sail_ooc | TEST DRIVE MEME #9

1. tidal waves out on the sea

[you wake up.

it doesn't matter where you were before. going to bed? dying? opening the door to face a great evil? same result. you wake up in a soft bed with starched sheets in a cool, darkened room, sunlight peeking out from behind thick curtains. maybe you're alone; maybe you aren't. maybe you immediately notice the folded paper on the bedside table near your head. if you don't, you better fix that real quick: you won't be able to even open the door before you read it.

the note itself is written in a neat hand on white card stock; there is a stylized logo of a ship with the words SERENA ETERNA printed underneath. the note reads as follows:

Dear Passenger(s),

As your cruise director, it is my great honor to welcome you aboard the Serena Eterna, your destination for fun and adventure! We know you could have chosen any cruise line for your vacation, and we're very grateful you chose ours! On behalf of the Captain, I would like to assure each and every passenger that will we do whatever it takes to fulfill all your needs and desires during your journey with us.

At your earliest possible convenience, please attend the mandatory lifeboat drill by the end of the day. I'm sure everyone is very eager to get started on all the fun and sun, but safety always comes first! You can find your life jacket in your cabin's closet; carry it to your assigned muster station on deck one, where I will take you through the drill. If you can't find me in the crowd, just look for the gal with the winning smile!

See You Real Soon!

Sincerely,
Gal Friday

you walk to deck one. you have no other choice: every time you try to step in a direction some unseen being considers "not towards deck one," you find your legs no longer move, staying stock still, frozen. whether compelled quickly by curiosity, or delayed by pure stubbornness, the result is the same, and you are left milling around with other similarly curious or stubborn people.

you see someone in uniform near the front of the crowd. she seems to be a gal, but is missing the winning smile, along with most of her other features. she seems to see you, though, rushing to your side and placing a lei around your neck with great formality. a voice, cheery but artificial, sees to come from nowhere and everywhere.]

Welcome aboard! I'm so happy you could join us!

[you touch the lei. rooster feathers, lotus seeds, and a carved circle of something white and hard, linked onto a silk string.

after the drill is completed, you are seemingly free to go. or, well, your legs work, now. and maybe that's as good as it's gonna get.]

2. I don't know where I'm-a gonna go

[something new has been set up at Friday’s desk. there’s a sign, but it’s not advertising the next excursion, or anything familiar like that. instead, it says, in big, bold letters, SUGGESTIONS AND COMPLAINTS, with a large downward-facing arrow below it, pointing at what looks to be an empty tissue box with the word “COMPLAINTS” hastily etched onto it. there is a pile of small slips of paper and some pens next to it, and Friday cheerfully informs you that you can submit anything you like, no consequences! and it’s weird that she has to specify, but, also, she really does, doesn’t she?

and there aren’t any consequences! the Captain doesn’t come out of nowhere and dome you instantly for the slight. Friday doesn’t give you the cold shoulder or a rude remark. now, an unidentifiable voice does start reciting your complaint or suggestion, with your name attached, over the loudspeaker at full volume every 20 minutes or so. but, that’s debatable as a consequence. probably. maybe. not actually.]

3. pretty soon we learn to fly

[this was one of the suggestions. apparently. that’s what Friday will say if anyone asks her about it. and they probably will. because surely there has to be some sort of reason why the floor in windjammer is, currently, lava.

like. actual molten magma-type lava, flowing in sluggish rivers around the tables and booths, the sections of the buffet. so, maybe you decide to go eat at one of the many other fine dining establishments aboard today, or at least until the floor decides to stop being lava. or, maybe you decide that those dinosaur chicken nuggets are worth the risk of life and limb. and thus, you climb, clamber, jump, leap - a perilous and terrifying journey, knowing you are only one false step away from an agonizing death.

until you fall in. and then you realize that, no, this is not actually lava at all, for all it looks exactly like it. it’s actually barely room temperature, and strangely watery. you taste sweetened tomato paste. it’s not death, but maybe that would have been a little bit better.

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

Intent is a big part of magic. [ What Bash is saying makes sense, but the fact it's like an elaborate illusion is more perplexing. She reaches out and prods at the railing briefly. It's incredibly solid. ]

As much as anything else. [ Wednesday doesn't know otherwise, so she'll have to take Bash's words as truth to be proven at a later point. ]

I suppose that makes sabotage out of the question. [ If there's no engine, they can't break it. ]

Yeah. Anything you break on the ship will be fixed by the ghosts when you leave it be for long enough, anyway. It's a shitshow, but the people here aren't all awful.

[He shrugs.]

We're not all from the same universe, also. You might meet people from back in the timeline, forward along it, different worlds entirely.

How unfortunate. [ Whether that's to the ghosts repairing the damage or the quality of the people on board, she makes no attempt to clarify. ]

So this sadistic magician is holding us all here at some sort of multiverse nexus? That's some kind of power.

Sure is. I seen him, but never really talked to him. I'm not sure what I'd say.

[Shrug.]

I'm Bash, by the way. I'm from Earth--an Earth, from the year 2017.

Hm. [ They even know who's causing this disturbance, that's almost disappointing. It's hardly a mystery at all aside from the fact she's on board this cruise ship on an absolutely miserably sunny day. She also doesn't even know how to approach this kind of magic. It will take research. ]

I'm Wednesday. [ Seems specific to clarify he's from Earth. ] It's 2022 and I'm also on Earth, if that matters.

I mean, it helps with frame of reference. You make a comment about rickrolling someone to the cyborg who's from 'after humanity left earth' or the girl with pointy ears who was raised by wolves, you're gonna get a blank stare.

[ Is this the blank stare that Bash means? Unfortunately for him, Wednesday is completely analog. She just...stares at him. ]

Yeah! Like that!

[Wait.]

Which part of that was confusing you?

You lost me at rickrolling. [ She admits, the rest of it was fine. Her roommate is a werewolf after all. ]

Oh. The act of tricking someone into watching the video for or listening to the song 'Never Gonna Give You Up' by Rick Astley. It's a really bad love song, sung by a kid barely out of his teens with a really deep voice.

Do you hate this person to send them bubbly pop music? [ It's a pretty good trick in that case. ]

Hate, love, it's a fine line. It's a joke, and a lot of those are inherently a bit cruel.

[ For the first time in the conversation, Wednesday looks the least bit moved by the words, she smirks slightly. ]

I may have to revise my thoughts about social media. Perhaps there is a valid use for it.

[ Tormenting people on the internet. ]

More than one, if you're creative. So you're from 2022, but you're not big on the internet? What sort of shit do you spend your time doing, then?

[He can't help but be curious. She feels a little bit like his kind of people.]

[ She's painfully aware how strange it is, but that doesn't bother her in the least. A lot of people think she's strange. ]

I refuse to waste my time on banality that leads to soul-sucking, meaningless validation. [ Wednesday doesn't need validation. ]

I devote an hour a day to writing my novel, I spend a good amount of time practicing the cello, or my fencing techniques. I also enjoy studying the work of various serial killers. [ A beat. ] And I read.

TEST DRIVE MEME #9

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