TEST DRIVE MEME #8

[sailmods]

1. but times have changed for sailors these days

[you wake up.

it doesn't matter where you were before. going to bed? dying? opening the door to face a great evil? same result. you wake up in a soft bed with starched sheets in a cool, darkened room, sunlight peeking out from behind thick curtains. maybe you're alone; maybe you aren't. maybe you immediately notice the folded paper on the bedside table near your head. if you don't, you better fix that real quick: you won't be able to even open the door before you read it.

the note itself is written in a neat hand on white card stock; there is a stylized logo of a ship with the words SERENA ETERNA printed underneath. the note reads as follows:

Dear Passenger(s),

As your cruise director, it is my great honor to welcome you aboard the Serena Eterna, your destination for fun and adventure! We know you could have chosen any cruise line for your vacation, and we're very grateful you chose ours! On behalf of the Captain, I would like to assure each and every passenger that will we do whatever it takes to fulfill all your needs and desires during your journey with us.

At your earliest possible convenience, please attend the mandatory lifeboat drill by the end of the day. I'm sure everyone is very eager to get started on all the fun and sun, but safety always comes first! You can find your life jacket in your cabin's closet; carry it to your assigned muster station on deck one, where I will take you through the drill. If you can't find me in the crowd, just look for the gal with the winning smile!

See You Real Soon!

Sincerely,
Gal Friday

you walk to deck one. you have no other choice: every time you try to step in a direction some unseen being considers "not towards deck one," you find your legs no longer move, staying stock still, frozen. whether compelled quickly by curiosity, or delayed by pure stubbornness, the result is the same, and you are left milling around with other similarly curious or stubborn people.

you see someone in uniform near the front of the crowd. she seems to be a gal, but is missing the winning smile, along with most of her other features. she seems to see you, though, rushing to your side and placing a lei around your neck with great formality. a voice, cheery but artificial, sees to come from nowhere and everywhere.]

Welcome aboard! I'm so happy you could join us!

[you touch the lei. rooster feathers, lotus seeds, and a carved circle of something white and hard, linked onto a silk string.

after the drill is completed, you are seemingly free to go. or, well, your legs work, now. and maybe that's as good as it's gonna get.]

2. tried to amend my carnivorous habit

[the space inside John's where the piano normally sits is mysteriously vacant today. as a matter of fact, the entire piano bar is silent, without so much as a muzak-inspired interpretation of Uptown Girl to hum along to.

the piano itself seems to have disappeared... for the most part. unlucky, unsuspecting passengers who enter the cabin hallway, step out onto the lower decks, or find themselves in one of the other narrow corridors of the ship, may find themselves suddenly facing down a silent, unmoving grand piano. it takes up too much space to squeeze by comfortably...

and then, the cover lifts, exposing what looks to be... teeth?

yeah. yeah, those are its teeth. and it's coming right for you.]

3. that American creation on which I feed

[it had been a difficult October for bahamanuel, the bahamanal. its territory had changed utterly, becoming alien and strange. new predators were encroaching on its hunting grounds. its position in the natural order is under threat. and so, nature finds a way.

the old timers know to be wary of large piles of clothes, but even they won’t think to look twice at the tiny lumps of garish kids’ swimsuits and sundresses - until they feel something latch onto their leg, and then several more things, and anywhere from ten to twenty balled up clothes piles try to take down their prey.

the young must learn how to hunt, after all.]

Comments

[thebadnews]

[ Now with enough distance, Percy feels more confident breaking out the big guns. Literally. This weapon was certainly built for distance more than short range, but if it were up to him, he would much rather a more reliable weapon.

Beggars can't really be choosers when Percy's the one responsible for the creation of firearms in his world, though. ]

You say that like this is a common occurrence. [ His voice neatly carries over the commotion of the murderous piano as he lines up his shot. ]

[serialskiller]

Weird shit happens here. Welcome to the Serena Eterna!

[Look, a hungry piano is not the worst thing it's seen all week. It's fucked up, but what isn't, on this ship?

Murderbot continues to aim at the legs, but the beam sears through them without managing to disable the piano fully.]

[thebadnews]

[ That doesn't exactly bode well, and makes Percy wonder if perhaps it's a good thing he's the only one from Vox Machina that made it here. Especially if this is at all tied to his death. ]

Great. What a warm welcome.

[ His voice has a sarcastic lilt to it as he fires once, and is pleasantly surprised that the gun did not jam or misfire. ]

[serialskiller]

There have been worse ones. The mirrors haven’t tried to suck you in yet, right?

[Finally, one of the legs of the piano gives way, the entire thing tilting oddly. It looks sort of pathetic, still trying to drag itself along the floor.]

[thebadnews]

The mirrors?! [ Percy fixes Murderbot an exasperated look. ] I sincerely hope you're joking, if I have to worry about that on top of everything else.

[ Honestly, he thinks, they should print a guidebook at this point. ]