TEST DRIVE MEME #3

[sailmods]

1. you're the only one you owe (GUEST STARRING: selenokinesis and creepyoldguy)

[you wake up.

it doesn't matter where you were before. going to bed? dying? opening the door to face a great evil? same result. you wake up in a soft bed with starched sheets in a cool, darkened room, sunlight peeking out from behind thick curtains. maybe you're alone; maybe you aren't. maybe you immediately notice the folded paper on the bedside table near your head. if you don't, you better fix that real quick: you won't be able to even open the door before you read it.

the note itself is written in a neat hand on white card stock; there is a stylized logo of a ship with the words SERENA ETERNA printed underneath. the note reads as follows:

Dear Passengers(s),

You'll be unable to leave your cabin until you read this note. Congratulations on making it past the first step. Keep reading if you wish, as I have information to share with you, as a fellow passenger stuck aboard this ship. Or don't continue reading, and burn the note. I'm not particularly invested either way, especially if you choose to throw away valuable warnings.

Watch out for the Captain.

Be cautious what you sign up for.

If you die, you'll come back to life eventually, though I would recommend you try not to die.

Your life is the Captain's plaything.

Do not think for one moment that someone isn't watching you.

With that aside, I am now contractually obligated to tell you the following: You will find a life jacket within your cabin's closet, and you are required to bring it with you to your assigned muster station on deck one. A companion and I will take you through the drill. If you cannot find us, look for a tall male with white hair and blue eyes and a friendly-looking man with unkept brown hair and a winning smile.

Respectfully,
Moon Master Ebalon

you walk to deck one. you have no other choice: every time you try to step in a direction some unseen being considers "not towards deck one," you find your legs no longer move, staying stock still, frozen. whether compelled quickly by curiosity, or delayed by pure stubbornness, the result is the same, and you are left milling around with other similarly curious or stubborn people.

you see two people standing at the front of the crowd: an exhausted-looking man with white hair who seems rather displeased that he's been roped into this, and a man with a wide grin, bright green tips on his hair, and amber eyes. the latter is waving cheerfully, having an armful of leis. he quite happily puts them around people’s necks and while they’re distracted, attempts to dip them into a kiss.

as he’s basically a walking corpse, and smells like one to boot, it’s not exactly hitting the jackpot. but, he does at least listen to the word “NO”.

the tired-seeming man ignores this and announces over the drone of chattering passengers like yourself,]

Welcome to the Serena Eterna. Do try to enjoy your stay here; it is rather permanent in nature, huhu.

[and from next to his companion, the… er, overly-affectionate man who sounds as though he smokes ten packs a day rasps,]

You’re all doomed!

[you touch the lei. rooster feathers, lotus seeds, and a carved circle of something white and hard, linked onto a silk string.

after the duo complete the drill, you'll find that your legs suddenly obey your command, for what that's worth.

welcome aboard, passenger. we hope you enjoy your stay.]

2. one by one they'll do you in

[it starts, as most things do, with a table lamp. floating down a hallway, or the length of the promenade. ambling at a distinct clip: one-two-three-KICK, one-two-three-KICK.

and that's... not immediately concerning. after all, things float around here all the time; usually plates and drinks, but maybe the shades want to mix it up a bit. the lamp is alone for about a half hour before it is joined by others. a pillow. some knickknack from the ship store. Friday's clipboard. an empty vodka bottle. all have lined up, one in front of the other, and lead a procession snaking around the ship, growing with each passing hour. anyone familiar with the concept would begin to recognize it as a massive conga line.

there is a small chance you will want to join of your own free will. most likely, you will not want that. this does not matter: something compels you, like pins and needles in your feet, to join the dance. and once you have joined in... your body fights your mind on the subject, even as it grows more and more tired.

you pass by a familiar face. they could help pull you out. or you could pull them in.]

3. the price of vice foretold

[the scent of citrus and coconut rum hangs heavy in the air. there is a new storefront on the promenade, tucked between Sand Dollars and John's in a place where you are very certain there was not enough space to tuck a store before.

the clothes for sale are... a lot. like, a lot a lot. but, there are quite a lot of choices, though they do seem to repeat a little, once you've gone in far enough. in fact, even if you actively attempt to find it, you can't seem to find the back of the store. you can see a wall, sure, but it never seems to get any closer, even as you walk towards it.

be forewarned: the infinite tommy bahama does not have food or water.]

Comments

[theweakhavepurpose]

It'll be fucked here in a different way though. That's important. And better, because no cult. No bliss. No Jacob.

[Not that he wants any of the other Seed family members, but after Jacob he can probably deal with them. He doesn't see Joseph as someone who would get his hands dirty doing his own torture.]

I think I need more than sun but...It wouldn't hurt. Food and sleep and sun and maybe I'll feel human again.

[Instead of a Jacob-themed rabid dog.]

[broshaw]

Exactamundo, buddy. And I'm gonna be honest with you, if that dude ever shows up I will round up a posse and it will be on sight, motherfucker.

[Normally he'd be lightly joking, but Sharky is serious here. Hands on SIGHT. The fact that murder is only temporary here doesn't matter. He'll do it twice! Once for Pratt, and once for Rook -- and then one more time for everyone else!]

Same with any of the fuckin' Seeds. If that sack of shit John shows up I will strangle him with my bare hands. Not even a lie. I fuckin' hated that dude. [For totally normal and not personal reasons.] Ugh. Never mind, I don't wanna jinx it.

[theweakhavepurpose]

If any of them show up we should toss them over the side tied to a cinderblock. They can die and revive and die and revive at the bottom of the ocean for eternity.

[And he means any of them. Preferably all together so they can just watch each other drown for the rest of existence.]

Just... If Jacob shows up, kill me first - it'll probably buy you some time.

[broshaw]

[Fuck yeah, they're gonna murder the Seeds! And anyone who gets weird about it will learn the hard way just what Hope County had to deal with. Probably with lots of yelling and crying and "YOU DON'T KNOW MAN, YOU DON'T KNOW WHAT WE'VE BEEN THROUGH."]

Ahhh, maybe we'll try like, lockin' you in a room or somethin' first. If you break out, then I'll like. Kill you or whatever. [He's definitely not going to do a good job of it, he's pretty sure Pratt could murder him with both hands tied behind his back, but like fuck he's gonna say as much!]

[theweakhavepurpose]

[They can take turns holding them down and breaking their limbs with sledgehammers in front of horrified other passengers. It's fine.]

Well make sure it's a closet so I don't jump through a window and then float away.

[He's not even really joking, that's something he might actually do and then not be able to get back up the side of the boat and eventually drown. But in any case, he pushes his chair back, maybe it's time to get some of that sleep they've been talking about.]

Thanks Sharky... for like.. not letting me hide out in my room until I starved.

[broshaw]

[You can tell that he's matured because he doesn't make a single joke about Pratt being in the closet. Also, he can't come up with one fast enough before the genuine sentiment kicks in.]

Yeah, man, obviously! I should, uhhh, probably warn you that you'll wind up with somebody else sharin' your space eventually. [Sharky hasn't seen his cabinmate at all, but that's probably because she's her own room.] So, like, just keep that in mind.

And, uhhh, if you want I'll like. Walk you back before I fuck off. Let you get some sleep and, like, a shower and all that shit. I'll give you my number too, so if... anything happens, you can just, like. Call me. [Yep, if you start going feral, just dial the Sharky hotline and he'll come a-runnin'. Probably to his own death, but hey, it's the thought that counts.]

[theweakhavepurpose]

[Don't worry Sharky, he'll mentally make that joke himself later when he remembers saying it. Because Sharky might have matured, but Pratt is still twenty-six and about as mature as a teenager if it wasn't for all the trauma.]

Hn. Well.. guess I'll deal with that when it happens. No one else was there this morning. And all the crap I knocked over was just room stuff, not any personal items. So maybe I got lucky this once.

[He deserves that little bit of luck for a while. Get acquainted with the ship and a little calmer before someone has to share space with him. ]

I'm about to take one of those showers so hot my skin melts off. And then sleep for a week.

[He will definitely take Sharky up on the going feral hotline though, because if anyone could potentially talk him down it's someone he actually knows, kind of trusts, and understands what's happening. He's going to try his hardest to not kill Sharky. He really doesn't want to kill Sharky. Maybe he can will himself into seeing Sharky as always being in his fursuit and therefore not a human to kill. Or .. something. He'll work on it.]