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TEST DRIVE MEME #7
1. before she hung up, she said she was a skeleton
[there is no note in your cabin. no forces stall your legs if you decide to walk anywhere but the atrium. in fact, for the first time in hundreds of years, newly arrived passengers on the Serena Eterna are waking up with absolutely no guidance. nothing but your fellow passengers in the halls - or maybe in your bed.
perhaps you end up in the atrium eventually anyway. it is where guest services is, and where Gal Friday… actually hasn’t been in a few days. until today. and she is visibly frazzled, her hair uncoiffed, her suit rumpled, something a bit like a bruise blossoming down from her hairline and over her smooth features. more papers than ever cover her desk, and when she turns to face you, her voice is as cheerful as ever, but audibly strained.]
Welcome aboard the Serene Eterna! [a pause] You know how to work a life vest, right? Everyone knows that! You don’t need me to teach you that!
[a light bulb burns out behind her head.]
… I’ll get right on that!
[freedom includes the freedom to not know what the fuck is happening. maybe you should reflect on that.]
2. grandma went and can't stop screaming
[it’s something about the lighting fixtures, this month. has the Bellona always had a massive chandelier? maybe. who knows. don’t ask questions. either way, in the stillness of the night, or day, or late afternoon, there is a noise like a cord being cut, and the chandelier plunges into the audience below.
it hits nothing, of course. no one is ever in the theater. and that, perhaps, is what the trouble is.
so, the chandelier starts to… travel, one could say. it starts to hang in various rooms: the dining halls, the bars, the clubs… sometimes, if you’re out on the pool deck and suddenly realized you’re under a shadow, you can glance up and see it suspended 20 feet above your head, securely fastened to nothing in particular and yet remaining perfectly in place.
until it isn’t. until it falls, crystal shattering on whatever surface it lands on: floor, table, person… and, wherever the chandelier goes, a lilting childish voice follows it, singing without any obvious source.]
Ring-a-ring of roses, a pocket full of posies… ashes, ashes, we all…
3. jeff bezos murdered the infinite tommy bahama
[the lights of the Infinite Tommy Bahama go out three days into October.
barely an hour after its closure, the lights go on again, and a new banner is unfurled.
physically, it is the same store. you can even see the old signs hidden behind the new ones. however, long gone are the tropical prints and khaki dress shorts. now, one can purchase any number of officially licensed or legally distinct Halloween costumes, decorations, and various other haunted accoutrements, leading back as far as the eye can see, and then farther still. is that a Gal Friday mask? spooky! well, at least you’ll be good and ready for the Halloween party at the end of the month, which is absolutely just a normal party and in no way whatsoever anything even remotely resembling a trick. there are only treats at The Infinite Spirit Halloween!
note: bahamanuel is still here! somewhere! it kinda looks like dan bongino.]
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She gets them out of the store and after just a slight moment to orient herself, she takes Darcy still over her shoulder down the halls and vaguely towards her room. "And you'll have to tell me what we all do for R&R around here, when we're not staring at the plex skeletons."
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"Fuck all. There's books if you're a nerd, or some people have movies which are fine the first couple of times. Mostly I just train and eat and sleep. Oh- and there's an arcade."
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What the fuck is an arcade? Gideon will find out eventually. "Train, eat, sleep? The more things change, the more they don't fucking change in any way that matters. At least tell me some of the books are dirty ones, because if I have to see another necromantic dusty tomb of the wisdom of ancients, I'll pluck my eyes out and eat them."
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"Only because you're always using it," she attempts to adjust herself to feel more secure up there but- honestly it's a lost cause. This is just torture. ... half torture, half something else.
"I wouldn't know, I don't read that shit. But if there isn't, I'm watching you do that. Maybe selling tickets."
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She pauses at a branch, trying to remember which way to go. This is as bad as Canaan House. Gideon takes a wild guess and leads them down the path that turns out to be headed for the various rooms and she's deeply glad for it because getting lost might be understandable but it certainly wouldn't be cool. "But if you're far too cool for reading, then you'll have to show me the arcade instead."
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"Teethers?" she questions, "Really?"
Not a bad thing, however, the moment of dorkiness does a lot to re-stabilize her, as opposed to moments prior when she'd assumed Gideon was some sort of goth butch demon sent from hell specifically to torment her.
"I can do that, so long as you don't mind getting your ass kicked in whatever game you pick. Like I said, there's not a lot else to do here, so I'm pretty good at most of them."
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"If there's one thing I'm the best at, it's getting my ass kicked. I'm a champion of hard knocks and harder box-es." Wow another fucking winner out of Gideon Nav. But they're here, or at least she's pretty sure this is the room she came out of not too long ago. Gideon boots the door open and strolls on in.
Hopefully whoever her roommate is won't mind Gideon rolling up with a hot muscly girl on her shoulders.
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A knife gets pulled from her pocket, held to Gideon's neck. No pressure yet, just making it very clear she means business.
"You want to explain to me how you just broke into my room?"
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Especially confusing threats when Gideon turns her eyes (and absolutely not her neck) to look at Darcy. "I... broke into my room."
And she vaguely gestures to Gideon's scant belongings on her side of the room. Weakly joking, she adds, "Behold, my vast pornography collection that I'd rather you didn't kill me over because it's irreplaceable."
Gideon still has her hands on Darcy's legs and if that knife moves at all, she's going to take the world's stupidest chance and powerslam this girl into the nearest wall, and hope she can do that faster than the knife can cut. Is that possible? Probably not. But she'll do it anyway.
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Darcy hasn't been back to her room since that morning. She had failed to see the porn collection. This is, without exaggeration, the most embarrassing situation she has ever been subject to.
"Oh my God I'm so sorry-" Darcy flicks the knife back shut and clutches it to her actually reddening face again- "it- we must be roommates," yeah this is hell for real.
"You can put me down, I'm so sorry- this month I've just been on edge and- sorry-"
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She promptly sets the equally embarrassed Darcy down on her side of the room, with Gideon taking a firm step back onto her side. "I... can't say I would react better if I'd been carted into my assigned room either but uhhhhhh. Gonna just. Put a pin in the flirting for now."
Lots of reasons to stop it, and one of them absolutely isn't Gideon's own actual lack of experience running into a dead end here. Nope, this is totally and only due to them rooming together and also the threatening, that's all.
"We're good." She says, because well... what else is there to say? Darcy's clearly embarrassed by it all and frankly Gideon doesn't entirely blame her reaction. Also she has no idea how to handle being apologized to. It's a weird and unwelcome feeling at this point. "Lesson learned, always ask the girl you're taking home where exactly that home is, just in case it's the same one."
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"Good- um. So. I've not really had like, super strict rules with my other roommates or anything, usually I'm pretty chill? So. You can have the bed, I sleep on the couch, and then just- yeah."
...
"I should probably- I think I still have some other things to-" and stands to leave.
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She rubs the back of her neck as Darcy goes to leave. Shit... she feels like she should at least try salvage part of this. After all, it's not like Gideon's traumatized or anything. Cute girls threatening to kill her is just life at this point.
"We should uh... still do that arcade thing sometime." She suggests since that seems safe enough. "Or like... work out together. ... it would be a waste if the two coolest girls here didn't show up places together to be intimidating."
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"That'd be cool, yeah," she agrees, "I'd be down for it. We have a fight club every couple of weeks or so too, you know, if you want to show off with swords or something too. It'd be cool."
Which she already said, shit.
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Cool may be getting overused by both of them but whatever, they are cool, what other word are supposed to use to describe each other? That would be beefy? That would be muscular?
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That would be dead?"Cool," again, and she keeps drifting towards the door, grateful that the atmosphere is a little less awkward, "I'll be sure to. Sorry you're here, again, ehn?"
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"I don't think you could be anywhere without at least once cute girl," FUCK why couldn't her brain have supplied something that smooth before she pulled the knife. Darcy immediately flees out the door before Gideon can answer.