TEST DRIVE MEME #5

[sailmods]

1. not subtle revealings

[you wake up.

it doesn't matter where you were before. going to bed? dying? opening the door to face a great evil? same result. you wake up in a soft bed with starched sheets in a cool, darkened room, sunlight peeking out from behind thick curtains. maybe you're alone; maybe you aren't. maybe you immediately notice the folded paper on the bedside table near your head. if you don't, you better fix that real quick: you won't be able to even open the door before you read it.

the note itself is written in a neat hand on white card stock; there is a stylized logo of a ship with the words SERENA ETERNA printed underneath. the note reads as follows:

Dear Passenger(s),

As your cruise director, it is my great honor to welcome you aboard the Serena Eterna, your destination for fun and adventure! We know you could have chosen any cruise line for your vacation, and we're very grateful you chose ours! On behalf of the Captain, I would like to assure each and every passenger that will we do whatever it takes to fulfill all your needs and desires during your journey with us.

At your earliest possible convenience, please attend the mandatory lifeboat drill by the end of the day. I'm sure everyone is very eager to get started on all the fun and sun, but safety always comes first! You can find your life jacket in your cabin's closet; carry it to your assigned muster station on deck one, where I will take you through the drill. If you can't find me in the crowd, just look for the gal with the winning smile!

See You Real Soon!

Sincerely,
Gal Friday

you walk to deck one. you have no other choice: every time you try to step in a direction some unseen being considers "not towards deck one," you find your legs no longer move, staying stock still, frozen. whether compelled quickly by curiosity, or delayed by pure stubbornness, the result is the same, and you are left milling around with other similarly curious or stubborn people.

you see someone in uniform near the front of the crowd. she seems to be a gal, but is missing the winning smile, along with most of her other features. she seems to see you, though, rushing to your side and placing a lei around your neck with great formality. a voice, cheery but artificial, sees to come from nowhere and everywhere.]

Welcome! I'm very glad to have you aboard!

[you touch the lei. rooster feathers, lotus seeds, and a carved circle of something white and hard, linked onto a silk string.

after the drill is completed, you are seemingly free to go. or, well, your legs work, now. and maybe that's as good as it's gonna get.]

2. a permanent reminder of a temporary feeling

[the reflections are missing. all of them. in mirrors. in television screens. on the backs of spoons. nothing looks back at you.

then, figures do show up. not your own, like you'd expect. thin, wispy apparitions, people with pleading eyes and hands, reaching out to place their palms against the surface, from their own end. faces familiar and not, beckoning, mouthing words you just can't quite make out. help me, it might be. get me out, perhaps. just until you're close enough, until your skin warms the surface of whatever it is you're peering into. and then, those same hands wrap, all too real, burning-cold against your flesh, and pull, trying to drag you through the surface, making up for their lack of strength with desperation. any flesh unlucky enough to enter the reflection comes back bone-white and cold, all sensation dead, though it will fade within a few hours.

in retrospect, it looks a bit more like they were saying something different. something more like, better you than me. or maybe it's not even words at all. they look a bit more like they're laughing.]

3. complex mementos

[but, hey. sometimes changes are good! like, today, in Playback, there's a brand-new game available for all the children to play! it's an old-fashioned sort of claw machine, the type that's so large, a particularly dedicated kindergartner could wriggle their way inside. the prizes vary, and sit loose: bags of candy, stuffed toys, firearms, painfully early-00s electronics, actually that one just looks like a dead iguana, tiny ship-branded knickknacks... like all the other games in the arcade, the game starts up automatically upon being touched; lack of quarters shouldn't keep you from having fun! pro tip: they are loaded, and they will go off if you suck at claw games and let it fall.]

Comments

[businessorlibation]

"To me, you look like a woman who I have no doubt could be dangerous, but I don't feel threatened solely by you carrying that. If you brandished it at me, it'd be a different story, but given the circumstances...well, remaining armed is a logical response to the situation. I believe there's a few people on the ship who fence, if you want to work out with them."

He glances over his shoulder (he'd make a poor Orpheus) before leading her to a set of stairs.

"We're on deck two, we're going down a deck to the muster stations."

[crushed_pearls]

"Mmmm." The casual sound rises and falls, like birdsong in the empty halls. "Reassuring. And yes, I'd be grateful. Swimmers have to swim, writers have to write, and swordsmen have to train. It only takes a few days for it all to go downhill."

Erin's heavy boots continue to ring out against the deck; when Johnny looks back there's something just a bit off about her gait. Is she making noise on purpose?

"I won't be so rude as to ask you about yourself directly but I've been eating up the conversation," Erin continues. "Anything weighing on your mind, Mister Summers?"

[businessorlibation]

"Just Summer, not Summers, please." But it's not a huge deal. To be acknowledged for who he is at all is important in itself.

"As for things weighing on my mind, well, this place is designed to make sure we're ill at ease. But there's hardly anything I'd burden you with so soon upon arrival."

[crushed_pearls]

Summer, right, he'd said that quite clearly. Why has she been -

Out loud, Erin groans, "Wheadon," like a curse. "My apologies, Mister Summer, I appear to have fucking cordyceps. Don't hesitate to correct me in the future."

Erin slips into another thoughtful silence, but as they get closer to the muster she stops in place, having come to her decision. "You've been very courteous," she says, with the air of someone walking themself through it. "And I have tried to remember which pocket I keep my manners in, in turn. But let me say this, Johnny: if we're going to be stuck here for awhile, you're going to see me be a bitch. I'm gonna be rough and ragged because I've worked, very hard, to let myself be. I'll swear and cuss and hit people. But, if you play it straight with me, I'll always play it straight back with you. So let me ask you again, and instead of trying to bullshit a bullshitter you can either answer, or tell me straight that you don't want to: anything weighing on your mind?"

[businessorlibation]

"I don't know what cordyceps are, but I understand the sentiment. What you should know about me is that presentation is a very deliberate thing for me; I have polished myself into something very nice and shiny, and I like who I am these days, even on this ship. Is anything weighing on me? Of course. We've been kidnapped by an eldritch magician who's using the energy he derives from our negative emotions to attempt to become a god. That does stress a man somewhat."

He huffs out a humorless little laugh. "You're hardly the only bitch on this ship, and I've managed to get in good with no few of the kind by being friendly, useful, and not showing that I'm afraid until it's unavoidable. But I'm like many others on this warped displeasure cruise, fumbling around in the dark with little actual understanding of what I can do to help anyone with anything. I fear that little personal tiffs will fracture whatever sense of community and cooperation we can build to fortify ourselves against the captain. I fear seeing the people I've come to care about hurt, because a craven little wizard thinks he can play with us like dolls in a dollhouse."

[crushed_pearls]

Erin's "hmm," comes with tucking her hands into her pockets, though there's little she can do about the absurd effect of the lifejacket under her left arm. "I'm like a rattlesnake, Mister Summer. If I'm going to bite, you'll get a warning first."

Erin closes the distance and lays a hand on Johnny's shoulder, just about at the limit of her arm's reach; close enough to touch, but not truly close, oh, not ever. The scents of sex and gunpowder blow past the two on a warm Spring breeze, laced with the promise of rain.

"Thank you for shooting straight with me," Erin murmurs. "...I usually have to stab someone before others believe me about that. It's...nice...to not have to do that. Let me offer you some wisdom in turn. Shortly after I -" there is a mental swerve to a less vulnerable version of the truth, "- entered into the service of New Avalon, I was having some similar doubts. Inwardly focused, but still. My liege lady laughed them off, and she told me, not about the power of peace and love and friendship. Not even about the power of Spring. She told me, the thing your enemy does not want you doing is probably your exit. So it sounds to me like you're working on holding the door open, and someone's fucking gotta."

She takes her hand back and motions in the direction of the muster again. "...And it's fungus. Cordyceps, that is. They snake their tendrils into the brains of their prey, control their bodies, and when it's sporing time the fungus explodes and leaves the dead shell behind. You'll find it in rain forests and, metaphorically, any time you have one of those moments where it feels like your self and your brain are knife fighting."

[businessorlibation]

"Ah. I'm far too familiar with what it's like to be in a knife fight with my own brain. That part of the metaphor I understand. The rest...well, that sounds absolutely terrifying!" But that's paired with a laugh, because absolutely terrifying things to learn about keep happening. Like worlds where either historically or in the present, being gay is illegal.

"But the advice, though. The thing our enemy doesn't want us to do...yes, you're right. Though, I recommend against being too bold in displays of affection before the captain himself. He was quick to punish the last one." One which Johnny enacted--though it was his partner who was punished instead of him. That was a Bad Night.

[crushed_pearls]

"Noted. Christ but it's been ages since I had to fight a wizard. You have to go through an entire fucking doctorate of research every time and it's never worth it. Every finger-waggler and wand shaker I've ever stabbed has had it coming and I still didn't get any satisfaction." Erin's grumbling comes with a faint motion of her head, oddly reminiscent of rolling one's eyes. "...I feel compelled to ask, because you uh, haven't asked me about any of this. Is this -" Erin gestures to her pointed ears with one hand, which then takes Johnny's eyes through a guided tour of her crawling tattoos, chain mail made all of ice, and the sparks of powder that hang in the air around her, popping and renewing, "just less strange than what you've gotten used to here on the ship? Do the Lost of your world live openly? Or are you not seeing anything weird and wondering what the hell I'm talking about?"

[businessorlibation]

"Right. I don't know what Lost are, but there's plenty of people here who aren't human. One dame claims to be from Orion and has green skin. Another turned into a dinosaur--with feathers--recently to save a boy who's from a medieval fantasy land from zombies. So yes, I see you've got those lovely pointed ears, and that armor and the smells going on around you are sure nose-catching. But I wasn't going to dig at that first thing."

He sounds more amused than anything.

"Also, if you're getting in line to fight the wizard, one of the first people I'd send you to talk to is an ambulatory skeleton named Skulduggery Pleasant."

[crushed_pearls]

Johnny's temporary ward lets out a sigh of relief. Actual relief, with no signs of sarcasm or back-biting whatsoever. "Not being the weirdest thing going on for once will be. So nice. Not to make light of the uh, onslaught of horror you've endured, Mister Summer, I'm just..."

A gesture. Erin suspects they're getting close to the muster but she wants, very much, to finish this thought and this conversation on good terms.

"...This isn't my first time in a hell of someone else's making. It wouldn't be my first time in a hell of my own making. Back home, about like, a year and change back, a great illusion that concealed my people from mortals went out like a candle flame and as far as we can tell it's not coming back. All at once a humanity that thought it knew the world was forced to confront that some humans aren't human the way they're used to, and that the reason we're like this is that they failed us and left us to fucking die. It's. It's been a lot. Chasers at bars, hate groups, people trying to buy fairy gold, shootouts in the streets with alien gods from a realm of pure fate, the whole nine god-damn yards. So...given that my day to day already involves the threat of death, torture, dismemberment, and entitled straight boys losing their fingers for putting their hands near my tits, going back to just that but without the extra? Sounds. Kinda nice."

[businessorlibation]

"I'm certain I can't imagine what all that has meant for you, but here...you will fit right in, and I can't think of many people who'd even give you a second glance for de-fingering someone who tried something like that. I heard two of the teenagers on the ship got into a duel because one splashed the other."

That's a slight mistelling of the story, but the gossip mill only works so well.

"Another thing of note here is that death is not an escape from this experience. Anyone who dies, the faceless dame collects their body and they wake up in bed the next morning. It's spooky, but it's definitely a thing going on here. To prolong the torment, I suppose." Not passing that piece of information along would be leading her only partly armed for whatever's to come.

[crushed_pearls]

She stops at that one. The surprise is written on her face but it's not quite shock, not really. Erin's hand goes to her chin after a moment, and her finger taps her lower lip.

"...You know," she says at last. "I suspect that makes the work you're doing more important than I thought, and my initial thought was 'pretty fucking important', to be clear. So uh...let's get me to this muster, and I'll find you after I get my bearings on the ship. If you're up for having a rattlesnake in your corner, Mister Summer?"

Her lips quirk into a little half-smile, odd and sad but real in itself, as she lets the question hang.

[businessorlibation]

"Why, Miss Peters. I would be delighted to consider you an ally, if not a friend." A rattlesnake would go well alongside the Kraken and the mad scientist and the veteran doctor and all the rest of his team.

[crushed_pearls]

Erin makes a Face. "I appreciate the courtesy in the spirit it was given but please, Erin. Even my enemies call me Erin these days. Being Miss Cocks is a bridge too far for what's left of my self-love."

One pointy ear twitches, and once again Erin closes the gap of the personal space, though now she's clearly walking past Johnny. "I can hear the muster up ahead, so I do believe this is where we part. I'll see you again soon."

Faintly, over the clomp of her boots, Johnny can hear her musical voice - not quite under her breath, but only just above it.

"Oola waka, oola maka, something not right
Many wicked-icky things gonna happen tonight
Oola maka, oola waka, sailor man beware
When there's money in the ground, there's murder in the air..."

((Seems like a good spot to stop))