TEST DRIVE MEME #7

[sailmods]

1. before she hung up, she said she was a skeleton

[there is no note in your cabin. no forces stall your legs if you decide to walk anywhere but the atrium. in fact, for the first time in hundreds of years, newly arrived passengers on the Serena Eterna are waking up with absolutely no guidance. nothing but your fellow passengers in the halls - or maybe in your bed.

perhaps you end up in the atrium eventually anyway. it is where guest services is, and where Gal Friday… actually hasn’t been in a few days. until today. and she is visibly frazzled, her hair uncoiffed, her suit rumpled, something a bit like a bruise blossoming down from her hairline and over her smooth features. more papers than ever cover her desk, and when she turns to face you, her voice is as cheerful as ever, but audibly strained.]

Welcome aboard the Serene Eterna! [a pause] You know how to work a life vest, right? Everyone knows that! You don’t need me to teach you that!

[a light bulb burns out behind her head.]

… I’ll get right on that!

[freedom includes the freedom to not know what the fuck is happening. maybe you should reflect on that.]

2. grandma went and can't stop screaming

[it’s something about the lighting fixtures, this month. has the Bellona always had a massive chandelier? maybe. who knows. don’t ask questions. either way, in the stillness of the night, or day, or late afternoon, there is a noise like a cord being cut, and the chandelier plunges into the audience below.

it hits nothing, of course. no one is ever in the theater. and that, perhaps, is what the trouble is.

so, the chandelier starts to… travel, one could say. it starts to hang in various rooms: the dining halls, the bars, the clubs… sometimes, if you’re out on the pool deck and suddenly realized you’re under a shadow, you can glance up and see it suspended 20 feet above your head, securely fastened to nothing in particular and yet remaining perfectly in place.

until it isn’t. until it falls, crystal shattering on whatever surface it lands on: floor, table, person… and, wherever the chandelier goes, a lilting childish voice follows it, singing without any obvious source.]

Ring-a-ring of roses, a pocket full of posies… ashes, ashes, we all…

3. jeff bezos murdered the infinite tommy bahama

[the lights of the Infinite Tommy Bahama go out three days into October.

barely an hour after its closure, the lights go on again, and a new banner is unfurled.



physically, it is the same store. you can even see the old signs hidden behind the new ones. however, long gone are the tropical prints and khaki dress shorts. now, one can purchase any number of officially licensed or legally distinct Halloween costumes, decorations, and various other haunted accoutrements, leading back as far as the eye can see, and then farther still. is that a Gal Friday mask? spooky! well, at least you’ll be good and ready for the Halloween party at the end of the month, which is absolutely just a normal party and in no way whatsoever anything even remotely resembling a trick. there are only treats at The Infinite Spirit Halloween!

note: bahamanuel is still here! somewhere! it kinda looks like dan bongino.]

Comments

Screaming

[shaun_the_sheep]

[That sure is a startled claymation sheep that just sproinked sideways at the chandelier crashing down again. What is up with this place! Shaun isn't keep on all the chandeliers falling. He looks up at the girl sidelong, exasperated: can you believe this place?]

Baaaa. Maah.

[And who is going to clean it up, anyway? That's dangerous to leave lying around.]

words cannot express how blessed I feel by this tag lmao

[bubblegumheart]

[Of all the things Chrissy might have been expecting to see after waking up on a cruise ship, a wayward sheep is probably pretty near the bottom of the list. And yet, there it is.]

Hey wait!

[Yelling after it and trying to carefully close the distance so she can figure out if it belongs to anyone probably isn't going to be very effective, but she can't just leave the thing to its own devices. It might get hurt or worse.]

happy to provide

[shaun_the_sheep]

[Shaun startles again, hooves scrabbling on the wooden deck, before giving the girl a wide-eyed look, very clearly of the I didn't so it this time variety. But he's a farm sheep, not a wild one, so he lets her get close, flicking his ears a bit uncertainly.]

Maah?

[bubblegumheart]

[Unfortunately, the extent of Chrissy's knowledge about animals comes from books or nature documentaries. As it is, she's not even sure what kind of sheep she's dealing with- just that there's a sheep on board and that it doesn't appear to be with anyone.]

It's okay. I'm not going to hurt you.

[She's making an attempt at keeping her voice soft enough to be soothing as she inches closer. Chrissy can't see a rope or a lead or anything, so her current plan is to get close enough to pat its head.]

Where did you come from?

[shaun_the_sheep]

[Shaun eyes her a bit, and recognizes the extended hand as an effort for petting. So he takes a sideways step so her hand lands right on his fluffy head. He likes pets and scratches, especially where his horns used to be.]

Baa.

[He came from a farm, of course. Where else?]

[bubblegumheart]

[At first, she's a little worried that she'll need to change tactics. This might be the most time she's spent with an animal in her entire life. And sure, it's a bit odd to see a sheep on board, but Chrissy has already started to make peace with the fact that this place is just weird.]

I know you can't actually tell me where you came from, but if there's any way you could maybe... point me in the right direction, I'd love to help you get back to where you're supposed to be.

[She's not expecting much, honestly, which is why she's already attempting to look around and see if she can spot anyone that might be missing a sheep. In the meantime, she's more than happy to scratch at the top of his head.]