TEST DRIVE MEME #10

[sailmods]

a. that's where we both belong

[you wake up.

it doesn't matter where you were before. going to bed? dying? opening the door to face a great evil? same result. you wake up in a soft bed with starched sheets in a cool, darkened room, sunlight peeking out from behind thick curtains. maybe you're alone; maybe you aren't. maybe you immediately notice the folded paper on the bedside table near your head. if you don't, you better fix that real quick: you won't be able to even open the door before you read it.

the note itself is written in a neat hand on white card stock; there is a stylized logo of a ship with the words SERENA ETERNA printed underneath. the note reads as follows:

Dear Passenger(s),

As your cruise director, it is my great honor to welcome you aboard the Serena Eterna, your destination for fun and adventure! We know you could have chosen any cruise line for your vacation, and we're very grateful you chose ours! On behalf of the Captain, I would like to assure each and every passenger that will we do whatever it takes to fulfill all your needs and desires during your journey with us.

At your earliest possible convenience, please attend the mandatory lifeboat drill by the end of the day. I'm sure everyone is very eager to get started on all the fun and sun, but safety always comes first! You can find your life jacket in your cabin's closet; carry it to your assigned muster station on deck one, where I will take you through the drill. If you can't find me in the crowd, just look for the gal with the winning smile!

See You Real Soon!

Sincerely,
Gal Friday

you walk to deck one. you have no other choice: every time you try to step in a direction some unseen being considers "not towards deck one," you find your legs no longer move, staying stock still, frozen. whether compelled quickly by curiosity, or delayed by pure stubbornness, the result is the same, and you are left milling around with other similarly curious or stubborn people.

you see someone in uniform near the front of the crowd. she seems to be a gal, but is missing the winning smile, along with most of her other features. she seems to see you, though, rushing to your side and placing a lei around your neck with great formality. a voice, cheery but artificial, sees to come from nowhere and everywhere.]

Welcome aboard! I'm so happy you could join us!

[you touch the lei. rooster feathers, lotus seeds, and a carved circle of something white and hard, linked onto a silk string.

after the drill is completed, you are seemingly free to go. or, well, your legs work, now. and maybe that's as good as it's gonna get.]

b. and there's plenty of that down by the sea

[it’s strange to think about, isn’t it? how all those new passengers, the ones grumbling or shouting their way through the forced muster drill, have absolutely no idea what happened just last month. no idea about the labyrinth. no concept of why anyone around them would be a bit more hesitant around shadows.

they’ll learn.

sometimes a shadow is darker than it’s supposed to be. very rarely does anything come of that; just a vague sense that someone is watching you, and little more. sometimes, though, the shadows move. sometimes they grab at your ankles as you walk. sometimes they give you a shove as you go down the stairs. sometimes they pull your hair, or pinch your arm.

sometimes you feel something sharp cut into your lower leg.

that’s not a shadow, though. that’s a fiddler crab. you see the crab, sometimes. the cut isn’t from its claws, which don’t look very intimating; it’s not a very large crab. the cut is from the large kitchen knife crudely taped onto its back. it’s probably fine. it's not chasing you. there isn't evil in its heart. probably.]

c. think I'll go back to the Keys

[one day, in the atrium, two pedestals suddenly appear. on each is a large button: one green, and one blue. pressing the blue button gives you a little treat, popping out of thin air next to you. pressing the green button sends a small electric shock through your body. weird, but, hey, pretty avoidable, right?

except, it seems to be spreading. to every other button on board.

in the elevator. on the soda machine. the arcade. your phone. the bell on Friday’s desk.]

Comments

[crushed_pearls]

Erin perks up. She perks up like a cat that just heard a can open, like a dog that just detected The Chip Bag, like a bird recognizing the feeder getting refilled. She knows those words in that combination, she's heard them before. In her excitement she gets closer to Fever, practically vibrating. "Okayfollowupquestion wow I need spaces between my words -" Erin sucks in a Deep Breath, "does your world also have, say, uh, orcs and half-orcs? No, wait, something more specific, what'd Ylva say -" she snaps her fingers, "tieflings! Do you have tieflings where you're from? Kinda human-sized folks with features commonly described as infernal but they're actually just people livin' their life?"

[abhorrently]

"Yes. We have tieflings. A few are my friends."

Thankfully, she isn't put off by Erin getting closer - her eyes widen in a bit of surprise, but it doesn't feel threatening, more just someone full of an idea. Maybe she hit the nail on the head exactly, and this woman is just starved for a taste of home. Maybe she just said something completely incomprehensible.

"Why do you ask?"

[crushed_pearls]

"Because I'm not any amount of elf except as a self-directed insult but I think you might be from the same kinda place as my girlfriend!" Erin hops, she really does. "Tell me if this makes sense - my girl Ylva is a druid, she draws power from attunement to nature and through that power she works magic and transforms into animals."

Sayyessayyessayyes

[abhorrently]

[ 1. That makes perfect sense.
2. She sounds like a typical druid.
3. I've never heard of a druid in my life.
4. [DECEPTION] I'm actually a druid, can't you tell?]

"That sounds exactly like what a druid is. I didn't realize the concept would be uncommon to anyone."

[crushed_pearls]

Erin jumps for joy and punches the air, causing the mozzarella to take a long and graceful flight off-camera. "FUCK YES WELCOME ABOARD!"

(Take it down a notch.)

NEVER!

"Okay so, okay, okay, so, here's the thing, okay -" Deep Breath Rides Again. "- you're gonna meet people from all sorts of worlds. A bunch are just variations on the same world, it's a whole thing, but, butbutbutbut, I think you're from the same kind of world as Ylva and Cassandra! Magical places with professional adventurers, lots of people who aren't humans, gods that never shut the fuck up, there's skeleton wizards sometimes? You've gotta meet 'em, they'll be through the moon!"

[abhorrently]

The enthusiasm is surprising, but a little contagious, and Fever finds herself smiling along with Erin as she talks.

"All of those sound perfectly normal to me - it's a little weird to hear you talk like they aren't." Just saying. She can accept the idea that not everyone comes from the same world fair enough, but it's strange to consider that other places might not have adventurers, or skeleton wizards.

(Maybe not the second one.)

"But I'd be happy to meet either of them at any time."

[crushed_pearls]

"Don't worry, I've got my own supply of wild shit that I have to actively remember not everyone is intimately familiar with," Erin promises. "But! Yes! God I'm excited - wow I got off-topic for onboarding you here but it's - "

Okay Erin. Breathe. In. Out. Iiiiiin.

"- They're my girls, I wanna see 'em happy, y'know? And maybe more on topic if you're looking for a perspective on being here that I don't like, share myself? Cass is your lass. Very uh...focused on getting back home."

[abhorrently]

Good to know. She nods at the sentance, knowing she'll take whatever alliance she can get in the getting back department, and it'll help if the person involved can talk to her and understand the gravity of it if she has to explain her situation. But making new friends never hurt in a place to start with.

"Off topic or not, you've still been far more helpful than the faceless woman or the letter I found by my bed. They didn't offer much of anything."

[crushed_pearls]

"Yyyyeaahhhh...and look, I'm gonna level with you here. This place has been a strict upgrade on home for me. I don't particularly wanna go back. But if you're not violently allergic to nuance, there's some helpful people on my side of the aisle too."

Moment of truth here.

baldur's gate 3 spoilers.

[abhorrently]

One of these sort of things again. She didn't want to choose sides, she just wanted a solution. The smile fades some into a neutral expression, carefully considering her words. How best to express it to someone who might have no idea?

Frankness and honesty it is. The woman seems direct enough. The worst Erin can do is laugh at her or something.

"...And I'd be fine to meet them too. Look, I don't have any quarrel if you'd like to stay here, and I don't doubt that there's enough who have their lives improved by getting elected, who deserve every chance to stay here. But my companions and I are trying to stop a cult from laying waste to the entire Coast with a giant brain. You can see how that would skew my reasoning."

And for the briefest flash of a second, she wishes the tadpole was alive, that she might try to reach out to them, to say I'm okay.

"I can't just accept that I can do nothing and leave it all for them to handle."

[crushed_pearls]

"...That may be the wildest weapon of mass destruction I've ever heard of, but I believe you." Erin lets out a breath she didn't know that she was holding. Good. Over the first hurdle. "Around the joint you'll meet a skeleton that tells puns - that's Skulduggery, probably the best source of information about the ship, and dedicated wholly to giving everyone a choice about staying or going. He's mostly out and about at night." She picks up cheese without looking at it, mostly to nibble on, and ends up chewing on flaky asiago. "My girl Crabb, about yea high, black, very handsome, she's had encounters with some of the underlying workings, and if you're gentle she might tell you about them. Johnny Summer, dapper gent with odd eyes, haunts the bars and can get you the who's who, and lastly you might get some productive magical collaboration out of Jade Curtiss and Maxwell Carter. Jade's got red hair, glasses, and is eternally not mad, just disappointed. Maxwell's roundabouts my height, real polite, look for the odd scent of darkness and the nice suit. Should get you started."

[abhorrently]

The acceptance does a lot, and it reassures Fever they're on an even level. She's the stranger here, but the worry about her world is always going to dominate over people she doesn't know, if they can't let her go easily. She'll fight whatever this god is fleeing from if that's the cost of going back to stop things, to not desert those who swore to the cause. It's straightforward, but she won't deny them a chance to be heard out.

Nodding with every name, she makes more notes on who to meet, who to talk to. And she'll have to think about how to approach them - Erin said you have thoughts about our situation might work. After a suitable introduction.

"That's a sizable number of names. Thank you for all of it, the information on our predicament included."

[crushed_pearls]

"I could actually keep going but honestly, Johnny will see you right as far as that goes. Now, some warnings." Erin raises a finger. "Number one, there are monsters in the clothing store. One of them is a cougar - that's my friend Siffleur. He usually doesn't attack people without their consent but if you do find yourself unexpectedly hunted, don't fuck about. Hit him hard, hit him fast, he won't hold it against you. The others are the Bahamanals, and they're not to be fucked with. We haven't found a weapon yet that can kill the bastards, and worse, they cloak themselves as piles of clothing. Don't stand and fight, don't try to be clever, fucking run. Take it from my personal experience, they don't dispense fun ways to die."

[abhorrently]

There's a powerful longing in her to ask what weapons they've tried against these unkillable beasts, but that's gently brushed away under the guise of picking up a second cheese. Mimolette, the label says, and it smells safe enough.

The fact that she wants to see just what happens with the cougar is just her own inclinations, though.

"The clothing store is a haunt for monsters, so be smart about entry. Got it."

[crushed_pearls]

Well, the taste of that Glamour is concerning. A fighter? A daredevil?

"The last warnings are related to each other. Don't lose the charm that Gal Friday gave you, and don't break any sigils or circles you find. We all nearly died the last time, and I kinda like living. The dating scene in eternal oblivion fucking blows.'

[abhorrently]

There's a little chuckle at that.

"What does the charm do? I still have it, but I can't figure out the magic on it."

Breaking any sigils...well she'll try to keep them safe. As long as no stray hands come from them.

[crushed_pearls]

"It...helps protect you in the case of an imminent collapse of the local reality. You don't need to wear it all the time, but if you're ever feeling like, I dunno, the fabric of existence is acting kind of suspicious, it can't hurt." Erin shrugs; what can you do? "...Friday does what she can to see to our good. 'What she can' is doing a lot of lifting in that sentence."

[abhorrently]

"Because of the local god?"

Whenever Erin's done humoring questions, or needs to fire them back, Fever's ready, but until then, she'll keep pushing her luck.

[crushed_pearls]

Erin sighs. "That's the fucking thing, I'm not sure. I don't know if anyone is sure. Maybe you might have some luck." Deep breath, and then a welcoming smile. "So, Fever, lass - what do you do for fun? Might have some suggestions there too."

[abhorrently]

"Anything anyone else does, really. I like celebrations, I like travelling for the sights, I like putting the wicked in their place. So, you know. I'm open to suggestions."

That last one is said so flippantly it could be a joke. Maybe. But confessing that part of fun involves fighting, especially with magic? Well.

[crushed_pearls]

"...You know what, you've seemed straightfoward so far, I'm just gonna ask so I can be completely clear - when you say putting the wicked in their place, is that a sex thing, a violence thing, or both?"

[abhorrently]

"...I really meant violence, but if someone was up for it, it could be a sex thing. Just haven't had the chance to try that particular sex thing as far as I remember."

Contemplating kinks in the cheese shop. What a life.

"No wait, there was that one time with the mace..."

[crushed_pearls]

"...Like the bludgeoning weapon about yea long meant to pulp people through their armor??"

[abhorrently]

"Not exactly. If it was at risk of being fatal, it wouldn't have worked out."

...

"Does it help if I explain that it was all linked to a goddess?"

[crushed_pearls]

"No??" Erin takes a deep breath, steepling her fingers in front of her face. Fever. Fever lass. Are you okay? You doing okay? Do you have a permanent spine injury? "Okay. Um. Alright. If that's how hard you like it definitely talk to Siffleur but mother fuck, wow."