TEST DRIVE MEME #2

[sailmods]

1. this hotel room got a lot of stuff

[you wake up.

it doesn't matter where you were before. going to bed? dying? opening the door to face a great evil? same result. you wake up in a soft bed with starched sheets in a cool, darkened room, sunlight peeking out from behind thick curtains. maybe you're alone; maybe you aren't. maybe you immediately notice the folded paper on the bedside table near your head. if you don't, you better fix that real quick: you won't be able to even open the door before you read it.

the note itself is written in a neat hand on white card stock; there is a stylized logo of a ship with the words SERENA ETERNA printed underneath. the note reads as follows:

Dear Passenger(s),

As your cruise director, it is my great honor to welcome you aboard the Serena Eterna, your destination for fun and adventure! We know you could have chosen any cruise line for your vacation, and we're very grateful you chose ours! On behalf of the Captain, I would like to assure each and every passenger that will we do whatever it takes to fulfill all your needs and desires during your journey with us.

At your earliest possible convenience, please attend the mandatory lifeboat drill by the end of the day. I'm sure everyone is very eager to get started on all the fun and sun, but safety always comes first! You can find your life jacket in your cabin's closet; carry it to your assigned muster station on deck one, where I will take you through the drill. If you can't find me in the crowd, just look for the gal with the winning smile!

See You Real Soon!

Sincerely,
Gal Friday

you walk to deck one. you have no other choice: every time you try to step in a direction some unseen being considers "not towards deck one," you find your legs no longer move, staying stock still, frozen. whether compelled quickly by curiosity, or delayed by pure stubbornness, the result is the same, and you are left milling around with other similarly curious or stubborn people.

you see someone in uniform near the front of the crowd. she seems to be a gal, but is missing the winning smile, along with most of her other features. she seems to see you, though, rushing to your side and placing a lei around your neck with great formality. a voice, cheery but artificial, sees to come from nowhere and everywhere.]

Welcome aboard! We're so glad to have you!

[you touch the lei. rooster feathers, lotus seeds, and a carved circle of something white and hard, linked onto a silk string.

after the drill is completed, you are seemingly free to go. or, well, your legs work, now. and maybe that's as good as it's gonna get.]

2. and a touch-tone phone

[chatterbox isn't exactly the most popular venue onboard. it probably has something to do with the distinct lack of open liquor bottles. so, nothing personal. except it seems that it's decided to take it that way, suddenly.

anyone enjoying the other amenities of deck five will feel the distinct sensation of being watched while they do so. the kind of feeling a prey animal gets while being stalked on the grasslands. something may slither by their foot, or past their elbow while they rest it on the bar, but nothing appears to be there when they look.

until there is.

a black electrical cord originating from somewhere will, first, wrap around their ankle, tugging in a very clear "follow" instruction. should this instruction be ignored, a second cord will wrap around their other ankle, and, once again, tug. should this clear final warning be ignored... well, now they're being dragged down the promenade, and that's really their own fault, isn't it. don't struggle. struggling means more cords show up. and none of them seem terribly aware that most species need to expand their lungs to live.

their final destination, no matter the journey, is chatterbox's main stage, where the karaoke machine awaits. the cords place a microphone in their hand; the mic's cords bind it tightly to their hand.

they don't have to pick a song. there isn't an actual gun to their head, in any literal sense. it's just, those cords really don't seem that interested in letting go until they do.

and if you were heading to chatterbox anyway? welcome to the weirdest goddamn karaoke night you've ever seen.]

3. and a bucket of ice (cw: cannibalism mention)

[no longer will scoops be bound by the shackles of only having 31 flavors. for this month, and this month only, a sign that very much looks like Friday hand-wrote it announces, they will have 32!

what is that mysterious 32nd flavor? it depends, really: the letters on the display case seem to shift and change with each new pair of eyes that fall upon them, with the contents changing along with it. someone from the capital wasteland might find some Nuka-Cola ™ branded ice cream. twilight town residents will be thrilled to find sea salt on the menu. and a frankly concerning amount of people bring out a flavor that only describes itself as "long pig." it's a weird off-white color. don't think about it too hard.]

Comments

Parker - Leverage

[asafecrackingdevice]

1. The Safety Drill Job

Between assessing the dangers, trying (only a little desperately) to contact her crew with an earbud that didn't seem to be working, and stubbornly refusing to go the only way her legs (and arms, she'd tried walking on her hands but that hadn't yielded any more results than walking normally did) would take her, it had taken Parker a very long time to make it to the deck for the so called "safety" briefing. She pulled faces whole way through instead of paying any sort of attention.

If she was going to get herself off this strange ship, she'd need information. The grift wasn't really her game, and she still didn't relish doing it without Sophie in her ear, but given she wasn't exactly sure if she'd be physically able to do her own poking around it would have to do for now, and word on the ground was as good a place to start as any.

"Well I'm sure glad that's over," she elbowed the person next to her, maybe a little too hard, she was never a great judge of that sort of thing, "Who knew the threat of drowning could get so boring, huh?"

2. The Karaoke Job

Parker evaded the first cord before it could wrap around her ankle, but that only seemed to anger them. She didn't like this place. Not one bit. And that wasn't helped by the fact that she was now being dragged along by her ankles to some unknown destination. It had to be some kind of trickery, but what kind didn't really matter. She tried her best to free her ankles but to no avail, going along with whatever was happening seemed to be her only option. Again. She really hated this place.

At the continued urging of the cords, she looked through the karaoke machine, there weren't many songs she recognised by name, but one definitely stood out to her. Thinking Of You - Kaye Lyn Gold. She couldn't sing like Kaye Lyn and Eliot could, but she could try. She wondered if they'd be proud of her for giving it a go.

As soon as she was free, Parker all but collapsed off the stage and into the nearest chair.

3. The Icecream Job

Icecream. Now that was something Parker could get behind. She'd tried all 32 flavours. Twice. Manic grin spread across her face as she went back around for the third time. There was icecream on her nose and some smeared across her shirt. She looked like a five year old who'd just worked out how to open the freezer.

"This is really good" she said between mouthfuls to whoever would listen, "Is there always this much icecream? Maybe this weird ship isn't so bad after all"

4. The Lock-picking Tutor Job

[saltwaterlungs]

Pretty much all of the ship was open to the people on-board. Which suited Darcy just fine, it allowed her to do her snooping without running into too many issues. But there was a maintenance closet near the promenade that had so far evaded her snooping, which annoyed her, but not enough to try and break the door down.

So when she sees some blonde chick fiddling with the lock, she leans up against the nearest wall.

"You know we can see you, ehn? Super suspicious looking."

[asafecrackingdevice]

Parker frowns at the lock for a moment, before putting her hands down with a huff at looking over at the person talking to her
"Well you wouldn't if this lock weren't so... Weird" she picks her tools back up and goes right back to working on the lock, if she's got any problem with being caught she certainly doesn't show it, doesn't even look like she thinks there was something to be caught at "I don't know what locks they use here but they're good. Or broken. They're probably broken."

She shrugs, makes a frustrated noise under her breath as the pins reset again, and finally pulls her picks out of the lock entirely and holds them out to Darcy "Do you wanna try?"

Because everyone knows how to pick locks right? Especially at- well she's not sure how old this girl is, old enough to know the basics anyway.

[saltwaterlungs]

"Probably broken. Or just weird."

Hey, Darcy's not a narc, and it's not like it's anyone else's belongings. It's practically public property, just public property they don't have access to.

She blinks a little at the tool being offered to her.

"I'd probably have a better chance of breaking the door down. I don't know how to pick a lock."

[asafecrackingdevice]

"You wanna learn?" She's already fished a padlock out of her pocket to hold out with the picks, "It's a life skill, you never know when you'll need it. Even if you're not a thief"

[saltwaterlungs]

Well, hey, who else was going to teach her how to break the law?

"Sure," she took the picks and the lock, looking over the latter carefully.

"So, what am I doing here?"

[asafecrackingdevice]

Parker grins, points to the tool that's bent at a right angle "so that one's for tensioning, you insert it into the lock and press a little, the same way you would turn the key. Now this one-"

She's going pretty quickly through her explanation, but it's thorough and leaves just enough room for Darcy to ask questions as needed, once she's finished she smiles again, encouraging, as she asks "would you like a demonstration first, or do you want to just give it a go?"

[saltwaterlungs]

It's a lot of information to take in at once, and the delicate tools in her hand only makes Darcy feel clumsy and ham-fisted. She tries to put the instructions together in her head, but Darcy's always been one to learn by doing, so she offers the lock and tools back to the nice lady.

"Demonstration, please."

[asafecrackingdevice]

She nods, works at arms length as she demonstrates to give the best view and takes it slow. Hold the tension lightly but not too lightly, angle to find the pins and push on them. She tries to narrate as she goes - this pin's tight so lift until it clicks, loose, loose, tight again - and takes a breath between each one to make sure she doesn't speed through it too quickly

Even slowing herself down for demonstration's sake it takes her less than a minute to get the lock open. Locking it again she hands it back to Darcy with an expectant smile
"Your turn now!"

[saltwaterlungs]

It's delicate work, and not necessarily anything that comes intuitively to her. But she's careful and watches the movements carefully, trying to mimic the subtle shift of her hands. Once she gets the pick in the lock, it's much easier, more responsive than she expected, and she starts to get the feel of when a pin is sticking.

"I think I got one of the pins in?"

[asafecrackingdevice]

"Yeah you got it!" she bumps against Darcy's shoulder in friendly encouragement, "Now find the next pin and keep going, you don't have to be quick. Just focus and work the problem, you can do it"

[saltwaterlungs]

Darcy nearly slips from the bump, but continues her endeavor with dogged tenacity, slowly but surely making her way through all of the pins, until the lock clicks open. She smiles, relieved she could make it work, and spins the shackle before handing it back to her.

"I didn't think it'd be that easy. It's just... delicate. Are all locks like this?"

[asafecrackingdevice]

"That one's a pin cylinder, it's one of the most common types of lock, especially on padlocks. Other kinds require a different technique, but if it's got a key and you've got enough time any lock can be picked." she glares at the door that'd been giving her trouble for a moment "Any functional lock can be picked"

1.

[broshaw]

So, they're dead, right?

Sharky's totally sure they're dead. It makes total sense: you don't survive a murder cult, a nuclear apocalypse, and roving bands of organized raiders and then get to die of old age surrounded by friends and family. You, uh... you do whatever it was Sharky was doing before he woke up here. He is not too clear on that part, actually, and none of the muster speech has worked to clear a single thing up.

He gets elbowed, and then talked at, which means he's not some kinda weird ghost or something. It also means he should probably say something back. Something cool and confident, to show that he's not freaking out about the situation at all.

"To be real with you, if you fell off at this height, you'd probably die from the impact on the water, so no worries about drowning or anything." Uh... "I mean, we're probably already dead or whatever so it probably wouldn't hurt too much." UH!!! "I mean... yeah, boring, right?"

[asafecrackingdevice]

"Pssh you wouldn't die, it's not that high" it is, but Parker jumps of buildings for fun, so her perception's a little skewed.

She blinks a few times, processing the rest of what was said to her. "Why would we be dead? We can't be dead" she says like it's the most obvious thing in the world "Dead people can't talk"

[broshaw]

"You really think so?" Actually, he could be totally wrong. He's never been on a cruise ship before. He's never been on a ship, period. He just saw Titanic once a billion years ago and took that shit to heart.

"See, I would say maybe we're ghosts or something, but obviously those aren't real. But I also thought cruise ships weren't real anymore, either... I mean, when's the last time you saw shit like this?" He's gesturing at deck chairs and life rings like it's bananas they exist at all.

[asafecrackingdevice]

"What, chairs?" she's very confused now, who doesn't expect to see chairs? Either she's even more out of touch with ordinary people than she thought, or the rich have reached new levels of Weird while she wasn't looking. She really needs someone to tell her how to handle this. Maybe if she ignores the chair thing he won't notice her confusion

"Why do you think we're dead anyway? Why not kidnapped? Or dreaming or something?"

[broshaw]

Good move, he definitely doesn't notice her confusion! That's because he's too busy being full of his own confusion.

"Uh, because the world was plunged into a firey nuclear apocalypse, like... twenty-whatever years ago? Thereby nixing any and all pleasure cruises for the foreseeable future? I mean, I guess we coulda been kidnapped onto some rich dude's murder yacht. That sounds pretty Mad Max..."

[asafecrackingdevice]

"I think I'd've noticed if there was an apocalypse"

Now she's even more confused, as if today couldn't get any stranger. "Firey neuclear apocalypse"? That sounds like something straight out of one of those games Hardison plays with his pretend friends... Huh

"Oh! You're doing that thing where you pretend to shoot people in real life, right? With nerf guns and dress up! A roleplaying thingy"

[broshaw]

"What? No, my gun is way real." Wait... Oh no. What if he's... traveling in time? What if she's from the past, and he's fucking everything up right now?

"Uh... Just like, totally randomly, what year is it for you?"

[asafecrackingdevice]

Really committing to the bit huh. Parker stares at him for a long moment, trying to puzzle him out, before she finally snorts out a laugh

"It's 3029, clearly" there isn't a shred of irony in her voice, "Why, what year do you think it is?"

[broshaw]

Oooooh shit. Oh no. Fuck, this is exactly the kind of shit Zip was always talking about, before he got vaporized by his own hubris. Shit!

"Uhhhhh. I sure hope y'all don't got laws on time-travelers because I'm from the ancient year of 2035, and I will not do well in time jail!"

He definitely says "the ancient year of 2035" in a vaguely mystical, spooky tone. Because to him, time travel is mystical and spooky!

[asafecrackingdevice]

Parker can't help but laugh, the spooky tone just cements the idea in her head that it's a game. And one she's actually enjoying playing along with

"2035, you say?" she shakes her head, and puts on a slightly over-acted 'disgruntled cop' voice "Well I'm gonna need to see your permit then. New law, see, no-one from prior to 2036 allowed without a permit"

[broshaw]

This is worse than the time he got ticketed for indecent exposure outside Lorna's truck stop. Shit, this could possibly be worse than the evil cult, depending on the fines!

"Uh..." Oh he should run. He should totally bolt before the time police find him. But what if he runs and gets caught? That's always way worse. Bribing is also pretty risky, too, but you can always bolt after the bribe fails. Not so easy to bribe after bolting fails...

"Look, I got like. Uh, a couple shotgun shells and a half-pack of cigarettes -- it's all yours if you look the other way for me. Just this once! I mean, shit, man! I don't... My family's definitely all dead, so nobody can pay my bail!"

[asafecrackingdevice]

Hands on hips, eyes narrowed, and chewing on her lip Parker stares at him for a good time longer than is strictly comfortable

"You seem like a decent guy, so I'll let you off this once," she drawls out slowly, "But you better have that permit next time I see you, or there'll be hell to pay"

Hey this is fun - pretending to be someone she's not without a con on the line. Maybe she should join in on Hardison's games after all