TEST DRIVE MEME #2

[sailmods]

1. this hotel room got a lot of stuff

[you wake up.

it doesn't matter where you were before. going to bed? dying? opening the door to face a great evil? same result. you wake up in a soft bed with starched sheets in a cool, darkened room, sunlight peeking out from behind thick curtains. maybe you're alone; maybe you aren't. maybe you immediately notice the folded paper on the bedside table near your head. if you don't, you better fix that real quick: you won't be able to even open the door before you read it.

the note itself is written in a neat hand on white card stock; there is a stylized logo of a ship with the words SERENA ETERNA printed underneath. the note reads as follows:

Dear Passenger(s),

As your cruise director, it is my great honor to welcome you aboard the Serena Eterna, your destination for fun and adventure! We know you could have chosen any cruise line for your vacation, and we're very grateful you chose ours! On behalf of the Captain, I would like to assure each and every passenger that will we do whatever it takes to fulfill all your needs and desires during your journey with us.

At your earliest possible convenience, please attend the mandatory lifeboat drill by the end of the day. I'm sure everyone is very eager to get started on all the fun and sun, but safety always comes first! You can find your life jacket in your cabin's closet; carry it to your assigned muster station on deck one, where I will take you through the drill. If you can't find me in the crowd, just look for the gal with the winning smile!

See You Real Soon!

Sincerely,
Gal Friday

you walk to deck one. you have no other choice: every time you try to step in a direction some unseen being considers "not towards deck one," you find your legs no longer move, staying stock still, frozen. whether compelled quickly by curiosity, or delayed by pure stubbornness, the result is the same, and you are left milling around with other similarly curious or stubborn people.

you see someone in uniform near the front of the crowd. she seems to be a gal, but is missing the winning smile, along with most of her other features. she seems to see you, though, rushing to your side and placing a lei around your neck with great formality. a voice, cheery but artificial, sees to come from nowhere and everywhere.]

Welcome aboard! We're so glad to have you!

[you touch the lei. rooster feathers, lotus seeds, and a carved circle of something white and hard, linked onto a silk string.

after the drill is completed, you are seemingly free to go. or, well, your legs work, now. and maybe that's as good as it's gonna get.]

2. and a touch-tone phone

[chatterbox isn't exactly the most popular venue onboard. it probably has something to do with the distinct lack of open liquor bottles. so, nothing personal. except it seems that it's decided to take it that way, suddenly.

anyone enjoying the other amenities of deck five will feel the distinct sensation of being watched while they do so. the kind of feeling a prey animal gets while being stalked on the grasslands. something may slither by their foot, or past their elbow while they rest it on the bar, but nothing appears to be there when they look.

until there is.

a black electrical cord originating from somewhere will, first, wrap around their ankle, tugging in a very clear "follow" instruction. should this instruction be ignored, a second cord will wrap around their other ankle, and, once again, tug. should this clear final warning be ignored... well, now they're being dragged down the promenade, and that's really their own fault, isn't it. don't struggle. struggling means more cords show up. and none of them seem terribly aware that most species need to expand their lungs to live.

their final destination, no matter the journey, is chatterbox's main stage, where the karaoke machine awaits. the cords place a microphone in their hand; the mic's cords bind it tightly to their hand.

they don't have to pick a song. there isn't an actual gun to their head, in any literal sense. it's just, those cords really don't seem that interested in letting go until they do.

and if you were heading to chatterbox anyway? welcome to the weirdest goddamn karaoke night you've ever seen.]

3. and a bucket of ice (cw: cannibalism mention)

[no longer will scoops be bound by the shackles of only having 31 flavors. for this month, and this month only, a sign that very much looks like Friday hand-wrote it announces, they will have 32!

what is that mysterious 32nd flavor? it depends, really: the letters on the display case seem to shift and change with each new pair of eyes that fall upon them, with the contents changing along with it. someone from the capital wasteland might find some Nuka-Cola ™ branded ice cream. twilight town residents will be thrilled to find sea salt on the menu. and a frankly concerning amount of people bring out a flavor that only describes itself as "long pig." it's a weird off-white color. don't think about it too hard.]

Comments

[serialskiller]

Do you want to understand the verbiage, at least as it's used in my world, or do you just want the simple answer to the question you asked?

[Look, it's not always good at interpreting implicit requests. Asking is easiest.]

[light_mischief]

Both would be nice. I know there's a difference, I just... have no idea what that difference is.

[serialskiller]

Again, these are the distinctions drawn in my universe.

A bot is any artifical intelligence, whether it's the mind piloting a ship or controlling a space station or something like me. A cyborg is a bot with an android body that's partly organic--we're manufactured, not born. An augmented human is a person with robotic parts or other computered augmentations added consensually.

So. Given that--there's at least one android on the ship, but she's not a cyborg. There's also an augmented human, a man with a metal arm. Also, I think...

[It pauses, because what it's about to say is very much personal theory, a gut feeling, and it doesn't know how to explain it.]

Gal Friday seems to be a bot, even if she is organic. I think she's constructed.

[light_mischief]

[It's good to remember that this is just one world's vocabulary, and Skulduggery neatly files that information away with the rest of what SecBot Rin says. The usual questions briefly pop into mind -- the ones about souls, and the ethics of manufacturing people designed only to serve one purpose -- but honestly, he's got bigger fish to fry. Like, for example:]

You think that she's artificially created? I was leaning towards "passenger subsumed by the eldritch energy of the ship," but I think I understand what you mean. ...Maybe. What makes you think that?

[serialskiller]

[Murderbot pauses, thinking about what's giving it that feeling.]

The canned responses. The fact that she almost seems to be always on duty. The moments when she can't bring forth the 'appropriate' response and seems to struggle. I don't know for sure. I could be wrong. I could be projecting.

[light_mischief]

You could be, yes. But you also have a unique perspective, and you can see connections that I can't. While I noticed her pauses, I hadn't thought it was the result of her being a construct. But it does fit. She has a quality to her that certainly feels artificial.

I understand it's only a hypothesis, but. If you had to, would you say the same thing about the captain? That he's a construct?

[He's spent the last few years encouraging his partner to work on her deductive reasoning; damned if he isn't going to encourage the same in his new acquaintance.]

[serialskiller]

No. If I had to guess, the captain owns and operates her. Perhaps he created her, perhaps not. But he has control here. This ship is his domain. And she is part of that.

[Its sentences are shorter, posture tenser.]

[light_mischief]

[He notices, of course, but Skulduggery remains calm and relaxed as he speaks. Maybe just a little gentler, as if wanting to ease a worry he can't possibly solve. This is just two new friends talking about a horrifying abomination that wears a captain's hat. Well, a hat. ...I think it's a hat.]

I see. And from what little I've gathered, he isn't... interested in making many public appearances. Hence, the need for Ms. Friday. Or, maybe he's just lonely and needs a friend. Lots and lots of interesting friends. Some without faces.

[Un-Fucking-Likely, but Skulduggery can dream, can't he?]

[serialskiller]

You can believe that if you'd like. I don't think I was built with the capacity for such optimism.

[But it sure can do snarky humor.]

[light_mischief]

[That gets a chuckle out of him, for sure.] I suppose it would be too much to ask. Just once, though, I'd like it if the faceless abominations hunting me down were just badly-socialized but well-meaning individuals. I'm getting tired of them trying to murder me all the time.

[serialskiller]

So this isn't your first time? I think...unless I count other SecUnits or CombatUnits in armor with their helmets opaqued, I've never had to deal with faceless abominations before, personally.

[light_mischief]

Weirdly enough, this is the second case of faceless beings I've had to deal with just today. Right before I woke up in my cabin, I was...

[About to be sucked into a hell dimension, likely to be hunted down and tortured by an ancient race of evil gods? ...Maybe not exactly those words?]

There was a portal in my world that led to a dimension full of faceless entities that want nothing more than the total subjugation of the human race. My friends and I were supposed to stop them.

[serialskiller]

That sounds like something out of a story. Do you think you're likely to be successful?

[That's more polite than 'what the everliving fuck?', right?]

[light_mischief]

[Which is weirder, his story, or the ship's story? Only time will tell!]

Oh, I'm sure we succeeded. Fairly sure, anyway. The last few moments before arriving here were... hectic, but I'm confident about the outcome. At the very least, I know that the portal has been closed, and is unlikely to ever open again.

[serialskiller]

Good. I don't entirely understand the context, but I can tell it's a damned good thing you succeeded.

[light_mischief]

[He's grinning, despite the, you know, lack of a face.] You've got a mad science fiction world, I've got my mad magic world. And yes, it is a very good thing. It was also a trying time, which is why I've got to say, I'm not entirely hating being kidnapped onto a mysterious cruise ship. I'm sure I'll change my mind soon enough, but it's a fun little intermission for now.

[You know. Before the evil ancient gods torture and murder him. Ha ha... ha. Skulduggery is definitely not thinking about that right now!]

[serialskiller]

I suppose this ship is nicer than some I've been on. The ship itself doesn't seem to be an asshole, at least.

[Not like than on research transport...]

[light_mischief]

That's right, you can't guarantee that sort of thing where you come from, can you? That must make traveling more of a hassle than usual.

[serialskiller]

Harder and easier at the same time, when you're a stowaway. I've traded files from my media collection to transport ship bots for passage, sometimes.

[It manages a crooked smirk.]

[light_mischief]

Thankfully, bribery is a trans-dimensional constant.

[From the way he says it, maybe it's still one here??? Hmm hmm hmm. Bribery is officially Skulduggery's plan C, if he needs to start having plans in any sort of order. Also, he doesn't seem phased at the concept of SecUnit Rin stowing away. Who hasn't needed to take a secret, unpaid trip across borders before?]

[serialskiller]

So, unfortunately, is capitalism. It's kind of horrifying to realize that bit.

[light_mischief]

Where there is universal good, there must also be universal evil. Passive as they both seem to be.

[Hmmmmmm.] Is there a shop on board?

[serialskiller]

Several. None of them actually accept money, though.

I was more speaking about my universe.

[light_mischief]

I can't imagine it was that big a shock, though. It's the toughest weed to prune of all economic systems. If your history includes Earth, then you know we were very good at coming up with some truly awful ideas that had real staying power.

[serialskiller]

Yeah, we've left Earth, after depleting most of its resources--overpopulation and corporations trying to escape Earth laws and regulations were other big contributing factors there.

I'm from a part of space known as the 'Corporate Rim', no prizes for guessing how things work there. For most of my existence, I was owned by an insurance company, which would send me to places like mining colonies and to escort planetary survey groups, as part of their SecSystem.