TEST DRIVE MEME #7

[sailmods]

1. before she hung up, she said she was a skeleton

[there is no note in your cabin. no forces stall your legs if you decide to walk anywhere but the atrium. in fact, for the first time in hundreds of years, newly arrived passengers on the Serena Eterna are waking up with absolutely no guidance. nothing but your fellow passengers in the halls - or maybe in your bed.

perhaps you end up in the atrium eventually anyway. it is where guest services is, and where Gal Friday… actually hasn’t been in a few days. until today. and she is visibly frazzled, her hair uncoiffed, her suit rumpled, something a bit like a bruise blossoming down from her hairline and over her smooth features. more papers than ever cover her desk, and when she turns to face you, her voice is as cheerful as ever, but audibly strained.]

Welcome aboard the Serene Eterna! [a pause] You know how to work a life vest, right? Everyone knows that! You don’t need me to teach you that!

[a light bulb burns out behind her head.]

… I’ll get right on that!

[freedom includes the freedom to not know what the fuck is happening. maybe you should reflect on that.]

2. grandma went and can't stop screaming

[it’s something about the lighting fixtures, this month. has the Bellona always had a massive chandelier? maybe. who knows. don’t ask questions. either way, in the stillness of the night, or day, or late afternoon, there is a noise like a cord being cut, and the chandelier plunges into the audience below.

it hits nothing, of course. no one is ever in the theater. and that, perhaps, is what the trouble is.

so, the chandelier starts to… travel, one could say. it starts to hang in various rooms: the dining halls, the bars, the clubs… sometimes, if you’re out on the pool deck and suddenly realized you’re under a shadow, you can glance up and see it suspended 20 feet above your head, securely fastened to nothing in particular and yet remaining perfectly in place.

until it isn’t. until it falls, crystal shattering on whatever surface it lands on: floor, table, person… and, wherever the chandelier goes, a lilting childish voice follows it, singing without any obvious source.]

Ring-a-ring of roses, a pocket full of posies… ashes, ashes, we all…

3. jeff bezos murdered the infinite tommy bahama

[the lights of the Infinite Tommy Bahama go out three days into October.

barely an hour after its closure, the lights go on again, and a new banner is unfurled.



physically, it is the same store. you can even see the old signs hidden behind the new ones. however, long gone are the tropical prints and khaki dress shorts. now, one can purchase any number of officially licensed or legally distinct Halloween costumes, decorations, and various other haunted accoutrements, leading back as far as the eye can see, and then farther still. is that a Gal Friday mask? spooky! well, at least you’ll be good and ready for the Halloween party at the end of the month, which is absolutely just a normal party and in no way whatsoever anything even remotely resembling a trick. there are only treats at The Infinite Spirit Halloween!

note: bahamanuel is still here! somewhere! it kinda looks like dan bongino.]

Comments

The Deck

[shaun_the_sheep]

[Clip-clop clip-clop, hooves on the deck. Shaun stops and tips his head, eyeing the cat from one eye, then the other. It certainly doesn’t serm as malicious as the farmer’s cat.]

[He looks around. No humans nearby.]

[So he shifts to bipedal, sits down cross-legged, and pets the cat’s back. He knows better than to poke the tummy.]

Baa, maa mah?

[catus]

[ The cat's eyes open, inspecting the sudden source of headpats. Not unwelcomed, but certainly unexpected. Still, it's not one to let a chance of pandering go to waste.

There's a suspicious lack of opposable thumbs though. The cat can't say it feels the same way. ]

Meow.

[ The cat doesn't speak sheep. Amazingly aware as it is, the cat remains a relatively simple creature. That white fur sure looks like it would feel great against its claws tho...

But for now, it stretches even more, turning into a ginger noodle with pointy ends. That'll do sheep. That'll do. ]

[shaun_the_sheep]

[Shaun doesn't speak cat, per se, but he's quite familiar with cat claws. So he stops petting when the claws come of and watches the cat stretch for a moment. It is nice to find another animal around. So far all he's seen are humans, and none of his flock. It does worry him, a bit. They get into so much trouble when he and the farm dog are not around to herd them.]

Maa.

[Shaun eyes the cat, then rummages in his fleece. He pulls out a small blackboard and a piece of chalk, and draws furiously for a moment, then presents the end result for the cat to see: stick figures, cat with a fish, Shaun with some grass. Surely the cat knows where the food is. In Shaun's experience this is always how it works.]

[catus]

[ The cat watches curiously, still sprawled on the deck. Curious, but its used to curiousness by now. Usually when someone wants something out of it, they use words, but the...most likely not weird cat thing is using pictures. The cat knows pictures. It knows which one means itself, because its been used before. And fish...looks enough like a fish. The cat doesn't quite know where would one find fishes though, but the idea has been planted in its head.

Lazily, it rises to its legs and stretches as large as it can get. Licking its chops at the idea of food, the cat trots away, the sheep already forgotten in its mind. Now where would they be if they were fish? There's some sniffing around to be done. ]

[shaun_the_sheep]

[Oh ho! The cat does know! Or at least has a better idea than Shaun does. He shoves the chalkboard and chalk back into his fleece and bounds up to trot along behind the cat on all fours. Faster that way. Sheep are herd animals anyway, and it's nice to have someone to follow.]

[The ship is rather complicated, after all. Shaun's sense of direction is not always the best.]

[catus]

[ The cat turns around, suddenly remembering its not alone. Whatever. The cat has absolutely no idea where its going either, but there's always a way. It starts sniffing the air, walking through people coming and going, looking to get a sniff of something that smells even remotely edible. Mostly cigarettes and booze, or things that it wouldn't eat at all.

This could take a while.

They walk around endless corridors for a while, moving around twisting corridors and going through strange rooms. The cat is used to extremely large structures with no apparent end, so this isn't much of a detriment for it.

And then, when things are going from tedious to absolutely dreadful, the cat catches a whiff of something...tasty. It stands still, sniffing the air intently, tail swishing with newfound motivation.

And then it takes a turn left and starts jogging. Yes, a scent has been caught. ]

[shaun_the_sheep]

[Shaun looks around as they walk, curious, taking it all in, very careful not to lose the cat. Oh boy, it'll take him forever to figure out his way around here. He might have to draw a map. Or draw on the walls. Or he could leave bits of wool like a crumb trail maybe...no....]

[Ah! The cat has found something! Shaun bounces after it eagerly.]