TEST DRIVE MEME #1

[sailmods]

1. now it's fun to wake up in a strange chateau

[you wake up.

it doesn't matter where you were before. going to bed? dying? opening the door to face a great evil? same result. you wake up in a soft bed with starched sheets in a cool, darkened room, sunlight peeking out from behind thick curtains. maybe you're alone; maybe you aren't. maybe you immediately notice the folded paper on the bedside table near your head. if you don't, you better fix that real quick: you won't be able to even open the door before you read it.

the note itself is written in a neat hand on white card stock; there is a stylized logo of a ship with the words SERENA ETERNA printed underneath. the note reads as follows:

Dear Passenger(s),

As your cruise director, it is my great honor to welcome you aboard the Serena Eterna, your destination for fun and adventure! We know you could have chosen any cruise line for your vacation, and we're very grateful you chose ours! On behalf of the Captain, I would like to assure each and every passenger that will we do whatever it takes to fulfill all your needs and desires during your journey with us.

At your earliest possible convenience, please attend the mandatory lifeboat drill by the end of the day. I'm sure everyone is very eager to get started on all the fun and sun, but safety always comes first! You can find your life jacket in your cabin's closet; carry it to your assigned muster station on deck one, where I will take you through the drill. If you can't find me in the crowd, just look for the gal with the winning smile!

See You Real Soon!

Sincerely,
Gal Friday

you walk to deck one. you have no other choice: every time you try to step in a direction some unseen being considers "not towards deck one," you find your legs no longer move, staying stock still, frozen. whether compelled quickly by curiosity, or delayed by pure stubbornness, the result is the same, and you are left milling around with other similarly curious or stubborn people.

you see someone in uniform near the front of the crowd. she seems to be a gal, but is missing the winning smile, along with most of her other features. she seems to see you, though, rushing to your side and placing a lei around your neck with great formality. a voice, cheery but artificial, sees to come from nowhere and everywhere.]

Welcome aboard! We're so glad to have you!

[you touch the lei. rooster feathers, lotus seeds, and a carved circle of something white and hard, linked onto a silk string.]

2. messing with my mind was fun at the time

[freshly lei'd, your legs are forced to lead out onto the deck and towards your muster station. the same woman is there, carrying a clipboard. this time, she introduces herself as Gal Friday, the cruise director, before immediately going into the muster drill spiel. it is very boring, and you are not allowed to move, except when you are required to show you know how to put your life vest on. you could try to not do this, but Friday will move to stand in front of you very closely and just. look in your direction until such a time that you decide to do it. and I'm sure your fellow passengers want you to just get on with it, too.

but, once it ends? she reiterates her desire to welcome you aboard. and, then, you're free.

well, free to move about the ship at your own leisure, of course. which is a kind of free, and probably the best one you can hope for. you could try to escape, maybe, if you have the means to; Friday certainly won't be one to stop you. that's what the barrier is for, after all.

but, wouldn't you much rather have fun?

the buffet is full. the pool is open. the casino jingles and chimes.

welcome aboard.]

3. lots of mystery in the history of the devils I knew

[you were never alone.

a few days have passed since you first arrived on the Serena Eterna. perhaps you've made yourself a little routine, and settled in a bit. or maybe you haven't done that at all. either way, you're here, and it looks like somebody is pretty pissed off about it.

it starts small. sometimes nearby plates skid off tables, or a pool chair upends while you're walking next to it. and sometimes that chair is aimed right at your head. objects are moving with quickly increasing frequency, and a wide variety of styles: some are dropped, or pushed, and others and others are tossed, but a few of the items are thrown, with great force and odd accuracy. if Friday is around during the lighter moments, she simply titters and cleans up whatever mess is made. if a pot of soup sails off the buffet line and nearly drenches you in boiling minestrone, she simply walks away.

and then there's the voices. hundreds, maybe thousands, calling out. not all are intelligible English, but you seem to understand them anyway. some sound scared, or angry. some are screams, others whispers. some sound entirely strange, while others are achingly familiar. and they're all saying the same exact thing:

Get Out.]

Comments

sanji | one piece

[deviledlegs]

marshmallow gal;

[Sanji is still wearing his lei as he leans against the ship's rail, pops a cigarette from its pack, and lights up. His first drag is slow and purposeful. He's sucking up that nicotine because he needs it.

One might assume he's on edge because of their mysterious circumstances. This many strangers inexplicably waking up on a cruise ship in the middle of the sea? That's not just suspicious; that's terrifying. That, however, is not what's bothering him at all. Any misunderstanding samaritans approaching in hopes of a little commiseration may be sorely disappointed when he starts mumbling.]

Keep it together, Sanji. She may not be all of a woman, but she's still all woman! Her name is Gal for shit's sake! She's not the reason you're stuck on this soulless heap.

Plus, her hair is flawlessly coiffed.

[He hmmms to himself, still frustrated, before turning on whoever's closest.]

She looks like a marshmallow girl, doesn't she? Hot chocolate coffee with marshmallows! The perfect drink to show appreciation for a busy lady.


flying off the shelves;

[The disembodied voices have been plaguing the ship for a while now. Perhaps you were hoping to slide into the library for a quick break from the cacophony? Well, too bad.

The furniture is in chaos, with half the reading chairs lying on their sides and books scattered every few feet. A pair of dress shoes is sticking out from behind one of the bookshelves. It belongs to a tall, blond man lying flat on the floor. A book of fairytales blankets his face.

Still, when he hears footsteps entering the room, he raises a hand and points to the other side of the library.]

Careful. The science fiction section has a shitty sense of humor.

marshmallow gals

[withsadness]

That sounds perfect!

[The voice comes from below him, where little Mary beams back upward. She might have not even been the one he'd poised the question to, but she sure is the one who answered. With absolutely no ulterior motive, she adds:]

You should make one for her to say hello and be nice, and then make extra for me!

[No hidden agenda whatsoever.]

[deviledlegs]

[Sanji blinks. That sure is a cute voice, but where could it be coming from? Slowly, his gaze drops, and he meets the sparkling eyes of a little girl not yet blessed by puberty. He kind of wants to sigh, but then again, she just asked to try one of his drinks, so maybe he can forgive her for being a tiny.

A calloused hand reaches down to ruffle her hair.]

Right, right? I knew I had this figured out. Then all that's left is to find the nearest grocery and get to work!

[Do cruise ships even have groceries? Well, he's seen the dining hall. He knows the place serves food, so they must be getting supplies from somewhere.]

You up for a treasure hunt, kid?

[withsadness]

[Mary laughs when his hand musses her hair. She wonders if this is what Ib felt like having Garry around. She had never really experienced this kind of encouragement from him. Just a terrible, insidious jealousy.]

Yeah! A hunt for the golden marshmallows!

[Actually being golden not required. Instinctively, she reaches up to grab his hand.]

Do we need a treasure map with a big X?

[deviledlegs]

[Golden marshmallows, huh? That definitely sounds like something Luffy would drag them all to the ends of the Earth in order to consume. For now, though, they'll have to make due within the confines of the ship.

He's not trusted with children very often, and her little hand feels alien in his grip, fragile but warm. He makes sure not to squeeze it too tightly.]

We'll have to find a map first. Maybe even make one of our own. [Shit, he misses Nami. He grins through it.] Then we can X as many spots as we like. It'll be hard work, but golden marshmallows don't drop into just any lap, y'know.

Flying off the shelves (Lucy)

[scarredhorns]

[A little quiet time reading is exactly what Lucy hoped for, only to find the library in disarray with overturned furniture and books littering the ground. She soon notices the pair of shoes and follows them to find the man lying on the floor.]

I can't even read in the library with some peace and quiet?

[Her voice comes out sounding irritated, because she's already had enough of the ghosts, or whatever they are, throwing things around. A vector slithers from Lucy's back, lifting the book off of the man's face and placing it in her physical hands so she can see what kind of book it is.

Fairytales. Huh... She hasn't read any of those since she was first captured and brought to the Diclonius Research Institute three years ago.]

[ooc: Sanji's more than welcome to flirt with Lucy at his own risk! He may also use his haki on her, though if he tries going too deep into her mind, the DNA Voice is likely to yell at him to get out. He can also be capable of seeing the vectors, but only if he uses his haki.]

[deviledlegs]

[Her footsteps are his first clue that he's got welcome company. There is no bulk behind them. They're downright dainty, barely making any sound as they approach him. It's not until he hears her voice, however, that he has irrefutable confirmation of her sex.

There's a lady present!!

The book rises from his face, and he doesn't even seem to notice how Lucy lifted it. Sanji practically pops into a forty-five degree angle. His one visible eye hones in on her cold stare, soaks it up like a dry sponge, and shines with awe(dacity).]

Never fear, Mademoiselle! [He twirls to his feet, just to give her a proper bow.] Even when nowhere is safe, I solemnly promise to guard your peace with every piece of my being! No disembodied voice would dare taint your name while you're under my protection!

[scarredhorns]

[When he sits up so suddenly, Lucy's eyes flick up to him and narrow, thinking he's going to attack.

Except he doesn't.

Instead, he proceeds to... flirt with her?

Her wary expression quickly morphs into a baffled look, but only for a moment as she quickly recovers and returns to leafing through the book, obviously finding it more interesting than Sanji.]

I can take care of myself.

[deviledlegs]

[Her dismissal doesn't discourage him in the least. If anything, it gets him even more hyped. He fusses all around her as she reads, righting upended furniture and clearing the floor at her feet.]

Of course!! [He leaps to attention in front of her the moment she finishes her sentence.] But you were hoping to relax, right? For the sake of your beauty rest, I'll gladly sacrifice my body and more! So please, feel free to lower your guard in confidence.

[scarredhorns]

[She can see all his movement from the corners of her eyes, and it's very distracting - and strange. Lucy's more used to people cowering away from her, or looking at her with disgust, not adoration or a willingness to be at her beck and call.

Her eyes flick up to Sanji again.]

You must have hit your head really hard. Look at me, I have horns.

[She points a finger towards one of the white protrusions sticking out from her pink hair. Back where she was from, her horns alone were enough to make people see her as unattractive. Surely now that she confirmed they weren't hair accessories he'd do the same.

Right?]

[deviledlegs]

[Honestly... He's hit his head a lot in his short life. It would surprise no one, least of all himself, if he'd jostled his brain out of whack along the way. Unfortunately for the universe, no amount of head wounds will ever cure him of his lusty chivalry.]

Is that what those are? Horns? [He beams at those horns with such energetic earnest that it has to be genuine, fingers grasping longingly at air as he holds himself back from feeling up the real deal.] They're so cute I thought they were ears! I was looking forward to seeing them perk up while you praised me!

[scarredhorns]

[Seriously? Even with the admission of the white protrusions being horns he still won't quit?]

If you touch them, I'll cut your fingers off.

[And she's certainly done her fair share of maiming and dismemberment. Just ask Nana. But Lucy has a burning question of her own that she can't hold back anymore.]

Aren't you disgusted by them? My horns?

[She tries searching his eyes and body language for any signs of deceit, but can't find anything.]

marshmallow gal

[scotch_egg]

[Error: Irreparable invalid markup ('<small[he>') in entry. Owner must fix manually. Raw contents below.]

<small[he is a bit distracted by it. Very distracted to be fair. He hates magic, wants nothing to do with magic, has reluctantly accepted magic at its core due to his other experiences but this? This is bizarre. This is horrific.

He blinks, pulled out of his growing horror by the man's comment.]</small>

What the fuck are you talking about? She's not got a face! Did you hit your head on something on the way in?

[deviledlegs]

Haaah? That a problem?

[Sanji practically growls at this extremely valid, totally normal response. She really doesn't have a face. Even Sanji himself had been momentarily shocked by that. But she's still a lady, and he's made a vow to love all ladies, no matter how shocking they may be. He pulls the cigarette out of his mouth before he can grind it to dust between his teeth and points it aggressively at this stranger.]

How 'bout if I boiled your shitty balls and served them to you in a stew?

[scotch_egg]

[he snorts.]

I'd offer the same to you but since you seem to think with your balls, you'd end up a vegetable.

[but he doesn't blame the young twat really. Sometimes you cling to what you know best in a crises and what else would a young man cling to but raging hormones]

Hardy. Also that'll kill you. [nodding at the cigarette]

[deviledlegs]

[SANJI RESENTS THAT. HE ACTS WITHS HIS BALLS. HE THINKS WITH HIS DICK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.

He demonstrates this difference by grimacing at Hardy for two seconds, then taking an extra long, overly-acted drag from his killer cig. He exhales the smoke into the sea breeze.]

It'll have to wait in line.

Insult her again, and you won't live to see it happen. You must be new to these waters if one missing face is enough for you to pick a fight with a wanted pirate.

[scotch_egg]

Oh I'm sorry. What a big strong man you are. Is your ego so fragile it can't take a hit? [he shakes his head]

I'm not picking a fight I'm making an observation, and you were the one who called her a marshmallow to begin with. Not a compliment if you ask me.

[deviledlegs]

[Wait, what? Sanji record scratches, and suddenly, all that unbridled toxic masculinity flies out the window, replaced with raging high-pitched incredulity.

IS THIS GUY INSINUATING THAT HE'S THE ONE INSULTING HER?? USING FOOD EVEN????????]

I would never-!! Marshmallows are not insulting! They're fluffy and squishy and cute and bouncy and sweet! [He never even called her a marshmallow. He was trying to say that she looked like a girl who'd enjoy them. That no longer matters.] Any girl with a taste for them can only be fluffy, squishy, cute, bouncy, and sweet herself! A man who can't recognize that deserves neither the sweet nor the girl!

[scotch_egg]

[he's amused in spite of himself. The man's practically a marshmallow between the ears. Must be desperate. Alec knows the longing at least even if it's been a long time. Besides which he has a feeling the man has never actually had a real relationship with a woman in his life]

Fair enough. [he doesn't point out he can't see how she can taste anything]

So are you going to ask her out?

Flying off the shelves

[wheelofmissfortune]

[After realizing that she is stuck on this strange ship for the foreseeable future and blaming her predicament on her 'bad luck' (which is usually just caused by her inherent klutziness...), Kuwana has decided to pass the time in the library as she loves reading, especially romances~! She also believes in the cycle of luck, so surely she's due for some 'good luck' soon? Surely her master and the other sword maidens (as in swords who have attained a human form) would have noticed she was missing by now and are trying to rescue her?

Anyway, as she enters the library today, she immediately notices the disarray and what appears to be someone buried under a pile of books! She instantly hurries over to help them.]

Are-Are you all right? Hang on, I'll get you out from under there- Ah!

[Just then, a particularly thick hardcover book flies out from the science fiction section and knocks Kuwana out! Kuwana Gou really just has the worst luck ever! (T^T)]

((OOC: Have a busty and pure-hearted 'Yamato Nadeshiko-type' sword maiden~ ♥ Sanji is free to flirt with her.))

[deviledlegs]

[It happens in an instant, one fluid motion fueled by instinct. Sanji shoots up, sending the book on his face flying through the air as he catches Kuwana before her knees hit the floor. One very angry dress shoe slams down over the book, pinning it flat. Then it's time to bridal carry his dear, misguided rescuer behind the cover of a shelf.]

Miss? Miss? [He doesn't dare shake her, but he does carefully lift her head. Nothing else. Proper fawning can happen after he makes sure she's uninjured.] To think a beauty such as you took a hit for my sake. And I let it happen! I'm a failure as a man! Please, open your eyes so I can make it up to you! Miss?!

[wheelofmissfortune]

[Kuwana comes to a short while later. She rubs at her head with a soft groan...]

... what happened...?

[... before seeing a strange man hovering over her, appearing quite agitated! A beat later, she realizes that his agitation seems to out of concern for her well-being and that makes her quite flustered! She quickly sits up.]

Ah, I-I'm fine, sir! It's alright! You needn't worry about me. I'm rather used to bumping into things and hurting myself... so, it's fine...

[For she's plagued by bad luck! (Not really, Kuwana...) Though, this was probably legitimate case of bad luck this time?]

[deviledlegs]

[She's blinking, moving, speaking! Realization sweeps over him like a wave, and by the time she's sitting up in front of him, he can't stop the giant, salty tears of relief. He barrels forward to grab her hand with both his own - a teary, snotty mess - but through some miracle of will, not a drop of it lands on her.]

What happened today can only be that this beautiful and kindly goddess descended upon me to remind me of all I still have to live for in this cruel world! You put yourself in harm's way for this lowly pirate, and now I must do the same!

[Perhaps she can glean that she hurt herself in her attempt to help him, perhaps not. That verbal spew isn't the most helpful answer she could have gotten. It's certainly passionate though, considering she was only conked on the head with a book.]

[wheelofmissfortune]

[Kuwana can only blink in shock for a moment at his rather extreme reaction of relief for her well-being (?) and she just lets him take her hand. Why is he... But she doesn't even know him?? Yet, this is rather sweet (?) in a way?

However, that's when it dawns on her that she's holding hands with a member of the opposite sex! Which is most inappropriate to her rather traditional sensibilities! But-But seeing the state he currently is in, it might cause him even more distress if she were to withdraw her hand...? What to do?? But-But perhaps it isn't inappropriate if holding her hand brings him comfort in some way?

She's so busy worrying about the appropriacy of their current hand-holding situation that she doesn't quite catch all of his verbal spew. Yet, she does hear what sounds like him perhaps thinking of ending his life!? And 'pirate'. He's a pirate? She studies him curiously, she's never met one before, though she supposes that he does look a bit like the ones on the covers of those trashy romance novels she's seen in this very library? Maybe? Somehow that causes her heart to beat just a little faster! Oh, and she should say something in response. Something comforting. And she needs to be delicate. Please don't end your life, Mr Pirate!

Kuwana places her other hand tentatively over his. Being rather motherly, she is used to comforting the younger sword maidens but she doesn't really have much experience interacting with boys or men, apart from her master. (And those interactions are purely professional and mostly limited to battle plans and all that.) Then she smiles softly, sweetly at him.]

Thank you very much for your concern, sir. I really am fine. I'm not injured at all.

[And he isn't entirely wrong in calling her a goddess. She kind of technically is one, in a way.]

[deviledlegs]

[Not only is she thanking him, she's reassuring him! Such a kind and compassionate girl! He must protect her beautiful, perky bosom smile at all costs.

The intensity of his tearful outburst soon dies down, along with his urgency, and once he's caught his breath again, he raises their tangle of hands to plant a kiss above her knuckles.]

Then the heavens have smiled upon me. I don't think the encyclopedias will be as forgiving though, so if you were looking for any specific book, please let me retrieve it on your behalf!