TEST DRIVE MEME #7

[sailmods]

1. before she hung up, she said she was a skeleton

[there is no note in your cabin. no forces stall your legs if you decide to walk anywhere but the atrium. in fact, for the first time in hundreds of years, newly arrived passengers on the Serena Eterna are waking up with absolutely no guidance. nothing but your fellow passengers in the halls - or maybe in your bed.

perhaps you end up in the atrium eventually anyway. it is where guest services is, and where Gal Friday… actually hasn’t been in a few days. until today. and she is visibly frazzled, her hair uncoiffed, her suit rumpled, something a bit like a bruise blossoming down from her hairline and over her smooth features. more papers than ever cover her desk, and when she turns to face you, her voice is as cheerful as ever, but audibly strained.]

Welcome aboard the Serene Eterna! [a pause] You know how to work a life vest, right? Everyone knows that! You don’t need me to teach you that!

[a light bulb burns out behind her head.]

… I’ll get right on that!

[freedom includes the freedom to not know what the fuck is happening. maybe you should reflect on that.]

2. grandma went and can't stop screaming

[it’s something about the lighting fixtures, this month. has the Bellona always had a massive chandelier? maybe. who knows. don’t ask questions. either way, in the stillness of the night, or day, or late afternoon, there is a noise like a cord being cut, and the chandelier plunges into the audience below.

it hits nothing, of course. no one is ever in the theater. and that, perhaps, is what the trouble is.

so, the chandelier starts to… travel, one could say. it starts to hang in various rooms: the dining halls, the bars, the clubs… sometimes, if you’re out on the pool deck and suddenly realized you’re under a shadow, you can glance up and see it suspended 20 feet above your head, securely fastened to nothing in particular and yet remaining perfectly in place.

until it isn’t. until it falls, crystal shattering on whatever surface it lands on: floor, table, person… and, wherever the chandelier goes, a lilting childish voice follows it, singing without any obvious source.]

Ring-a-ring of roses, a pocket full of posies… ashes, ashes, we all…

3. jeff bezos murdered the infinite tommy bahama

[the lights of the Infinite Tommy Bahama go out three days into October.

barely an hour after its closure, the lights go on again, and a new banner is unfurled.



physically, it is the same store. you can even see the old signs hidden behind the new ones. however, long gone are the tropical prints and khaki dress shorts. now, one can purchase any number of officially licensed or legally distinct Halloween costumes, decorations, and various other haunted accoutrements, leading back as far as the eye can see, and then farther still. is that a Gal Friday mask? spooky! well, at least you’ll be good and ready for the Halloween party at the end of the month, which is absolutely just a normal party and in no way whatsoever anything even remotely resembling a trick. there are only treats at The Infinite Spirit Halloween!

note: bahamanuel is still here! somewhere! it kinda looks like dan bongino.]

Comments

[ninetoes]

Ngh. Yeah, real good. Izzy visibly tightens and tongues his teeth behind his lips. Nervous? Maybe. He's been dodging this question for five months.

And he doesn't want to fight, he really doesn't, so bask in the absolute pain of forcing himself to be candid.

"The last thing I remember.. is you signing yourself to the king. And then you left."

Left him, squandered the beautiful fucking deal he'd managed to make happen, chose servitude to be with that fucking-- threw everything away!

[treading_water]

Ed doesn't move. He's not even surprised. He knew something was off... could smell it. This Izzy hasn't seen Ed weak. Hasn't looked him dead in the eyes and told him that he wished that he was dead. Wished that the English killed him... because what he was repulsed him so much he'd rather his head be taken back to the King on a spire.

It's no good telling Izzy about that part. It does him no service. Izzy should never see him that fucking weak again. Ed would rather die, he thinks. Make good on Izzy’s wish. The story doesn't matter, of course. All that matters is that in the end, Izzy Hands got what he wanted. And this is it.

"Mhm..." Ed hums, leaning back in his seat. "I'm what comes next."

[ninetoes]

... huh.

Izzy isn't sure what to make of that, really. What to do with it. As far as he ever knew he was the one farthest into the future. Or whatever shit story you want to spin, he understands it but he doesn't like thinking about it. So many secrets to keep and dodge and navigate. Fucking nightmare.

Edward seems...in a bit of a state, truth be told, but it's a far cry better than what Bonnet was doing to him, so he'll take it and take it gladly.

"How soon? You escaped?"

[treading_water]

"I'm fucking Blackbeard." he reminds Izzy, fingertips tapping at his empty glass. "Of course I fucking escaped."

Izzy seems... glad? Edward could have guessed as much, he seemed in high enough spirits the last he'd seen him.

"Under a day." he clarifies, "Hope you weren't too comfortable."

[ninetoes]

"Fuck me," he laughs and cheerfully- yes, cheerfully- refills their glasses. Ed first, obviously.

"Course you did. That's a result, Ed, it really is. Must be a record."

Izzy wasn't in fine spirits that day, not at all. He was doing what needed to be done whether Edward liked it or not. For him. To save him. No matter the cost, and knowing full well Edward would be furious.

Bears asking about the elephant in the room.

"And what of Bonnet?"

[treading_water]

Edward’s fingers leave the glass so that Izzy can refill it, but once it's filled he immediately brings it to his lips again. Somewhere-- deep enough within him, he recognizes the excitement he feels to see Izzy happy like this. Proud. It's so infrequent that this man seems proud of him, these days.

He's mid-drink when Izzy asks of Stede, and it immediately makes him want to spit. Why do you care? he wants to ask. You set his ass up. Sold us both out.

He doesn't say either of those things. Instead, he gently places his glass back onto the table, answering Izzy without looking at him. "Don't know. Could still be there. Could be dead. Doesn't matter." Matters even less now.

[ninetoes]

An interesting but not unwelcome answer, and Ed is right. He's proud. That thing calling itself Edward before, that phantom, never would have had the strength.

Izzy's brows pin high before it's shrugged off. So they broke up, no wonder Ed's testy beyond the obvious disorientation of waking up here. Which is, he assumes, what's happened now he knows a bit more about the sitch. Perhaps he owes the Captain an apology.

Izzy considers it with a soft hum as he takes a sip of his own drink. He probably should have eaten something today. Hm.

So the romance was short lived once shit got serious. Good. It was a tough lesson, but so long as it was learned and Edward got out, that's good enough. Good enough and now Edward is here. With Izzy. Where he fucking belongs. What a wonderful day to be him.

"I know it hurts, but you really are better off. You and your blondes, I swear."

[treading_water]

Izzy could have said nothing and Ed would have been in such a better mood. But no. he has to dig, has to know he was right, has to rub it the fuck in.

"Don't." he grunts, hand moving up in a hard stop position. "Nice touch sending the other one, by the way, have to assume his ass is dead now, too..." he growls, frowning down at his drink. It's fine. It has to be fine... anything less and Edward will fucking kill himself.

"Got what you wanted. Don't rub it in."

[ninetoes]

Izzy can't speak of Jack one way or another. Edward knows what came after, if he doesn't know Jack's fate for certain then neither does Izzy.

He hasn't given much thought to Jack. It is a shame. As disgusting as the man was, he did have his charms.

Don't miss all the baby-girls and acid pussy jokes, though.

A nod. What do you say to that? Izzy has gotten what he wanted. He's won. He's won both at home and here, isn't that fucking incredible. Unheard of, actually. He luxuriates in that concept for a moment, inwardly as not to preen. Maybe there's a little preening. He's an ornery little fucker, they both know that. Always has been, always will be.

Enough of him, then. Back to Edward. Back to settling him. Back to making sure he is content. Izzy knows there's work to be done there, too.

"Have you done a tour of the ship yet? That Mr. Spriggs is here. He's shown me a few places I think you'd find interesting."

[treading_water]

Edward is about to comment on the tour- it's about as good an idea as any, one to take Edward's mind off of the past and get more in-tune with the present, but then Izzy says the name of another ghost and his scowl somehow grows deeper.

"The boy is here?" he peers at Izzy, clearly unhappy, "I killed him."

[ninetoes]

“What??” It’s a bit sharp given Izzy and Lucius’s interactions back home. Ruh-ro spaghetti-o.

What the fuck happened? Happens. Will have happened?

“Why?”

[treading_water]

Why? That's a complicated question to answer. Especially to someone like Izzy Hands. Lucius was close to Stede, he'd been Stede's greatest advocate in their relationship, he'd been there to help him move on and usher forth the Renaissance of Edward Teach. He was the only person aboard The Revenge that could possibly coax Edward back from the ledge that The Kraken teetered on, but most of all... he had told Edward Teach that if he didn't get over himself he'd die alone, and he was wrong. Edward had taken his advice. He had been nothing but open and vulnerable for Stede Bonnet. He'd given up everything, and be was still alone. Stede still left him. He still wasn't good enough.

"He had to go." he mutters, finding his drink again. "Sorry, Iz... know you liked that one."

[ninetoes]

Like is…a word choice. Lucius had been a lot of things aboard the Revenge. Mostly a pain in Izzy’s arse. A direct opposition in more ways than feel comfortable counting.

Lucius is tall, broad, delicate outwardly but, Izzy knows first hand now, carried by an iron core. He speaks his mind, he makes space for vulnerability, funny, charming when he wants to be, he is everything Izzy Hands is not. And under all of that, between them, was…is something charged and primed. He would have said electric if they had such a thing. Izzy never knew what the fuck to do with Lucius, or how to keep the boy from cutting his knees out from under him.

It had taken months and something called ‘trauma bonding’ here, to figure out what to do with Lucius was to lay him on his back.

Izzy looks slightly guilty before rebuffing the barb for being exactly that. A barb. Like he can’t just say yeah, actually, I do like him. He’s funny and simple and it’s easy. He gives incredible head. Let me have this.

Besides, Edward said he killed him. That’s big talk. Way more important and way too dangerous to answer with the concept of Izzy Has A Friend. That friend, specifically, which apparently now a problem. Love that.

“He has his uses.”

Tactful, look at him go.

“It’s been a long go, here. I keep him close.”

[treading_water]

Ed scoffs. If he didn't know any better, Izzy'd gone soft. Ed's come from a world where he himself finding a fondness for anyone resulted in Izzy's unwavering rage, threats and complaints, all leading up to betrayal and ultimately rejection. Edward showing such depth of character made Izzy wish he was dead. And now, on this wretched ship, Izzy hands has found himself several pets. Such a stickler for Blackbeard's no-pet rule when it didn't apply to him. Fucking enraging.

"His uses. Right." he mutters. Fine. He has uses... Edward will leave that one for now. He has bigger problems, anyway. "Tell you what..." Ed sighs, eyebrows rising high on his forehead. "You can keep him as close as you like. But I want the other one gone."

The other one. The one so far up Izzy’s ass that he can't recognize that there's a fucking hierarchy. The one that shoved a gun in Ed's side. Ed can handle Lucius... but what he refuses to deal with is a liability that doesn't know his fucking place. On a different world, Blackbeard would have taken his life without a second thought... but as he's discovered, that means fucking nothing, here.

[ninetoes]

There is a very long moment where Izzy, very visibly, experiences every stage of grief.

Only the acceptance he reaches, isn't the acceptance you'd expect.

"Pratt will heel, Ed. I know he threatened you- I know you're angry, but listen to me. He is loyal, stupid, and we need the man power."

[treading_water]

Suspicions confirmed.

"He put a gun to my side, after suggesting that I was your employee, Israel." he hisses, leaning forward, "Men have died for less. I have had them skinned and dragged behind our ship and you have happily enabled it."

The unspoken question being: What makes this one special?

"His existence on my crew sends a clear message that I am a fucking pushover--- quality over quantity, Iz. I'm being fucking serious."

[ninetoes]

It's jarring to be on this side of Edward's temper again. After months of begging a specter to so much as fucking look at him. Things have changed, are changing, he's changing. Izzy has had his own suspicions but he hasn't been willing to step back and look at himself.

All this time trying to find out who he is without Blackbeard, only to reunite properly and, turns out, he's someone Blackbeard doesn't like. Or clashes with, at least.

Oh god, what if he's someone Blackbeard doesn't like? Has he gone soft? Truly?

Izzy's expression hardens for a moment and as Ed leans in, he leans back, unused to and overwhelmed by the intensity directed solely at him.

"I know. I know you are, it's-" messy. Complicated. Confusing.

"He saved my life. For real, from a death I wouldn't have returned from."

Ope, there it is. A life debt. What a horrible, weighty thing. Unfortunately, also something Izzy takes very seriously. So where he could fold immediately, should fold immediately and stay down, he can't. Not even against Edward. His heart is like a rabbit's.

"Just let me- I'll punish him. You punish him and I'll- I'll trade you the girl. Okay? Fair?" Please.

[treading_water]

Soft it seems, only in matters that involve him. Had it been anyone else, Ed reckons Izzy wouldn't bat an eye. "I don't see how that's my fucking problem." he responds. He saved Izzy’s life? Fine. He threatened Ed's. Seems to Ed that makes a debt fucking moot. This is a hill he's ready to die on.

"You'll trade me for the girl?" he scoffs. At least she had the decency to run away. "Oh. How gracious of you." he answers mockingly. "But it sounds to me like I'm getting the shit-end of that deal. Tell me, Izzy... would you take that deal?"

[ninetoes]

A pause. He wouldn't, and they both know it. He's asking for mercy on this because it's him. It's Them.

Which seems to be about grand fucking all right now. He knows Edward is angry about The British, he knows that, but this angry? God, it's so fucking petty. Yes, he's asking for a special condition and no, he probably doesn't deserve it, and that just fucking smarts something ugly.

He tried. He did. But Edward will always, ultimately, win. That's part of why he's so fantastic.

"Edward..." it's just pathetic at this point. He is pathetic. He is pathetic because he has been praying for this. For his captain. For normalcy. He can't get it and then not be grateful. Not do everything in his power to make the best of it. Embrace it. Embrace him.

This is a reminder, Izzy realizes, of who he really is and who he needs to be. Who he has always been. He's strayed. He will choose to be grateful, and cut out all those weak parts of him which have been revealing themselves these last five months. They are not welcome.

"You're right. I'm sorry. I'll see to it."