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TEST DRIVE MEME #1
1. now it's fun to wake up in a strange chateau
[you wake up.
it doesn't matter where you were before. going to bed? dying? opening the door to face a great evil? same result. you wake up in a soft bed with starched sheets in a cool, darkened room, sunlight peeking out from behind thick curtains. maybe you're alone; maybe you aren't. maybe you immediately notice the folded paper on the bedside table near your head. if you don't, you better fix that real quick: you won't be able to even open the door before you read it.
the note itself is written in a neat hand on white card stock; there is a stylized logo of a ship with the words SERENA ETERNA printed underneath. the note reads as follows:
Dear Passenger(s),
As your cruise director, it is my great honor to welcome you aboard the Serena Eterna, your destination for fun and adventure! We know you could have chosen any cruise line for your vacation, and we're very grateful you chose ours! On behalf of the Captain, I would like to assure each and every passenger that will we do whatever it takes to fulfill all your needs and desires during your journey with us.
At your earliest possible convenience, please attend the mandatory lifeboat drill by the end of the day. I'm sure everyone is very eager to get started on all the fun and sun, but safety always comes first! You can find your life jacket in your cabin's closet; carry it to your assigned muster station on deck one, where I will take you through the drill. If you can't find me in the crowd, just look for the gal with the winning smile!
See You Real Soon!
Sincerely,
Gal Friday
you walk to deck one. you have no other choice: every time you try to step in a direction some unseen being considers "not towards deck one," you find your legs no longer move, staying stock still, frozen. whether compelled quickly by curiosity, or delayed by pure stubbornness, the result is the same, and you are left milling around with other similarly curious or stubborn people.
you see someone in uniform near the front of the crowd. she seems to be a gal, but is missing the winning smile, along with most of her other features. she seems to see you, though, rushing to your side and placing a lei around your neck with great formality. a voice, cheery but artificial, sees to come from nowhere and everywhere.]
Welcome aboard! We're so glad to have you!
[you touch the lei. rooster feathers, lotus seeds, and a carved circle of something white and hard, linked onto a silk string.]
2. messing with my mind was fun at the time
[freshly lei'd, your legs are forced to lead out onto the deck and towards your muster station. the same woman is there, carrying a clipboard. this time, she introduces herself as Gal Friday, the cruise director, before immediately going into the muster drill spiel. it is very boring, and you are not allowed to move, except when you are required to show you know how to put your life vest on. you could try to not do this, but Friday will move to stand in front of you very closely and just. look in your direction until such a time that you decide to do it. and I'm sure your fellow passengers want you to just get on with it, too.
but, once it ends? she reiterates her desire to welcome you aboard. and, then, you're free.
well, free to move about the ship at your own leisure, of course. which is a kind of free, and probably the best one you can hope for. you could try to escape, maybe, if you have the means to; Friday certainly won't be one to stop you. that's what the barrier is for, after all.
but, wouldn't you much rather have fun?
the buffet is full. the pool is open. the casino jingles and chimes.
welcome aboard.]
3. lots of mystery in the history of the devils I knew
[you were never alone.
a few days have passed since you first arrived on the Serena Eterna. perhaps you've made yourself a little routine, and settled in a bit. or maybe you haven't done that at all. either way, you're here, and it looks like somebody is pretty pissed off about it.
it starts small. sometimes nearby plates skid off tables, or a pool chair upends while you're walking next to it. and sometimes that chair is aimed right at your head. objects are moving with quickly increasing frequency, and a wide variety of styles: some are dropped, or pushed, and others and others are tossed, but a few of the items are thrown, with great force and odd accuracy. if Friday is around during the lighter moments, she simply titters and cleans up whatever mess is made. if a pot of soup sails off the buffet line and nearly drenches you in boiling minestrone, she simply walks away.
and then there's the voices. hundreds, maybe thousands, calling out. not all are intelligible English, but you seem to understand them anyway. some sound scared, or angry. some are screams, others whispers. some sound entirely strange, while others are achingly familiar. and they're all saying the same exact thing:
Get Out.]
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"Those the kind of cheap tricks you're resorting to to get an invite over to other people's places? Why don't you just invite me over to yours then, eh?" He would happily take the opportunity to turn her down although if he gets attacked by the ghosts again, he might reconsider hanging around in this pool area.
"So he doesn't know you're here then! You just abandoned your post. Oh I'm sure he'll be delighted to hear that!"
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Unless it's for a very different sort of ball busting, of course.
"Like I would step foot in your room or allow you in mine. I'd have to bleach the whole thing after you left... too much work." Pool area may be safer than say, the buffet. No one wants steaming hot food thrown in their face after all.
"It wasn't intentional!" He'll understand... probably. "Maybe I'll tag you back for old times' sake."
Only not really because how annoying would he be then?
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"Right, right - you only want to have your way with men when they're brain damaged and skittish, eager to please you and 'yes milady' to everything you say." It's just too bad she didn't find him in that state again. He's an outright nuisance when he's impossible to control and he knows how much of a pain in the arse he can be. How much he can annoy her is actually something he wears with pride.
"I checked meself out of that hotel. You'll never have me back," he proclaims, also getting to his feet and folding his arms. "You're not the boss of anybody up 'ere, and you'd do well to remember that."
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"Don't flatter yourself. I like to have my way with real men... unfortunately, there's not one around at the moment." Why he prides himself in being annoying is beyond her, honestly. This is why she has multiple little voodoo dolls of him to torment, you know.
"Oh, you'll always wind up in Hell and we both know that." She's confident in that one. There's a laugh at his warning.
"Oh? What will you do if I don't, John?"
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It's a combination of being pissed off and the emasculating and the frustration of dealing with her, dealing with the ghosts, and of being here in general for reasons still unknown with no easy way to leave, even if he doubts she'd ever believe he had no intention of hurting her. At least, not while he's sober and in control of himself.
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Of course she thinks he meant to do it.
"Ow! Who throws fruit?"" Really. She doesn't have to worry about the poltergeists giving her a concussion at all as long as there's Constantine and coconuts. She hisses and grabs the spot above her brow where she got clocked, glaring.
"If I'm bleeding--" She's kicking him right in the crotch if she has to walk around bruised and bloody. On the plus side, she at least didn't end up back on her ass or knocked out.
He's getting another slap, in any case. "You're lucky I don't curse your dick into falling off!"
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"Move your hand away you stupid cunt." He swats at her forearm that's touching the bump above her eyebrow. "Lemme see that."
Once she stops trying to shove him away, he's actually quite gentle about the way he's just touching around the wound and blowing on the open cut to get a bit of what he thinks is some of the husk out. Muttering a short, simple, quiet spell, the cut heals over and he's able to just brush the blood away by swiping his thumb over where the wound used to be.
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There's a lot of shoving and slapping and frustration. It only stops because he won't stop insisting on looking at his handiwork. She crosses her arms sullenly then, glaring as he inspects her forehead.
"Ugh-- don't use your magic on me. Disgusting--" Too late now, of course, and at least the throbbing has stopped... But he's still getting swatted away.
"Now I need a shower." Or to push John in the pool... which is also tempting at the moment.
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He doesn't want to hit her back but she's giving him fewer and fewer reasons not to. At least she didn't gouge his eyes out when he tried to fix her cut.
"Well don't let me stop you from taking your first one this decade," he snips. Yes, their arguing has devolved to YOU SMELL! levels of maturity. Lucifer is probably thanking his lucky stars right now that they're on a boat far away from hell right now.
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No eye gouging, not yet. Instead, there's a moody huff as her hands slide to her hips,e yes narrow on one of the most infuriating people she's had the displeasure of working with. "At least I don't always reek of cheap booze, tobacco, and sex with whatever I can convince to spread their legs for me."
A pause. "And shouldn't we be focusing on why we're here in the first place? We have more pressing issues, Constantine!"
Lucifer is, undoubtedly, enjoying his vacation away from these two.
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"What 'we'? Wasn't I the last bloke you were ever going to work with?" And he fails to see how figuring out why they're here in the first place triumphs over a nice long hot shower.
"No guarantee you'd be able to toddle off this ship even if you do know why you're here, mate."
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"And so what do you suggest, John? I have a job back home that I don't intend to just abandon."
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You know what? He's not been having a 100% good time either being dicked around by the ghosts, but you don't see him hanging around here bitching and moaning clamouring about wanting to go to Hell.
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It actually is quite a bit like home.
"Have you been able to relax and enjoy yourself with ghosts throwing things at you? Please do share your secrets, if so."
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"It's not any different from what I do everyday. Don't blame the ghosts for your incompetence," he quips. Clearly if he can deal with one or three hundred annoying lost souls, it's her fault that she can't enjoy her time on board the ship.
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"Let's go sit by the pool and catch some sun then, if this is just a cruise. Come on. Swimsuits and all... or better yet, we can just go without."