TEST DRIVE MEME #7

[sailmods]

1. before she hung up, she said she was a skeleton

[there is no note in your cabin. no forces stall your legs if you decide to walk anywhere but the atrium. in fact, for the first time in hundreds of years, newly arrived passengers on the Serena Eterna are waking up with absolutely no guidance. nothing but your fellow passengers in the halls - or maybe in your bed.

perhaps you end up in the atrium eventually anyway. it is where guest services is, and where Gal Friday… actually hasn’t been in a few days. until today. and she is visibly frazzled, her hair uncoiffed, her suit rumpled, something a bit like a bruise blossoming down from her hairline and over her smooth features. more papers than ever cover her desk, and when she turns to face you, her voice is as cheerful as ever, but audibly strained.]

Welcome aboard the Serene Eterna! [a pause] You know how to work a life vest, right? Everyone knows that! You don’t need me to teach you that!

[a light bulb burns out behind her head.]

… I’ll get right on that!

[freedom includes the freedom to not know what the fuck is happening. maybe you should reflect on that.]

2. grandma went and can't stop screaming

[it’s something about the lighting fixtures, this month. has the Bellona always had a massive chandelier? maybe. who knows. don’t ask questions. either way, in the stillness of the night, or day, or late afternoon, there is a noise like a cord being cut, and the chandelier plunges into the audience below.

it hits nothing, of course. no one is ever in the theater. and that, perhaps, is what the trouble is.

so, the chandelier starts to… travel, one could say. it starts to hang in various rooms: the dining halls, the bars, the clubs… sometimes, if you’re out on the pool deck and suddenly realized you’re under a shadow, you can glance up and see it suspended 20 feet above your head, securely fastened to nothing in particular and yet remaining perfectly in place.

until it isn’t. until it falls, crystal shattering on whatever surface it lands on: floor, table, person… and, wherever the chandelier goes, a lilting childish voice follows it, singing without any obvious source.]

Ring-a-ring of roses, a pocket full of posies… ashes, ashes, we all…

3. jeff bezos murdered the infinite tommy bahama

[the lights of the Infinite Tommy Bahama go out three days into October.

barely an hour after its closure, the lights go on again, and a new banner is unfurled.



physically, it is the same store. you can even see the old signs hidden behind the new ones. however, long gone are the tropical prints and khaki dress shorts. now, one can purchase any number of officially licensed or legally distinct Halloween costumes, decorations, and various other haunted accoutrements, leading back as far as the eye can see, and then farther still. is that a Gal Friday mask? spooky! well, at least you’ll be good and ready for the Halloween party at the end of the month, which is absolutely just a normal party and in no way whatsoever anything even remotely resembling a trick. there are only treats at The Infinite Spirit Halloween!

note: bahamanuel is still here! somewhere! it kinda looks like dan bongino.]

Comments

[treading_water]

Metaphorically speaking, Edward Teach has been treading water his entire life. Literally? Different answer... he doesn't respond right away, taking a moment to look over the person speaking to him.

Edward doesn't let first impressions impact him too strongly. People can surprise you; those with the sunniest disposition can hurt you the most, he's recently learned. It's made him much more guarded, from the full-fingered leather gloves on his hands that deny human touch to the smeared black makeup that colors his eyes and stubbled chin- a mask between him and the rest of the world. If he was recognized by anyone on this ship, they would instantly see a difference, and not just because of the lack of beard.

"If I'm out there, it's either because I want to be, or I'm already long dead." he answers finally, "Either way, no one's coming by to rescue me."

[treadwater]

"You might be surprised by that." People on this ship are driven by cooperation, a lot more than past voyages of the Serena Eterna have been.

"But also, I kind of hope you don't have a reason to want to be out there anytime soon."

[treading_water]

Edward takes a deep breath. He's tired of surprises. Tired of many things, but fate has been unkind... even Blackbeard cannot escape her cruel hand. And whatever's in the cards for him now remains to be seen. He can't get away from this 'Life jacket' demonstration quickly enough.

"Hope won't get you anywhere." he responds flatly, attempting to shrink back from the crowd. When he had tried to before, he'd been met with invisible barriers, but this time he's met with less resistance-- it seems whatever had drawn him here has decided he's met its requirements.

"Are you familiar with this vessel?" he asks, looking at Undine sideways. She carries herself like she is, but since she's with a crowd of new 'captives' like himself, he isn't sure.

[treadwater]

"Over six months here, so I guess I'm about as familiar as any of the passengers." Passengers, a polite euphemism for captives. She's trying to be polite with him, because she can already tell he's dangerous. Not that she's scared; she's oddly even-keeled, speaking to him as though she is his equal. But she isn't certain of how he's going to react to anything.

As he slips away from the crowd, Undine follows.

[treading_water]

Six months is a long time at sea. Several pirates start and end their careers in less time. Most of them dead. Ed considers her for a moment as they part from the crowd. How much time does she have? How much time is she willing to give him? One way to find out.

"Tell me everything."

[treadwater]

Okay. He wants his mind blown? He can get his whole mind blown.

"This isn't actually a ship at sea, but a constructed reality created by an entity known as the Captain, who's using the energy of our emotions, and especially the negative ones, to power the magic keeping this reality together and his own quest for apotheosis. All of the passengers come from differing worlds, timelines, realities. Some have higher levels of technology, some have magic. Not all the passengers are human at all. The ship's stores and restaurants and such are staffed by ghosts of those who were on previous voyages. The faceless lady who did the safety drill is a servitor created by the Captain and controlled by him."

That's a good start, right? Like, if he does something like doubt her or laugh in her face for that much, then what's the point in telling even more?

[treading_water]

Edward already thought he was dead, it isn't too far of a leap to get from 'Cruise ship afterlife' to 'constructed reality'- in fact, it's pretty damn close in his mind. And he'd already seen the ghosts on his way here, walked right into a floating object at some point, whipping around like someone told him there was a spider on his back trying to figure out what carried it there. So yeah, not as big of a reaction as he might have given if this was told to him from the confines of the room he woke up in before making it here.

"This Captain. You've seen him?"

[treadwater]

"Yes. Well, what he presents himself as, I'm pretty sure it's not his actual form. But yes, I've seen him. I've also seen people try to shoot and stab him; physical violence doesn't work. He literally sent the bullet flying at the partner of the guy who tried to shoot him. A near miss; a warning shot of his own."

In case Ed was getting those ideas. He seems like the type to.

[treading_water]

"Not his form..." Edward repeats, thinking. More phantoms, then. And violence doesn't work.

Fucking lovely.

Well, two could play at that game, he thinks. Blackbeard is already a fucking ghost... if it comes to fuckery then perhaps he'll have met his match. But that could be extreme... surely there are other tactics he could use. There must be something protecting him.

"What else has been tried?"

[treadwater]

"Let's see, on one of the shore excursions, three guys tried sailing a raft out into the ocean and died a really painful death out there. And he didn't stay dead after driving a car off a cliff at high speed."

She counts those off on her fingers, looking thoughtful.

"Oh, and last month, somehow a bunch of the ship ghosts possessed a bunch of passengers, and there was kind of a whole massacre at the Halloween party about that."

[treading_water]

All of this information is filed away in Edward's brain for later. He doesn't really have context to any of it, nor does he know how important any of it is, but any information is good to have at the start. Know thy enemy... that whole thing.

"Anything else important?" he asks. As long as she's willing to give him intel, he'll stick around.

[treadwater]

"There's a whole binder of information everyone's gathered in the library. I can take you to it, if you want to read for yourself. There's...a lot. We've been here for months, as I've said, and some people have senses and ways of getting information others don't."

Like wooing befriending the Captain. Which, fair play, honestly.

[treading_water]

Blackbeard isn't the strongest reader on the sea, but his mother taught him as a young boy, sneaking home books and passages from the estate she worked in to share with him. Maps, charters, treaties, all things he'd grown used to navigating as a Captain... no problem. A whole binder of information sounds exhausting, but he'd much rather have a full understanding of his situation than go in blind. There's a reason he's known as history's greatest tactician.

"Very well," he breathes, "Lead the way."

[treadwater]

And she does. Though having him behind her feels a little bit like what she imagines having a tiger breathing down the back of her neck might. She has no doubt he's dangerous.

Still, she's staying on his good side, being useful.

As they walk toward the library, she dares a question. "So, uh, what's your name?"

[treading_water]

Dangerous, yes, but Edward Teach isn't an idiot. He isn't dangerous just for dangerous' sake. She is being useful to him and polite, may continue to be. For that he is no threat to her.

"Blackbeard." he answers, and only that. She could offer her name or not, he doesn't really care.

[treadwater]

"It's nice to meet you, Blackbeard. I'm Undine." Is it really, nice to meet him, this him? She's not sure. But not saying it feels wrong.

Eventually, they reach the library, and she locates the black binder and hands it to him. "Here's everything we've shared with one another about what we know about what's going on here."

[treading_water]

He makes a note of her name but doesn't offer any niceties in return. There was a time when he would have, but Blackbeard is currently in his breakup era ™, so she'll have to forgive him.

"I'll need some time with this." he mutters as she hands it his way, already beginning to page through, things jumping out at him and causing his face to change and twist. The claims are preposterous, but he has no reason not to take them as they are, given what he's seen so far.