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TEST DRIVE MEME #9
1. tidal waves out on the sea
[you wake up.
it doesn't matter where you were before. going to bed? dying? opening the door to face a great evil? same result. you wake up in a soft bed with starched sheets in a cool, darkened room, sunlight peeking out from behind thick curtains. maybe you're alone; maybe you aren't. maybe you immediately notice the folded paper on the bedside table near your head. if you don't, you better fix that real quick: you won't be able to even open the door before you read it.
the note itself is written in a neat hand on white card stock; there is a stylized logo of a ship with the words SERENA ETERNA printed underneath. the note reads as follows:
Dear Passenger(s),
As your cruise director, it is my great honor to welcome you aboard the Serena Eterna, your destination for fun and adventure! We know you could have chosen any cruise line for your vacation, and we're very grateful you chose ours! On behalf of the Captain, I would like to assure each and every passenger that will we do whatever it takes to fulfill all your needs and desires during your journey with us.
At your earliest possible convenience, please attend the mandatory lifeboat drill by the end of the day. I'm sure everyone is very eager to get started on all the fun and sun, but safety always comes first! You can find your life jacket in your cabin's closet; carry it to your assigned muster station on deck one, where I will take you through the drill. If you can't find me in the crowd, just look for the gal with the winning smile!
See You Real Soon!
Sincerely,
Gal Friday
you walk to deck one. you have no other choice: every time you try to step in a direction some unseen being considers "not towards deck one," you find your legs no longer move, staying stock still, frozen. whether compelled quickly by curiosity, or delayed by pure stubbornness, the result is the same, and you are left milling around with other similarly curious or stubborn people.
you see someone in uniform near the front of the crowd. she seems to be a gal, but is missing the winning smile, along with most of her other features. she seems to see you, though, rushing to your side and placing a lei around your neck with great formality. a voice, cheery but artificial, sees to come from nowhere and everywhere.]
Welcome aboard! I'm so happy you could join us!
[you touch the lei. rooster feathers, lotus seeds, and a carved circle of something white and hard, linked onto a silk string.
after the drill is completed, you are seemingly free to go. or, well, your legs work, now. and maybe that's as good as it's gonna get.]
2. I don't know where I'm-a gonna go
[something new has been set up at Friday’s desk. there’s a sign, but it’s not advertising the next excursion, or anything familiar like that. instead, it says, in big, bold letters, SUGGESTIONS AND COMPLAINTS, with a large downward-facing arrow below it, pointing at what looks to be an empty tissue box with the word “COMPLAINTS” hastily etched onto it. there is a pile of small slips of paper and some pens next to it, and Friday cheerfully informs you that you can submit anything you like, no consequences! and it’s weird that she has to specify, but, also, she really does, doesn’t she?
and there aren’t any consequences! the Captain doesn’t come out of nowhere and dome you instantly for the slight. Friday doesn’t give you the cold shoulder or a rude remark. now, an unidentifiable voice does start reciting your complaint or suggestion, with your name attached, over the loudspeaker at full volume every 20 minutes or so. but, that’s debatable as a consequence. probably. maybe. not actually.]
3. pretty soon we learn to fly
[this was one of the suggestions. apparently. that’s what Friday will say if anyone asks her about it. and they probably will. because surely there has to be some sort of reason why the floor in windjammer is, currently, lava.
like. actual molten magma-type lava, flowing in sluggish rivers around the tables and booths, the sections of the buffet. so, maybe you decide to go eat at one of the many other fine dining establishments aboard today, or at least until the floor decides to stop being lava. or, maybe you decide that those dinosaur chicken nuggets are worth the risk of life and limb. and thus, you climb, clamber, jump, leap - a perilous and terrifying journey, knowing you are only one false step away from an agonizing death.
until you fall in. and then you realize that, no, this is not actually lava at all, for all it looks exactly like it. it’s actually barely room temperature, and strangely watery. you taste sweetened tomato paste. it’s not death, but maybe that would have been a little bit better.
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"Ugh. Whyever would I want to wear something that came off a bird? I can't even claim it's a trophy. There's not enough mess for that."
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"It's tradition man, gotta have a lei when you're on a pleasure cruise or it ruins the whole," he gestures at the ship as if that explains everything. "vibe. You know?"
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"It seems to have mistaken me for someone else. I don't know who this Korg is, but it certainly isn't me. I suppose all golems must look the same to it. That comes of being squishy, I suppose."
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for reasons he is totally unaware of. Pratt is being exposed as a filthy casual fan right now. "I think he's an alien from a battle planet made of trash."That sounds right, or Pratt is mixing up a bunch of movies together. Whatever. "This is the part where you tell me your name."
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It looks hard at Pratt, debating whether or not it thinks he's worth its time. "My name is Shale, as a matter of fact. Hopefully it has better luck remembering that I am not this Korg in future."
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He SHOULD remember a talking rock, but who knows. He forgets everything all the time.
"And keep the feather thing. It's supposed to be magical good luck. Blood guy said something about that in the book that's gone from the library now."
Pratt should just never not be with Sharky who could translate this into actual usable sentences.
"I'm Deputy Pratt."
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The eye roll is metaphorical, since its eyes are only glowing voids, but it sure puts all of the feeling of that eye roll into its tone. "Though I suppose at least several birds had to suffer to make this, and that's rather a comfort. I hope they suffered," it adds, clearly relishing in the idea. "I would have preferred to squish them myself, but I can't have everything. Apparently."
Still, it looks at Pratt for a moment. "It calls itself a deputy, does it? I wonder what it's a deputy of?"
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"Probably didn't cuz I dunno if they're real feathers. Like everything else in this place they might be just... you know. Manifested? Magic? Uh.. you know, fancy spell stuff." Damn he's good at this. "Deputy Pratt of the Hope County Sherriff's department."
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It looks at the lei for a moment, and loops it around its wrist like a bracelet. Just because it's probably important enough to keep, but it doesn't have any pockets, on account of it being a stone golem with no clothes. "So the squishy faceless creature that gave this to me doesn't even have the nerve to use real birds? Well. I suppose I haven't seen any birds around here, which is a relief."
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In his less than scientific study everyone pretty much has the same goopy insides.
"Nah no animals. No birds or bugs or fish. Or plants even. You uh.. got a phobia of birds?"
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It take obvious relish in stretching out the word.
"I am not afraid of birds. I loathe them, and crush them on every occasion that I can. It would loathe them too, if it had had the experience of being a statue. Which it probably hasn't, being a squishy thing."
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"Oh. ohhhhhh. Yeah okay that makes total sense. Got it. Well, welcome to a bird free and bird-shit free paradise then buddy. We got you."
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"Well, I might not be very thrilled about the rest of this mess, but at least there's some nice points about this. I'm not thrilled about the prospect of sinking under all that water, so it will just have to hope the floorboards hold."
It looks dubiously over the railing at the endless ocean.
"So. If it says that I am the first 'big rock guy,' I assume that it means that everyone else on this ship is equally squishy as it. Lucky, lucky me."
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"We have robots. Metal ones. It'd be pretty hard to squish them, and uh... don't squash Bastion. He has guns and he's really nice. He'd make sad noises while being squirshed."
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It does not, in fact, sound particularly interested.
"It can rest assured that if I did attempt to the squish this Bastion, I would probably produce more of crunch. I will probably not, though, if it doesn't give me a reason. I haven't had the opportunity to speak with many others like me. Does it know if Bastion has free will?"
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"Of course he does? That's a weird ass question. You getting all existential on me because I don't think I'm prepped for that - I need a snack first before we debate if anyone is really free."
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He rolls his eyes, ignoring that tone. But he does pause, because what he said might not be entirely accurate. "Maybe not Friday, I dunno. She has some amount anyway."
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Shale sighs. "Friday is... the faceless human-looking thing? She seems awfully squishy to be a golem herself."
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Hm, trying real hard to remember some of the stuff from the binder about Friday, "She's made of uh.. sand? Dirt? Something like that. All mushed together with some Frankensteined skin over it. The Captain made her you'd have to ask him."
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It turns to look at her, expressionless but with a quizzical tilt to its head. "Is it a mage, then? If it is a mage, then it should know I have no intention of being its slave, no matter what it does."
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