sail_ooc | TEST DRIVE MEME #8

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TEST DRIVE MEME #8

1. but times have changed for sailors these days

[you wake up.

it doesn't matter where you were before. going to bed? dying? opening the door to face a great evil? same result. you wake up in a soft bed with starched sheets in a cool, darkened room, sunlight peeking out from behind thick curtains. maybe you're alone; maybe you aren't. maybe you immediately notice the folded paper on the bedside table near your head. if you don't, you better fix that real quick: you won't be able to even open the door before you read it.

the note itself is written in a neat hand on white card stock; there is a stylized logo of a ship with the words SERENA ETERNA printed underneath. the note reads as follows:

Dear Passenger(s),

As your cruise director, it is my great honor to welcome you aboard the Serena Eterna, your destination for fun and adventure! We know you could have chosen any cruise line for your vacation, and we're very grateful you chose ours! On behalf of the Captain, I would like to assure each and every passenger that will we do whatever it takes to fulfill all your needs and desires during your journey with us.

At your earliest possible convenience, please attend the mandatory lifeboat drill by the end of the day. I'm sure everyone is very eager to get started on all the fun and sun, but safety always comes first! You can find your life jacket in your cabin's closet; carry it to your assigned muster station on deck one, where I will take you through the drill. If you can't find me in the crowd, just look for the gal with the winning smile!

See You Real Soon!

Sincerely,
Gal Friday

you walk to deck one. you have no other choice: every time you try to step in a direction some unseen being considers "not towards deck one," you find your legs no longer move, staying stock still, frozen. whether compelled quickly by curiosity, or delayed by pure stubbornness, the result is the same, and you are left milling around with other similarly curious or stubborn people.

you see someone in uniform near the front of the crowd. she seems to be a gal, but is missing the winning smile, along with most of her other features. she seems to see you, though, rushing to your side and placing a lei around your neck with great formality. a voice, cheery but artificial, sees to come from nowhere and everywhere.]

Welcome aboard! I'm so happy you could join us!

[you touch the lei. rooster feathers, lotus seeds, and a carved circle of something white and hard, linked onto a silk string.

after the drill is completed, you are seemingly free to go. or, well, your legs work, now. and maybe that's as good as it's gonna get.]

2. tried to amend my carnivorous habit

[the space inside John's where the piano normally sits is mysteriously vacant today. as a matter of fact, the entire piano bar is silent, without so much as a muzak-inspired interpretation of Uptown Girl to hum along to.

the piano itself seems to have disappeared... for the most part. unlucky, unsuspecting passengers who enter the cabin hallway, step out onto the lower decks, or find themselves in one of the other narrow corridors of the ship, may find themselves suddenly facing down a silent, unmoving grand piano. it takes up too much space to squeeze by comfortably...

and then, the cover lifts, exposing what looks to be... teeth?

yeah. yeah, those are its teeth. and it's coming right for you.]

3. that American creation on which I feed

[it had been a difficult October for bahamanuel, the bahamanal. its territory had changed utterly, becoming alien and strange. new predators were encroaching on its hunting grounds. its position in the natural order is under threat. and so, nature finds a way.

the old timers know to be wary of large piles of clothes, but even they won’t think to look twice at the tiny lumps of garish kids’ swimsuits and sundresses - until they feel something latch onto their leg, and then several more things, and anywhere from ten to twenty balled up clothes piles try to take down their prey.

the young must learn how to hunt, after all.]

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

[ Note; Yakko was a previous passenger on the ship and was present for the ghost event, he will have his memories from that. ]

Who's on first!?

[ A calm ocean breeze. Fresh linens. A shower smaller than some coffins on the market. The height of luxury; provided it's the 2010s and your standards aren't very high. Our fine furry friend is still dozing, and in a minute he'll realize that he's able to sleep. Able to not-sleep. Able to be in that bleary spot in between sleeping and not sleeping that only coffee or a slap in the face can fix. ]

Hwahh?

[ There he is. Welcome back to the world, little buddy. ]

I'm me?! [ He startles, looking down at his adorably gloved hands, ] and I'm here?!

[ He looks around the room in a big, exaggerated motion, a wide grin already on his face. ]

I'M BACK!!

[ He grabs the life jacket and the letter and knocks the door down in his hurry to get to the muster. God help you if you stand in between him and giving a welcome back kiss to his best gal, Friday. ]

What's on second?!

[ It's good to be back! The ship is less coated in entrails than he remembers, and there doesn't seem to be the morning free-for-all that he'd gotten used to. Which is a good thing, probably! You can only make your disembowlment so funny before it just becomes tragic, and then it's funny to some people, but that's not really his audience. The edgy R 18+ reboot was a failure, he's playing to the PG 15 crowd again now. All of this is to say he can be found where he used to be found; hamming it up at Karaoke, ordering unstable stacks of desserts at Scoops, and at the library, reading comics. Better hope nobody recognizes him from Halloween! ]

That's what I wanna know!

[ The Tommy Bahama is new- not that Yakko has any plans of changing his signature look, the slacks are iconic and timeless- but a rat bunny dog thing can want a bit of variety occasionally, even if he'll have to shop in the children's section. Maybe he wants to look like the spoiled bratty child of a golf-playing hedge-fund executive who owns a yacht and hates his wife. You don't know him.

Unfortunately, nobody's told him about the Bahamanal yet, so as he's leafing through a rack of clothes tossing each item over his shoulder- ]

Tacky, tacky, hideous colour, terrible fabric, you can smell the child labour on this one-

[ -the beast approaches. Help a guy out? ]

Third base!

[ Wildcard ]

That song. Erin knows that song, and that voice. It stops her in her tracks and makes her beeline to Chatterbox in big stomping strides. A little voice in her head reminds her of the Blackbeard incident, and in any event maybe it was Wakko or fucking Roger Rabbit, but -

Well THIS is definitely a Yakko.

Erin slams a fist on a table in the audience section. "Warner."

Just. Going to sloooowly slip on a pair of groucho glasses while maintaining eye contact with her blindfold. The instrumental to The Planets song plays on without him.

"You know, it's polite to wait until the stage door to ask for autographs."

And then he's just going to book it off the stage towards the door.

Test one: will Commitment To The Bit function on Yakko right now?

Erin loops one of her homemade ropes into a lasso and flings it after him, Cartoon Style Baby.

No!!! She already knows his one weakness!! The Bit!!

Regardless of how well the lasso was thrown, it encircles him perfectly around his arms and brings him crashing to the ground with a thud and a small cloud of dust. He wriggles ineffectually, kicking his feet.

"Wait! Please! Don't eat me! I taste terrible! Even Daisy couldn't stomach me more than once!!"

"Wow you're not even gonna try to pretend not to be the dude who was in my friend." Erin almost says 'phrasing' but no, no, she's gonna let Yakko jump on the jokes. She reels him in, hand over hand, weirdly thankful that most of her television knowledge is old cartoons at this point. She puts her boot on a chair and leans over him. "Is this a good time to tell you Daisy's here too?"

"Goodnight everybody," Yakko adds on, dejectedly.

Yakko tumbles over himself when he's reeled in, smacking into every bit of furniture along the way, complaining 'oof' and 'ouch' with each knock.

"I didn't mean to," he sniffs, "it all happened so quickly. One moment I was Nothing and then poof, I'm a member of the 1%," sniff sniff.

"Couldya give me a head-start in trying to outrun her? I bet she's still keeping score from last time around."

"I'm actually gonna ask ya a similar question to the one I asked her when she got back." Erin leaaaaans down and puts a finger just on the tip of Yakko's nose. "You prefer your straight men for the jokes with or without bashing your head in?"

Listen.

It's not that Erin isn't mad.

It's not even that forgiving Daisy but not Yakko would be hypocritical, though yes, that.

She just really wants a cartoon as a buddy.

"Nobody's confusing you for a straight man, and besides- Bash is the other guy,"

A phantom rimshot goes off somewhere. Man he missed that.

"Now look," he steeples his hands together in front of his face, waving Erin off from touching his adorable little red nose as he settles his hands in place, "we had a bit of a rocky introduction, but I think we can- WAIT IS THAT AN ELIGIBLE WOMAN OVER THE AGE OF EIGHTEEN!?"

And points directly away from the door.

Erin's face turns bright red and she makes the key mistake of picking Yakko up to shake him violently.

Yes! An opening! Yakko sticks the Groucho glasses onto Erin's face and slips between her hands like a bar of soap, landing in a perfect Arabesque atop her head.

"Thank you, thank you, I'm here every night for the rest of my life!" he cackles, and bounds off her head towards the exit, moving over tables and chair with the sort of grace only someone unbothered by physics can manage.

"For someone who isn't a pirate anymore, you sure haven't lost your touch in acquiring boo-tay!"

Censor THAT you hack writer!!

You would think the woman who spoke King Arthur's doom would know better than to say the fatal words that deal her into The Bit, but say them she does: "WHY I OUGHTA -"

She gives chase!

Yakko Warner | Animaniacs | OTA

Karaoke

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Tommy Bahama (the power of toon compels me!)

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Bahamanal!

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