TEST DRIVE MEME #7

[sailmods]

1. before she hung up, she said she was a skeleton

[there is no note in your cabin. no forces stall your legs if you decide to walk anywhere but the atrium. in fact, for the first time in hundreds of years, newly arrived passengers on the Serena Eterna are waking up with absolutely no guidance. nothing but your fellow passengers in the halls - or maybe in your bed.

perhaps you end up in the atrium eventually anyway. it is where guest services is, and where Gal Friday… actually hasn’t been in a few days. until today. and she is visibly frazzled, her hair uncoiffed, her suit rumpled, something a bit like a bruise blossoming down from her hairline and over her smooth features. more papers than ever cover her desk, and when she turns to face you, her voice is as cheerful as ever, but audibly strained.]

Welcome aboard the Serene Eterna! [a pause] You know how to work a life vest, right? Everyone knows that! You don’t need me to teach you that!

[a light bulb burns out behind her head.]

… I’ll get right on that!

[freedom includes the freedom to not know what the fuck is happening. maybe you should reflect on that.]

2. grandma went and can't stop screaming

[it’s something about the lighting fixtures, this month. has the Bellona always had a massive chandelier? maybe. who knows. don’t ask questions. either way, in the stillness of the night, or day, or late afternoon, there is a noise like a cord being cut, and the chandelier plunges into the audience below.

it hits nothing, of course. no one is ever in the theater. and that, perhaps, is what the trouble is.

so, the chandelier starts to… travel, one could say. it starts to hang in various rooms: the dining halls, the bars, the clubs… sometimes, if you’re out on the pool deck and suddenly realized you’re under a shadow, you can glance up and see it suspended 20 feet above your head, securely fastened to nothing in particular and yet remaining perfectly in place.

until it isn’t. until it falls, crystal shattering on whatever surface it lands on: floor, table, person… and, wherever the chandelier goes, a lilting childish voice follows it, singing without any obvious source.]

Ring-a-ring of roses, a pocket full of posies… ashes, ashes, we all…

3. jeff bezos murdered the infinite tommy bahama

[the lights of the Infinite Tommy Bahama go out three days into October.

barely an hour after its closure, the lights go on again, and a new banner is unfurled.



physically, it is the same store. you can even see the old signs hidden behind the new ones. however, long gone are the tropical prints and khaki dress shorts. now, one can purchase any number of officially licensed or legally distinct Halloween costumes, decorations, and various other haunted accoutrements, leading back as far as the eye can see, and then farther still. is that a Gal Friday mask? spooky! well, at least you’ll be good and ready for the Halloween party at the end of the month, which is absolutely just a normal party and in no way whatsoever anything even remotely resembling a trick. there are only treats at The Infinite Spirit Halloween!

note: bahamanuel is still here! somewhere! it kinda looks like dan bongino.]

Comments

[tossmealifeline]

[ Fortunately, Yato seems completely fine. A little glass dusting never hurt anyone and he gets up, brushing off his tracksuit jacket as he does, shaking his head to get any shards out of his hair. ]

Why would there be a broken chandelier? I didn't think I needed to look up just to have lunch.

[ Sure, even if he had noticed it, why would it fall? Where's the building inspector? ]

Nah, I'm fine. [ Apparently he's just making a mess for the sake of it. ]

[astrogator]

[Why would there be a broken chandelier? It's a very good question, and one that she doesn't have a satisfactory answer for. She's annoyed with herself with that - but the fact that he's asking means that maybe he's even newer here than she is. She relaxes a little.]

It's good that you weren't hurt. This place is...I don't think it exists in ordinary dimensions, and I'm still trying to figure out all the implications of that, but it does mean that sometimes there are - I'm going to say causality problems.

[Very fancy way to say that sometimes a chandelier keeps falling down for no reason, Tayrey.]

[She steps closer, extends a hand to shake his.] I'm guessing you're new here? I'm Lieutenant Ari Tayrey, with the Tradelines. [No, nobody ever knows what that means, but she's not giving up.]

[tossmealifeline]

[ Clearly someone who should be the ship inspector or carpenter has dropped the ball...or something. In the scheme of things, it's not like the most important thing that's come up, but still kind of annoying. Best to avoid all chandeliers from now on. ]

I'm not sure what you can consider an ordinary dimension but that sounds like a pain.

[ He's surprised a little bit when she offers her hand to him and he smiles, nodding a little bit. Subtly he rubs his hand against his pants before shaking hers. ]

I've never been on this cruise ship before. [ Yato confirms this as he's nodding. ] I'm delivery god Yato. At your service. [ Even if he did wipe his hand first, shaking his hand is not a pleasant experience, as unfortunately he has sweaty hands. He always has. Everyone has complained his entire existence. ]

[astrogator]

Ordinary dimensions are the usual four. Three for space and one for time. [Yes, that is an unpleasantly sweaty handshake, but Ari gives no indication of it. Almost having a chandelier drop on you was a good enough excuse for nerves. She'll try to surreptitiously wipe her hand, but not immediately. No need to make him feel self-conscious.

Rational atheist that she is, she takes delivery god for a marketing affectation, but it's one that makes her smile.]

Peace and prosperity to you, Yato. I'm sorry to be the one to tell you this, but we're trapped here.

[tossmealifeline]

[ There's a whole world that humans can't see, so he's not the least bit surprised. ]

Trapped, huh. [ Is he really? He's still trying to piece together what happened between what he remembered and waking up on this strange cruise ship. ]

I wonder if that's really true. Maybe we just need to figure out how the crab legs got here.

[astrogator]

[That's a remarkably calm response to what Ari considers to be completely devastating news. She suspects that he doesn't believe her at all, but she isn't offended. It isn't something that anyone would want to accept easily.

His last remark causes a troubled look to cross her face, though.]

Someone kills crabs and chops their legs off? Hopefully in that order?

[Yes, Ari Tayrey is rather opposed to the idea of meat-eating. Just not quite so much that she doesn't see the potential contradiction. Hasn't she been told that there are no creatures in the sea here? Where are the crabs coming from?]

[tossmealifeline]

[ He isn't doubting that she believes it, because she told him. If he is trapped, he could be resigned to be, but there's very little that could actually trap him. He could be needed, that would be different. He'd remain willingly if he was. ]

Typically, that's how it would happen. I've never known a crab to just drop its legs and keep moving on.

[ He has no opinion one way or another on people eating animals, but he knows they do. ]

I also got here...somehow. I don't remember that, but there has to be some kind of entrance. And where there's an entrance...