sail_ooc | TEST DRIVE MEME #10

a. that's where we both belong

[you wake up.

it doesn't matter where you were before. going to bed? dying? opening the door to face a great evil? same result. you wake up in a soft bed with starched sheets in a cool, darkened room, sunlight peeking out from behind thick curtains. maybe you're alone; maybe you aren't. maybe you immediately notice the folded paper on the bedside table near your head. if you don't, you better fix that real quick: you won't be able to even open the door before you read it.

the note itself is written in a neat hand on white card stock; there is a stylized logo of a ship with the words SERENA ETERNA printed underneath. the note reads as follows:

Dear Passenger(s),

As your cruise director, it is my great honor to welcome you aboard the Serena Eterna, your destination for fun and adventure! We know you could have chosen any cruise line for your vacation, and we're very grateful you chose ours! On behalf of the Captain, I would like to assure each and every passenger that will we do whatever it takes to fulfill all your needs and desires during your journey with us.

At your earliest possible convenience, please attend the mandatory lifeboat drill by the end of the day. I'm sure everyone is very eager to get started on all the fun and sun, but safety always comes first! You can find your life jacket in your cabin's closet; carry it to your assigned muster station on deck one, where I will take you through the drill. If you can't find me in the crowd, just look for the gal with the winning smile!

See You Real Soon!

Sincerely,
Gal Friday

you walk to deck one. you have no other choice: every time you try to step in a direction some unseen being considers "not towards deck one," you find your legs no longer move, staying stock still, frozen. whether compelled quickly by curiosity, or delayed by pure stubbornness, the result is the same, and you are left milling around with other similarly curious or stubborn people.

you see someone in uniform near the front of the crowd. she seems to be a gal, but is missing the winning smile, along with most of her other features. she seems to see you, though, rushing to your side and placing a lei around your neck with great formality. a voice, cheery but artificial, sees to come from nowhere and everywhere.]

Welcome aboard! I'm so happy you could join us!

[you touch the lei. rooster feathers, lotus seeds, and a carved circle of something white and hard, linked onto a silk string.

after the drill is completed, you are seemingly free to go. or, well, your legs work, now. and maybe that's as good as it's gonna get.]

b. and there's plenty of that down by the sea

[it’s strange to think about, isn’t it? how all those new passengers, the ones grumbling or shouting their way through the forced muster drill, have absolutely no idea what happened just last month. no idea about the labyrinth. no concept of why anyone around them would be a bit more hesitant around shadows.

they’ll learn.

sometimes a shadow is darker than it’s supposed to be. very rarely does anything come of that; just a vague sense that someone is watching you, and little more. sometimes, though, the shadows move. sometimes they grab at your ankles as you walk. sometimes they give you a shove as you go down the stairs. sometimes they pull your hair, or pinch your arm.

sometimes you feel something sharp cut into your lower leg.

that’s not a shadow, though. that’s a fiddler crab. you see the crab, sometimes. the cut isn’t from its claws, which don’t look very intimating; it’s not a very large crab. the cut is from the large kitchen knife crudely taped onto its back. it’s probably fine. it's not chasing you. there isn't evil in its heart. probably.]

c. think I'll go back to the Keys

[one day, in the atrium, two pedestals suddenly appear. on each is a large button: one green, and one blue. pressing the blue button gives you a little treat, popping out of thin air next to you. pressing the green button sends a small electric shock through your body. weird, but, hey, pretty avoidable, right?

except, it seems to be spreading. to every other button on board.

in the elevator. on the soda machine. the arcade. your phone. the bell on Friday’s desk.]

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

"Ah, well, that's exactly the point. I love the attention." He shrugs. Without a face, it's honestly hard to tell if he's joking or not. "You'll get used to it. Or maybe you won't! That'd be fun. Most people barely even blink when they see me, nowadays."

Boo, he's become normalized!

"I think it'd be harder for me being stared at, constantly. Maybe. Though I might get that anyway, being new."

He can't help that. He can, however, try very hard to hit the ground running. The alternative is just hiding away in his cabin forever.

"Don't worry. You'll hear a bunch of horror stories about how terrible everything is, they'll patronize you over your desire to go home, and by this time next week there will be another new batch of passengers to distract them."

Wow. Okay, maybe he should try to water that apathy down just a touch?

"...They're all very nice, really."

Yeah, nailed it.

"Don't sugarcoat it for me. I'm aware of how people react to complex ongoing trauma that involves being cut off from one's closest and being dropped into a situation where cultural touchstones are off, if not completely missing."

Shiroe glances down at the deck instead of at Skulduggery briefly, as if not sure that wasn't saying too much, himself.

"Been there, done that, bought the T-shirt."

"Oh, good." At this rate, they have enough people used to this sort of thing to start a bowling league. "You'll get the hang of it in no time, then. Long story short, it's a long vacation that's sixty-five..." He wobbles a hand, "Seventy percent pleasant, twenty percent absolutely terrible, and ten percent nightmarish. But then again, I'm considered heavily biased in these matters."

Hey, at least he's honest!

"You can call me Skulduggery. And no, the name came before, not after the whole 'skeleton' thing."

"I'm Shiroe. I wasn't planning on asking about the skeleton thing--somehow I was parsing that as a rudeness, but knowing that's not your natural state is interesting."

There are not etiquette guides for these situations, and that is maddening. Gamer likes well-defined rules for situations, shocking.

"I'm, ah, an Enchanter these days, but I was originally an engineering grad student from Earth."

"It would be rude if I weren't so damned intriguing." He's only ever been offended by it once, and that had mostly been because Jade couldn't stop staring at him in his summer camp shorts!

"There are plenty of worlds with magic out there, and you'll find yourself butting up against several different magical systems at any point in time around here. As for the engineering part... well, just don't take things apart and expect them to make sense." That's what engineers do, right??? Break stuff?

"I look forward to interacting with other magic systems, and seeing out they mesh with mine. As for the engineering shit, that's going to drive me up a wall. But it's also very telling about the nature of this reality."

"Oh, yes. Nothing here makes logical sense. There's no plumbing in the walls, but the showers run hot and cold. No kitchens for the food, and yet the food is there. It works simply because it's meant to work." That used to drive him crazy, but now he says it as though it's a feature, not a bug.

"There's enough to this place to fill several books, though. If you have any specific questions that Friday's speech didn't explain, I'm an open book. Up to and including 'where to get food.'"

"Is there anything I need to know about how food functions or fails to function in this reality?" There's a notable wariness there, the kind that comes from having had food Fucked With™ before.

"Ah, no. Not really. The food used to generate constantly, but due to... certain changes, it now seems to stock intermittently. Never enough that you'll find yourself going without -- but you might not find your favorites on a consistent basis."

That's what he's gathered, anyway. He doesn't eat!

"Otherwise, it's all apparently delicious and edible. It also never goes bad, so feel free to stock up on muffins or, I don't know, buffalo wings. Whatever it is people like to eat more. Just make sure your cabinmate knows what you're up to."

"I'm not really that picky. As long as the food is food, and it's not about to run out, I'm good. I dealt with a situation where food was flavorless and all had the texture of styrofoam packing peanuts for a while, where I was before. Besides, there's probably no proper Japanese curry on this ship, right?"

"Oh, I'm not sure about that one. Probably not, but if there were, it would be at Mikabo. That's one of the restaurants on the promenade, up on deck five." He tilts his head. "I think it's more fun to explore on your own, and nominally safe at the moment, but I can show you the way."

It's a convenient thoroughfare for all the other things he likes, after all -- singing, people-watching, the bridge...

“Nominally safe. I think that calls for a little more expansion. Should I have a weapon and some defensive spells at the ready?” That question is not at all a joke. He reaches for the bag at his side, pulling out (and out and out…how deep is that bag?) a wooden staff with a curved end.

"Well, let's see... Outside of excursions, which take place away from the ship, the chance of bodily injury or death is unlikely, but not out of the question. There's a monster in the infinite Tommy Bahama, as well as a cougar who will eat you if you lose a race. A good deal of passengers have underlying psychotic characteristics, myself included, and we do have the occasional unplanned massacre from time to time..."

He pauses long enough to try and guess whether it's the bag that's enchanted or the staff, then shakes his head.

"But most of the time, people are just living their day-to-day lives without bloodshed. Just because death is temporary here, doesn't mean it's safe to murder people indiscriminately. You're more likely to get into a petty argument over who gets the last donut than you are to get into a fistfight."

Shiroe notes that pause, smiling slightly. "Dazaneg's Magical Bag; it has a storage capacity greater than its physical dimensions."

Read: it's a fucking Bag of Holding.

"Anyway, you're the second to mention the cannibal cougar. I realize you may be biased, but how much of a threat is he to the average passenger?"

"I'll be honest, I've never seen him in my life." Well. He has, but not as a cougar. And he didn't bother to ask for a name, either! "But I know he only hunts people in the Tommy Bahama. And even then, I think you need to be wearing an armband."

He has absolutely no idea if that's still true, but he's assuming it is!

TEST DRIVE MEME #10

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