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TEST DRIVE MEME #9
1. tidal waves out on the sea
[you wake up.
it doesn't matter where you were before. going to bed? dying? opening the door to face a great evil? same result. you wake up in a soft bed with starched sheets in a cool, darkened room, sunlight peeking out from behind thick curtains. maybe you're alone; maybe you aren't. maybe you immediately notice the folded paper on the bedside table near your head. if you don't, you better fix that real quick: you won't be able to even open the door before you read it.
the note itself is written in a neat hand on white card stock; there is a stylized logo of a ship with the words SERENA ETERNA printed underneath. the note reads as follows:
Dear Passenger(s),
As your cruise director, it is my great honor to welcome you aboard the Serena Eterna, your destination for fun and adventure! We know you could have chosen any cruise line for your vacation, and we're very grateful you chose ours! On behalf of the Captain, I would like to assure each and every passenger that will we do whatever it takes to fulfill all your needs and desires during your journey with us.
At your earliest possible convenience, please attend the mandatory lifeboat drill by the end of the day. I'm sure everyone is very eager to get started on all the fun and sun, but safety always comes first! You can find your life jacket in your cabin's closet; carry it to your assigned muster station on deck one, where I will take you through the drill. If you can't find me in the crowd, just look for the gal with the winning smile!
See You Real Soon!
Sincerely,
Gal Friday
you walk to deck one. you have no other choice: every time you try to step in a direction some unseen being considers "not towards deck one," you find your legs no longer move, staying stock still, frozen. whether compelled quickly by curiosity, or delayed by pure stubbornness, the result is the same, and you are left milling around with other similarly curious or stubborn people.
you see someone in uniform near the front of the crowd. she seems to be a gal, but is missing the winning smile, along with most of her other features. she seems to see you, though, rushing to your side and placing a lei around your neck with great formality. a voice, cheery but artificial, sees to come from nowhere and everywhere.]
Welcome aboard! I'm so happy you could join us!
[you touch the lei. rooster feathers, lotus seeds, and a carved circle of something white and hard, linked onto a silk string.
after the drill is completed, you are seemingly free to go. or, well, your legs work, now. and maybe that's as good as it's gonna get.]
2. I don't know where I'm-a gonna go
[something new has been set up at Friday’s desk. there’s a sign, but it’s not advertising the next excursion, or anything familiar like that. instead, it says, in big, bold letters, SUGGESTIONS AND COMPLAINTS, with a large downward-facing arrow below it, pointing at what looks to be an empty tissue box with the word “COMPLAINTS” hastily etched onto it. there is a pile of small slips of paper and some pens next to it, and Friday cheerfully informs you that you can submit anything you like, no consequences! and it’s weird that she has to specify, but, also, she really does, doesn’t she?
and there aren’t any consequences! the Captain doesn’t come out of nowhere and dome you instantly for the slight. Friday doesn’t give you the cold shoulder or a rude remark. now, an unidentifiable voice does start reciting your complaint or suggestion, with your name attached, over the loudspeaker at full volume every 20 minutes or so. but, that’s debatable as a consequence. probably. maybe. not actually.]
3. pretty soon we learn to fly
[this was one of the suggestions. apparently. that’s what Friday will say if anyone asks her about it. and they probably will. because surely there has to be some sort of reason why the floor in windjammer is, currently, lava.
like. actual molten magma-type lava, flowing in sluggish rivers around the tables and booths, the sections of the buffet. so, maybe you decide to go eat at one of the many other fine dining establishments aboard today, or at least until the floor decides to stop being lava. or, maybe you decide that those dinosaur chicken nuggets are worth the risk of life and limb. and thus, you climb, clamber, jump, leap - a perilous and terrifying journey, knowing you are only one false step away from an agonizing death.
until you fall in. and then you realize that, no, this is not actually lava at all, for all it looks exactly like it. it’s actually barely room temperature, and strangely watery. you taste sweetened tomato paste. it’s not death, but maybe that would have been a little bit better.
no subject
"Right now there's two main political factions developing, but at the heart of it all, everyone just wants freedom, whatever that may entail." Skipping ghosts and gods too! "Be careful with Valdis, and Lieutenant Teyrey. Teyrey is from beyond the stars, a Tradeliner, which is a type of military merchant guild who hates pirates. She's a complete genius. I think she could give even you and Kichou a run for intelligence. She's very serious, and a lot like Hideyoshi, but without his desire for family. Valdis is cunning like you, but she's got all of Hideyoshi's strength and power. I'm sure you must have a million questions, so ask away. Undoubtedly: I can't answer everything, but what I can, I will. Have you seen the Promenade yet? All the lights? Or Mikabo? It's Japanese, the conveyor belt is pure genius."
Nobunaga is itching to show Mitsuhide his coil gun, or tell him about the plasma pistols, but first things first! And those in particular would help ground his left hand slightly better into accepting the advanced technology and truth of Nobunaga's words not on faith. Which reminded him--
He pulls out his phone! "This called a phone. People write messages to each other. They don't work when we hit landfall usually, only on the ship, but they're extremely convenient. Beware of eggplants and peaches. Peaches are representative of butts, eggplants are phallic. Only send them while knowing how they will be interpreted."
Usually Hideyoshi absorbs the brunt of Nobunaga's nonstop chatter. And while Teyrey certainly still did every day, Nobunaga can't even chase down the most important things to catch Mitsuhide up to speed. Hundreds of thoughts colliding on top of each other and vying for dominance.
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It only got more confusing when Nobunaga started going on and on about people from the future, from beyond the stars, even some that weren't even human if a walking skeleton is anything to go by. It was all very hard to believe. But, he reminded himself that he needed to keep an open mind about all of this. He did wake up in some strange room after all, on a ship that really shouldn't exist.
He lets Nobunaga go on, making mental notes about the individuals that he brought up. It was a good idea to at least be aware of the people around, whether they be friend or foe.
He arched a brow at the rectangular object Nobunaga held up. He was sure how that thing could be used to send messages but it did sound awfully convenient. Though there is one thing that is odd...
"And how many messages did you send that had peaches and eggplants in them before you were told that you were being inappropriate?"
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And even more laughs! "None! BWAHAHAHAH!" Because it's funny, okay okay. "I sent them only after I knew exactly what they meant. And I did it on purpose. There's a clothing fabric article-- Oh wait. Yes, I'm wearing one." Nobunaga digs through the armor slightly to reveal the tie he'd cut himself of red fabric, though the knot was very loose on his neck for safety reasons. "My partner is incredibly fond of these, so I also got frustrated searching the entire collection for a tie, but none such exist. They do have quite a few Japanese symbols though. Apparently Japan is a pioneer of electronics and technological production well into the future." He is barely refraining from bubbling with pride, okay.
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He arched a brow at the length of fabric around Nobunaga's neck. "Why would you willingly tie something around your neck that can be easily used as a noose?" Sure Mitsuhide had his collection of scarves back home but he never actually tied them. Just draped them across his shoulders. That way, if anyone grabbed one it will just come off and not choke him.
But it was nice to hear that Japan was the leading nation in something in the future.
"Who is this 'partner' that you speak of?"
nsfw talk because Nobunaga
"No kidding, right?" Nobunaga laughs and shivers! "That's how bright the future is, Akechi! Everyone is so eerily relaxed and calm about such things. They're so bold, they wear nooses to flaunt their power to say no one would even dare try to use it like that. I haven't been able to go without my armor often, and to be fair, Maximilien the Omnic is unable to be choked, he's mechanical, but I want to emulate this confidence and project this power myself as well."
As for his partner...
Nobunaga tries not to get too weird, to stay casual, as he carefully moves his fingers under the kote gauntlet to show off the amethyst ring with a 4 under the jewel. "Lucky Number 4. His father didn't give his children proper names, just numbers. A bit like Saito Dosan." Kichou's father, and Mitsuhide's Uncle. A sly smirk. "I've no doubt you'll struggle to spot him except by his own ring. But he likes getting choked." A gesture to the tie. "I wear it, but I use it on him. This is the joke," a firm nod! Nobunaga is different, sure, but not that different! "It's quite nearly the reverse of Kichou. Instead of finding my sadism to be my worst trait, it's his favorite. That which Kichou always liked about me, my intensity and willingness to dispose of others who wouldn't find their purpose to fulfill the true mission; this my Lucky 4 doesn't like at all." An amused headshake!
"Oh, there's another I must mention. Yato. He looks like Kichou, but with blue eyes." Now what can he say about Yato that won't send Mitsuhide over the edge? "He's an expert in blades, ironically, and opposite Kichou, he has no practice with guns whatsoever. Here." Nobunaga stuffs the tie back inside, and pulls out a watergun and hands it over. "I have a game with others on board, especially Yato. It is a spy game, and an aiming game." A gesture to the gun. "Anyone you find with one you can shoot, but be careful not to hit paper with it or you get penalized. Normally it would be against the mission objective to tell you to shoot Yato, but since you don't know who he is in advance, it should be fine."
no subject
Mitsuhide arched a brow some. It's not like he had never heard of such fetishes before. Plenty of times he had over heard the women at brothels talk about some of the pleasures that their clients parttake in. He just didn't really expect Nobunaga to be into it. Well, at least he was the one doing the choking. It would have been really surprising if he was the one being choked.
What was really surprising though was that Nobunaga had settle down with someone. Concidering how paranoid he is, Mitsuhide was sure that Nobunaga would never marry. He made a mental note of the ring on his lord's finger so that he could keep an eye out for this socalled 'Lucky 4.'
"First time I had ever heard of the number four being referred to as 'lucky.'" Not that he ever believed in such superstitions.
He looked at the strange gun that Nobunaga handed him. It was way to light to be a normal gun, and one shake told him that it was filled with some liquid. He aimed it at the wall, and squeezed the trigger. What was more surprising from the lack of recoil was what came out of it.
"It's just water..."
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But guns! Nobunaga almost vibrates with excitement and digs out the coilgun with some endeavor.
"Tendi's phaser is the most phenomenal weapon I've ever seen. It can do just about anything and it's powered by endless fusion. Which is what happens when atoms and their electrons, as I said, fuse. These particles are too small to be seen, but they make up every object and matter. There is almost no nonfiction on board! But there are several absolute geniuses and those from so far in the future they take this kind of technology for granted! Crichton and Teyrey have plasma pistols that can blow holes in the side of the ship with such large explosions. Teyrey's gun can also stun, like Tendi's, shoot not to kill or blast through someone. Teyrey is very very private about her room. So one time Yato showed up without warning and she nearly shot him! She was so deadset on protecting me. Like Hideyoshi, but she doesn't care about candy, or want family. If you earn her respect she may show you. Both the scorch marks, or her gun."
A happy hum and he finally, reluctantly, lets Akechi examine the coilgun! "Tendi's the only one with unlimited charge or ammo. Sometimes there's gunpowder still, and sometimes there are slightly newer guns. We had an actual gunsmith on board named Jinx, but she's disappeared. So to teach Yato practice, and to help a few others without experience, that is why the water guns. Easiest to refill and far less lethal. This coil gun... uses electricity! I can recharge it anywhere I can plug it, like the cabins, this is how the phones charge too! But it has a setting that can turn it automatic. In the future, they took my volley fire idea and automated it into machine guns!" Ahhhhhhh the excitement!
"It can use any metal, but I only have one box of appropriate sized bullets. Perhaps I should put a suggestion into the box asking for guns and explosive range?" A merry hum! "Off of Earth or other planets, there's no air like we breathe. So matchlocks would be useless!" He pets his coilgun! "This is the start of the technology humans can eventually use to fight space pirates, but truly Akechi: we won. Peace becomes almost taken for granted by so many that this ship is the closest to Hell they've ever been. They come from that close to Heaven. The true, real Celestial Realm. I can't wait to show you movies or holovids!" He just laughs, truly genuinely giddy like his first month here, even before meeting Klaus.
"I'll need your help with the politics, and of course, blasting a way to freedom for everyone, even the Captain, but do try to enjoy yourself. There's opportunity here you won't get anywhere else in multiple universes. Everyone acts like it's just because I come from such a war-struck time, but I think they just struggle to see the potential as well. I'm certain you will. Don't let me down." That last bit has Nobunaga's old edge, an intimated or else underlying threat.
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"So to summarize," Mitsuhide said as he handed back the gun. A summary was needed since he knew Nobunaga can be a bit long-winded at times. "In the future, our goal for unification and peace is accomplished. Technology has advanced well beyond what we could ever imagine. Peace gets taken for granted in some cases. Most of the books on board are fiction. And you no longer have a gunsmith."
There were a few other things but those seem to be the major bullet points.
"Well, if the right ingredients are available I can make gunpowder here." He had done enough experiments with the stuff to know how to make it. "I may need to figure out a way to make ammo for other types of guns though." Especially that coil gun. Even if the library has only fiction, he will try it anyway. Most stories have their origins in facts after all.
"I believe I've already met this Teytrey, and you're right. She is very much like Hideyoshi." And if Nobunaga looked and saw Mitsuhide's smirk, he can guess just how that meeting went!
1/2
"Japan becomes one of the strongest too!" A GIANT BEAM! "Outlasts nearly everyone. It hasn't become the world's strongest economically yet by the time of those from Earth, but I'm sure it will. America is a country and two continents. It was circumnavigated by Amerigo Vespucci, about our time, but doesn't become a country until the late 1700s by European time, about two centuries after us. Americans are a lot like me! It's amazing! Can you imagine? A whole country like me? Ah, but they are terrifying brave! They are so passionate, and about freedom, and in constant danger of hugging you if they like you! But they don't know history very well at all. Commander Crichton is American, and a few others, Jeff! They are very easy going. And amazing. Cesar Salazar is likely to be busy, he just got married, but he's a scientist like Crichton, very brilliant, the both of them."
2/2
"I was just about to text her. You didn't do anything crazy like pretend to be a pirate, did you?" Another headshake. "She's very precious to me. Did you see her wearing my pin? I've promised to get her back to her timeline, no matter what. She's as bad as Hideyoshi about wanting to prove herself. But she's --" Terrified. Ehhhh. "Used to relying on her training." Very carefully worded!
Another laugh! "She's my second in command. Originally I was going to keep her training, but she proved herself even more capable than myself last battle. I hope it didn't go to her head though. It wasn't so that she would try to fight Valdis or anyone else. But I have been putting an intense amount of responsibility on her lately, and she truly earned it."
If Ari's arguments with Valdis, Erin, and Klaus were anything to go by... yeah there would be some damage control needed!
no subject
"I didn't tell her I was a pirate, I may have implied that she was when she just expected me to just trust her when she swore an oath that was meaningless to me." Mitsuhide gave a chuckle. He had to give it to her though. She kept herself better composed than he expected.
"I fear her position did go to her head somewhat. Once she found out who I was she said she was your second in command and expected me to just accept it with no explanation. A foolish thing to say to someone whom you know is one of your closest generals. She was lucky I wasn't Hideyoshi. He would have reacted even worst than he did to our new little chatelaine during the war council." For all his charms, Hideyoshi was extremely overprotective of their lord, and wouldn't hesitate to deal with a potential threat.
"You may want to warn her about that in case your right hand decides to show up as well."
1/2
Nobunaga nearly laughs hysterically. Of course he does. "Oh no." Well, he could have expected that. "I don't think she wanted your trust, but her culture is big on exerting authority. Yare yare..." More laughs! "Did she say you have no contract? She must be furious." Another headshake, and he just hums cheerfully. "I wish Toyotomi would show up! I would set them up on dates. They'd get along infamously. She's the only woman strong enough to put him in his place and never worry about other things," a happy sigh in his weirdo chuuni daydreams.
Finally after a little more thought, "That sounds less like it went to her head, and more like she -- How do I put this?"
2/2
A small huff. "Perhaps an extraneous worry, but I don't doubt that it was her concern as well. That you might be a trick."
A beat, and he grins. "And she might have been testing you a little. Not so much expecting you to take any information she could give you, but testing to see how on the defensive you were. I'll have to talk to her. She's so well meaning, but stubborn. Ahhhh," he ticks a finger back and forth to Mitsuhide. "And maybe even smarter than you. I can't wait to find out. If she's ever even willing to talk to you again," he laughs and shakes his head. "Do you know? I'd actually tell Hideyoshi to follow her command. He'd hate it, but it'd be good for him. I've warned her before not to try to give Valdis or Klaus orders though, so I don't think she'd have forgotten my words that your role is similar. It's very possible she's even trying to claim a place at odds with you publicly so you can handle the other side of things she can't. Politics."