sail_ooc | TEST DRIVE MEME #9

1. tidal waves out on the sea

[you wake up.

it doesn't matter where you were before. going to bed? dying? opening the door to face a great evil? same result. you wake up in a soft bed with starched sheets in a cool, darkened room, sunlight peeking out from behind thick curtains. maybe you're alone; maybe you aren't. maybe you immediately notice the folded paper on the bedside table near your head. if you don't, you better fix that real quick: you won't be able to even open the door before you read it.

the note itself is written in a neat hand on white card stock; there is a stylized logo of a ship with the words SERENA ETERNA printed underneath. the note reads as follows:

Dear Passenger(s),

As your cruise director, it is my great honor to welcome you aboard the Serena Eterna, your destination for fun and adventure! We know you could have chosen any cruise line for your vacation, and we're very grateful you chose ours! On behalf of the Captain, I would like to assure each and every passenger that will we do whatever it takes to fulfill all your needs and desires during your journey with us.

At your earliest possible convenience, please attend the mandatory lifeboat drill by the end of the day. I'm sure everyone is very eager to get started on all the fun and sun, but safety always comes first! You can find your life jacket in your cabin's closet; carry it to your assigned muster station on deck one, where I will take you through the drill. If you can't find me in the crowd, just look for the gal with the winning smile!

See You Real Soon!

Sincerely,
Gal Friday

you walk to deck one. you have no other choice: every time you try to step in a direction some unseen being considers "not towards deck one," you find your legs no longer move, staying stock still, frozen. whether compelled quickly by curiosity, or delayed by pure stubbornness, the result is the same, and you are left milling around with other similarly curious or stubborn people.

you see someone in uniform near the front of the crowd. she seems to be a gal, but is missing the winning smile, along with most of her other features. she seems to see you, though, rushing to your side and placing a lei around your neck with great formality. a voice, cheery but artificial, sees to come from nowhere and everywhere.]

Welcome aboard! I'm so happy you could join us!

[you touch the lei. rooster feathers, lotus seeds, and a carved circle of something white and hard, linked onto a silk string.

after the drill is completed, you are seemingly free to go. or, well, your legs work, now. and maybe that's as good as it's gonna get.]

2. I don't know where I'm-a gonna go

[something new has been set up at Friday’s desk. there’s a sign, but it’s not advertising the next excursion, or anything familiar like that. instead, it says, in big, bold letters, SUGGESTIONS AND COMPLAINTS, with a large downward-facing arrow below it, pointing at what looks to be an empty tissue box with the word “COMPLAINTS” hastily etched onto it. there is a pile of small slips of paper and some pens next to it, and Friday cheerfully informs you that you can submit anything you like, no consequences! and it’s weird that she has to specify, but, also, she really does, doesn’t she?

and there aren’t any consequences! the Captain doesn’t come out of nowhere and dome you instantly for the slight. Friday doesn’t give you the cold shoulder or a rude remark. now, an unidentifiable voice does start reciting your complaint or suggestion, with your name attached, over the loudspeaker at full volume every 20 minutes or so. but, that’s debatable as a consequence. probably. maybe. not actually.]

3. pretty soon we learn to fly

[this was one of the suggestions. apparently. that’s what Friday will say if anyone asks her about it. and they probably will. because surely there has to be some sort of reason why the floor in windjammer is, currently, lava.

like. actual molten magma-type lava, flowing in sluggish rivers around the tables and booths, the sections of the buffet. so, maybe you decide to go eat at one of the many other fine dining establishments aboard today, or at least until the floor decides to stop being lava. or, maybe you decide that those dinosaur chicken nuggets are worth the risk of life and limb. and thus, you climb, clamber, jump, leap - a perilous and terrifying journey, knowing you are only one false step away from an agonizing death.

until you fall in. and then you realize that, no, this is not actually lava at all, for all it looks exactly like it. it’s actually barely room temperature, and strangely watery. you taste sweetened tomato paste. it’s not death, but maybe that would have been a little bit better.

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

Not stage magic. Real fucking magic. You might be in for a wild ride, if you're from a world without it.

[Bash crosses his arms, looking Angelo up and down slowly.]

The leis are the sort of thing we're supposed to grab if it looks like the world is ending. Which...is more likely here than most worlds. Limited scope, pocket sort of deal.

Whaddya mean real fucking magic?

[ Boy he's in for a trip here. ]

Like Goldie's fortune tellers? Put enough of 'em down already. I ain't the superstitious type.

[ He rips that disc right off and gives it a coin flip, chuckling in satisfaction. The rest of it gets stuffed in a pocket. He better hope whatever protection its supposed to have still works if he has all the pieces separately...]

A pocket scope what now?

I mean...fuck, it's going to be easier to show than to tell.

[Because Bash himself is also magic, though divine rather than arcane. He steps to one side, standing in the shade cast by a nearby wall, and then vanishes, slipping through the shadow instantly to another one, a good ten feet away.]

Magic. The impossible becoming real.

[ He hears none of what Bash says because the moment he disappears Angelo flings a knife where he was. Would have been deadly accurate right in the throat if the man was still there.

Another knife goes sailing towards where Bash is now as soon as he hears him, but he didn't aim so it probably goes wide. Down to 3 more in his sleeve, but 98 more on his person. He can do this all day.]

Whaddya think you're doing?!

[As if the answer isn't: magic.]

Demonstrating that the rules your world plays by aren't necessarily how things work here.

More simply: magic. Cute knives, by the way.

For starters, [ Pointing at Bash with a leather gloved finger while he goes to pry that first knife out of the wall. ] that don't make sense.

And for another, all this is proving is goddamn Darragh dosed me with something. Probably should be lucky I didn't wake up in a tub of ice.

[ No one wants this bootleggers internal organs. He should want new organs. ]

Fuck's sake. It's magic, sunshine, it won't make sense to you until or unless it does. If you think I'm bad, wait til you meet the walking, talking skeleton who's got a better fashion sense than me. Or one of the werewolves.

[ Knife retrieved and he flips it once before tucking it back up his sleeve.]

Why would I wanna talk to a skeleton? I'm starting to think all this magic talk is just you being weird.

What's a werewolf?

The skeleton’s one of the folks who knows what’s up here. More than a lot of folks. He talks to the Captain, often enough.

[But Bash is aware he’s talking to a wall. The rude awakening will come at some point.]

Right. The guy in charge is it? And talks to a skeleton.

You hearing yourself? You listening to what you're saying? Because that all sounds like a heaping pile of trash put to words.

[That's it, the demigod has had enough. The shadows in the area lengthen, reaching for him like they're desperate, and there's a distant sound of church bells, and everything seems to leach color, desaturating slowly for a few seconds.]

You don't know what you don't know, newcomer. And I can't fill a cup that's already full. Your ignorance can be forgiven. Your spite toward someone who's doing everything he can to help you? We'll see.

Course I don't. But your parlor tricks are supposed to be helpin' me?

An' I don't got spite towards you. If I did, you'd know about it already, and we wouldn't be talking no more.

TEST DRIVE MEME #9

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