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TEST DRIVE MEME #5
1. not subtle revealings
[you wake up.
it doesn't matter where you were before. going to bed? dying? opening the door to face a great evil? same result. you wake up in a soft bed with starched sheets in a cool, darkened room, sunlight peeking out from behind thick curtains. maybe you're alone; maybe you aren't. maybe you immediately notice the folded paper on the bedside table near your head. if you don't, you better fix that real quick: you won't be able to even open the door before you read it.
the note itself is written in a neat hand on white card stock; there is a stylized logo of a ship with the words SERENA ETERNA printed underneath. the note reads as follows:
Dear Passenger(s),
As your cruise director, it is my great honor to welcome you aboard the Serena Eterna, your destination for fun and adventure! We know you could have chosen any cruise line for your vacation, and we're very grateful you chose ours! On behalf of the Captain, I would like to assure each and every passenger that will we do whatever it takes to fulfill all your needs and desires during your journey with us.
At your earliest possible convenience, please attend the mandatory lifeboat drill by the end of the day. I'm sure everyone is very eager to get started on all the fun and sun, but safety always comes first! You can find your life jacket in your cabin's closet; carry it to your assigned muster station on deck one, where I will take you through the drill. If you can't find me in the crowd, just look for the gal with the winning smile!
See You Real Soon!
Sincerely,
Gal Friday
you walk to deck one. you have no other choice: every time you try to step in a direction some unseen being considers "not towards deck one," you find your legs no longer move, staying stock still, frozen. whether compelled quickly by curiosity, or delayed by pure stubbornness, the result is the same, and you are left milling around with other similarly curious or stubborn people.
you see someone in uniform near the front of the crowd. she seems to be a gal, but is missing the winning smile, along with most of her other features. she seems to see you, though, rushing to your side and placing a lei around your neck with great formality. a voice, cheery but artificial, sees to come from nowhere and everywhere.]
Welcome! I'm very glad to have you aboard!
[you touch the lei. rooster feathers, lotus seeds, and a carved circle of something white and hard, linked onto a silk string.
after the drill is completed, you are seemingly free to go. or, well, your legs work, now. and maybe that's as good as it's gonna get.]
2. a permanent reminder of a temporary feeling
[the reflections are missing. all of them. in mirrors. in television screens. on the backs of spoons. nothing looks back at you.
then, figures do show up. not your own, like you'd expect. thin, wispy apparitions, people with pleading eyes and hands, reaching out to place their palms against the surface, from their own end. faces familiar and not, beckoning, mouthing words you just can't quite make out. help me, it might be. get me out, perhaps. just until you're close enough, until your skin warms the surface of whatever it is you're peering into. and then, those same hands wrap, all too real, burning-cold against your flesh, and pull, trying to drag you through the surface, making up for their lack of strength with desperation. any flesh unlucky enough to enter the reflection comes back bone-white and cold, all sensation dead, though it will fade within a few hours.
in retrospect, it looks a bit more like they were saying something different. something more like, better you than me. or maybe it's not even words at all. they look a bit more like they're laughing.]
3. complex mementos
[but, hey. sometimes changes are good! like, today, in Playback, there's a brand-new game available for all the children to play! it's an old-fashioned sort of claw machine, the type that's so large, a particularly dedicated kindergartner could wriggle their way inside. the prizes vary, and sit loose: bags of candy, stuffed toys, firearms, painfully early-00s electronics, actually that one just looks like a dead iguana, tiny ship-branded knickknacks... like all the other games in the arcade, the game starts up automatically upon being touched; lack of quarters shouldn't keep you from having fun! pro tip: they are loaded, and they will go off if you suck at claw games and let it fall.]
no subject
Oh sure, we're in the north end of the Atlantic, I'd say about the midpoint between Vancouver Island and Baffin Island, if that helps any.
[April says it like it's some off the cuff facts, twirling their drink in emphasis. The umbrella smoothly rolls with the edge of the glass. They raise it to where their mouth would need to be for drinking, but they pause before the glass can touch anything.]
Sorry, are you the Demon King, or is that your boss? Important for whatever I'm going to say next.
no subject
[.... Or it would have but time shenanigans and --]
[She's lying, isn't she?]
How can you tell?
No, I am-- [... Oh. If he knew it was IMPORTANT, he would have shut the hell up, but he was kind of carried away. Being a dumbass. As always.]
no subject
Point is, who would get joy out of lying to a busybody overachiever? Who would ever?]
The air's gotten a bit chillier over the last hour, haven't you noticed?
[April tilts their head, eyebrows raised again... Or would be if they were visible.]
Alright, well your majesty, ask yourself this: How long is it going to take you to "conquer all others" and keep them that way? How much work is that going to take? And that's your known variables. Tack on the unknown ones - your way off this ship, what you'll have to fight to accomplish that, how to get back home after you've left, and then a generous margin for surprises, and it all just sounds like an uphill fight.
You might as well take a minute to work yourself up to it, enjoy the free food.
[April shrugs, then sets her drink down on the little counter she's sitting at so she can pick up that tiny umbrella. It's threatening to poke her in the sunscreen-nose when she tilts the drink too much.]
no subject
[.... He literally shudders at being called "your majesty" though. That's the exactly wrong intonation. Demon King is NOT a title of respect and royalty.]
[First off, he doesn't want to fight his way off the ship. He'd loved to just... never have to go deal with hell and demons again, thanks.]
[Secondly, he kind of feels like he should
mansplainexplain actual tactics to her, but he assumes her point is the last part of that, to enjoy himself.][He's... He's not allowed to enjoy himself. That's what being the Demon King means.]
I don't need free food. [There's no such thing as free food. Someone is paying for it somehow. Someone has to grow it, harvest it, prepare it. Everything has a cost. He's keenly aware of this, especially in an era where if he himself isn't careful, the whole country could starve.]
[But moving right along...]
It's not that I wish to escape.
[Well he does... but it's more like... he'd have escaped to... here. This kind of freedom???]
[He doesn't want to escape his escape.]
[....]
[He has a mental image of Hideyoshi completely freaking out when they find out he's missing.]
Forget my concerns. You. Are you truly so free you can enjoy this with no worries?
[Oh right. Normally people introduce themselves to get names.]
[Well, whatever. She'd give it if she wanted to.]
no subject
[April seems to have struck some kind of reaction with their comment, but they don't care enough to pry. Just enough to mark down that it bothers him, though, so they have a go-to id he ever annoys them.]
[Anyway, they have fun opening and closing the little umbrella while the guy figures out how to deflect, and nods, more of a show of listening than agreement.]
There is a whole lot of annoying, gruelling work to be done in a place that is cramped, artificially over-lit, and unchanging, with people who are at best dull and at worst, annoying and insufferable. And there's ants.
So my options are: stay here above ground, drink during the day, be entertained at night, and never need to talk to coworkers or the general public again. Or, find a way off this massive luxury ship where all my needs are met - a way off that will be hard won going by the power on display here - and return to my life of making barely above minimum wage with no benefits in an endless 9-5 job behind the proverbial gates of hell, in a province that I swear to god is frozen half the year and has an honest to god polar bear problem.
[April shrugs and flicks the umbrella away.]
So yeah, maybe there is a catch somewhere, but until I run into that personally, I figure I'll enjoy my first real vacation in decades while I can.
How about you?
no subject
What is... minimum wage? 9 to 5 job? ... Polar bear? [He mouths it uncertainly. Polar. Polar. What's it mean? Not panda. Polar. Is it a country? It must be. Somewhere along the North Atlantic like Vancouver and Baffin Island? Ahhhh that's so exciting!]
[He doesn't want to answer the question, because like he said... Demons to conquer. And it's not that he wants to. It's actually a total pain. But someone has to, and he's the only one insane enough, ruthless enough, evil enough etc. Etc.]
[So he just makes an indifferent note. For now.]
no subject
[But they recover quickly, lifting a hand and counting each question with a finger:]
The minimum amount I am allowed to be compensated for my labour, the hours of the day I am expected to work (but also a turn of phrase for a regular day job with that same range of hours you go for to 5 days a week, with no variation), a large white carnivorous bear, like really large, generally eats seals but is not above preying on humans and pets if the hunting is extremely poor.
[It seems expressing their point is where April decides to be accurate with their information.
April doesn't say 'anything else?' but like her face, it's sort of implied to be there and up to the observer to recognize.]
no subject
[Five days a week.]
[So like a slave, but not?]
Who mandates it? Government??? Lords?
[His eyes widen about the seal-eating bear.]
[And he goes back to the railing as if he will SUDDENLY FIND A POLAR BEAR out of nowhere.] Truly?! [He's excited. He wants to hunt one.] How big are they? They are so bold they come to villages??? Or do you mean humans wander into their territory? How wide is their territory? [SO EXCITED AHHHHHH!]
Who's your employer? Why do they lack incentive to do better? Wait... what is it you said you do again? [Artificially over-illuminated dungeon with ants.]
[And she doesn't want to deal with the wider public. And dull coworkers - which could be most people.]
[So...?]
[He assumes not torturing, because that's better done with darkness and dank, fears and not tedium. Also what would even be the demand for it? It's a pretty specialized field.]
no subject
You know what? I think I opened this conversation up by saying how great it was that I didn't have to take questions from the general public anymore (or something like that).
But I'll tell you what, bud: If you want me to give you a free lesson in history, geography, and civics, then I'm going to need you to head over to that bar [April points to the part of the poolside bar where the invisible bartender is cleaning a glass.] and order whatever drink with a tiny umbrella looks the most fun to you, then come back here and take a seat. And ditch a few pieces of armour, too.
[April punctuates this by sipping her own brightly coloured drink While she waits for this guy to do whatever he's going to do.]
no subject
[He's about to dash over there--]
[But balks when she says he should lose some of the armor.]
[He wants to ask if she's completely insane.]
[They've just been kidnapped, taken to the North Atlantic by... wormhole? It had to be, if it was on the other side of the world, right? And there's so much new technology here, clearly she's comfortable with it, but time traveled? Like Mai. Had to be a reverse wormhole -- how strange then that it took him not Mai...]
[And now she wants him to lower his defenses even MORE?]
[His arbitrary puny defenses, but one of his last ditch resorts to not die?]
[He'd set out "this morning" with the aim of springing an assassination attempt trap.]
[You do that by appearing vulnerable.]
[... Yeah, but... also... the plan was to have Hideyoshi and a bunch of the others secretly waiting at the bath house to spring the trap with him when the assassins showed themselves. Here, it's just him.]
[Still...]
[He bows stiffly.] My apologies great lady, your enthusiasm is infectious.
[It's a joke... but he does go get her another of those drinks, and for himself the most foreign exotic weird drink he could find on the menu. It's blue. It's FOAMY! With... ICE SLUSHY?!?! It has pineapple and coconut and vodka, and whatever the hell blue curacao is, and Nobunaga's eyes are as wide as saucers again as he comes back, and after handing her the drink...]
[Literally...]
[Sits on his heels with his head bowed, like an attendant waiting royalty, or a student awaiting a teacher's instruction.]
[But he does... Unbuckle the breastplate, and reveal the extremely bandaged chest underneath.]
[She can't possibly understand how rare this is for him. He doesn't do respectful. He doesn't do polite. He doesn't do... sieza as a matter of fact. WELL, not normally, anyway. He was incredibly unruly with his tutors, outraging them in every way imaginable, and many unimaginable.]
[But he really really wants to learn. Which is why he's keeping most of (at least SOME of...) his Demon King nonsense to himself.]
[Although it's not going to stop him from almost inhaling that drink.]
[Which, as you know, is a huge mistake.]
Ow... [Hand to head...] What is this piercing pain as though struck by an arrow? [Hand to sword hilt.] Show thyself!
[Yeah. Yeah. Dumbass here just gave himself a brain freeze.]
[Sorry April, you didn't sign up for this shit, but even here, there's no escaping morons, it would seem.]
no subject
Because what do you know, the guy goes off and not only gets himself a funny drink, but brings her another of what she's drinking! Which is a blue hawaii in a cocktail glass (not to be confused with the blue hawaiian that Nobuanga brought back), complete with a chunk of pineapple and another little umbrella.
This guy may be a moron, but it seems he's the rare moron who can be entertaining to have around.]
[April finishes off the last of their glass, puts it on the nearby countertop and turns their chair to face the guy actually kneeling in front of her. Their original intention was to have him sit beside them and drink and chat like a couple of Royal Caribbean Diamond Member fucks, and there's still a part of them that loves their own plans enough to want to demand the guy get up and take a proper seat.
The rest of April soundly vetos this, because hello? Look at this?? Kneeling and respect from a clueless moron asking questions!! This is truly the ideal vacation. April's going to have to send this captain guy an edible arrangement or something.
After they defuse this first speedbump.]
Relax, that happens when you eat or drink a lot of something icy real quick. Shove your tongue against the roof of your mouth, it should pass.
[And while they wait for him to take care of that, they lean back in their chair and cross their legs.] Anyway, polar bears are a little taller than a horse on all fours, but they can stand up on their hind legs if they want, that's about... I think that gets to be about three metres of bear looming over you if you're real unlucky?
The encounters are a mix of several factors, some of it is because of humans moving further north, but it's also scarcity caused by warming global temperature because they use the pack ice to hunt. So sometimes while scavenging they end up brushing up into human settlements. As giant goddamn bears, they're not too concerned with something your size.
[And if Nobuanga thought she didn't notice his reaction earlier:] You won't run into any on here, they wouldn't be able to get onto the ship and the waters are too warm for 'em out here anyway.
[It's not about the much more interesting parts of April's job and life, but the true facts about the polar bears are a good, if you'll pardon them, way to break the ice.]
no subject
[No eating snowy things quickly! Wondrous!]
[
She has no idea how much she's saved the ice cream parlor constant headaches whenever he finds out about it.]Taller than a horse...
[Yup, that's really huge. Japanese black bears are pretty cute and cuddly in comparison.]
[He really wants to
wrestlehunt one! Oh. They don't come this far?] Pity. I should have quite liked to test my strength on one! [Oda no.]What is packed ice? And why is the global temperature warming? [Furrowed brow!]
[And he holds up a finger in thought.] Where are you from? Have you traveled greatly to know so much? [SO MUCH!!!]
[Wait until April finds out she can get him to fan her or do topless exercises for her amusement possibly. If she can make up a good enough excuse the Demon King would believe it.]
no subject
(when you get down to it, however, this is nothing new; it's just that normally the obedience April can leverage from people stops at little office things like getting signatures and approvals and forcing people to stick to procedures.)
They pluck the pineapple from their second blue hawaii and munch on it while coolly listening to the next flurry of questions, letting him wait a second before she picks one to start on.]
Oh, I've only bounced around two continents when you get down to it. Sure, I stopped in the east a few times, but most of my work and life has been between North America and Europe, what can you do?
[April shrugs, like this is just a little minor thing, like bouncing over an ocean is just a trip to the next town, no big deal.]
Other than that, research and paying attention. I happen to work for a federal research branch, so even if analysis isn't strictly my job, I find it worth looking at things as they cross my desk, so to speak.
no subject
[Also, if Nobunaga had any clue at all he was tempting her to become a bit power-mad, he'd abuse it all the more and tempt her all the way, just for sticking to his tempting others as the Demon King of 6th Heaven bit. Good thing he hasn't figured it out yet. Especially since he follows orders... poorly, to say the least.]
Federal research. What is this?
[Mitsunari's position in Azuchi jumps to mind, but she makes it sound tedious, even compared to "Hell."]
Why would things not in your purview reach your desk?
[Nobunaga, for all his intense paranoia (see assassination attempts around every corner) was actually less secretive than the majority of his era, but it still seemed a bit misguided to be so reckless with the most valuable thing on Earth: information.]
no subject
For now, April casually sips their drink before answering their eager student.]
My government wants to research certain forces within the world, to figure out what can be used and what's a threat (as you do).
As for me, I'm the one who puts the files of information - [pause, translate,] - records, pictures, write-ups, summaries, that kind of thing, I put that away somewhere when people are done researching them, or no longer need to refer to them. For the most part, anyway, I've worked a lot of different roles in that place but a lot of them revolve around collecting and organizing that information.
I guess they either think they're too busy and important to put it away themselves, or they figure it'll all go over my head.
[So, for Nobunaga's faults, he has the right idea there about how important information is and that it should perhaps have better checks and balances than checking a box that says 'no I swear I won't look at the confidential information totally' on your application.]
no subject
So you really are like Mitsunari Ishida.
They.... what? That is a... most egregious miscalculation on their part if you don't mind my saying so, Teacher. [One day April should really find out how much Nobuanga normally hates his tutors. But for now, it's all good.]
Mitsunari Ishida is the only tactician I'd consider second to myself, and his genius insights are incalculably valuable.
Are you able to memorize everything you read?