TEST DRIVE MEME #7

[sailmods]

1. before she hung up, she said she was a skeleton

[there is no note in your cabin. no forces stall your legs if you decide to walk anywhere but the atrium. in fact, for the first time in hundreds of years, newly arrived passengers on the Serena Eterna are waking up with absolutely no guidance. nothing but your fellow passengers in the halls - or maybe in your bed.

perhaps you end up in the atrium eventually anyway. it is where guest services is, and where Gal Friday… actually hasn’t been in a few days. until today. and she is visibly frazzled, her hair uncoiffed, her suit rumpled, something a bit like a bruise blossoming down from her hairline and over her smooth features. more papers than ever cover her desk, and when she turns to face you, her voice is as cheerful as ever, but audibly strained.]

Welcome aboard the Serene Eterna! [a pause] You know how to work a life vest, right? Everyone knows that! You don’t need me to teach you that!

[a light bulb burns out behind her head.]

… I’ll get right on that!

[freedom includes the freedom to not know what the fuck is happening. maybe you should reflect on that.]

2. grandma went and can't stop screaming

[it’s something about the lighting fixtures, this month. has the Bellona always had a massive chandelier? maybe. who knows. don’t ask questions. either way, in the stillness of the night, or day, or late afternoon, there is a noise like a cord being cut, and the chandelier plunges into the audience below.

it hits nothing, of course. no one is ever in the theater. and that, perhaps, is what the trouble is.

so, the chandelier starts to… travel, one could say. it starts to hang in various rooms: the dining halls, the bars, the clubs… sometimes, if you’re out on the pool deck and suddenly realized you’re under a shadow, you can glance up and see it suspended 20 feet above your head, securely fastened to nothing in particular and yet remaining perfectly in place.

until it isn’t. until it falls, crystal shattering on whatever surface it lands on: floor, table, person… and, wherever the chandelier goes, a lilting childish voice follows it, singing without any obvious source.]

Ring-a-ring of roses, a pocket full of posies… ashes, ashes, we all…

3. jeff bezos murdered the infinite tommy bahama

[the lights of the Infinite Tommy Bahama go out three days into October.

barely an hour after its closure, the lights go on again, and a new banner is unfurled.



physically, it is the same store. you can even see the old signs hidden behind the new ones. however, long gone are the tropical prints and khaki dress shorts. now, one can purchase any number of officially licensed or legally distinct Halloween costumes, decorations, and various other haunted accoutrements, leading back as far as the eye can see, and then farther still. is that a Gal Friday mask? spooky! well, at least you’ll be good and ready for the Halloween party at the end of the month, which is absolutely just a normal party and in no way whatsoever anything even remotely resembling a trick. there are only treats at The Infinite Spirit Halloween!

note: bahamanuel is still here! somewhere! it kinda looks like dan bongino.]

Comments

3

[shaun_the_sheep]

[A claymation sheep wandering through the store is definitely the sort of thing to make one question one's sanity. Particularly when it seems to be wearing one of the formerly Tommy Bahama hats, a woven-straw number, and seems to wander right up to a convenient mirror to...check the fit of the hat.]

[Yeah, okay, Shawn likes this hat. Now if only he can find some sunglasses to go with it...]

Baa.

[thefreak]

[ It would probably be easy to overlook a sheep, if it weren't for the fact that it was, in fact, wearing a hat. Not to mention, the fact that unlike most sheep he has seen in his life, this one seems to be bipedal. Eddie freezes in place before looking around, as if to see if anyone else is seeing this or if he is truly going mad.

But there's nobody around except for said sheep. ]

Baa yourself. [ He raises an eyebrow at the way the sheep seems to be admiring the way the hat looks on him. ] Yeah, nope, I am not stoned nearly enough for this right now.

[shaun_the_sheep]

[Shaun startles sideways at the unexpected voice, and drops down to all fours again to give Eddie a wide-eyed look. Nope, totally a normal sheep. Nothing weird going on here.]

Baa.

[Whoops the hat! He reaches up with one hand hoof and whips it away to vanish into the handy depths of his fleece. Like a Bag of Holding.)

[thefreak]

[ Eddie opens his mouth to say something, but then the sheep drops onto all fours, and...removes the hat with his...hoof? How is that even possible? The magic of claymation, baby. ]

I don't suppose you can say anything other than baa? [ And if he throws in a little bit of a vibrato to imitate the sheep's call, well, he's always been a little bit dramatic. ]

[shaun_the_sheep]

[Shaun looks around, debating whether or not he should pretend to be normal, then heaves a great sigh. Yeah okay fine. He shakes his head 'no' in response to the question, and comes clopping over to investigate. It's polite to stand closer when you're having a conversation. Even if this young man's accent in sheep is terrible.]

Maa. Mah baa?

[thefreak]

[ Eddie gives the sheep a pointed look, but it does comply, and Eddie isn't really sure what to think. Then again, Eddie also is under the assumption that he's dead and this might all be one big vivid hallucination in the afterlife, so maybe it's not worth putting much thought into.

Still, he entertains the idea that the sheep might not just exist in his mind. ]

I guess that's technically a yes, though I'm not really sure what you're saying, little guy.

[shaun_the_sheep]

[Figures. No-one else here speaks sheep either. Shaun 'tsks' and sits down, cross-legged, then rummages in his fleece. He pulls out the hat, and plops it on his head, then pulls out a small chalkboard and piece of chalk. He begins to write on the chalkboard, carefully, tongue sticking out at some points.]

[Finally he stashes the chalk and holds up the board: SHAUN written in shaky capitals, with two letters backwards and one upside-down.]

[thefreak]

[ Eddie blinks rapidly at the chalkboard that seemingly appears out of nowhere. That's...interesting. And handy. ]

Shaun. Your name is Shaun? I'm Eddie. [ It is pretty convenient that the sheep at least can understand and write in English. Lord knows they don't need to be passing a chalkboard back and forth all day. ] You get stuck here in cruise ship hell, too?