sail_ooc | TEST DRIVE MEME #7

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TEST DRIVE MEME #7

1. before she hung up, she said she was a skeleton

[there is no note in your cabin. no forces stall your legs if you decide to walk anywhere but the atrium. in fact, for the first time in hundreds of years, newly arrived passengers on the Serena Eterna are waking up with absolutely no guidance. nothing but your fellow passengers in the halls - or maybe in your bed.

perhaps you end up in the atrium eventually anyway. it is where guest services is, and where Gal Friday… actually hasn’t been in a few days. until today. and she is visibly frazzled, her hair uncoiffed, her suit rumpled, something a bit like a bruise blossoming down from her hairline and over her smooth features. more papers than ever cover her desk, and when she turns to face you, her voice is as cheerful as ever, but audibly strained.]

Welcome aboard the Serene Eterna! [a pause] You know how to work a life vest, right? Everyone knows that! You don’t need me to teach you that!

[a light bulb burns out behind her head.]

… I’ll get right on that!

[freedom includes the freedom to not know what the fuck is happening. maybe you should reflect on that.]

2. grandma went and can't stop screaming

[it’s something about the lighting fixtures, this month. has the Bellona always had a massive chandelier? maybe. who knows. don’t ask questions. either way, in the stillness of the night, or day, or late afternoon, there is a noise like a cord being cut, and the chandelier plunges into the audience below.

it hits nothing, of course. no one is ever in the theater. and that, perhaps, is what the trouble is.

so, the chandelier starts to… travel, one could say. it starts to hang in various rooms: the dining halls, the bars, the clubs… sometimes, if you’re out on the pool deck and suddenly realized you’re under a shadow, you can glance up and see it suspended 20 feet above your head, securely fastened to nothing in particular and yet remaining perfectly in place.

until it isn’t. until it falls, crystal shattering on whatever surface it lands on: floor, table, person… and, wherever the chandelier goes, a lilting childish voice follows it, singing without any obvious source.]

Ring-a-ring of roses, a pocket full of posies… ashes, ashes, we all…

3. jeff bezos murdered the infinite tommy bahama

[the lights of the Infinite Tommy Bahama go out three days into October.

barely an hour after its closure, the lights go on again, and a new banner is unfurled.

physically, it is the same store. you can even see the old signs hidden behind the new ones. however, long gone are the tropical prints and khaki dress shorts. now, one can purchase any number of officially licensed or legally distinct Halloween costumes, decorations, and various other haunted accoutrements, leading back as far as the eye can see, and then farther still. is that a Gal Friday mask? spooky! well, at least you’ll be good and ready for the Halloween party at the end of the month, which is absolutely just a normal party and in no way whatsoever anything even remotely resembling a trick. there are only treats at The Infinite Spirit Halloween!

note: bahamanuel is still here! somewhere! it kinda looks like dan bongino.]

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"Blackbeard." he growls between his teeth. Not Edward. Not Ed. Edward Teach is dead. Deemed too weak, too vulnerable. All that remains is the Kraken, Blackbeard.

Ed's eyes narrow, confusion and subtle guilt flashing behind the kohl. Chauncey's men? Had they come after Stede despite their contract? Was Stede executed in the few hours Ed had left him alone to steal a dinghy? The clothes don't make sense but... Edward supposes Stede could have changed back into them before attempting to meet him at the pier. Did Edward not think the plan through? Did he inadvertently get Stede killed? His stomach sinks to his boots, the knife at Stede's throat shaky, suddenly, weak. Ed blinks, several times, trying to wrap his mind around what happened between the moment he'd last seen Stede and now.

No. No, no, no. He can't show weakness. Not now. Not to another person ever again since Izzy had threatened him. "Lies." he hisses, "More lies."

The knife at his throat wavers, just a little. It's enough to tell him that despite whatever Stede did to Ed - Edward - Blackbeard - to make him so angry at him, he's still himself under it all. Somewhere.

"I'm not lying, Blackbeard," he says with a calm he doesn't even remotely feel. Saying the title, Blackbeard, instead of Ed or Edward hurts in a way he hadn't expected it to. He'd never insisted on the title before, preferring his name, even introducing himself to Stede as Ed rather than Blackbeard.

(He really wants to ask what happened to the beard, but the scrap of common sense he has tells him that now is not the time.)

"The bill had come due," he says, his voice finally trembling. He's been trying not to think about it, but the explanation requires it. "But if I had to die anywhere, I would have chosen the Revenge. I lived with my mistakes, and then I died with them, in front of the best men I ever knew."

A dangerous gamble, but then, quietly: "That includes you."

Edward’s jaw drops slightly, his eyes feeling incredibly wet. His hand shakes almost as much as his breath-- he cannot fucking believe what he's hearing. The gall.

Perhaps hell is real, and this is it. Stede is just another demon here to torture him.

"Do you... really not remember how that went?!" he asks finally, voice on the brink of breakdown. All that he'd done- the lengths he'd went for Stede, forgotten. Edward’s chest feels like he's the one that took a line of bullets suddenly; like they'd left a hole in their wake.

"I gave up everything to save your life that day. And you're going to act like that just... didn't happen?"

"You...what?"

There's genuine bafflement on Stede's face.

The knife at his throat is shaking again. The voice coming from the knife's holder is shaking, too.

"The last thing I recall is hearing them take aim from behind the blindfold - what do you mean you gave up everything? I don't understand."

The last time he'd heard Blackbeard this broken was when he'd confessed to killing his father. He's missing pieces of the puzzle and it's utterly infuriating that everything he's being told makes no sense.

"I'm sorry." He's not entirely sure what he's apologizing for, but he is sorry. "You didn't have to come back for us." If he'd stayed at Blind Man's Cove with Jack, things would have been different. For him, at least. Stede would still be dead.

Given how much he'd hurt Blackbeard, though, maybe that would have been the best option. You're supposed to avoid lighthouses. Leaving with Jack had been a better choice on his part. Self-preservation, even. Get as far away from the lighthouse as you can.

Stede apologizes and Ed breaks, shaking his head as tears finally roll down his cheeks, bringing black kohl with them. "Stop--" he gasps, the knife slipping slightly, not pressed to Stede's skin anymore but still in the hand that's now practically resting on Stede's chest. He's trembling- he wants so badly to throw his arms around this man and press his face to his chest. To let his tears soak his fancy clothing while Stede comforts him and he lets it all out. He'd give anything for that, but he's so, so terribly afraid.

"Just stop-- I can't--" he shakes his head again, "You broke my fucking heart, Bonnet-- I can't do this again."

Of all the things Stede had expected to hear, that was not even in the top thousand. Well, now he knows what he's apologizing for.

Saying 'what?' again? Bad idea. Exceedingly bad idea. What does he say to this? What does he do?

Never had it crossed his mind that he was capable of breaking anyone's heart, let alone Blackbeard's. For most of his life, he'd been pretty sure that nobody at all would miss him if he just disappeared. Mary certainly wouldn't have. To think that anyone would care that much about him to let him break their heart? It beggared belief. Or it would, if his best friend wasn't nearly having a breakdown in front of him because of something he'd done.

He'd cocked it all up again, and he needed to make it right.

"I'm so sorry, Ed," he says quietly. "I'm so sorry. I'd never hurt you on purpose. Please know that."

"Please-" Ed hiccups, feeling weak and pathetic again as his emotions catch the best of him. He doesn't even know what he's asking for, just knows that somehow, once again, he's crying in front of Stede Bonnet, a mess of himself and for what? Stede doesn't even remember what he's done.

He could just curl up into a ball and die. That might be better. The knife falls the rest of the way, Ed's arms limp at his sides as he staggers back weakly, ready to give up. This is what he deserves, he reckons; Stede should be afraid of him, see him for what he is once and for all.

The knife falls, and Ed steps back. A normal person, a sensible person, a person with a sense of self-preservation would run before the dread pirate Blackbeard changed his mind.

Stede, being none of those things, steps closer.

"Hey," he says softly. "It's...fuck, I wish I could remember what I'd done to hurt you so. Please forgive me."

He wants to hug Ed, but that would probably be a bad idea. He's hurting, he's hurting because of Stede.

Once again, Stede Bonnet's iron-clad balls leave Edward Teach fucking speechless. Ed literally threatened his life, so why is he still here? It's absolutely fucking absurd. It's crazy. Ed's crazy because despite it all he's still in love with this absurd little man.

All he can do is shake his head. He doesn't want this, not like this. He doesn't want to feel weak. It doesn't feel right to feel anger for someone who hasn't even committed the crimes against him that he's angry about yet. It doesn't feel right anyway because it doesn't make sense. Edward can't trust it, doesn't want to- if he's hurt like this again he'll fucking die.

"You're always going to see what I am..." he mumbles low, "One way or another, you'll flee from the Kraken every chance you get." he sniffs, glaring up at Stede through his eyelashes. "It's better this way." he continues more confidently, even if the confidence is fabricated and he's hurting more than ever. Ed takes a step backwards, just out of reach. "You'll see."

Ed's given him an out. He can leave, and they can part ways on his terms, and the thought of that hurts like when the Spanish captain stabbed him in the gut.

You'll flee from the Kraken every chance you get.

Someone normal would. They'd run and run and never look back.

Stede steps forward, keeping the space between him and Ed the same. "I'm not fleeing." His tone is half-gentle, half-stubborn. "If my leaving hurt you, then I'm not doing that again, Edward."

Incredibly stubborn, if you ask Ed. That step forward brings a lurching feeling to Ed's chest, and he sucks in a sharp breath as he tries not to break all over again. Maybe he should hold the knife out again... but he can't seem to move, frozen inexplicably in place.

Are the crowds still watching this? Because at this point they're being treated to an entire soap opera.

"Why?" he asks breathlessly. "Why are you doing this?" To torture him, he suspects. To hurt him worse. Even if Stede is sincere, if he doesn't remember leaving him, he doesn't remember their kiss, or their promises. For Ed, that's almost worse.

Why? Baffling question.

"Because you're my friend, and I don't want what I did to hurt you anymore," Stede says, like it's the simplest thing in the world. Two plus two equals four, the sun rises in the east and sets in the west, and Stede Bonnet cares about Edward Teach. Even if he's entirely hazy on the details about what he did to hurt Ed so, he never would have done it on purpose. Why would Blackbeard care about anyone enough to have his heart broken, let alone weak-hearted, soft-handed, lily-livered little rich boy Stede Bonnet? To think that he held that kind of power was insane.

(No, for real, though, 'breaking his heart'? We don't have time to unpack all of that right now, but it's definitely going to stick in his brain like a raspberry seed in a tooth.)

Ed scoffs, an almost helpless sound escaping his lips. There's another major disconnect here, and Ed's only just considered it, because for a brief moment, he thinks about giving in and letting Stede comfort him and lull him back into a false state of security.

Stede doesn't know what he's done. It's too late now. Stede may be seeking forgiveness, but will he forgive Edward for his own transgressions?

"You won't want to be my friend once you know what I've done..." he mutters. "Your things, your crew-- they're all gone."

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TEST DRIVE MEME #7

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this is way funnier when you remember they're still at the muster station as friday's like "..."

having a real normal one with his pal stede on orientation day

being really normal up here on deck

just mens bein friens

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do they have raspberries in 1717 barbados? if jenkins doesn't care neither do i

i would have never questioned this