sail_ooc | TEST DRIVE MEME #7

1. before she hung up, she said she was a skeleton

[there is no note in your cabin. no forces stall your legs if you decide to walk anywhere but the atrium. in fact, for the first time in hundreds of years, newly arrived passengers on the Serena Eterna are waking up with absolutely no guidance. nothing but your fellow passengers in the halls - or maybe in your bed.

perhaps you end up in the atrium eventually anyway. it is where guest services is, and where Gal Friday… actually hasn’t been in a few days. until today. and she is visibly frazzled, her hair uncoiffed, her suit rumpled, something a bit like a bruise blossoming down from her hairline and over her smooth features. more papers than ever cover her desk, and when she turns to face you, her voice is as cheerful as ever, but audibly strained.]

Welcome aboard the Serene Eterna! [a pause] You know how to work a life vest, right? Everyone knows that! You don’t need me to teach you that!

[a light bulb burns out behind her head.]

… I’ll get right on that!

[freedom includes the freedom to not know what the fuck is happening. maybe you should reflect on that.]

2. grandma went and can't stop screaming

[it’s something about the lighting fixtures, this month. has the Bellona always had a massive chandelier? maybe. who knows. don’t ask questions. either way, in the stillness of the night, or day, or late afternoon, there is a noise like a cord being cut, and the chandelier plunges into the audience below.

it hits nothing, of course. no one is ever in the theater. and that, perhaps, is what the trouble is.

so, the chandelier starts to… travel, one could say. it starts to hang in various rooms: the dining halls, the bars, the clubs… sometimes, if you’re out on the pool deck and suddenly realized you’re under a shadow, you can glance up and see it suspended 20 feet above your head, securely fastened to nothing in particular and yet remaining perfectly in place.

until it isn’t. until it falls, crystal shattering on whatever surface it lands on: floor, table, person… and, wherever the chandelier goes, a lilting childish voice follows it, singing without any obvious source.]

Ring-a-ring of roses, a pocket full of posies… ashes, ashes, we all…

3. jeff bezos murdered the infinite tommy bahama

[the lights of the Infinite Tommy Bahama go out three days into October.

barely an hour after its closure, the lights go on again, and a new banner is unfurled.

physically, it is the same store. you can even see the old signs hidden behind the new ones. however, long gone are the tropical prints and khaki dress shorts. now, one can purchase any number of officially licensed or legally distinct Halloween costumes, decorations, and various other haunted accoutrements, leading back as far as the eye can see, and then farther still. is that a Gal Friday mask? spooky! well, at least you’ll be good and ready for the Halloween party at the end of the month, which is absolutely just a normal party and in no way whatsoever anything even remotely resembling a trick. there are only treats at The Infinite Spirit Halloween!

note: bahamanuel is still here! somewhere! it kinda looks like dan bongino.]

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Ed winces as he watches her throw question after question at him. Again with this. He's so fucking tired.

The pistol is lowered, Edward giving her a bored look. "Stop. I've literally never seen you before in my life." he grunts, "And fuck you, I can read."

Her face turns into a rather nasty scowl, and that's the only warning he's given before she disappears into crackling static. Before rematerializing right in front of him. Not quite in his face, because Ed's much taller in a way that's never annoyed her until now, but it doesn't matter because Ava gives a rather rough shove of her hands to his chest. She's a lot stronger than her small frame would suggest, but it's not as violent a gesture as it could have been considering she could have put her hands through his chest instead.

"No! Fuck! You! Are you not Blackbeard? ARE YOU ANOTHER IMPOSTER?" Because she is. So. Done. With the possessions, with the skin of her friends being worn by the vengeful spirits. She doesn't want to go through this again. "I'll tear your spine right out."

She wants to get in his face? Okay, great. He can do that, too. In fact, he's pressing into her hands, growling as his eyes go murderously dark.

"You want to talk about imposter?!" he barks back, "I am Blackbeard. Blackbeard doesn't do talent shows or braid hair. And I certainly don't answer to Stede-Fucking-Bonnet."

He takes a step forward, looming over her to make her feel small. "Don't bother fucking threatening me, then. Just do it. Kill me and I vow that when I return- and I will fucking return, that I'll make it so you pray for death."

She's absolutely not backing down even with all his anger and threat of violence, physical intimidation doesn't quite work when even the largest of men fall at her touch. But Ava doesn't actually want to hurt him. Her fists clench and unclench into his chest as he presses back, intangible fingers hooking straight through fabric and into flesh, because it would be so easy to kill him and it would solve nothing at all.

"Nobody is listening to Stede because he's Nothing! Gone! Worse than dead! And it's not my fault he was a bumbling idiot that called himself Captain aboard another man's vessel!" She had left the crew peacefully, to avoid conflict or inspiring another one of his infamous meltdowns. But he's gone now, and she no longer has to be delicate toward Stede's feelings.

"But don't you dare. Act like I'm some easily intimidated damsel, Ed. If you don't want to be friends anymore. Fine. Be a dramatic bitch about it."

Edward hisses at the sting of her fingers digging into his chest. It's possibly the strangest pain ever inflicted on his body, but he is no stranger to it, so he does not ease back. Some might think that Blackbeard wants to die, the way he leans into the opportunity to do so.

He doesn't know how this person knows so much about Stede Bonnet, how she knows so much about him, but she's pulling every fucking string there is to pull and he's about to fucking explode. He leans into her fingers even more, the sting of them making his eyes water from pain and his teeth grit and grind, but he speaks through them anyway.

"Friends? I've never seen you before in my entire fucking life."

There's a memory that Ava manages to grasp at in her frustrated confusion, that Friday had once told her. About sometimes people coming back as... different versions.

She's glaring up at his face, and doesn't see any sign that he's lying. And her expression softens slightly, in reluctant acceptance.

"Oh." Ava simply lets go, and tucks her hands into her pockets. "So you're not saying that to be a jerk. Alright. Then hello, I'm Ava. Ava Starr. You at least know Izzy? Been going around calling himself Captain these days, so I thought you-"

The complete polar shift in her energy disarms Ed completely. His adrenaline is high and he's ready to fight and she-- simply lets go and introduces herself instead. What the fuck is going on? Everyone in this place is fucking unhinged.

"The fuck--" he breathes, hands open and confused. "Wait, what?!"

Izzy’s calling himself Captain. Izzy Hands. Ed feels his fucking blood boiling again. "In his fucking dreams." he growls. "Where is he?"

He's not wrong, but with all respect Ed, you're also unhinged. So welcome to the ship of parties and death.

"Nice to meet you, Ava," she does a very poor imitation of his voice. "You too, Blackbeard... nobeard?" She wonders if this is just the trend now, stroking her own chin curiously.

"Ah, no idea. Probably harassing cats again. I could send him a message, if you need."

He'd never argue that he wasn't.

"Blackbeard will suffice." he groans. At least his weapons are put away, now. And Izzy is... harassing cats? Why exactly?? It doesn't matter. He doesn’t care.

"I'll find him."

Ava looks slightly doubtful, but she goes around calling herself Ghost on a ship full if actual ghosts so it's not like she has room to judge the accuracy of anyone's alias.

"Watch out for the chandeliers," she offers unhelpfully.

TEST DRIVE MEME #7

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