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TEST DRIVE MEME #8
1. but times have changed for sailors these days
[you wake up.
it doesn't matter where you were before. going to bed? dying? opening the door to face a great evil? same result. you wake up in a soft bed with starched sheets in a cool, darkened room, sunlight peeking out from behind thick curtains. maybe you're alone; maybe you aren't. maybe you immediately notice the folded paper on the bedside table near your head. if you don't, you better fix that real quick: you won't be able to even open the door before you read it.
the note itself is written in a neat hand on white card stock; there is a stylized logo of a ship with the words SERENA ETERNA printed underneath. the note reads as follows:
Dear Passenger(s),
As your cruise director, it is my great honor to welcome you aboard the Serena Eterna, your destination for fun and adventure! We know you could have chosen any cruise line for your vacation, and we're very grateful you chose ours! On behalf of the Captain, I would like to assure each and every passenger that will we do whatever it takes to fulfill all your needs and desires during your journey with us.
At your earliest possible convenience, please attend the mandatory lifeboat drill by the end of the day. I'm sure everyone is very eager to get started on all the fun and sun, but safety always comes first! You can find your life jacket in your cabin's closet; carry it to your assigned muster station on deck one, where I will take you through the drill. If you can't find me in the crowd, just look for the gal with the winning smile!
See You Real Soon!
Sincerely,
Gal Friday
you walk to deck one. you have no other choice: every time you try to step in a direction some unseen being considers "not towards deck one," you find your legs no longer move, staying stock still, frozen. whether compelled quickly by curiosity, or delayed by pure stubbornness, the result is the same, and you are left milling around with other similarly curious or stubborn people.
you see someone in uniform near the front of the crowd. she seems to be a gal, but is missing the winning smile, along with most of her other features. she seems to see you, though, rushing to your side and placing a lei around your neck with great formality. a voice, cheery but artificial, sees to come from nowhere and everywhere.]
Welcome aboard! I'm so happy you could join us!
[you touch the lei. rooster feathers, lotus seeds, and a carved circle of something white and hard, linked onto a silk string.
after the drill is completed, you are seemingly free to go. or, well, your legs work, now. and maybe that's as good as it's gonna get.]
2. tried to amend my carnivorous habit
[the space inside John's where the piano normally sits is mysteriously vacant today. as a matter of fact, the entire piano bar is silent, without so much as a muzak-inspired interpretation of Uptown Girl to hum along to.
the piano itself seems to have disappeared... for the most part. unlucky, unsuspecting passengers who enter the cabin hallway, step out onto the lower decks, or find themselves in one of the other narrow corridors of the ship, may find themselves suddenly facing down a silent, unmoving grand piano. it takes up too much space to squeeze by comfortably...
and then, the cover lifts, exposing what looks to be... teeth?
yeah. yeah, those are its teeth. and it's coming right for you.]
3. that American creation on which I feed
[it had been a difficult October for bahamanuel, the bahamanal. its territory had changed utterly, becoming alien and strange. new predators were encroaching on its hunting grounds. its position in the natural order is under threat. and so, nature finds a way.
the old timers know to be wary of large piles of clothes, but even they won’t think to look twice at the tiny lumps of garish kids’ swimsuits and sundresses - until they feel something latch onto their leg, and then several more things, and anywhere from ten to twenty balled up clothes piles try to take down their prey.
the young must learn how to hunt, after all.]
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[ This girl must have seen Gal Friday's smooth blank face. Right? Max feels crazy just saying it out loud, but he definitely saw that. ]
Face... off?
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(out of her ass because she talks a lot of shit. in jinx's opinion, anyway.)
But hey! She ain't all that bad. Sometimes she gives us stuff.
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[ Max is no stranger to making stupid jokes in dire situations, but he's not really feeling that one, thanks to the whole... everything... that's kind of overwhelming him right now.
He puts a hand on his forehead, the classic image of a man with no clue. ]
Like, I've got to be imagining... at least eighty-to-ninety percent of this, right? Either I'm high or... there's sound waves that make your brain freak out... [ he doesn't know if those are actually a thing, but they were in a videogame so they probably exist. ] Or something.
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so instead of trying to convince max verbally this current situation is real, jinx reaches over to his personal space and pinches him pretty hard on the cheek. it's a tactic she uses sometimes on herself if she thinks she is in a place she is not meant to be in.)
lmao i love her
[ Max steps back, and puts his hand to his cheek, with an expression of... anger is way too strong. Annoyance is closer. He looks put-out, like a dog who's confused that its stick didn't actually get thrown. ]
Pinching is for when you think you're dreaming, come on! Walking around seeing things is, I dunno, a bucket of water or something?
[ Did Max think through the thing he is saying? No. Not on any level, ever. ]
she is a crazy nut, this one.
(because if pinching isn't going to convince him, a bullet going in the skin while being in excruciating pain might do the trick. and if any other crewmate gives her lip about this, at least she can say that she asked first before mindlessly shooting. it's a step up how she use to be!!)
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[ WHAT.... he just spent two months being menaced with a gun by a cop, and now he's going to be menaced with a gun by a TikTok cosplayer? No thank you. (Max assumes, incorrectly, that Jinx's pink eyes are contact lenses.)
She's got to be posturing, right? He's pretty sure they don't allow guns on cruise ships. (He's pretty sure they don't have faceless people who talk from every direction at once on cruise ships either.) ]
Okay, first, I'm pretty sure that only works in Fight Club? And second, [ emphatically, loudly, just to highlight this point ] No!
FUCKING TIKTOK COSPLAYER KILLED ME.
(ignoring that there are non-violent ways to do this. like just saying this is real, for example. in a huff, she cross her arms over her chest as she shifts her weight from one foot to the other. jinx is beginning to wonder if she should just bail on the guy and have him figure all of this himself.)
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[ His hands are raised in surrender. Who is this mean little girl and where are her parents!! ]
Sure, you know... faceless lady, spooky unlocking door, the walking thing, everyone's fashion choices... very normal. Very cool. Nothing Stephen King about this at all.
So... truce? Alright? [ Look at this nervous smile. How can you say no to this face. ]
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SO! You gotta name? If I had to guess, you look like a "Marvin" to me.
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Actually I'm a Max. What are you, a Mackennzeigh?
[ No, the unique spelling isn't audible. Yes, he's thinking it anyway. ]
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Max? 'Least it's short. (unlike the name he guessed. who has time to say that?)
Bzzt, wrong! The name is Jinx. And it stands for Jinx, by the way. It's nice to meetcha! — Also I gotta ask, you got anythin' fancy about you? Are you a magic user? A demon? Can you read people's minds or feelings?
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What? No. Why? Do I look like I do? That's a weird question.
[ With the sort of suppressed anxiety you'd expect from a stoner asking if people can tell that they're high. ]
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You suddenly woke up here, right? Juuuust saw a faceless woman and then there's me!