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TEST DRIVE MEME #9
1. tidal waves out on the sea
[you wake up.
it doesn't matter where you were before. going to bed? dying? opening the door to face a great evil? same result. you wake up in a soft bed with starched sheets in a cool, darkened room, sunlight peeking out from behind thick curtains. maybe you're alone; maybe you aren't. maybe you immediately notice the folded paper on the bedside table near your head. if you don't, you better fix that real quick: you won't be able to even open the door before you read it.
the note itself is written in a neat hand on white card stock; there is a stylized logo of a ship with the words SERENA ETERNA printed underneath. the note reads as follows:
Dear Passenger(s),
As your cruise director, it is my great honor to welcome you aboard the Serena Eterna, your destination for fun and adventure! We know you could have chosen any cruise line for your vacation, and we're very grateful you chose ours! On behalf of the Captain, I would like to assure each and every passenger that will we do whatever it takes to fulfill all your needs and desires during your journey with us.
At your earliest possible convenience, please attend the mandatory lifeboat drill by the end of the day. I'm sure everyone is very eager to get started on all the fun and sun, but safety always comes first! You can find your life jacket in your cabin's closet; carry it to your assigned muster station on deck one, where I will take you through the drill. If you can't find me in the crowd, just look for the gal with the winning smile!
See You Real Soon!
Sincerely,
Gal Friday
you walk to deck one. you have no other choice: every time you try to step in a direction some unseen being considers "not towards deck one," you find your legs no longer move, staying stock still, frozen. whether compelled quickly by curiosity, or delayed by pure stubbornness, the result is the same, and you are left milling around with other similarly curious or stubborn people.
you see someone in uniform near the front of the crowd. she seems to be a gal, but is missing the winning smile, along with most of her other features. she seems to see you, though, rushing to your side and placing a lei around your neck with great formality. a voice, cheery but artificial, sees to come from nowhere and everywhere.]
Welcome aboard! I'm so happy you could join us!
[you touch the lei. rooster feathers, lotus seeds, and a carved circle of something white and hard, linked onto a silk string.
after the drill is completed, you are seemingly free to go. or, well, your legs work, now. and maybe that's as good as it's gonna get.]
2. I don't know where I'm-a gonna go
[something new has been set up at Friday’s desk. there’s a sign, but it’s not advertising the next excursion, or anything familiar like that. instead, it says, in big, bold letters, SUGGESTIONS AND COMPLAINTS, with a large downward-facing arrow below it, pointing at what looks to be an empty tissue box with the word “COMPLAINTS” hastily etched onto it. there is a pile of small slips of paper and some pens next to it, and Friday cheerfully informs you that you can submit anything you like, no consequences! and it’s weird that she has to specify, but, also, she really does, doesn’t she?
and there aren’t any consequences! the Captain doesn’t come out of nowhere and dome you instantly for the slight. Friday doesn’t give you the cold shoulder or a rude remark. now, an unidentifiable voice does start reciting your complaint or suggestion, with your name attached, over the loudspeaker at full volume every 20 minutes or so. but, that’s debatable as a consequence. probably. maybe. not actually.]
3. pretty soon we learn to fly
[this was one of the suggestions. apparently. that’s what Friday will say if anyone asks her about it. and they probably will. because surely there has to be some sort of reason why the floor in windjammer is, currently, lava.
like. actual molten magma-type lava, flowing in sluggish rivers around the tables and booths, the sections of the buffet. so, maybe you decide to go eat at one of the many other fine dining establishments aboard today, or at least until the floor decides to stop being lava. or, maybe you decide that those dinosaur chicken nuggets are worth the risk of life and limb. and thus, you climb, clamber, jump, leap - a perilous and terrifying journey, knowing you are only one false step away from an agonizing death.
until you fall in. and then you realize that, no, this is not actually lava at all, for all it looks exactly like it. it’s actually barely room temperature, and strangely watery. you taste sweetened tomato paste. it’s not death, but maybe that would have been a little bit better.
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“Do you fight the monsters or do you just kinda let them do their thing?”
“Oh, Chekhov’s Gun is a rule that, if a gun shows up in the first act of a play, it has to get used by the third act of the play. It’s a narrative thing,” he explains. “Basically, a tiny plot point you learn at the start of the story that you forget about only for it to show up again at the end.”
“Okay, gotcha, AI, android, omnic. Like from Overwatch? I know that has omnics, I don’t know Hosts though, do you know if there’s a reason for that name?”
“Autism is a term for an atypical brain development found in some humans. It used to be seen as a deficiency but there’s been more and more of a movement to see it as just a different way of being that isn’t better or worse than anything else. I didn’t actually know I had it until I was grown up even though everybody knew something was up with me even when I was a little kid, I just thought I was weird.”
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"Ah. I see." She wonders if she's come across anything like that here or back home. There's probably something, but she can't really remember. "Thank you for the information."
The question isn't one that Maeve can really answer. "I'm not certain what Overwatch is. Though, I'm not certain I'd know it even if you explained it. I don't know why we're called Hosts. My creator never explained that to me. We were part of a place called Westworld. It was an amusement park for humans. We weren't aware of ourselves for the most part until we were. And then we had to fight for our freedom."
She listens as he explains autism and hums thoughtfully. "Did it cause you any problems when you were growing up?"
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“Oh, so maybe you were called Hosts because you were hosts at the park?”
“Caused me problems as much as it causes any undiagnosed kid,” he shrugs. “Not getting the other kids’ jokes at school, getting shoved into lockers, that sort of thing.”
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She considers that for a moment. "That is a possibility. I had not considered it."
That gains him a concerned look. She has no idea what a locker is, but it doesn't sound good. "I am sorry that others were cruel to you, then. I hope you have met some people who treat you with some kindness. But should anyone give you a hard time here, let me know. I can deal with them."
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“And none of it really bothers me anymore anyway, like I think it says way more about the other person than it does about me.”
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"That is true enough, yes. You seem like a very bright young man." She looks at him. "I'm Maeve, by the way. It's been a pleasure to meet you. Even with the unusual tomato soup all over the floor."
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He follows her to the door.
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She shrugs as she gets to the last step. "There's also an arcade if that's something you like?" She's mostly fond of Dig Dug because it was the first actual game she played.
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"Hm. Ringworm is something people get. Circles under skin." But as for the laser tag. "I don't know. There is something called DDR. And I've played Dig Dug...and there's a game with balls that you try to get in various holes. And well, a lot of the ones I've never tried."
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He listens to her listing out the games. “Oh yeah, those are all arcade staples. I was hoping for laser tag though because a lot of arcades have them and it’s the next best thing to paintball, which I am assuming a cruise ship wouldn’t have.” (Abed takes his paintball VERY seriously.)
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"I wouldn't really know if it was. But sometimes new things show up. You play with balls made of paint?"
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