sail_ooc | TEST DRIVE MEME #2

1. this hotel room got a lot of stuff

[you wake up.

it doesn't matter where you were before. going to bed? dying? opening the door to face a great evil? same result. you wake up in a soft bed with starched sheets in a cool, darkened room, sunlight peeking out from behind thick curtains. maybe you're alone; maybe you aren't. maybe you immediately notice the folded paper on the bedside table near your head. if you don't, you better fix that real quick: you won't be able to even open the door before you read it.

the note itself is written in a neat hand on white card stock; there is a stylized logo of a ship with the words SERENA ETERNA printed underneath. the note reads as follows:

Dear Passenger(s),

As your cruise director, it is my great honor to welcome you aboard the Serena Eterna, your destination for fun and adventure! We know you could have chosen any cruise line for your vacation, and we're very grateful you chose ours! On behalf of the Captain, I would like to assure each and every passenger that will we do whatever it takes to fulfill all your needs and desires during your journey with us.

At your earliest possible convenience, please attend the mandatory lifeboat drill by the end of the day. I'm sure everyone is very eager to get started on all the fun and sun, but safety always comes first! You can find your life jacket in your cabin's closet; carry it to your assigned muster station on deck one, where I will take you through the drill. If you can't find me in the crowd, just look for the gal with the winning smile!

See You Real Soon!

Sincerely,
Gal Friday

you walk to deck one. you have no other choice: every time you try to step in a direction some unseen being considers "not towards deck one," you find your legs no longer move, staying stock still, frozen. whether compelled quickly by curiosity, or delayed by pure stubbornness, the result is the same, and you are left milling around with other similarly curious or stubborn people.

you see someone in uniform near the front of the crowd. she seems to be a gal, but is missing the winning smile, along with most of her other features. she seems to see you, though, rushing to your side and placing a lei around your neck with great formality. a voice, cheery but artificial, sees to come from nowhere and everywhere.]

Welcome aboard! We're so glad to have you!

[you touch the lei. rooster feathers, lotus seeds, and a carved circle of something white and hard, linked onto a silk string.

after the drill is completed, you are seemingly free to go. or, well, your legs work, now. and maybe that's as good as it's gonna get.]

2. and a touch-tone phone

[chatterbox isn't exactly the most popular venue onboard. it probably has something to do with the distinct lack of open liquor bottles. so, nothing personal. except it seems that it's decided to take it that way, suddenly.

anyone enjoying the other amenities of deck five will feel the distinct sensation of being watched while they do so. the kind of feeling a prey animal gets while being stalked on the grasslands. something may slither by their foot, or past their elbow while they rest it on the bar, but nothing appears to be there when they look.

until there is.

a black electrical cord originating from somewhere will, first, wrap around their ankle, tugging in a very clear "follow" instruction. should this instruction be ignored, a second cord will wrap around their other ankle, and, once again, tug. should this clear final warning be ignored... well, now they're being dragged down the promenade, and that's really their own fault, isn't it. don't struggle. struggling means more cords show up. and none of them seem terribly aware that most species need to expand their lungs to live.

their final destination, no matter the journey, is chatterbox's main stage, where the karaoke machine awaits. the cords place a microphone in their hand; the mic's cords bind it tightly to their hand.

they don't have to pick a song. there isn't an actual gun to their head, in any literal sense. it's just, those cords really don't seem that interested in letting go until they do.

and if you were heading to chatterbox anyway? welcome to the weirdest goddamn karaoke night you've ever seen.]

3. and a bucket of ice (cw: cannibalism mention)

[no longer will scoops be bound by the shackles of only having 31 flavors. for this month, and this month only, a sign that very much looks like Friday hand-wrote it announces, they will have 32!

what is that mysterious 32nd flavor? it depends, really: the letters on the display case seem to shift and change with each new pair of eyes that fall upon them, with the contents changing along with it. someone from the capital wasteland might find some Nuka-Cola ™ branded ice cream. twilight town residents will be thrilled to find sea salt on the menu. and a frankly concerning amount of people bring out a flavor that only describes itself as "long pig." it's a weird off-white color. don't think about it too hard.]

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

[There's no noticable sign of recognition from Skulduggery, who is unbothered by the unfamiliar place name. There are hundreds of secret communities in his Earth, and who knows all of their names.

What is clear is Skulduggery's relief at the news. If time stands still, then he's only just been pulled into a portal leading to a hell dimension, and his friends haven't yet realized what's happened. It means he's got some time to regroup here, before he has to go back and deal with things at home.]

That, at least, is reassuring. And here I was, worrying that there was some downside to all of this.

Would rumors that the captain is doing all this because he's an entity that feeds on the pain and torment of others count as a downside?

[You know, just checking.]

Hmm... I suppose it depends. Is he any good at it?

[He's met at least one self-proclaimed master killer who turned out to be nothing more than an annoying prick.]

I suppose we'll find out the answer to that together. The stormy broad did mention vivisection, though.

[Everything hasn't gone completely off the rails yet. It's still early days.]

Lovely. At least we're starting from zero, with threats of bodily harm instead of committed action towards it. That's good.

[With that disarming bit of information, Skulduggery turns his head to look up and down the deck with renewed interest.]

It's been a while since I went on holiday. Maybe this is just what the doctor ordered. A fun little mystery cruise.

[Somebody is setting himself up for grave disappointment later on, but for now, the lei stays on! ... Or maybe it has to stay on. Skulduggery hasn't tried to take it off. He likes the pop of color.]

Fun? This is your idea of fun, then? Well, I'm not sure I really get to judge here, do I?

[He pauses, holding out a hand.]

I'm Johnny, by the way. Johnny Summer, room 102 with John Watson.

Not normally, but I've had a hell of a day. I'll take what I can get.

[Oh right. People still introduce themselves. And... well, the fireball's already out of the bag. Might as well stick out a bony hand for a firm, friendly handshake.]

Skulduggery Pleasant. It's a pleasure. I was wondering if cabin-mates were a thing. By choice, or... let me guess, it's completely random.

I'm not sure that it's completely random, but it's assigned. Watson and I come from different worlds, but the same time period--within a couple decades. We're well-suited as roommates.

[His smile is...well, warm and fond. He got real lucky with his roommate. And he might get lucky with his roommate.]

[He tilts his head at that. Well, well! Sounds like he's not the only one looking to make the most out of a weird situation.]

I see. [He's got a smile in his voice.] So, different Earths, then? Alternate realities, I'm assuming? [That seems sort of in his wheelhouse. Kind of. Just a little.]

Entirely different histories. His world never had the Platinum Wars, and everything that resulted from them. There's other differences, but it's hard to trace how they all happened.

Fantastic. [He's trying so hard to tamp down on his excitement, but it's difficult. It's entirely likely that he's suffering from emotional whiplash between right now and the previous 24 hours of his life, but he's just going to roll with it.]

Well, to clear things up, I've never heard of the Platinum Wars, either. And I doubt you have any knowledge of the war I fought in, given that it happened centuries ago and had more to do with ancient gods than... Let's see. A war over resources, I'm guessing? [It's as if talking about historical battles is a parlor game or something for him.]

Resources, land, technology. I suppose the details aren't really relevant here, are they? There's only two people here that really matters too.

You're right.

[The gears are turning as he realizes that nobody knows anything here. That's... refreshing. It's been at least 200, maybe 300 years since Skulduggery's been to a place where nobody knew his name. The reverse Cheers effect is strangely liberating.]

I wonder, Johnny, do you happen to remember what you were doing right before you arrived here? It's been a while. I'd understand if your memory is hazy.

Oh, I remember damned well--I'd gone to bed, before I woke up here. It'd been an exhausting, exciting, chaotic day for me. I met a dead man and shot him about five times, before he vanished into the night. He was even dressed like Gallery's most infamous vigilante, Lavender Jack.

[Good name. Not likely to get old, easy to remember, and thankfully not edgy like Thrasher or Spike.]

Sounds busy. Shooting vigilantes is hard work. [He's the vigilante who usually gets shot at, so he should know!] But you don't sound convinced it was who you thought it was.

[His smile is wry and quietly fond.]

I know who's supposed to be behind Jack's mask.

[Ah. Well, well. Assuming he doesn't get torn limb from limb or otherwise massacred by whatever powers that be are holding him on this ship, Skulduggery imagines he's going to want to hear all about that. He is, after all, a sucker for fun vigilante stories where guns are involved. He'll wait, because he's polite, and digging deep through people's histories is usually best saved for the second or third date.]

Sounds like somebody was trying to con you. Although, who knows. Maybe the only reason you've wound up here is because of how things unfolded in your reality. Probably not, but I do enjoy wildly guessing.

[This isn't even his deep history. It's just recent days. But, but Skulduggery is very good company, and Johnny's certain to share more with him over time. Drinks, stories, who knows.]

The trouble is how little actual information we have. And what we do have is hard to believe. A guy I know who can read objects at a touch says much of what's on the ship claims to be thousands of years old. Wild guessing is just that.

From what little I've already seen, I can't say I'm surprised to hear it. The sort of power this place exerts over reality would need quite a bit of time to build up. Or the captain would need a long time to master it. It really depends on who is controlling what.

TEST DRIVE MEME #2

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