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TEST DRIVE MEME #7
1. before she hung up, she said she was a skeleton
[there is no note in your cabin. no forces stall your legs if you decide to walk anywhere but the atrium. in fact, for the first time in hundreds of years, newly arrived passengers on the Serena Eterna are waking up with absolutely no guidance. nothing but your fellow passengers in the halls - or maybe in your bed.
perhaps you end up in the atrium eventually anyway. it is where guest services is, and where Gal Friday… actually hasn’t been in a few days. until today. and she is visibly frazzled, her hair uncoiffed, her suit rumpled, something a bit like a bruise blossoming down from her hairline and over her smooth features. more papers than ever cover her desk, and when she turns to face you, her voice is as cheerful as ever, but audibly strained.]
Welcome aboard the Serene Eterna! [a pause] You know how to work a life vest, right? Everyone knows that! You don’t need me to teach you that!
[a light bulb burns out behind her head.]
… I’ll get right on that!
[freedom includes the freedom to not know what the fuck is happening. maybe you should reflect on that.]
2. grandma went and can't stop screaming
[it’s something about the lighting fixtures, this month. has the Bellona always had a massive chandelier? maybe. who knows. don’t ask questions. either way, in the stillness of the night, or day, or late afternoon, there is a noise like a cord being cut, and the chandelier plunges into the audience below.
it hits nothing, of course. no one is ever in the theater. and that, perhaps, is what the trouble is.
so, the chandelier starts to… travel, one could say. it starts to hang in various rooms: the dining halls, the bars, the clubs… sometimes, if you’re out on the pool deck and suddenly realized you’re under a shadow, you can glance up and see it suspended 20 feet above your head, securely fastened to nothing in particular and yet remaining perfectly in place.
until it isn’t. until it falls, crystal shattering on whatever surface it lands on: floor, table, person… and, wherever the chandelier goes, a lilting childish voice follows it, singing without any obvious source.]
Ring-a-ring of roses, a pocket full of posies… ashes, ashes, we all…
3. jeff bezos murdered the infinite tommy bahama
[the lights of the Infinite Tommy Bahama go out three days into October.
barely an hour after its closure, the lights go on again, and a new banner is unfurled.
physically, it is the same store. you can even see the old signs hidden behind the new ones. however, long gone are the tropical prints and khaki dress shorts. now, one can purchase any number of officially licensed or legally distinct Halloween costumes, decorations, and various other haunted accoutrements, leading back as far as the eye can see, and then farther still. is that a Gal Friday mask? spooky! well, at least you’ll be good and ready for the Halloween party at the end of the month, which is absolutely just a normal party and in no way whatsoever anything even remotely resembling a trick. there are only treats at The Infinite Spirit Halloween!
note: bahamanuel is still here! somewhere! it kinda looks like dan bongino.]
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"The fuck--" he curses, turning to face her again. Warn a guy.
Ed holds a hand out, a sort of hold up signal. He's thinking for a moment. First time. Did he hit his fucking head? Maybe his drinking really has gotten out of hand.
"Is this... not the first time?"
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But the confusion... Her mind starts ticking about Skulduggery's timeline whoopsie daisy (thanks again Friday), about the difference in timeline between Izzy and the others...
Is this a different Blackbeard? From somewhen else?
"I mean, it might be for you, but you're not the first you I've met. Um- long story but I'm on your crew."
Kind of.
"Okay- probably shouldn't start with that, has anyone told you where you are or what's happening yet beyond Friday's bullshit?"
Ed might notice that she's resting her wrist on the pommel of her rapier in the same manner that Izzy does.
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On this ship.
Well, thank fuck for that. He hopes, anyway.
The hand waves her off before dropping again to his side. "Yeah, yeah, think I got it. You should probably introduce yourself, though."
He does notice... at least that she's carrying a weapon. That's a good sign, he thinks.
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"Darcy LeJeune," she offers him with a small smile. Weird to have to introduce herself again, but she'll deal. The surname is more than most get, but Izzy tends to use it, so it's probably important for him to know.
"'m training under Izzy. Not really much of a sailor yet but I'm a really fucking good swordsman, and I help where I can for shit that needs doing. I wasn't ever really given like, a position or anything."
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"Very well," he replies, "Walk with me, then." he motions for her to come along as he turns to part from his little orientation day. He's heard enough. He wants to hear things he might actually find useful, and he's certain he won't hear them from a life jacket tutorial.
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"Yessir," she affirms, sticking at his heels a half-step behind, "where are we going?"
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He waits until they put some space between themselves and the rest of the crowd before picking up the conversation. This is Izzy's trainee... which means she can tell him all about Izzy. And everything else the two of them may have found important.
"Pretend I've no recollection of recent events..." he starts, because well... he doesn't. "Give me a report. What are the status of things. What would you want me, your Captain, to know?"
Is this a test? Maybe. He'd expect such reports from Izzy. This should be one of the easier tasks of his for a newbie to handle.
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"For the last month, since I've been here, or a general overview? If you just want basically everything that's happened, I can take you to where we've written it all down; it's more efficient than reciting everything and more reliable than my memory."
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"Only what you find most important right now." he replies. It's not specific, but he knows nothing about this crewmember and knowing what she finds important might give him some insight into how she works. There's a reason behind everything he does, whether or not there seems to be at the time. Izzy didn't always recognize this until it hit him much later. Hopefully, she's less of a buzzkill.
The book is good to know about but not necessary at this time. He'll study it later.
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"One, there is no escape. This whole place is like a giant fishbowl- there's a barrier a couple of miles out that can't be broken through, and no other way to leave. Except for excursions, but those are still in realms run by the Captain. Two, there is no going home. There's a version of you back in your world who is living your life for you. If we could escape, which we can't, going back to your own world would physically destroy you and maybe the world along with it. Everyone here comes from different worlds, it's a long story. Third,"
She shifts in place, having put two of her fingers down.
"There is no true death here. If you die, you just come back the next morning. Fourth, the motherfucker running this place is slowly draining us to power the ship. Eventually, this causes people to disappear and become one of the ghosts you'll see around the ship. I've already lost two roommates to it. Finally,"
She pulls the odd brick he probably found on his bedside table out of her pocket.
"This is a phone. You give me yours for a second and I'll make it so you can message me whenever if you have more questions and shit. Everything else you can probably pick up as you go."
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Darcy pulls out the brick and Ed pats at this own pocket where he'd stuffed his. He had no bloody idea what the thing was but it seemed valuable, so he nabbed it. This-- this is useful information, because not one person has bothered to explain to him what the fuck it was. After a moment of fishing it out from where he'd stored it, he passes it her way for her help.
"You send messages on that thing?" he asks, perplexed. "Can you make it so I can message Izzy, too?"
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"This button turns it on," the screen shimmers to life, "and then you just press on whatever thing you want to use with your finger. It has a clock in it, the messaging app, and this thing called a camera that lets you take an instant drawing of something."
But the messages is the most important part, so she taps into that app and puts in her contact details, along with Izzy's.
"There. So now," she hands the phone back, "you just press the letters to write a message to me or Izzy. Anyone else, too, if you get their name and room number. All make sense?"
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Right. Onward. "Makes sense." he grunts, "Good lass, I'll be in touch, yeah?" He turns, thinking it's best he give his first mate a visit. They have a lot to catch up on...
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"Anything you need just let me know, I'll be around."
Eager to prove her usefulness, this one. She's not going to wait to be dismissed or any such, though. There's other new people to attend to.