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TEST DRIVE MEME #7
1. before she hung up, she said she was a skeleton
[there is no note in your cabin. no forces stall your legs if you decide to walk anywhere but the atrium. in fact, for the first time in hundreds of years, newly arrived passengers on the Serena Eterna are waking up with absolutely no guidance. nothing but your fellow passengers in the halls - or maybe in your bed.
perhaps you end up in the atrium eventually anyway. it is where guest services is, and where Gal Friday… actually hasn’t been in a few days. until today. and she is visibly frazzled, her hair uncoiffed, her suit rumpled, something a bit like a bruise blossoming down from her hairline and over her smooth features. more papers than ever cover her desk, and when she turns to face you, her voice is as cheerful as ever, but audibly strained.]
Welcome aboard the Serene Eterna! [a pause] You know how to work a life vest, right? Everyone knows that! You don’t need me to teach you that!
[a light bulb burns out behind her head.]
… I’ll get right on that!
[freedom includes the freedom to not know what the fuck is happening. maybe you should reflect on that.]
2. grandma went and can't stop screaming
[it’s something about the lighting fixtures, this month. has the Bellona always had a massive chandelier? maybe. who knows. don’t ask questions. either way, in the stillness of the night, or day, or late afternoon, there is a noise like a cord being cut, and the chandelier plunges into the audience below.
it hits nothing, of course. no one is ever in the theater. and that, perhaps, is what the trouble is.
so, the chandelier starts to… travel, one could say. it starts to hang in various rooms: the dining halls, the bars, the clubs… sometimes, if you’re out on the pool deck and suddenly realized you’re under a shadow, you can glance up and see it suspended 20 feet above your head, securely fastened to nothing in particular and yet remaining perfectly in place.
until it isn’t. until it falls, crystal shattering on whatever surface it lands on: floor, table, person… and, wherever the chandelier goes, a lilting childish voice follows it, singing without any obvious source.]
Ring-a-ring of roses, a pocket full of posies… ashes, ashes, we all…
3. jeff bezos murdered the infinite tommy bahama
[the lights of the Infinite Tommy Bahama go out three days into October.
barely an hour after its closure, the lights go on again, and a new banner is unfurled.
physically, it is the same store. you can even see the old signs hidden behind the new ones. however, long gone are the tropical prints and khaki dress shorts. now, one can purchase any number of officially licensed or legally distinct Halloween costumes, decorations, and various other haunted accoutrements, leading back as far as the eye can see, and then farther still. is that a Gal Friday mask? spooky! well, at least you’ll be good and ready for the Halloween party at the end of the month, which is absolutely just a normal party and in no way whatsoever anything even remotely resembling a trick. there are only treats at The Infinite Spirit Halloween!
note: bahamanuel is still here! somewhere! it kinda looks like dan bongino.]
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[Red eyes glitter with amusement.] It would be especially foolish given how I've constantly reinforced that you should check with others to verify the reality behind my statements and claims.
[Oh, but he was the Fool of Owari. Just not for things like this.]
On this, I think I am superior to the Captain. I had greater success in my past making allies rather than treating the multiple universes as only my enemy. [The easy choice: join Oda or die.] I even have friends now. [He's as proud of this as not killing anyone for 2 months. It's great.] I'm not sure you should avoid the Captain, you'll have to decide for yourself. Ask the others who've met with him. Though I will advise against violence on him, it doesn't work. Oh, and hugs are violence. I don't know if you already knew that.
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[Ari has perhaps more respect for rank than she should have, so it says something about her that she thought it was far more likely she'd shoot this captain than hug him. Hugs? Really?]
Have no fear of that. I'm not exactly the hugging type. I'm not a needy child. Now, when you say it doesn't work, do you mean that if I shot him, he'd wake up again the next day, just as you say everyone else does?
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No, the bullets wouldn't do anything. Not even a physical death. Clarke Griffin is the next one you should speak with. She cracked him open with a lobster cracker, and he's just void inside.
The way to fight wormholes is not directly, you will just lose whatever is thrown at them. You must circle it and neutralize it. Determine what it's after, and create a balance that softens it out. Like a whirlpool.
I'm always playing many games at once. Would you like a contract with me?
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Generally speaking, wormholes don't want anything. You can't negotiate with them. Your choices are to go around, and stay safe, or to take a chance on sending something through. [She has to say that, but Ari can also see his real meaning, very clearly.] But you're right, in a way. If you don't know which to do, because the data's insufficient, then you stay at a distance, and observe, and carefully experiment.
What sort of contract would you be interested in?
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Even though you don't believe in souls, the Captain does seem to anchor us with a thread connected to it. So be very careful in negotiations here on out. I've had a personal habit in the past of negotiating for things people dismissed as unimportant. I never let them regret it, but on this, I believe the Captain and I also differ.
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[The rest she nods politely at, but she's not really taking it seriously. If anything is going to stop her from selling her soul, it's the thought that the contract wouldn't be valid, since she doesn't have a soul to deliver.]
You're telling a Tradeliner to be careful in her contract negotiations? [Ari smiles.] I think I'll do fine. I've experience of negotiating trade deals with frontier colonies. Mutually beneficial, everyone's content with the outcome. [Reasonably content.]
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[For all that Nobunaga isn't LiTeRaLlY from Hell, (he actually thinks he is now, yes) he still takes all this stuff seriously, because his anti-deism took a hard knock from meeting literal goddesses and the rest. If he has a soul, he figures, he really did let it get eaten by his inner demons to become the Demon King of 6th Heaven, and now is in a fight not to lose the rest to the Captain.] How long have you been at it? [She looks young, but looks can be deceiving.]
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[She is young. She takes advantage of the vagueness of the next question, because the answer she would give another Tradeliner is half a year. Half a year since she passed for lieutenant, and that's what's supposed to count - but he didn't ask how long since she qualified, specifically. He gets the answer that outsiders do when she thinks they're doubting her competence.] I've been out on the lines for about four standard years now.
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[So he thinks she must be in her early 20s, maybe around the same age as Clarke Griffin, but older (he thinks!) than Ruby Rose and Jinx. Either way, he knows himself and his right & left hands at that age, and best leave it alone, she'd learn.]
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[It's what their ships do for the colonies, in a way. The insured colonies. She doesn't object in principle.
She'd be pleased by his overestimation of her age if she knew it - knowing her she'll probably wreck it by someday mentioning how young she was when she signed up, but for now it's all good.]
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[Nobunaga just grins about the contracts.] And so we come back to what you'd be interested in. Information is the most useful to me, but an exceptionally clever individual like you can get it fairly freely. [Also why he values Crichton and Klaus and April and a few others more than himself -- they are repositories of information, irreplaceable. Also his first two friends. Ever. A treasure that couldn't exist in his own world and time.] Ah, but I'm not looking for a bodyguard situation. Crichton was recently killed by something... [Just "yesterday" to Nobunaga.] So if it was a matter of preventing harm to reach them, I couldn't expect someone to outdo me. More like a defend yourself, but look out for them and aid however you can.
[All this gives him various insights. Even as drunk as he is - it's the games he warned her that he's ALWAYS playing. Clues to how her contract negotiations were probably not specifically with her, she was after all, a lieutenant to someone else. Educated in how to conduct it, yes, but her practical experience hadn't gone too far off of what was typical or expected.]
I'd also ask you to employ a bit of ninja arts so that neither of them are aware of what our contract entails or that they're being helped. [He has used ninjas, hired ninjas, and destroyed ninjas. Usually Mitsuhide handles the underworld so Nobunaga can stay the public face, but even with that, Nobunaga doesn't leave his left hand to make all maneuvers without Nobunaga at least making plenty of his own. Insurance for the future.]
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My condolences. For Commander Crichton. [She's quite serious, a sign that she's beginning to accept the reality of all this. That these are people he cared for, not just names in impossible stories - and even if this man is coming back from the dead, that didn't mean that death stopped being something to feel sorrow over. That way lay madness.]
I'm not entirely familiar with ninja arts, but I can keep our contract secret, unless I'm asked directly. I can't outright lie about it, but I can arrange things so that I'm extremely unlikely to ever be asked the question. As for what I want? I don't know yet. I don't know enough about this place to say what will be of most use. Maybe we can put the negotiation on hold, until I can do it from an informed perspective?
[It's sensible to know your own limitations, and not rush a decision when there's no real urgency. He's also right about her - back home, Ari has the authority to open negotiations on behalf of her ship, and to carry them out, but someone more senior always has to sign off on the final deal, so she can't stray too far off-course in what she offers.]
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[All the same, at the last part, Nobunaga laughs softly.] Excellent, that would be my preference as well. Like I said, I've no doubt opportunities will present themselves.
Ninjas are not just assassins or warriors, they are also adept at being eyes and ears in places they are needed. [Spies, in other words.]
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Feeling a slight chill in the air, she pours herself another glass of wine, and holds up the bottle, as if to offer some to her companion.]
Do you want to tell me about him? What did he have command of?
[If he doesn't want to talk about his fallen friend, Ari will shut up about it and change the subject without any fuss, but she does want to offer the opportunity.]
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He's a non-combatant though. Not a soldier, an explorer. Like Amerigo Vespucci. That's... an explorer from my times. America the continents and country are named after him. He wasn't a soldier either. And even though I'm so at odds with everyone here, and even in my own time, Crichton always treats me like... a regular person. No matter what my weird questions are, or how crazy I get, he just takes it in stride. [Nod nod.]
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So he's... a civvy pilot? Civilian? Who took out a ship out and went exploring? That's very brave. I admire people with that sort of courage. And I'm glad that he was- [after a fractional hesitation] -kind to you.
[She sighs, because she knows she has to say something, or maybe he'll think she doesn't care.] Look, did I mention I was from Cardalek? All of this is way out-of-sector for me. I mean, I know a few drinking games, but I've never heard of Earth before, or Ameriga. Maybe that means I'm going to be at odds with everyone, too.
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[Nods.] Cardalek. There's a lot of other non-Earth people here. You'll probably be fine. It's a Demon King thing. [Squints and rubs between his eyes.] My title before here is Demon King of the 6th Heaven. For 1582, I was the most powerful man on Earth. It's fairly meaningless. But he was the first person to take it in stride, like it doesn't affect him. It's refreshing.
Tendi is green. [Debates mentioning Orion but eh... Just in case...] Earth is in the Milky Way Galaxy and I'm not sure what Universe. Crichton traveled to the far side of the universe away from Earth. So he might know planets like you're familiar with, but he didn't mention Tradelines. The only human looking people were the Peacekeepers, and their idea of peace means stasis. Regimented castes banning any change. There's other non-humans on board, deities, and cougars, and aliens, and trolls, but... [Shrugs.] I think you'll be fine. Things are a little more fucked up right now, so just keep your wits about you. You'll be fine.
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Being the most powerful man on your planet isn't nothing, but it isn't everything, either. I know that, because my great-grandmother is Cardalek's majority shareholder. Its most powerful woman. [That's not something she'd tell everyone, and it's not something she'll volunteer the finer details of, not least because the situation is hopelessly complex, but right now she wants him to know that she isn't speaking in ignorance.]
It sounds as if this place has variety, if nothing else. Everyone here is probably an alien to me. You're right. I'll be fine. [She doubts it. He wouldn't have to keep repeating it, if it were true. But she's not his responsibility.]
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Shareholder. [It's a new word added to his little book of definitions.] You don't become Demon King by being a good person. Kind of the opposite. It means you defeat other Demon Kings and demons until you're at the top, and then everyone under you wants your head so they can get some of your power for themselves.
I know Crichton didn't know that, but that's why I like him, because it doesn't really change anything for him, and even if he only got that accidentally... he's right. [Nod!]
All right lieutenant new contract. I'll put you under my guard and guidance. The advantage for me is you can keep teaching me so I can get better at dealing with normal people.
What did your great-grandmother do with her shareholder power?
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Ari has exceptionally conflicted feelings about her great-grandmother.]
My great-grandmother runs the Company. That's Cardalek - the colony world, and the megacorporation. She has control over all the major decisions. She appoints the new Directors, and she has a lot of indirect power, too. Nobody wants to be cut off from trade with Cardalek.
[And that's quite enough about her, Ari decides.] I hear your proposed contract, but as I said, I'm holding off on negotiation until I get my bearings. [A diplomatic answer, because being under someone else's protection doesn't sit right with her Tradeliner pride. They've always been wary of outsiders.]
Tell me, did you decide to join this fight to become Demon King? Or was it forced on you? If you didn't fight your way to the top, would someone else have killed you? [Sometimes, in judging these things, intentions are critical.]
tldr warning ganbatte
[And this is the problem with the Demon King stuff, no matter how he explained it, it didn't translate well.]
[Let's see....] My father was the Tiger of Owari. [He flips open his notebook after all, jots a few incomprehensible short hand notes and opens up to the map he drew once for Tear in the back, of the 150 earliest provinces and the divided map of Japan in his father's time - with a red dot for the middle southern "Oda" section that is even smaller than this map.] The Emperor in his infinite wisdom after the Mongols were beat back to the West they came from, divided up the lands to reward his strongest investors in the war. My father was a general, a Buddhist monk, not royalty, and this was his reward. [Points to the red dot.] As you can see, Owari is surrounded by bigger stronger territories, it is rather barren, the soil is immensely clay-riddled, and it's all roads. Which means every other territory would use it to fight as the battlefield rather than wreck their own farmlands, or that which they hoped to gain from others.
My father wanted to at least unite Owari and the Oda clan, but he was a bit soft-hearted compared to the rest of the Demon Kings.
[He rests his chin in a hand.] Demon Kings are... [He twirls the green pen between his fingers in thought.] It's an adaptation of Taoism and Buddhism. The idea of reincarnation. My father was Buddhist. Everyone was Buddhist. They believe if you live piously, you will be reincarnated and ascend through the heavens. There are 6. 6 Heavens. The Demon King of the 6th Heaven is the ultimate. It's a belief in accepting fate. Demon Kings are those who despite being born into nobility seek more power, more ambition, and do not try to live piously without food or alcohol, instead do as they please, and let their souls be consumed by the darkness of wanting more, and enjoying themselves. Hedonism, as the westerners would say.
The Demon King of 6th Heaven is at the ultimate pinnacle of all such things. He has accumulated the most power of everyone possible to on any mortal realm. He is the most proud, the most arrogant, the most stubborn, the most conceited. It is not a position to respect or honor. [Dark laughs!] It is one who seeks to corrupt others into being like himself. Wanting more than just the status quo, wanting more than simply accepting starvation and austerity. Trying to inspire lust in life itself rather than spiritual ascension by refusing to be distracted with worldly mortal wants. Kennyo was born a nobleman much like me, but he was a true believer, unlike me. I fought his cult and the monks' hold on Japan, [Gestures to the map:] all this land, because they believe not in production, but against having a currency, against trade with the rest of the world or others, and that starvation and acquiescence to fate is the means to be reincarnated and ascend through the heavens.
Was I forced? Did I seek to become the Demon King? No, no. The wars were raging since my father's time. My grandfather's time even. I was born a royal, but it just meant that by the time I was 6, I was already in war. [THE POWER OF 6!!! BEHOLD!!! The sign of the Devil DUN DUN DUN!] Demon King of 6th Heaven was meant to be an insult, as much as my childhood nickname, but I accepted it as truth. Until here I did not believe souls existed, but I was still willing to fight gods and their spokesmen if necessary.
I sought to bring Japan out of Hell. To join the rest of the world. Out of the eternal wars of idiots and small minded fools who sought to trap others in the bucket like trapped crabs, because it was all they knew, and they couldn't bring themselves to believe there could freedom outside the bucket's cage. To irrevocably break the castes holding the world back, and especially Japan. I regret nothing I've done. No one else could have done it. No one else would wish to be Demon King of 6th Heaven, and I was the only crab at the bottom trying to break us out of the bucket. This isn't to say I would have survived without being Demon King, however. When my father died, I fought two consecutive wars within my own family when I was 13. I do not blame them. I had quite the reputation for being wild and foolish, for wanting the impossible, and it was assumed I couldn't lead my way out of a bucket. [Get it? Bucket crabs, bucket. Yes.]
You cannot be born Demon King. But you still have to be born into wealth and power to ever become one at all. One of the funniest things I was told my first few days here was that no one from my world would respect my title here, that they would be free to feel however they would about me now. I just about died laughing. [Even now he laughs again just recalling it.] It was quite beautiful. I'm sure they thought it meant something quite profound. [STILL FUNNY!] Being Demon King meant... I was trying to enable exactly that. [Nods and smiles. It's a REALLY good joke if you only knew...] Offer a better alternative to starvation and war, than being told to just accept it as punishment for past life's misdeeds you couldn't remember. Trying to inspire wanting luxuries. Konpeito - candy. Goods, trade, accessories, anything, everything. All the opposite of sacrifice and spiritual ascension through austerity. Music, art, a life of freedom and enjoyment. Hair. The monks believe shaving one's hair is important as hair leads to vanity. [Nods.] So that rather than having to be born a Demon King or get it through murder, you have to make things others want to enjoy. Like the Muppets. [WOOOOSH.] It's a really funny joke. [He wonders if Klaus would get it.]
Like being a time traveler and naming their subversive to religion cult Destiny's Children after a band from the future called Destiny's Child, and then using lyrics from the songs as messages of inspiration. Reverse hymnals. It's really funny. [No? Okay, maybe that's a joke only Nobunaga will ever get. Him and Klaus.]
[So yeah... if you don't get it, you know... He understands. Because it's... out there.]
I love it :D
Her hand goes up to touch the neat bun at the back of her head.] I was once called vain for not cutting my hair off, too. [She shrugs.] I don't care if short hair is more practical in space. Mine isn't any trouble to me. It seems like a little thing, but it's - why shouldn't people take pleasure in life? Hedonism is only a fault if it gets in your way. If you enjoy your food and drink so much that you turn up drunk on duty, or you whine and bring everyone's mood down if there's a shortage and you have to take short rations, then that's a problem. But when it does no harm to enjoy the fine things, not doing so is pointless self-denial. People should appreciate quality. The best that the sector has to offer.
[Ari is exceptionally serious about her duty, and she can bear hardship in pursuit of it - but she also imports fancy coffee over great distances, and wears a perfectly, expensively tailored uniform, and there's more of upper-level Cardalek in her than she'd like to admit to.] Here's where you're wrong. A Demon King like you doesn't corrupt people. He enlightens them. He brings them to the higher values, like liberty, and individuality. Self-determination and pride. No wonder those monks in their... crab bucket hated you!
[Ordinarily, she tries to at least feign respect for the religious beliefs of others, but this one just sounds like outright tyranny.]
The problem is that you couldn't bring freedom without bloodshed, is that it? Like Breakaway. Sometimes I think it's inevitable. Someone who thinks that you deserve to suffer and that nobody should strive for more than they already have probably isn't going to listen to reason.
oh thank fuck :V
Explain to me Breakaway. But yes, I'm... relieved. You seem to have understood it perfectly.
lol tags of all lengths are welcome here ;)
[There's a genuine smile on her face as she lets go of his hand and sits back down, but she turns more serious as she answers his question.]
Breakaway was a war. It ended about a century ago. Long before that, my people's ancestors all lived on one world. Tirva. They learnt to sail the stars, and they went out to found new colonies, first in slow ships, and then in fast ones. [She'll save the explanation of time dilation at relativistic speeds for another day.] Meanwhile, on Tirva, all the countries became united, but they were united in tyranny. The Tirvan Alliance thought that it was wrong for the Companies to grow rich. They didn't want any person on Tirva to have more than anyone else, even if it meant they were all poor, and if anyone created anything new, they thought it should belong to the government, and not to its creator. The inventors and brave pioneers and all the Companies tried to leave, but Tirva wanted to follow them to the stars, to carry on taxing and stealing from all the colonies.
Until one day the colonies fought back. All the trading ships armed themselves, every colony raised a militia, and a long war for our freedom began. In the end, we won it. [This is, by necessity, a heavily simplified version - but hopefully he'll understand the essence of it.]
\o/ Now you just get drunk happy dumbass babbles OTL
[It was in this moment Nobunaga learned a very valuable lesson about himself. It was one thing for him to be blunt and say his honest thoughts with reckless abandon, but when it was turned around on him, he wound up being the one flustered unsure how to handle it. No matter how dark Topy was, it wasn't enough to handle his sudden blush and the intense desire to hide behind his court fan.] Well, a few people here are like that...
[Oh thank Amaterasu, she's talking about war. Something familiar he can latch onto like a life raft!] That does sound very familiar. Well spotted. It's a sign of great intelligence to be able to apply different specifics and still find the analogies fit for purpose. [He could have phrased that better if he wasn't drunk, but she's smart, so he's certain she'll get it.]
Some of it reminds me of the stories I've heard of America the country too. I would rather like to see this ridiculous country. It sounds amazing. You can usually spot an American of the people on here. They're bold and strong, very colorful, and my two friends are both from there. Klaus Hargreaves is the other. There's also Jeff, Deputy Pratt, Sharky, and they have this thing called Westerns. Because Japan, my homeland is the farthest east of the world. [Shows her his very rough map of Earth, from before he got his globe, with his red Australia directly south of Japan but with so much ocean that until ships get faster, nearly impossible to reach.] And California, on the far West of America is all the way over here! [Shows the other side of the world! Where he has indeed written in California on the map of America.] And the Pacific ocean from this side of Japan to America is nearly as vast as all the rest of this map. [He's very happy about this, because it's amazing, okay okay.]
I have my globe in my room, should you ever to wish to see it. I haven't compared the scale to fix any errors yet, but I added Australia to it. It wasn't discovered in my time. I almost thought Clarke Griffin was joking when she told me about it. It has mammals that hatch from eggs. [Isn't that CRAZY?!]
But even the me that is in my proper timeline, cannot go see California or America. It doesn't exist yet for him. And won't for another two centuries. I wish I could get some history books. Maybe I will take Klaus' advice. He says he makes wishes and somehow they come true. It's too superstitious for me to take seriously, but I would very much like to read up on how America the country came to separate from England. And how England gained power at all. In my time, I dismissed it completely. Its King was so very foolish. He split with the church and divorced his wife, seeking a male heir. This threatened the peace of his island, which wasn't wholly united either. [Points to the small UK island on the west of Europe.] And even with the rest of Europe [Points and circles with the bottom of his pen.] As their cohesion was mostly through their Western religion, they let their Pope decide matters of politics, but he defied him just for an heir. [Shakes head! Such foolishness.]
Perhaps I could find some time period romances, but I really don't like romance literature. [IT'S GROSS. He's a five year old.] Such things are usually what the monks interest themselves in.
Oh! And America was the first to the moon, to have astronauts leave Earth. This planet. Most people here are from there, but not all. There are least a dozen who are not, do not worry. And Billy Joel always sings about American things, it's very difficult to understand him sometimes. Billy Joel is not here. But one of the bars plays his music often. So when Crichton said he wanted to do karaoke, I was not terribly keen on the idea. I don't know any of the music from five hundred years later, how could I? So I listened to a lot of this Billy Joel so I could try to understand it better. I still don't. [Because Billy Joel is 3/4ths incomprehensible to him. With a few exceptions.] But Venti is also a big fan of him. Maybe you will have better luck understanding. Diana Abel says it's because Billy Joel is very working-class. "Blue collar." And the Beatles I like most, are very idealist she says. Beatles is from England, but they are popular in America too.
[And he's just... still going. Steady stream of consciousness exposed. His inner five year old babble of enthusiasm about all the awesome things revealed. The reason why even with his first friend killed he's still happy to be here.] Klaus also taught me about Destiny's Child, and Spice Girls. They're English too! And R&B. [:T] I want to find Crichton when he comes back and punch him. And then make him do karaoke with me. Stupid astronaut.... Americans. I think you will like it more than you expect. Even with the pirates. They're not very tough. And Deputy Samurai Pratt and Maeve would kick their heads if they do anything to upset you. I have to get Pratt his katana too. And name it something cool. And maybe make a song about it.
aww he is adorable
XDDDD <3
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Cw: castes, gendered politics in sengoku era wars, brothels ya