TEST DRIVE MEME #8

[sailmods]

1. but times have changed for sailors these days

[you wake up.

it doesn't matter where you were before. going to bed? dying? opening the door to face a great evil? same result. you wake up in a soft bed with starched sheets in a cool, darkened room, sunlight peeking out from behind thick curtains. maybe you're alone; maybe you aren't. maybe you immediately notice the folded paper on the bedside table near your head. if you don't, you better fix that real quick: you won't be able to even open the door before you read it.

the note itself is written in a neat hand on white card stock; there is a stylized logo of a ship with the words SERENA ETERNA printed underneath. the note reads as follows:

Dear Passenger(s),

As your cruise director, it is my great honor to welcome you aboard the Serena Eterna, your destination for fun and adventure! We know you could have chosen any cruise line for your vacation, and we're very grateful you chose ours! On behalf of the Captain, I would like to assure each and every passenger that will we do whatever it takes to fulfill all your needs and desires during your journey with us.

At your earliest possible convenience, please attend the mandatory lifeboat drill by the end of the day. I'm sure everyone is very eager to get started on all the fun and sun, but safety always comes first! You can find your life jacket in your cabin's closet; carry it to your assigned muster station on deck one, where I will take you through the drill. If you can't find me in the crowd, just look for the gal with the winning smile!

See You Real Soon!

Sincerely,
Gal Friday

you walk to deck one. you have no other choice: every time you try to step in a direction some unseen being considers "not towards deck one," you find your legs no longer move, staying stock still, frozen. whether compelled quickly by curiosity, or delayed by pure stubbornness, the result is the same, and you are left milling around with other similarly curious or stubborn people.

you see someone in uniform near the front of the crowd. she seems to be a gal, but is missing the winning smile, along with most of her other features. she seems to see you, though, rushing to your side and placing a lei around your neck with great formality. a voice, cheery but artificial, sees to come from nowhere and everywhere.]

Welcome aboard! I'm so happy you could join us!

[you touch the lei. rooster feathers, lotus seeds, and a carved circle of something white and hard, linked onto a silk string.

after the drill is completed, you are seemingly free to go. or, well, your legs work, now. and maybe that's as good as it's gonna get.]

2. tried to amend my carnivorous habit

[the space inside John's where the piano normally sits is mysteriously vacant today. as a matter of fact, the entire piano bar is silent, without so much as a muzak-inspired interpretation of Uptown Girl to hum along to.

the piano itself seems to have disappeared... for the most part. unlucky, unsuspecting passengers who enter the cabin hallway, step out onto the lower decks, or find themselves in one of the other narrow corridors of the ship, may find themselves suddenly facing down a silent, unmoving grand piano. it takes up too much space to squeeze by comfortably...

and then, the cover lifts, exposing what looks to be... teeth?

yeah. yeah, those are its teeth. and it's coming right for you.]

3. that American creation on which I feed

[it had been a difficult October for bahamanuel, the bahamanal. its territory had changed utterly, becoming alien and strange. new predators were encroaching on its hunting grounds. its position in the natural order is under threat. and so, nature finds a way.

the old timers know to be wary of large piles of clothes, but even they won’t think to look twice at the tiny lumps of garish kids’ swimsuits and sundresses - until they feel something latch onto their leg, and then several more things, and anywhere from ten to twenty balled up clothes piles try to take down their prey.

the young must learn how to hunt, after all.]

Comments

[gnighteverybody]

"Why? You think his personality will have you... hooked?"

[crushed_pearls]

Erin groans. "I want his coat, alright? I love his coat. Never been able to find one quite like it."

[nepetaleijon]

Don't have to tell her twice!

A streak of green arcs over the pile, arcing directly toward the unsuspecting prey.

[gnighteverybody]

"Snappy dresser, isn't he? He'd do numbers on tiktok," another phantom rimshot. That joke got him keel-hauled last time!

[gnighteverybody]

WHO COULD HAVE FORSEEN THIS!?

Yakko's tackled to the ground with a noise like a bowling ball hitting a strike, and he tumbles a good distance, rolling with his assailant. When he finally smacks against a mannequin, tiny cartoon birdies fly around his head for a moment. Hgrhbrlbrl, he shakes them away.

"Wait, wait! Please! I surrender!" he grabs the nearest white article of clothing and waves it furiously.

"Sabel" Ma Feng | Changeling: the Lost OC

[eyimdrivinere]

i. and the driver can't stop (muster)

[ There is a sound not entirely unlike a full-on train crash coming from one of the cabins.

Thankfully, more don't follow. Sabel is a woman of pure efficiency. If that much force didn't do the trick the first time, then there's no point in doing it again, is there?

Five minutes pass in complete silence. Then the door crashes open. Marching out of the cabin is an older half-Chinese woman looking for all the world like she's going to run over anybody who gets in her way. And she just might: anybody magically inclined to do so will see straight through the human illusion that disguises her and see her for what she is, which is a walking, talking New York subway train.

And she hates being on rails.

The light of her Mantle shimmers with rage, making her difficult to look at head-on, like the high summer sun reflecting off of a chrome hull. Get out of her way unless you have a reason to make her stop. ]

ii. and the victim can't climb (around)

[ But after the muster, the whole ship is her oyster. So she walks.

She seems to be doing nothing but walking, up, down, back and forth, taking all the stairs and elevators, up and down the Promenade, up to the sports deck, through the spa, down again, through the buffet, across the puul decks, down into the atrium, through the infirmary, up again, passing Playback, around... tracing routes, marking lines. Whatever this god-forsaken place has for her now, her life will only be easier if she knows where everything is. ]

iii. and the photographer doesn't help (wildcard)

[ hit me >:) ]

and the victim can't climb

[gnighteverybody]

[ One of the instances where Sabel passes Playback, there's Yakko in a little businessman suit with a briefcase checking his watch. ]

Right on time- what's the ETA for the Windjammer stop?

ii.

[barrelup]

[leaning in the doorway of Hurikane, there's a woman with a beer bottle in her hand, an arched eyebrow, and a scoff once Sable hits her third circuit.]

Jesus fuck, you make me stressed just looking at you. You trying to get your steps in or some shit?

[like. she doesn't care. but at the same time it hits some nagging little curiosity in her brain.]

Bahamanal!

[emotionlesswreck]

[Omori usually doesn't spend much time in the infinite Tommy Bahama... That style just definitely would not suit him, since his aesthetic is, according to most sensible people, 'drowned orphan.'

But he usually pokes his head in just to see if there's any treasure. Usually there's nothing but floppy hats and blinding Hawaiian shirts, but today there's something different. He blinks in surprise.]

Yakko?

[Wow, he's like a celebrity! A celebrity that might remember him, even, though Omori is distracted from their reunion by the sound of shuffling fabric behind the pair.]

Out of the way!

[He's not very loud, but he's forceful enough that Yakko hopefully has the sense to duck before spidery limbs come out from the boy's shadow, shoving the Bahamanal back.]

[eyimdrivinere]

[ ...

That's a cartoon.

... ]

This is an infirmary-bound A local train, [ she intones acerbically. Announcements may not be her entire vocab anymore, but they still come to her as easily as the river runs. ] The next stop is: Bellona Theater.

[ You know. The opposite direction as Windjammer. Hi, yes, she's already mapped out the entire ship once and she's not afraid to do it again. And if he really wants to do this, they're gonna go to every. Single. "Stop."

This is going to take two hours. ]

[gnighteverybody]

I knew I shoulda called a cab, [ Yakko sighs, and climbs his way up Sabel to sit on her shoulder, pulling a newspaper out from his jacket and unfolding it. The little guy weighs basically nothing, due to being a cartoon, and his legs dangle from where he's sitting. ]

At least I missed the lunchtime rush.

[eyimdrivinere]

[ Now that's one hell of a look this girl has on. Sabel looks her up and down once, then cocks an eyebrow. ]

I'm mapping out the ship. I'd rather get familiar with everything sooner rather than later, where I'm wandering about and looking like a fool for the next three weeks. I don't expect this place to stay peaceful and I'd like to cut down on U-turns.

[ This place needs more signs. ] There's already a rabid piano on the loose, you know.

[barrelup]

[the critical, sharp look on her face sits a little oddly against the pink and frills of her outfit, and as much as she's being looked at, she's looking back. despite her words, there's something in her that practically screams that beer bottles make very good improvised shanks.]

Was a rabid piano on the loose. I took care of it.

[what, like it's hard? wood smashes a hell of a lot easier than skulls do, and the insides stop being able to try and chew your dick off after a point. she's probably still got splinters in her hair somewhere, but that's a problem for future her.]

You realize they've got maps at the front desk, right. That no-face chick could probably hook you up, but honestly, with her whole ventriloquist freak show deal, I get it if you'd rather stay away.]

[eyimdrivinere]

[ A part of her resents this. Another part of her takes comfort in knowing that now she's got nothing more to do than to play pretend like children do, for a job that she is very, very good at. And if she gets bored halfway through she can always call for a service alert and make the A local service the express.

To be honest, it's not like she was doing anything else anyway. ]

You should have been on the other platform, [ she corrects as she strolls downstairs. Sorry, Yakko, she's too severe to keep a joke going for very long. ] If your train is going in the wrong direction then you find the stairs and switch at the right station.

[ Beat. ] I condone jumping the turnstile, by the way.

[gnighteverybody]

[ Yakko turns to berate Wakko for getting the wrong directions, but- well. It's just him on the train, and there's nobody else to blame, even for comedic effect. So he stands up and turns himself around, sitting the other way. ]

There, now we're both going the wrong way, and everyone knows two wrongs make a right.

[ He rustles his newspaper, ] I would never. I'm an upright, law-abiding citizen. And it's far easier to duck under them at my height.

[eyimdrivinere]

Did you, now? Thank you.

[ That's not sarcastic, either. That's one less pain in the ass to deal with. Though she hasn't been out of the Hedge for very long, she's met enough Lost to know that it doesn't matter how frilly or pink or funny someone looks; everybody knows how to keep themselves safe. A look like that on this girl's face tells her pretty much everything she has to know.

Sabel pulls a map out of her back pocket. ] I don't like relying on them. I'd rather just know instead of having to look it up every time I've got to be somewhere. [ That's literally it. She's just stubborn. ] That's my business, anyway. What's your name, miss?

[eyimdrivinere]

Well, right is the side of the tracks one drives on. Yes.

People far taller than you duck under them too. [ She's pretty sure not much has changed since the 90s in that way. ] I'd bet you don't have much trouble with cops.

[gnighteverybody]

I never do- I'm a celebrity, which means I'm above the law!

[ The laws of comedy are the only laws Yakko respects in any case, and even those need to get broken sometimes. ]

How long have you been doing this route?

[gnighteverybody]

My biggest fan! How have you- EEP!

[ Yakko skedaddles just in time to avoid the shadowy limbs and the teeth of the Bahamanal, skidding away- ]

Aim for the buttons! Aim for the buttons!!

[eyimdrivinere]

[ That gets an inclined head, a pursed lip, and an Expression from Sabel, which is her version of a laugh. ]

This one? Two hours, [ she answers. This is about to be her second circuit. Having seen everything once, this would go faster if she weren't committed to stopping at every unique location.

Speaking of, as they're closing in... ] This is Bellona Theatre. This is an accessible station. Transfer is available to the F-E-E-T train.

[ And when they pull in: ] This is an infirmary-bound A local train. The next stop is: Fate's Design. Stand clear of the closing doors, please.

[ What can she say. She's a good power-walker. ] That route? Thirty years. I think.

[nepetaleijon]

Nepeta does get briefly distracted enough to try and catch one of the cartoon birdies, but it doesn't work.

"Okay," she says instead, and sits up happily, still pinning Yakko to the floor. "Hi!"

[barrelup]

Can it with the "miss" shit.

[you can call me Bad Girl is on the tip of her tongue, but at the same time, she's not sure how much she wants to go around spreading it. there's no UAA to uphold - and hell, if it sounds too weird, she can always threaten this woman into changing it back.]

But it's Charlotte. You?

[crushed_pearls]

"Nah, he'd get DMCA'd by Kesha every time!"

She's doing finger guns Yakko.

There's finger guns.

You're gonna love Crichton and Gideon, Yakko.

2

[cacophonish]

There's an opossum in the lounge, munching on ill-gotten maraschino cherries. Seeing another small, furry critter, it reaches its paws into the jar and pulls out a cherry in offering.

[astrogator]

[She appreciates it! If it helps, after a couple of drinks she won't much care what he calls her. He's certainly piqued her interest.]

Whatever you're given? Alright, then you can have a Siduri Surprise with me.

[She strides over to the bar and orders just that from the ghostly bartender, one for each of them. It's a drink from a far-off planet. A cheerful shade of orange, looks like it should be topped with a little cocktail umbrella - but it's got a real kick to it. The pleasant sort of burn.

She gives him a small smile.] Tell me what you think.