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TEST DRIVE MEME #7
1. before she hung up, she said she was a skeleton
[there is no note in your cabin. no forces stall your legs if you decide to walk anywhere but the atrium. in fact, for the first time in hundreds of years, newly arrived passengers on the Serena Eterna are waking up with absolutely no guidance. nothing but your fellow passengers in the halls - or maybe in your bed.
perhaps you end up in the atrium eventually anyway. it is where guest services is, and where Gal Friday… actually hasn’t been in a few days. until today. and she is visibly frazzled, her hair uncoiffed, her suit rumpled, something a bit like a bruise blossoming down from her hairline and over her smooth features. more papers than ever cover her desk, and when she turns to face you, her voice is as cheerful as ever, but audibly strained.]
Welcome aboard the Serene Eterna! [a pause] You know how to work a life vest, right? Everyone knows that! You don’t need me to teach you that!
[a light bulb burns out behind her head.]
… I’ll get right on that!
[freedom includes the freedom to not know what the fuck is happening. maybe you should reflect on that.]
2. grandma went and can't stop screaming
[it’s something about the lighting fixtures, this month. has the Bellona always had a massive chandelier? maybe. who knows. don’t ask questions. either way, in the stillness of the night, or day, or late afternoon, there is a noise like a cord being cut, and the chandelier plunges into the audience below.
it hits nothing, of course. no one is ever in the theater. and that, perhaps, is what the trouble is.
so, the chandelier starts to… travel, one could say. it starts to hang in various rooms: the dining halls, the bars, the clubs… sometimes, if you’re out on the pool deck and suddenly realized you’re under a shadow, you can glance up and see it suspended 20 feet above your head, securely fastened to nothing in particular and yet remaining perfectly in place.
until it isn’t. until it falls, crystal shattering on whatever surface it lands on: floor, table, person… and, wherever the chandelier goes, a lilting childish voice follows it, singing without any obvious source.]
Ring-a-ring of roses, a pocket full of posies… ashes, ashes, we all…
3. jeff bezos murdered the infinite tommy bahama
[the lights of the Infinite Tommy Bahama go out three days into October.
barely an hour after its closure, the lights go on again, and a new banner is unfurled.
physically, it is the same store. you can even see the old signs hidden behind the new ones. however, long gone are the tropical prints and khaki dress shorts. now, one can purchase any number of officially licensed or legally distinct Halloween costumes, decorations, and various other haunted accoutrements, leading back as far as the eye can see, and then farther still. is that a Gal Friday mask? spooky! well, at least you’ll be good and ready for the Halloween party at the end of the month, which is absolutely just a normal party and in no way whatsoever anything even remotely resembling a trick. there are only treats at The Infinite Spirit Halloween!
note: bahamanuel is still here! somewhere! it kinda looks like dan bongino.]
Gnashin plastic fangs casting shadows
[Says the six-foot-four skeleton in a full suit stopping outside of the Halloween store. (He's never been in one before!!! It's the novelty!!!)]
Cheer up, it'll be back to a Tommy Bahama in a few weeks. Probably.
no subject
Still, Jon doesn't seem fazed at all by the skeleton. Only annoyed at having to look up at him.]
I'm sorry, I'm not familiar with that name. That's what it normally is, then?
no subject
Oh, lucky you. I was recently acquainted with it when the infinite shopfront opened. The first new clothing we could get ahold of, and of course, it had to be overpriced linen vacation shirts. [He would rather die.]
There's a fifty-fifty chance that at least one animatronic inside that store will actively try to kill you. Either that, or the creature that lives in the Tommy Bahama is still lurking around the racks...
no subject
Still.
He turns his gaze back to the store in front of him.]
Wouldn't be the worst thing, really. The animatronic bit, not. Not the vacation shirts. [No fucking thanks.] What do you mean 'infinite'?
no subject
[He gestures to the cafe and piano bar on either side of the shop.] The shop itself appeared between Sand Dollars and John's one morning. I believe a passenger requested additional clothing options, and that was the response.
in which I make a joke that probably only makes sense to me
I'm- sorry. Just to make sure I have this correctly. Someone 'requested' additional clothing options, and this store merely appeared?
[That does not seem like ethical business models. Do they have their business permit? Are they some evil organization henchman wanting to take control of this area somehow? He really hopes this is someone's very specific nightmare he's gotten a front row seat to.]
What do they even get out of this?
niche sailor moon lore activated
If you want the full history, I could give it to you, but suffice it to say that the Captain in charge of the ship has a firm grasp on chaos magic and loves trying to be funny.
[Whether or not he is funny kind of depends on your sense of humor...]
The shop itself doesn't provide anything directly to the Captain, as far as I'm aware. If it does, it would have to be... experiences, I suppose. That's primarily what he takes from us in exchange for all of this. [Not to imply that it's a fair trade...]