TEST DRIVE MEME #7

[sailmods]

1. before she hung up, she said she was a skeleton

[there is no note in your cabin. no forces stall your legs if you decide to walk anywhere but the atrium. in fact, for the first time in hundreds of years, newly arrived passengers on the Serena Eterna are waking up with absolutely no guidance. nothing but your fellow passengers in the halls - or maybe in your bed.

perhaps you end up in the atrium eventually anyway. it is where guest services is, and where Gal Friday… actually hasn’t been in a few days. until today. and she is visibly frazzled, her hair uncoiffed, her suit rumpled, something a bit like a bruise blossoming down from her hairline and over her smooth features. more papers than ever cover her desk, and when she turns to face you, her voice is as cheerful as ever, but audibly strained.]

Welcome aboard the Serene Eterna! [a pause] You know how to work a life vest, right? Everyone knows that! You don’t need me to teach you that!

[a light bulb burns out behind her head.]

… I’ll get right on that!

[freedom includes the freedom to not know what the fuck is happening. maybe you should reflect on that.]

2. grandma went and can't stop screaming

[it’s something about the lighting fixtures, this month. has the Bellona always had a massive chandelier? maybe. who knows. don’t ask questions. either way, in the stillness of the night, or day, or late afternoon, there is a noise like a cord being cut, and the chandelier plunges into the audience below.

it hits nothing, of course. no one is ever in the theater. and that, perhaps, is what the trouble is.

so, the chandelier starts to… travel, one could say. it starts to hang in various rooms: the dining halls, the bars, the clubs… sometimes, if you’re out on the pool deck and suddenly realized you’re under a shadow, you can glance up and see it suspended 20 feet above your head, securely fastened to nothing in particular and yet remaining perfectly in place.

until it isn’t. until it falls, crystal shattering on whatever surface it lands on: floor, table, person… and, wherever the chandelier goes, a lilting childish voice follows it, singing without any obvious source.]

Ring-a-ring of roses, a pocket full of posies… ashes, ashes, we all…

3. jeff bezos murdered the infinite tommy bahama

[the lights of the Infinite Tommy Bahama go out three days into October.

barely an hour after its closure, the lights go on again, and a new banner is unfurled.



physically, it is the same store. you can even see the old signs hidden behind the new ones. however, long gone are the tropical prints and khaki dress shorts. now, one can purchase any number of officially licensed or legally distinct Halloween costumes, decorations, and various other haunted accoutrements, leading back as far as the eye can see, and then farther still. is that a Gal Friday mask? spooky! well, at least you’ll be good and ready for the Halloween party at the end of the month, which is absolutely just a normal party and in no way whatsoever anything even remotely resembling a trick. there are only treats at The Infinite Spirit Halloween!

note: bahamanuel is still here! somewhere! it kinda looks like dan bongino.]

Comments

[treading_water]

And Izzy Hands looks fucking young? Kill him now.

As soon as she begins to move, he realizes his shot is going to miss,and sets about reloading immediately. An 18th century weapon is the only thing keeping him from a speedy second shot, obviously, but he's well practiced.

He's beinging back the hammer a second time and reaiming as she continues to mock him from the ceiling. Not doing so good with first impressions. Then again, Edward's never been called old before, not like this, and not from a stranger. He doesn't fucking like it. He'd climb up there himself and grab her by the braid but he has no earthly idea how she got up there to begin with.

"Not to cut into your tight-five routine, but you're making me waste my ammo." he mutters, "And I don't recall signing up for a fucking roast. So fuck off or die."

[opheliac]

Gee, are those my only two options? Can't you throw in a third? It gets boring hearin' the same ol' "fuck off or die" shtick.

(without a care in the world when she should be, jinx walks along the beam with her arms extended outward. this is extremely dangerous seeing she can slip off and fall to her death at any second. but she lives the motto of "why live if you don't take any risks?". )

— Besides I was here first. Maaaaybe you oughta leave.

(she comes to a stop with her foot hovering; now balancing herself on one leg. her gaze is back to him with a lopsided grin.)

Or if you're really runnin' out of juice, I can give ya some. Whaddya say?

[treading_water]

This is exhausting. What the fuck is wrong with everyone on this vessel? It's a cruise ship, not a circus, and Edward's had about enough. His eyes scan the ceiling for the juncture where the beam is supported, gun still raised- but not in her direction, instead Edward is trying to gauge if he can destroy it enough with a shot to cause the whole damn thing to come crashing down.

"Sure. Here's a third: Eat my shit and hair." And with that, a second shot is fired.