before we can formulate a proper plan. For now, information is key. And Izzy?" he asks, giving his pet a threatening look, "Get your dogs in fucking line. If I have to tell one more of them to heel, it'll be you that has to answer for it."

Aaaand there it is. The boot dropping to get him right in the stomach, which drops considerably. Don't think he misses the look, either. May as well've said it aloud.

His dogs? He's only got a handful, who would have the nerve to come at Edward--

Oh.

No, actually, he can think of a couple. Goddammit, you useless fucks.

Izzy swallows and nods, getting up to retrieve the bottle of nice rum he's squirreled away for a self congratulatory party of one to celebrate his captaincy. There's about half left, and he pours them both a glass. Tea just isn't going to cut it and while he's proud of himself that he can work the kettle without issue now, a real drink would do much, much better.

Besides, his captain looks like he could use one.

"I'll do that, boss," he says and offers the glass. They mean well, he knows they do, but they haven't quite mastered their commands just yet. Puppy training, what a nightmare.

"Wasn't the French one, was it? Are they still breathing?"

Edited 2022-11-07 22:15 (UTC)

Edward takes the glass without question, because yes he really could fucking use it right now, keep it coming.

"Not the French one, no." he replies, taking a healthy drink of booze and letting it warm his throat. "Still breathing... but not entirely intact."

Definitely missing some digits in one case, in the other, well- he's not entirely sure how much damage he managed to do there beyond a new scar or two.

"Oh, Edward." In that tone. Really? Did you have to?

Izzy closes his eyes for a beat before sitting back down with a hard done-by sigh. Mm, yeah he needs this drink now, too. Maybe they should move to Tauva. There were some nice cigars in there he thinks Blackbeard would like. Izzy, personally, is partial to the skinny little black ones with the gold filter. Cloves, he reminds himself.

"That would be Pratt, then. His actual name, I know."

It is fucking hilarious, because the man is, also, a prat.

"Can't imagine Jinx would let you catch her for that kind of scolding."

Edited 2022-11-09 00:04 (UTC)

Izzy should be upset, Edward Teach has hardly been on board a day and he's already maimed two of Izzy’s crew members. And yes. He had to.

Pratt, yes Edward gave him a treatment similar to the one he'd given Izzy back home, his Izzy, anyway. Jinx, well... "That the mouthy young one?" he asks behind the rim of his glass, taking another sip of liquor. "If so, yes, they both got a taste."

Izzy grunts but holds him opinions to himself, at least for now. He's so grateful Ed is being normal again he can hardly complain about pushing the line a bit far. And if they were punished, then they must have done something to deserve it.

"The one with blue hair, yeah."

Seeing as how Darcy also counts for young and mouthy.

"I'd be grateful if you consulted me over the French one, should she get riled. I've put a lot of time into Darcy."

Read: Izzy is Very Weird about Darcy LeJeune. And he knows it's probably stupid to show that card, but also.. maybe he's gone a little soft. He should fix that.

Edward sets down his glass and waves his hand, "I've no issue with the French one. Useful. Knows her place." he mutters, "But the others..." he scoffs, "Liabilities. If either of them undermine me again, I'll feed you your entire foot."

He says this with a smile, teeth and all, but he doesn't smile with his eyes. He's fed the fuck up, Izzy. Shape them up or ship them out.

That.. that he hasn't missed so much.

Izzy swallows and tries to ignore the twist in his stomach that says he knows Edwards means it.

"Yes, Blackbeard. I'll make sure of it. Right away."

"While you're at it, brief those trustworthy on our next steps." he mutters, swirling his glass, "Anyone you find particularly useful, I'll want to eventually meet. I want to know what we're working with."

The expendable ones he could give two shits about. Izzy will know the difference, Edward doesn't need to explain.

It's about all the business he thinks they can tackle at the moment, but he'll stay at least to finish his drink.

Izzy nods again, mind already making lists for himself. He's needed this. He's missed this, more than anything. Being at Edward's side with clear orders and a way to execute them. It's fucking exhilarating.

And as a little, extra, special treat, they get a moment of just them time, as well.

Almost a shame to ruin it by speaking, so he stays quiet for a while, but..

Well. He does have to ask.

"Edward.." seeing as business has concluded, "I do have to ask. The beard n' war paint. What's changed?"

Izzy’s question brings Ed's eyes back to his, looking at him from beneath dark lashes. What's changed? Izzy doesn't remember. It answers a lot of Ed's questions, but also brings about a whole new set.

Ed doesn't answer immediately, wondering if he even should, if he should ask his own questions. What is the last thing Izzy remembers? Why does he wear the gold collar? What were he and this 'other Ed' up to before he disappeared? He doesn't ask any of this, not yet. Instead, he takes a long drink, finishing his glass before responding.

"Everything."

Ah, yes, of course. Because an answer any less dramatic would be impossible.

He doesn't roll his eyes, but he very, very much wants to, and gives a flat look, instead. That's how we're gonna be, is it.

"Right. Well, can we pick one thing and start there?"

Ed doesroll his eyes. Because it feels fucking ridiculous to tell a person what happened when that person caused damn near all of it.

"What are your last memories-" he asks, "Prior to your little side-quest here?" This should be good. Should be absolutely fucking absurd, he thinks. He can't wait to hear it.

Ngh. Yeah, real good. Izzy visibly tightens and tongues his teeth behind his lips. Nervous? Maybe. He's been dodging this question for five months.

And he doesn't want to fight, he really doesn't, so bask in the absolute pain of forcing himself to be candid.

"The last thing I remember.. is you signing yourself to the king. And then you left."

Left him, squandered the beautiful fucking deal he'd managed to make happen, chose servitude to be with that fucking-- threw everything away!

Edited 2022-11-10 00:35 (UTC)

Ed doesn't move. He's not even surprised. He knew something was off... could smell it. This Izzy hasn't seen Ed weak. Hasn't looked him dead in the eyes and told him that he wished that he was dead. Wished that the English killed him... because what he was repulsed him so much he'd rather his head be taken back to the King on a spire.

It's no good telling Izzy about that part. It does him no service. Izzy should never see him that fucking weak again. Ed would rather die, he thinks. Make good on Izzy’s wish. The story doesn't matter, of course. All that matters is that in the end, Izzy Hands got what he wanted. And this is it.

"Mhm..." Ed hums, leaning back in his seat. "I'm what comes next."

... huh.

Izzy isn't sure what to make of that, really. What to do with it. As far as he ever knew he was the one farthest into the future. Or whatever shit story you want to spin, he understands it but he doesn't like thinking about it. So many secrets to keep and dodge and navigate. Fucking nightmare.

Edward seems...in a bit of a state, truth be told, but it's a far cry better than what Bonnet was doing to him, so he'll take it and take it gladly.

"How soon? You escaped?"

"I'm fucking Blackbeard." he reminds Izzy, fingertips tapping at his empty glass. "Of course I fucking escaped."

Izzy seems... glad? Edward could have guessed as much, he seemed in high enough spirits the last he'd seen him.

"Under a day." he clarifies, "Hope you weren't too comfortable."

"Fuck me," he laughs and cheerfully- yes, cheerfully- refills their glasses. Ed first, obviously.

"Course you did. That's a result, Ed, it really is. Must be a record."

Izzy wasn't in fine spirits that day, not at all. He was doing what needed to be done whether Edward liked it or not. For him. To save him. No matter the cost, and knowing full well Edward would be furious.

Bears asking about the elephant in the room.

"And what of Bonnet?"

Edward’s fingers leave the glass so that Izzy can refill it, but once it's filled he immediately brings it to his lips again. Somewhere-- deep enough within him, he recognizes the excitement he feels to see Izzy happy like this. Proud. It's so infrequent that this man seems proud of him, these days.

He's mid-drink when Izzy asks of Stede, and it immediately makes him want to spit. Why do you care? he wants to ask. You set his ass up. Sold us both out.

He doesn't say either of those things. Instead, he gently places his glass back onto the table, answering Izzy without looking at him. "Don't know. Could still be there. Could be dead. Doesn't matter." Matters even less now.

An interesting but not unwelcome answer, and Ed is right. He's proud. That thing calling itself Edward before, that phantom, never would have had the strength.

Izzy's brows pin high before it's shrugged off. So they broke up, no wonder Ed's testy beyond the obvious disorientation of waking up here. Which is, he assumes, what's happened now he knows a bit more about the sitch. Perhaps he owes the Captain an apology.

Izzy considers it with a soft hum as he takes a sip of his own drink. He probably should have eaten something today. Hm.

So the romance was short lived once shit got serious. Good. It was a tough lesson, but so long as it was learned and Edward got out, that's good enough. Good enough and now Edward is here. With Izzy. Where he fucking belongs. What a wonderful day to be him.

"I know it hurts, but you really are better off. You and your blondes, I swear."

Izzy could have said nothing and Ed would have been in such a better mood. But no. he has to dig, has to know he was right, has to rub it the fuck in.

"Don't." he grunts, hand moving up in a hard stop position. "Nice touch sending the other one, by the way, have to assume his ass is dead now, too..." he growls, frowning down at his drink. It's fine. It has to be fine... anything less and Edward will fucking kill himself.

"Got what you wanted. Don't rub it in."

Izzy can't speak of Jack one way or another. Edward knows what came after, if he doesn't know Jack's fate for certain then neither does Izzy.

He hasn't given much thought to Jack. It is a shame. As disgusting as the man was, he did have his charms.

Don't miss all the baby-girls and acid pussy jokes, though.

A nod. What do you say to that? Izzy has gotten what he wanted. He's won. He's won both at home and here, isn't that fucking incredible. Unheard of, actually. He luxuriates in that concept for a moment, inwardly as not to preen. Maybe there's a little preening. He's an ornery little fucker, they both know that. Always has been, always will be.

Enough of him, then. Back to Edward. Back to settling him. Back to making sure he is content. Izzy knows there's work to be done there, too.

"Have you done a tour of the ship yet? That Mr. Spriggs is here. He's shown me a few places I think you'd find interesting."

Edward is about to comment on the tour- it's about as good an idea as any, one to take Edward's mind off of the past and get more in-tune with the present, but then Izzy says the name of another ghost and his scowl somehow grows deeper.

"The boy is here?" he peers at Izzy, clearly unhappy, "I killed him."

“What??” It’s a bit sharp given Izzy and Lucius’s interactions back home. Ruh-ro spaghetti-o.

What the fuck happened? Happens. Will have happened?

“Why?”

TEST DRIVE MEME #7

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