TEST DRIVE MEME #7

[sailmods]

1. before she hung up, she said she was a skeleton

[there is no note in your cabin. no forces stall your legs if you decide to walk anywhere but the atrium. in fact, for the first time in hundreds of years, newly arrived passengers on the Serena Eterna are waking up with absolutely no guidance. nothing but your fellow passengers in the halls - or maybe in your bed.

perhaps you end up in the atrium eventually anyway. it is where guest services is, and where Gal Friday… actually hasn’t been in a few days. until today. and she is visibly frazzled, her hair uncoiffed, her suit rumpled, something a bit like a bruise blossoming down from her hairline and over her smooth features. more papers than ever cover her desk, and when she turns to face you, her voice is as cheerful as ever, but audibly strained.]

Welcome aboard the Serene Eterna! [a pause] You know how to work a life vest, right? Everyone knows that! You don’t need me to teach you that!

[a light bulb burns out behind her head.]

… I’ll get right on that!

[freedom includes the freedom to not know what the fuck is happening. maybe you should reflect on that.]

2. grandma went and can't stop screaming

[it’s something about the lighting fixtures, this month. has the Bellona always had a massive chandelier? maybe. who knows. don’t ask questions. either way, in the stillness of the night, or day, or late afternoon, there is a noise like a cord being cut, and the chandelier plunges into the audience below.

it hits nothing, of course. no one is ever in the theater. and that, perhaps, is what the trouble is.

so, the chandelier starts to… travel, one could say. it starts to hang in various rooms: the dining halls, the bars, the clubs… sometimes, if you’re out on the pool deck and suddenly realized you’re under a shadow, you can glance up and see it suspended 20 feet above your head, securely fastened to nothing in particular and yet remaining perfectly in place.

until it isn’t. until it falls, crystal shattering on whatever surface it lands on: floor, table, person… and, wherever the chandelier goes, a lilting childish voice follows it, singing without any obvious source.]

Ring-a-ring of roses, a pocket full of posies… ashes, ashes, we all…

3. jeff bezos murdered the infinite tommy bahama

[the lights of the Infinite Tommy Bahama go out three days into October.

barely an hour after its closure, the lights go on again, and a new banner is unfurled.



physically, it is the same store. you can even see the old signs hidden behind the new ones. however, long gone are the tropical prints and khaki dress shorts. now, one can purchase any number of officially licensed or legally distinct Halloween costumes, decorations, and various other haunted accoutrements, leading back as far as the eye can see, and then farther still. is that a Gal Friday mask? spooky! well, at least you’ll be good and ready for the Halloween party at the end of the month, which is absolutely just a normal party and in no way whatsoever anything even remotely resembling a trick. there are only treats at The Infinite Spirit Halloween!

note: bahamanuel is still here! somewhere! it kinda looks like dan bongino.]

Comments

[tossmealifeline]

[ Being a devotee has never stopped Hiyori from smacking him, then again Yato isn't one of the gods that commands much respect. ]

Huh. Well he wouldn't be the first. [ It makes him wonder how this place operates and what connection it has to Heaven and Hell. He wonders if there are gods around fighting and sowing discord among humans, like where he comes from. If the gods are unhappy, everyone is. ]

I don't...have what I need. [ He puts his hands in his pockets, looking a little sheepish at that admission. ] I'll keep my eye out for any spirits.

[tossmealifeline]

If there really was another version of him, he hoped they were doing better than he had been. It was hard to say, really.

"I'm not sure what you mean by that." He hasn't seen anyone he knows either. At the question about the fight however he just smiled slightly. "Nothing significant."

That was a huge lie.

[ninetoes]

Izzy tongues the inside of his cheek as he listens with all of his being. Plotting with his captain is like having a first row seat to a master's production. You'd think it might have lost it's charm by now, but it hasn't. Being included in the process, when that happens, as it is happening now, is just as exhilarating as it was in the beginning.

He marvels how quickly Ed's found his bearings and read into the Captain. What he needs, how to be approached. It is, of course, the direct opposite of the plan Izzy's been trying to brute force, and he doesn't love that, but in comparison...yeah. This makes sense.

His plan has been 'The Captain Is Powerful But I Can Find Someone More Powerful' and he has, sort of, with results, sort of. He may need to rethink his agreement with Guabancex.

"Fuck me..." Izzy says, luxuriating in the awe of just how clever Edward really is. Never gets old. Never, ever. Finally, he sits back and takes a breath, thinking about the information he has and how he can facilitate this new plan of action. Old school won't work, violence won't work, he knew that much, but this is...emotional warfare. They grew up in that carnage, won't be hard to summon up a Hornigold Special or two.

"Yeah, yeah okay. Then you need the ear of Skulduggery Pleasant. More a cursed set of bones than a passenger, but he's in bed with the Captain and under the impression that friendship is magic enough."

And because that isn't a super weird thing to say, Izzy pulls a bone shiv from the inside of his waistcoat and considers it. A human rib, sharpened on one end and decorated with delicate scrimshaw down the other. He's had time on his hands.

"I assisted them on a raid not long ago."

[wedobonesmotherfucker]

Gideon grins down at Darcy and, as a very special treat, gives her a little dip before hitting her with a comment meant to keep that flush up on Darcy's face. "Here in front of the skeletons? Only if you insist, my sweet."

[neverleave]

Natsuno, a vampire with unnatural speed and a perfect night vision, also has ample experience with creeping and getting the drop on people.

He never tried to use it for fun until now, though.

"My best friend. As a prank. She said I gave her a fear of clowns."

[wedobonesmotherfucker]

Well, if he insists on giving Gideon the perfect set-up...

"Don't see why you'd need a mask then. You're already a perfect clown."

[saltwaterlungs]

Darcy makes another choked noise. Darcy.exe has encountered an error, please restart. She has no scripts or protocols for what's happening right now. She doesn't even know if she's panicking or enjoying herself. Attraction is meant to cause a feeling like existential terror right?

She's too Catholic for this.

"Maybe after- buy me- ehn- dinner first."

[treading_water]

What are pirates but just a bunch of men in different phases of screwing one another over? This isn't any different. This is politics. Alliances are all well and good, but the only person a pirate can trust is himself. Ed isn't even certain he can trust Izzy, at this point. He's still uncomfortably confused by him.

Cursed bones, fine. Ed has spoken to people without faces, people who can phase through walls, seen the poltergeists aboard the ship. Everything here is out of a fucking sailor's tale. The shanties write themselves.

"What's the nature of that relationship?" Ed asks, watching Izzy play with his little bone shiv. He thinks he knows a thing or two about giving up everything for a man he's known for no more than a few weeks, for love-- but this sounds too easy.

[ninetoes]

Izzy abandons his shiv. It was only really relevant because of the bone talk, and it is, quite literally, Skulduggery's bone. He still isn't sure why he stole it. Boredom, maybe. And he needed a short range weapon. It was available. Shut up, don't @ him.

"Skulduggery and the Captain?"

A little shrug.

"Bessies, I think. He says cuddles and sunshine with the man will make him let us all go," Izzy says and gives Edward a flat look. He doesn't believe it and why should he? That doesn't work.

So as far as Izzy sees it, Skulduggery is just as much of a scoundrel as the rest of them. It's not real friendship, it's manipulation. Mr. Pleasant crewed Izzy for the mission as a favor for their captor and didn't deny when Izzy accused them of sharing a bed. What he doesn't know because no one fucking tells him anything, is that he was correct to the letter. It's romantic. Skulduggery is either fucking ruthless, or an idiot losing sight of his own plan.

"Unless it's some clever plan to starve the beast. His power feeds off his captives' malcontent."

[wedobonesmotherfucker]

Dinner's tricky for Gideon. She's going to spend most of it trying not to show how blown away she is by the idea of food having a texture other than 'grainy' and a taste other than 'chemical'. But the alternative is trying to bone in front of the bones and that's the very opposite of a fantasy.

So she just scoops Darcy back up and with a boldness Gideon undeservedly feels, she settles her on Gideon's shoulder "Dinner and a show-" A flex of her other arm. "-and we'll see where the night takes us."

[saltwaterlungs]

This is an assassination attempt.

There is no other explanation for this.

Darcy gets hefted over Gideon's shoulder and experiences emotions she previously thought were poetic exaggerations.

"I have legs, I can walk," she protests, strangled, trying to work out how to get herself a little more upright on Gideon's shoulder without having to put her hands on her. Christ, what if someone sees her like this?

[inhairently]

People talk about being from different worlds and stuff all the time, so — [ He shrugs. It's all been a lot to wrap his head around and he hasn't even bothered going into the deeper logistics of it all. ] Beats me, man.

[ He heads over to lean against the counter as they wait for Clarke, and he hopes she shows soon to save him from discussing this Other Steve. He doesn't like to think about it. The worst part, the most sickening part, is how he's pretty sure this means it's all true. They can't ever go home. This fucking boat is home now.

No more Nancy. No more Robin.

At least he has Eddie. He wouldn't wish this shithole on anyone but he can't deny how good it is to have someone familiar around. ]

I guess he's technically me. Or I'm him. Shit, I don't know. [ He sighs, rubbing at his chin as he thinks about Other Steve. ] If it makes you feel any better, I would've told you not to be a hero, too.

[wedobonesmotherfucker]

"Sure, but do you really want me to set you down?" She teases right back, walking Darcy away from the display of plex bones and vaguely towards where the exit might be.

Gideon's sincere flirtations have involved one moderate success with a complete liar and what might have been a wedding vow to her long-time greatest enemy so she's honestly not entirely sure where to go from here but by god is she going to fake her way through this. "It's not every day I get to sweep a girl off her feet."

[saltwaterlungs]

Does she?

...

"I'll get back to you on that," Darcy mumbles, hands going to her face go cover her ever deepening blush.

"Usually I'm the one doing the sweeping."

[treading_water]

The look Edward gives Izzy in return is one that, in a way, sourly and perhaps a touch mockingly asks Izzy 'Like that worked for you?'- because he wonders, idly, if that isn't unlike Izzy’s behavior with Edward some twenty years ago.

"Not a terrible angle, but leaves too much to risk." he replies finally. Either way, this Mr. Pleasant should be questioned, but even that will meed to be handled delicately. If he has a greater plan, he's not going to just tell a stranger.

"Right." Ed says, clearing his throat. "We have some loose ends to tie before we can formulate a proper plan. For now, information is key. And Izzy?" he asks, giving his pet a threatening look, "Get your dogs in fucking line. If I have to tell one more of them to heel, it'll be you that has to answer for it."

[inhairently]

"Vance Hopper?" Steve asks. "He's pretty cool. He can be kind of a dick though." Not that he can blame the kid. He's got too much baggage for anyone his age to be dealing with.

Now, moving on to the important shit. Delivering the Comprehensive History of Hawkins, Indiana and the Upside Down in the middle of a Halloween store feels kind of inappropriate, but Steve is committed. This is how it's going to be. If there are animatronic witch cackles punctuating his tales of demogorgons, then so be it.

"You might want to sit down for this," he starts, and gives her a moment. It's not like there's chairs here, the only place to sit is the floor but if she chooses to then he'll copy. Once they're settled, he continues, "Okay, so. Essentially Hawkins has an alternate version of itself full of things like that creep that got in your head. We call it the Upside Down. There's this whole big government coverup thing going on, Russia was involved at one point. Basically everything weird you've ever heard in town is because of this shit."

He feels like he's doing a decent job of it so far. It's not the most concise rendition of the story but he's still trying to be as to the point as he can about it. "Chief Hopper and Billy Hargrove didn't die in a fire. Starcourt Mall? Totally a cover for a secret Russian base. There was never any fire. It was all a monster we called the Mind Flayer. Oh! There's also a girl with superpowers. She can move stuff with her mind."

He decides to pause there in case she has any questions. It's... yeah. Hawkins, man. Who knew such a boring town could have so much crazy hidden underneath.

[ninetoes]

Aaaand there it is. The boot dropping to get him right in the stomach, which drops considerably. Don't think he misses the look, either. May as well've said it aloud.

His dogs? He's only got a handful, who would have the nerve to come at Edward--

Oh.

No, actually, he can think of a couple. Goddammit, you useless fucks.

Izzy swallows and nods, getting up to retrieve the bottle of nice rum he's squirreled away for a self congratulatory party of one to celebrate his captaincy. There's about half left, and he pours them both a glass. Tea just isn't going to cut it and while he's proud of himself that he can work the kettle without issue now, a real drink would do much, much better.

Besides, his captain looks like he could use one.

"I'll do that, boss," he says and offers the glass. They mean well, he knows they do, but they haven't quite mastered their commands just yet. Puppy training, what a nightmare.

"Wasn't the French one, was it? Are they still breathing?"

1

[saltwaterlungs]

Up on the roof nearby, a boyish-looking teenage girl has been watching the new arrivals largely impassively. The sight of long salt-and-pepper hair and leathers, though, that's...

"Hey- Mon Capitaine, why are they making you do the drill again?"

She calls down. Did Blackbeard... shave?

[not_the_last]

Cassandra's air of friendly curiosity has shifted -- somehow, without anything in her manner actually changing noticeably -- to a kind of completely opaque politeness. The kind that a very perceptive person might correctly clock as internally screaming.

"You'd be correct. There hasn't been a necromancer in Whitestone in some time."

[treading_water]

While the call does get his attention, Mon Capitaine is just strange enough to make Edward question who she's speaking to. His eyes trail up and lock onto hers, but they aren't eyes he recognizes.

Alas, Blackbeard did shave, but there is several days worth of stubble already growing back, and his face is covered in a kohl mask that ensures the name Blackbeard doesn't look completely out of place.

"What do you mean again?"

[saltwaterlungs]

"I mean, didn't Friday make you do the drill the first time?"

Did he get more goth while she wasn't looking? Sure, she hadn't exactly seen Captain Blackbeard in a while, but this is... hmm...

Darcy stands herself up, finds the nearest shadow, and then- surprise, Darcy materializes in Ed's shadow like a ghost suddenly appearing.

"Are you feeling alright, sir?"

[treading_water]

Okay, he's seen the ghosts and the faceless, plenty of them now that he's not very spooked by it, but that shit makes him jump. A little bit.

"The fuck--" he curses, turning to face her again. Warn a guy.

Ed holds a hand out, a sort of hold up signal. He's thinking for a moment. First time. Did he hit his fucking head? Maybe his drinking really has gotten out of hand.

"Is this... not the first time?"

[saltwaterlungs]

... Did Ed know she could do that, actually? Whatever, he knows now.

But the confusion... Her mind starts ticking about Skulduggery's timeline whoopsie daisy (thanks again Friday), about the difference in timeline between Izzy and the others...

Is this a different Blackbeard? From somewhen else?

"I mean, it might be for you, but you're not the first you I've met. Um- long story but I'm on your crew."

Kind of.

"Okay- probably shouldn't start with that, has anyone told you where you are or what's happening yet beyond Friday's bullshit?"

Ed might notice that she's resting her wrist on the pommel of her rapier in the same manner that Izzy does.

[treading_water]

His crew.

On this ship.

Well, thank fuck for that. He hopes, anyway.

The hand waves her off before dropping again to his side. "Yeah, yeah, think I got it. You should probably introduce yourself, though."

He does notice... at least that she's carrying a weapon. That's a good sign, he thinks.

[treading_water]

Edward takes the glass without question, because yes he really could fucking use it right now, keep it coming.

"Not the French one, no." he replies, taking a healthy drink of booze and letting it warm his throat. "Still breathing... but not entirely intact."

Definitely missing some digits in one case, in the other, well- he's not entirely sure how much damage he managed to do there beyond a new scar or two.