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TEST DRIVE MEME #7
1. before she hung up, she said she was a skeleton
[there is no note in your cabin. no forces stall your legs if you decide to walk anywhere but the atrium. in fact, for the first time in hundreds of years, newly arrived passengers on the Serena Eterna are waking up with absolutely no guidance. nothing but your fellow passengers in the halls - or maybe in your bed.
perhaps you end up in the atrium eventually anyway. it is where guest services is, and where Gal Friday… actually hasn’t been in a few days. until today. and she is visibly frazzled, her hair uncoiffed, her suit rumpled, something a bit like a bruise blossoming down from her hairline and over her smooth features. more papers than ever cover her desk, and when she turns to face you, her voice is as cheerful as ever, but audibly strained.]
Welcome aboard the Serene Eterna! [a pause] You know how to work a life vest, right? Everyone knows that! You don’t need me to teach you that!
[a light bulb burns out behind her head.]
… I’ll get right on that!
[freedom includes the freedom to not know what the fuck is happening. maybe you should reflect on that.]
2. grandma went and can't stop screaming
[it’s something about the lighting fixtures, this month. has the Bellona always had a massive chandelier? maybe. who knows. don’t ask questions. either way, in the stillness of the night, or day, or late afternoon, there is a noise like a cord being cut, and the chandelier plunges into the audience below.
it hits nothing, of course. no one is ever in the theater. and that, perhaps, is what the trouble is.
so, the chandelier starts to… travel, one could say. it starts to hang in various rooms: the dining halls, the bars, the clubs… sometimes, if you’re out on the pool deck and suddenly realized you’re under a shadow, you can glance up and see it suspended 20 feet above your head, securely fastened to nothing in particular and yet remaining perfectly in place.
until it isn’t. until it falls, crystal shattering on whatever surface it lands on: floor, table, person… and, wherever the chandelier goes, a lilting childish voice follows it, singing without any obvious source.]
Ring-a-ring of roses, a pocket full of posies… ashes, ashes, we all…
3. jeff bezos murdered the infinite tommy bahama
[the lights of the Infinite Tommy Bahama go out three days into October.
barely an hour after its closure, the lights go on again, and a new banner is unfurled.
physically, it is the same store. you can even see the old signs hidden behind the new ones. however, long gone are the tropical prints and khaki dress shorts. now, one can purchase any number of officially licensed or legally distinct Halloween costumes, decorations, and various other haunted accoutrements, leading back as far as the eye can see, and then farther still. is that a Gal Friday mask? spooky! well, at least you’ll be good and ready for the Halloween party at the end of the month, which is absolutely just a normal party and in no way whatsoever anything even remotely resembling a trick. there are only treats at The Infinite Spirit Halloween!
note: bahamanuel is still here! somewhere! it kinda looks like dan bongino.]
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"I'm not ready for my closeup Mr Demille," he coos towards it, "I haven't even seen the make-up department yet. And you're not on my good side."
He will, however, take the pen off his clipboard and move towards it, attempting to poke at it with the end.
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The tiny camera comes with a tiny speaker and a gruff voice with a dry sense of humor!
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What a nutty little device. He ought to write down the idea when he wakes up, sell it to the North Koreans and end the war in a day.
"How'd you get a speaker and a camera into that tiny thing?"
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Look, look, if someone's surprised by the size of tech, they're probably before the invention of the transistor, and are more accustomed to things like radios running on vacuum tubes.
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Beat.
"You're a doctor?"
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He pokes through his little collection of medications.
"It would be nice to speak face to face though- I don't go on blind dates for a reason."
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It takes a while to traverse the ship. It's a solid six minutes later that a Murderburger in a green dinosaur hoodie blackens the doorway of the infirmary.
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...
"Did you lose a bet?"
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Hawkeye pats the counter beside him.
"Pull up a pew, Iguanadon. Come here often?"
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It moves to loom over Hawkeye, as a Murderbot does.
"The primitive state of medicine on this vessel is a little horrifying."
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Look, Hawkeye's been loomed over by plenty of tall assholes before, it doesn't impress him.
"That we're agreed on. This infirmary is so dinky it makes some of the places I've worked look like the Mayo clinic."
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You know, like something out of a sci-fi novel.
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A gesture towards its face, "don't lie to my face, buddy, I know flesh when I see it."
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It rolls up a sleeve, shows him the plate along the forearm, the hinge-joint elbow.