sail_ooc | TEST DRIVE MEME #7

1. before she hung up, she said she was a skeleton

[there is no note in your cabin. no forces stall your legs if you decide to walk anywhere but the atrium. in fact, for the first time in hundreds of years, newly arrived passengers on the Serena Eterna are waking up with absolutely no guidance. nothing but your fellow passengers in the halls - or maybe in your bed.

perhaps you end up in the atrium eventually anyway. it is where guest services is, and where Gal Friday… actually hasn’t been in a few days. until today. and she is visibly frazzled, her hair uncoiffed, her suit rumpled, something a bit like a bruise blossoming down from her hairline and over her smooth features. more papers than ever cover her desk, and when she turns to face you, her voice is as cheerful as ever, but audibly strained.]

Welcome aboard the Serene Eterna! [a pause] You know how to work a life vest, right? Everyone knows that! You don’t need me to teach you that!

[a light bulb burns out behind her head.]

… I’ll get right on that!

[freedom includes the freedom to not know what the fuck is happening. maybe you should reflect on that.]

2. grandma went and can't stop screaming

[it’s something about the lighting fixtures, this month. has the Bellona always had a massive chandelier? maybe. who knows. don’t ask questions. either way, in the stillness of the night, or day, or late afternoon, there is a noise like a cord being cut, and the chandelier plunges into the audience below.

it hits nothing, of course. no one is ever in the theater. and that, perhaps, is what the trouble is.

so, the chandelier starts to… travel, one could say. it starts to hang in various rooms: the dining halls, the bars, the clubs… sometimes, if you’re out on the pool deck and suddenly realized you’re under a shadow, you can glance up and see it suspended 20 feet above your head, securely fastened to nothing in particular and yet remaining perfectly in place.

until it isn’t. until it falls, crystal shattering on whatever surface it lands on: floor, table, person… and, wherever the chandelier goes, a lilting childish voice follows it, singing without any obvious source.]

Ring-a-ring of roses, a pocket full of posies… ashes, ashes, we all…

3. jeff bezos murdered the infinite tommy bahama

[the lights of the Infinite Tommy Bahama go out three days into October.

barely an hour after its closure, the lights go on again, and a new banner is unfurled.

physically, it is the same store. you can even see the old signs hidden behind the new ones. however, long gone are the tropical prints and khaki dress shorts. now, one can purchase any number of officially licensed or legally distinct Halloween costumes, decorations, and various other haunted accoutrements, leading back as far as the eye can see, and then farther still. is that a Gal Friday mask? spooky! well, at least you’ll be good and ready for the Halloween party at the end of the month, which is absolutely just a normal party and in no way whatsoever anything even remotely resembling a trick. there are only treats at The Infinite Spirit Halloween!

note: bahamanuel is still here! somewhere! it kinda looks like dan bongino.]

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

"Depends on how you define catch," Erin answers philosophically. When they get into Tauva she takes a seat at the bar; best to let Blackbeard decide if he wants to stand behind the bar or drag a bottle out. Either way she digs a pair of cigars out of a belt pouch and lays 'em on the bar, scooting one some distance away; for her conversation partner, if he wants it. "Welcome aboard the Serena Eterna, Captain Blackbeard. Depending on your perspective we are either prisoners or denizens of the tiny world that is this ship and its immediate environs, and the price of passage is that the god of this world feeds on our passion. So: free food, free water, free medicine, because dead people don't feel feelings. Get murdered? You get to wake up the next day, hale and hearty - because dead people don't feel feelings."

Erin cuts the tip of her own cigar with a belt knife; no sudden motions, and she sets the blade aside when she's done. "But I've started to look at it like this: are any of us from a world without suffering? This one's not so different in that regard."

Sliding into a seat beside her, Edward scoffs at the explanation, taking the offered cigar and using his own knife to slice it open as she had before resheathing it.

"Fish in a barrel." he mutters, digging into his pocket for matches. He lights his, then offers her the match while it's still lit. "We're being kept alive and content until this so-called god is ready to scale us for his dinner."

There's a long exhale of cigar smoke as he comes to this realization. "Fuck that. I'm no one's fucking meal plan."

"Oh, no, it's actually worse," Erin admits; she takes the match with a grateful nod and lights up, enjoying the flavor for a moment. The thought strikes her that, you know, the ghosts at the bar are working again, she can just order drinks, so she orders a pair of old fashioneds before she continues - "Near as we can tell if you can't endure, you just fade away into this...Nothing. A Nothing you're acutely aware of the entire time. You ever hear a preacher say that Hell is the presence of time and the absence of God?"

She turns in her seat to face Blackbeard with a wan smile. "Most of the details are in the Black Binder, in the library, or at least details as best we can tell. I'll admit, the idea of one of my personal idols taking a crack at this is enticing, but I gotta throw a complication into this puzzle: main force hasn't succeeded yet. We're not the first set of passengers. We're not even like, the second. All attempts to kill its god and master have failed to date, be they might, magic, or mayhem. Fun times, yeah?"

"I'm not a religious man." he mutters, listening to her ramble with mixed focus. He's heard this before. He's seen the book. What most consider impossible, Edward Teach considers a challenge up to his standards.

"Then killing him isn't the answer." he replies with an exhale of smoke, "Fun indeed."

"Got it in one." The phantasmal bartenders set the drinks down, and she slides Blackbeard his. "Whiskey and water, bit of sugar and bitters. Not much different than drinking straight whiskey but different enough to tell. Don't order this drink with rum, it doesn't end how you think it might."

Erin takes a sip of hers. A thoughtful sound floats from her throat. "...You mind if I ask a personal question, Captain? No deep dark secrets, just...one professional to another."

Ed exhales again, taking the drink as offered. He's not used to someone mixing him a drink, but anything that feels elevated is very much in his interests.

"Ask away." he responds, taking a sip. She's been helpful thus far... he'll at least hear her out.

"...What was your exit? How'd you want it all to end?" There's a frank curiosity in Erin's tone; not a fangirl to her idol but more like a young sailor who dreams of being her own captain. "You built a legend that made your shadow larger than any other man's on the sea to the point where hundreds of years later we still speak your name and no one ever asks 'which Blackbeard'. There's only ever been the one. But no one can wage war forever, right?"

Ed squints, "I don't know what you mean." he answers into his drink before placing it back down. "Are you asking me how I want to fucking die?"

He shrugs, giving her a confused look, "Because I don't fucking know. The coolest way possible?"

"No, no no, though uh, noted." Erin considers informing him that he got a pretty fucking legendary death and then decides against it. "I'm talking life after piracy. Bowing out, y'know? Or, you know, not, there's been pirate emperors before. That lass out from China..."

Erin smiles over her drink in fond memory of beloved stories. "Anyway, that's the question. Y'know, a mercenary hopes to save up enough to retire and buy land or make a fortune and go merchant, a soldier wants a home to go to...what were you aiming at?"

Ed's body language grows a bit more stiff after she elaborates. He doesn't know how to say he doesn't know. How do you tell a complete fucking stranger that you became a pirate out of necessity. That you became a legend, something to be feared, so that no one could ever hurt you again. That you decided it was much better to be the one feared than be the one afraid. That you continued on and on with no real goal other than survival. Retirement isn't an option for people in this trade. You do it until you die.

That's most of the story of course. There's something else. There's the fact that he'd met another man, one he gave his life for. He traded the legends in for love instead, and when wall was said and done he thought they could have one more chance- they could run off together and just be whatever they needed to be. Have their own happy ending. This of course, was a fantasy and one Edward never deserved. One he had been foolish to think anyone would want to have with him. He is not a good person. He is a monster... and that's all he'll ever be.

He cannot tell anyone this, let alone a stranger. Edward frowns, fingers taking the cigar from his lips and stamping it out in a nearby ashtray. "Changed my mind." he grunts, taking up his drink again and this time tossing it back in an impressive gulp, the glass slammed back down on the bar. "Not feeling up for questions..." he mutters, standing to leave.

"As you wish," Erin says, a little wistfully. She makes no move to get up herself; that might be intruding, among other things. Still, at least she got to meet Blackbeard Hisownself and give him a proper welcome.

Speaking of: "If you have any further need of me I bunk in Cabin 134. Glad to have you aboard, Captain. I hope your voyage can become a pleasant one."

Pleasant. Somehow he doubts that.

He waves her off before pushing out of the room and out of sight, practically holding his breath until he has some privacy. It's only then that be allows his emotions to take hold... no one wants to see a grown man with a gun sobbing his mascara off.

TEST DRIVE MEME #7

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