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TEST DRIVE MEME #2
1. this hotel room got a lot of stuff
[you wake up.
it doesn't matter where you were before. going to bed? dying? opening the door to face a great evil? same result. you wake up in a soft bed with starched sheets in a cool, darkened room, sunlight peeking out from behind thick curtains. maybe you're alone; maybe you aren't. maybe you immediately notice the folded paper on the bedside table near your head. if you don't, you better fix that real quick: you won't be able to even open the door before you read it.
the note itself is written in a neat hand on white card stock; there is a stylized logo of a ship with the words SERENA ETERNA printed underneath. the note reads as follows:
Dear Passenger(s),
As your cruise director, it is my great honor to welcome you aboard the Serena Eterna, your destination for fun and adventure! We know you could have chosen any cruise line for your vacation, and we're very grateful you chose ours! On behalf of the Captain, I would like to assure each and every passenger that will we do whatever it takes to fulfill all your needs and desires during your journey with us.
At your earliest possible convenience, please attend the mandatory lifeboat drill by the end of the day. I'm sure everyone is very eager to get started on all the fun and sun, but safety always comes first! You can find your life jacket in your cabin's closet; carry it to your assigned muster station on deck one, where I will take you through the drill. If you can't find me in the crowd, just look for the gal with the winning smile!
See You Real Soon!
Sincerely,
Gal Friday
you walk to deck one. you have no other choice: every time you try to step in a direction some unseen being considers "not towards deck one," you find your legs no longer move, staying stock still, frozen. whether compelled quickly by curiosity, or delayed by pure stubbornness, the result is the same, and you are left milling around with other similarly curious or stubborn people.
you see someone in uniform near the front of the crowd. she seems to be a gal, but is missing the winning smile, along with most of her other features. she seems to see you, though, rushing to your side and placing a lei around your neck with great formality. a voice, cheery but artificial, sees to come from nowhere and everywhere.]
Welcome aboard! We're so glad to have you!
[you touch the lei. rooster feathers, lotus seeds, and a carved circle of something white and hard, linked onto a silk string.
after the drill is completed, you are seemingly free to go. or, well, your legs work, now. and maybe that's as good as it's gonna get.]
2. and a touch-tone phone
[chatterbox isn't exactly the most popular venue onboard. it probably has something to do with the distinct lack of open liquor bottles. so, nothing personal. except it seems that it's decided to take it that way, suddenly.
anyone enjoying the other amenities of deck five will feel the distinct sensation of being watched while they do so. the kind of feeling a prey animal gets while being stalked on the grasslands. something may slither by their foot, or past their elbow while they rest it on the bar, but nothing appears to be there when they look.
until there is.
a black electrical cord originating from somewhere will, first, wrap around their ankle, tugging in a very clear "follow" instruction. should this instruction be ignored, a second cord will wrap around their other ankle, and, once again, tug. should this clear final warning be ignored... well, now they're being dragged down the promenade, and that's really their own fault, isn't it. don't struggle. struggling means more cords show up. and none of them seem terribly aware that most species need to expand their lungs to live.
their final destination, no matter the journey, is chatterbox's main stage, where the karaoke machine awaits. the cords place a microphone in their hand; the mic's cords bind it tightly to their hand.
they don't have to pick a song. there isn't an actual gun to their head, in any literal sense. it's just, those cords really don't seem that interested in letting go until they do.
and if you were heading to chatterbox anyway? welcome to the weirdest goddamn karaoke night you've ever seen.]
3. and a bucket of ice (cw: cannibalism mention)
[no longer will scoops be bound by the shackles of only having 31 flavors. for this month, and this month only, a sign that very much looks like Friday hand-wrote it announces, they will have 32!
what is that mysterious 32nd flavor? it depends, really: the letters on the display case seem to shift and change with each new pair of eyes that fall upon them, with the contents changing along with it. someone from the capital wasteland might find some Nuka-Cola ™ branded ice cream. twilight town residents will be thrilled to find sea salt on the menu. and a frankly concerning amount of people bring out a flavor that only describes itself as "long pig." it's a weird off-white color. don't think about it too hard.]
no subject
Now she's even more confused, as if today couldn't get any stranger. "Firey neuclear apocalypse"? That sounds like something straight out of one of those games Hardison plays with his pretend friends... Huh
"Oh! You're doing that thing where you pretend to shoot people in real life, right? With nerf guns and dress up! A roleplaying thingy"
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"Uh... Just like, totally randomly, what year is it for you?"
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"It's 3029, clearly" there isn't a shred of irony in her voice, "Why, what year do you think it is?"
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"Uhhhhh. I sure hope y'all don't got laws on time-travelers because I'm from the ancient year of 2035, and I will not do well in time jail!"
He definitely says "the ancient year of 2035" in a vaguely mystical, spooky tone. Because to him, time travel is mystical and spooky!
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"2035, you say?" she shakes her head, and puts on a slightly over-acted 'disgruntled cop' voice "Well I'm gonna need to see your permit then. New law, see, no-one from prior to 2036 allowed without a permit"
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"Uh..." Oh he should run. He should totally bolt before the time police find him. But what if he runs and gets caught? That's always way worse. Bribing is also pretty risky, too, but you can always bolt after the bribe fails. Not so easy to bribe after bolting fails...
"Look, I got like. Uh, a couple shotgun shells and a half-pack of cigarettes -- it's all yours if you look the other way for me. Just this once! I mean, shit, man! I don't... My family's definitely all dead, so nobody can pay my bail!"
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"You seem like a decent guy, so I'll let you off this once," she drawls out slowly, "But you better have that permit next time I see you, or there'll be hell to pay"
Hey this is fun - pretending to be someone she's not without a con on the line. Maybe she should join in on Hardison's games after all
no subject
Sharky's not one for praying, but that might be a genuine little shout out to the Big Man for once. He's... not particularly bright, and so he fully does not catch on that this is all an elaborate ruse. Instead, he's now convinced he's got to figure out a way to blend in without getting caught by someone infinitely less cooler.
Except, hold on a second, if he was randomly teleported here or whatever, then what about her??? "Dude, is this normal for you? Getting zapped on cruiseliners or whatever? Wearing... uh..." He picks up the lei around his neck to examine it and then makes a face, "Ew, whatever the fuck this thing is made out of?"
no subject
"I think it's plastic" her voice has settled back into her normal register, light and somewhat clipped. She pauses, runs the flower petals through her fingers repeatedly, opens her mouth to say... something, stops, frowns, then finally
"I don't really know how I got here. But I don't think it's normal" she looks at him for a moment, "How did you get here?"
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He's really gotta struggle to remember what was happening before he woke up here. "Uhhh... Let's see, I was drinking with my cousin, 'cos... I think we burned down a fuckin' tree or something? Shit, it's all blurry. But that's probably 'cos I was blackout drunk. Uhhh, sorta the only thing to do after the world ends, you know? Shit, maybe I did die. I'm, like, way too old to be throwing back moonshine like that."
He turns his most grave, most serious face to the bro not arresting him for illegal time travel/being dead. It's... a very genuine-seeming look. Almost as if he fully, 100% has believed everything said up to his point. "Seriously. Are we fuckin' dead, man? You can tell me. I can take it."
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"We can't be dead" maybe if she says it firmly enough it'll be true, "We can't be dead because- Because my team wouldn't let that happen, that's why."
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He'll freak out about it some more later, once his object permanence disappears and he forgets this conversation was supposed to calm him down.
"Alright, cool. You -- you have a team, that's cool. And, like, you would probably remember, uh... dying, right? I feel like I'd remember that." And he definitely doesn't remember dying!