TEST DRIVE MEME #9

[sailmods]

1. tidal waves out on the sea

[you wake up.

it doesn't matter where you were before. going to bed? dying? opening the door to face a great evil? same result. you wake up in a soft bed with starched sheets in a cool, darkened room, sunlight peeking out from behind thick curtains. maybe you're alone; maybe you aren't. maybe you immediately notice the folded paper on the bedside table near your head. if you don't, you better fix that real quick: you won't be able to even open the door before you read it.

the note itself is written in a neat hand on white card stock; there is a stylized logo of a ship with the words SERENA ETERNA printed underneath. the note reads as follows:

Dear Passenger(s),

As your cruise director, it is my great honor to welcome you aboard the Serena Eterna, your destination for fun and adventure! We know you could have chosen any cruise line for your vacation, and we're very grateful you chose ours! On behalf of the Captain, I would like to assure each and every passenger that will we do whatever it takes to fulfill all your needs and desires during your journey with us.

At your earliest possible convenience, please attend the mandatory lifeboat drill by the end of the day. I'm sure everyone is very eager to get started on all the fun and sun, but safety always comes first! You can find your life jacket in your cabin's closet; carry it to your assigned muster station on deck one, where I will take you through the drill. If you can't find me in the crowd, just look for the gal with the winning smile!

See You Real Soon!

Sincerely,
Gal Friday

you walk to deck one. you have no other choice: every time you try to step in a direction some unseen being considers "not towards deck one," you find your legs no longer move, staying stock still, frozen. whether compelled quickly by curiosity, or delayed by pure stubbornness, the result is the same, and you are left milling around with other similarly curious or stubborn people.

you see someone in uniform near the front of the crowd. she seems to be a gal, but is missing the winning smile, along with most of her other features. she seems to see you, though, rushing to your side and placing a lei around your neck with great formality. a voice, cheery but artificial, sees to come from nowhere and everywhere.]

Welcome aboard! I'm so happy you could join us!

[you touch the lei. rooster feathers, lotus seeds, and a carved circle of something white and hard, linked onto a silk string.

after the drill is completed, you are seemingly free to go. or, well, your legs work, now. and maybe that's as good as it's gonna get.]

2. I don't know where I'm-a gonna go

[something new has been set up at Friday’s desk. there’s a sign, but it’s not advertising the next excursion, or anything familiar like that. instead, it says, in big, bold letters, SUGGESTIONS AND COMPLAINTS, with a large downward-facing arrow below it, pointing at what looks to be an empty tissue box with the word “COMPLAINTS” hastily etched onto it. there is a pile of small slips of paper and some pens next to it, and Friday cheerfully informs you that you can submit anything you like, no consequences! and it’s weird that she has to specify, but, also, she really does, doesn’t she?

and there aren’t any consequences! the Captain doesn’t come out of nowhere and dome you instantly for the slight. Friday doesn’t give you the cold shoulder or a rude remark. now, an unidentifiable voice does start reciting your complaint or suggestion, with your name attached, over the loudspeaker at full volume every 20 minutes or so. but, that’s debatable as a consequence. probably. maybe. not actually.]

3. pretty soon we learn to fly

[this was one of the suggestions. apparently. that’s what Friday will say if anyone asks her about it. and they probably will. because surely there has to be some sort of reason why the floor in windjammer is, currently, lava.

like. actual molten magma-type lava, flowing in sluggish rivers around the tables and booths, the sections of the buffet. so, maybe you decide to go eat at one of the many other fine dining establishments aboard today, or at least until the floor decides to stop being lava. or, maybe you decide that those dinosaur chicken nuggets are worth the risk of life and limb. and thus, you climb, clamber, jump, leap - a perilous and terrifying journey, knowing you are only one false step away from an agonizing death.

until you fall in. and then you realize that, no, this is not actually lava at all, for all it looks exactly like it. it’s actually barely room temperature, and strangely watery. you taste sweetened tomato paste. it’s not death, but maybe that would have been a little bit better.

Comments

[stupidnicks]

So she is Daisy! Jason lights up again. “But you’re doing it right now!!” So happy. “So what’s the deal? Where is everyone? How did we get here?”

[hadnoright]

God she should have played along, developing a conscience sucks. "Because you're following me! Ugh. Look. It's— complicated. This isn't our cruise. If I try to explain the rest I'm going to end up with a migraine."

[stupidnicks]

Jason blinks once...twice...three times. "What?" He looks around for a moment. Everything looks like...basically the same. Not that he's looked at everything, but everything happened basically the same so far. "Do they not have medicine for headaches anymore? Did the infirmary run out?"

[hadnoright]

Daisy just... blinks at him for a moment. "That— could not be less the point. Look. Mendoza. It's just you, me, Chase, Jenny and—ugh, I think I heard Yakko around. Everyone else? Newbies. New cruise. Jenny's bullshit play half worked."

'Half' being the important part really seeing as she's now stuck here again and she didn't even get her brothers out the first time.

[stupidnicks]

"Oh shit! Yakko's here?" Jenny's the hot, angry one, right? Probably that one. "Ugh. Wait. She did a play?" Well, does that mean he can go by his first name now? Not that Daisy is calling him anything but Mendoza. Then again, going by his first name is sort of the worst now cause he's died so maybe not.

[hadnoright]

"Unfortunately." Why does she use metaphorical language around him— "Play as in. Like. Move. Action. You know, the way she killed us all to get the Captain to consider letting her go? That bullshit. But she's stuck here again now. So jokes on her."

[stupidnicks]

Jason's eyes widen for a moment. "Ooohhh. That. Ha. Right." She did a play like in a football game. Riiiight. "Oh yeah. Well, I guess it sucks for her now! Cause she's here with us. Is she still hanging with Friday?"

[hadnoright]

"Last I knew. Ugh." Is Daisy perhaps a bit bitter that the woman who murdered her and her girlfriend still has her own girlfriend? Yes. Yes she is. "She's still acting like hot shit, too."

The derisive snort says what she thinks about that.

[stupidnicks]

"She is kind of hot," Jason agrees, nodding slightly. "Like not Tahani or Janet, but still hot." But that's just one of those things. Jason mostly forgets what Janet looks like sometimes. He forgets Tahani a little, too...but remembers she was hot. And the flowers.

[hadnoright]

Daisy opens her mouth, closes it, seriously debating if she even corrects him. Jenny is that kind of hot, Daisy is gay and has eyes she knows that well enough. "I meant— nevermind. Look. Things are. Different, now. I don't get why. But the Captain's gone. Soft. On this lot. So. You'll probably do just fine around here."

[stupidnicks]

Jason is biased. It's true. "What? Did he eat too much spaghetti or something?" Jason assumes this means he's fat now. Sorry, Captain. He's now picturing you super fat and now his brain is distracted by food. "I can't wait to eat jalapeño poppers again. Oh man. This is going to be so good." A beat. "Daisy, come on! We have to go get some!"

[hadnoright]

Daisy can't even follow where that particular leap from soft went, she ends up just staring at him utterly dumbfounded until she decides to just ignore the spaghetti question all together. "When have I ever wanted to eat jalapeño poppers? Name one time."

[stupidnicks]

“Um. Why not? They’re THE BEST! And we can’t have Stupid Nick’s or the froyo! So it’s the best we’ve got!” There’s a sort of earnest, yearning look on his face. “Please please please!!!!”

[hadnoright]

This is a really bad time to be murder celibate. Every time a new person from the old cruise comes back ends up feeling like a bad time to be murder celibate. Sometimes she really misses when she didn't care about being a better person—

"I don't like them, I never liked them!" She groans, pinching her brow. "Bet they reappear in the buffet now you're here again."

[stupidnicks]

Jason tries a pout. Will that work? "We can get whatever you want, too!"

[hadnoright]

"Mendoza I swear to god, when has the adorable puppy dog look ever worked on me?" Now of course Basira could get her to do just about anything with the right look, but Jason Mendoza? Less so.

[stupidnicks]

"Um...I've seen it happen!" With uh...what was the name? Something. "Come ooooonnnnnnnn. It'll be great and food is super cool!!! Also I'm gonna be annoying till you come with me, so...."

[hadnoright]

"No, you haven't." It's a snappy comment without much weight behind it because they both know he has, but she doesn't want to think about Basira. And beyond that, Daisy hates that she knows he absolutely will keep annoying her until she comes with him.

Can't she just murder him? Just one murder? As a treat?

She groans dramatically. "Ugh. Fine."

[stupidnicks]

"Um. Yes, huh!" But there's a moment where he considers that there's a good chance he will die, so he looks up at the sky. "Oh wait...Nevermind."

But then she agrees! "Yessss!" Fear of death conquered again, Jason grabs Daisy's hand to drag her towards the buffet.

[hadnoright]

He does not get away with dragging her for long, but surprisingly it doesn't make her lash out and hurt him. There's a moment where it might look like she's considering it, but— nope, she just wrenches her hand away and hisses, "No grabbing me," but begrudgingly follows along anyway.

[stupidnicks]

Honestly, Jason's surprised he hasn't been immediately murdered, but...well, he's taking it to mean that Daisy likes him now! OH! She must have MISSED HIM. There's an excited expression like he's just been given a Pikachu balloon all over again, which doesn't match up with her pulling away and hissing at him. He looks at her in joy and claps. "Okaaaaay!" Does this mean they're friends? Oh my gooooood! That explains why she didn't just leave and walk away! THEY ARE FRIENDS!!!!!!!!!!!!!

"This is the best day everrr!!"

[hadnoright]

Daisy suddenly finds herself deeply, deeply concerned by this turn of events. "I— what? What's that face for? Why are you acting like this now?"

[stupidnicks]

Jason keeps walking towards Windjammer. "You missed me! It's okay! You don't have to say it!!"

[hadnoright]

The pure confusion and alarm on her face does not go away. "I wouldn't say that! At all! Where did you even get that idea?"

[stupidnicks]

Jason looks at her in momentary disbelief, an amused expression on his face. "It's okay. You don't have to say it! I just told you!" All cheer. "Well...obviously you haven't killed me AND you're coming with me!!"