TEST DRIVE MEME #1

[sailmods]

1. now it's fun to wake up in a strange chateau

[you wake up.

it doesn't matter where you were before. going to bed? dying? opening the door to face a great evil? same result. you wake up in a soft bed with starched sheets in a cool, darkened room, sunlight peeking out from behind thick curtains. maybe you're alone; maybe you aren't. maybe you immediately notice the folded paper on the bedside table near your head. if you don't, you better fix that real quick: you won't be able to even open the door before you read it.

the note itself is written in a neat hand on white card stock; there is a stylized logo of a ship with the words SERENA ETERNA printed underneath. the note reads as follows:

Dear Passenger(s),

As your cruise director, it is my great honor to welcome you aboard the Serena Eterna, your destination for fun and adventure! We know you could have chosen any cruise line for your vacation, and we're very grateful you chose ours! On behalf of the Captain, I would like to assure each and every passenger that will we do whatever it takes to fulfill all your needs and desires during your journey with us.

At your earliest possible convenience, please attend the mandatory lifeboat drill by the end of the day. I'm sure everyone is very eager to get started on all the fun and sun, but safety always comes first! You can find your life jacket in your cabin's closet; carry it to your assigned muster station on deck one, where I will take you through the drill. If you can't find me in the crowd, just look for the gal with the winning smile!

See You Real Soon!

Sincerely,
Gal Friday

you walk to deck one. you have no other choice: every time you try to step in a direction some unseen being considers "not towards deck one," you find your legs no longer move, staying stock still, frozen. whether compelled quickly by curiosity, or delayed by pure stubbornness, the result is the same, and you are left milling around with other similarly curious or stubborn people.

you see someone in uniform near the front of the crowd. she seems to be a gal, but is missing the winning smile, along with most of her other features. she seems to see you, though, rushing to your side and placing a lei around your neck with great formality. a voice, cheery but artificial, sees to come from nowhere and everywhere.]

Welcome aboard! We're so glad to have you!

[you touch the lei. rooster feathers, lotus seeds, and a carved circle of something white and hard, linked onto a silk string.]

2. messing with my mind was fun at the time

[freshly lei'd, your legs are forced to lead out onto the deck and towards your muster station. the same woman is there, carrying a clipboard. this time, she introduces herself as Gal Friday, the cruise director, before immediately going into the muster drill spiel. it is very boring, and you are not allowed to move, except when you are required to show you know how to put your life vest on. you could try to not do this, but Friday will move to stand in front of you very closely and just. look in your direction until such a time that you decide to do it. and I'm sure your fellow passengers want you to just get on with it, too.

but, once it ends? she reiterates her desire to welcome you aboard. and, then, you're free.

well, free to move about the ship at your own leisure, of course. which is a kind of free, and probably the best one you can hope for. you could try to escape, maybe, if you have the means to; Friday certainly won't be one to stop you. that's what the barrier is for, after all.

but, wouldn't you much rather have fun?

the buffet is full. the pool is open. the casino jingles and chimes.

welcome aboard.]

3. lots of mystery in the history of the devils I knew

[you were never alone.

a few days have passed since you first arrived on the Serena Eterna. perhaps you've made yourself a little routine, and settled in a bit. or maybe you haven't done that at all. either way, you're here, and it looks like somebody is pretty pissed off about it.

it starts small. sometimes nearby plates skid off tables, or a pool chair upends while you're walking next to it. and sometimes that chair is aimed right at your head. objects are moving with quickly increasing frequency, and a wide variety of styles: some are dropped, or pushed, and others and others are tossed, but a few of the items are thrown, with great force and odd accuracy. if Friday is around during the lighter moments, she simply titters and cleans up whatever mess is made. if a pot of soup sails off the buffet line and nearly drenches you in boiling minestrone, she simply walks away.

and then there's the voices. hundreds, maybe thousands, calling out. not all are intelligible English, but you seem to understand them anyway. some sound scared, or angry. some are screams, others whispers. some sound entirely strange, while others are achingly familiar. and they're all saying the same exact thing:

Get Out.]

Comments

[scarredhorns]

[Seriously? Even with the admission of the white protrusions being horns he still won't quit?]

If you touch them, I'll cut your fingers off.

[And she's certainly done her fair share of maiming and dismemberment. Just ask Nana. But Lucy has a burning question of her own that she can't hold back anymore.]

Aren't you disgusted by them? My horns?

[She tries searching his eyes and body language for any signs of deceit, but can't find anything.]

[scarredhorns]

"Wha? Really?! What happened?" She looks shocked. No longer on earth? What could drive humans away from Earth?

[deviledlegs]

But I need those!

[It's more of a whine than a genuine protest. Sanji wants so badly to just grab them!! But he wants to make her happy even more, so he can't do anything but hold back. Now he'll never know the pleasure of poking at a cute girl's horns.

He's not about to hold back his praise though. Lucy is currently speaking to the man who made a two-faced murderess fall to her knees in tears because he told her that her creepy third eye was beautiful. He's anything but disgusted. He's honestly turned on, excited just from looking at them.]

How could I be?! They're positively orgasmic! A mesmerizing bonus to your already stunning beauty! I'd stare at them all day if I could!

[The fact that he's not being deceitful in the slightest is what's freaky at this point. He is way too into this, throwing his arms out every which way in his attempt to emphasize just how hot he is for her.]

[serialskiller]

“Resource depletion, a desire to escape from the regulations of Earth governments, overpopulation.” It shrugs. “Lots of things happened, and altogether they led to leaving Earth.”

[scarredhorns]

O-Orgasmic?

[That's a first when it comes to someone describing her horns, and it's so shocking to hear that her eyes widen for a moment. While she's not about to break down into tears, the way he's coming off so strongly is starting to truly creep Lucy out now.]

You'd better take a cold shower then. I like someone else.

[Even though she can't be with Kouta anymore, she's far from moving on from the loss when the memories of her death are still very fresh in her mind. Also, the only reason she's mentioning that she likes someone else is in hope that it'll drive Sanji away.]

stede bonnet | our flag means death

[unicaptain]

1. Safety first
[ Stede keeps his life vest on, tugging at the various bits and bobs on it until he accidentally inflates it and yelps, leaping back, even though the vest is, in fact, on his body. He stares at it for a long moment, then tugs the same tab again. Nothing happens this time. He bursts out in a bright laugh ]

Oh, that's brilliant. Brilliant! Whoever thought of this must be a genius. And this keeps you from drowning? I'll need to buy twenty...

[ Looking around as if that's something he could do, like, right now. ]

2. Buttons and frills
[ Stede's attire has never been the most appropriate for a ship, and are particularly hazardous for a haunted ship.

It starts with the ribbons on his shoes untying, and he trips over them, letting out a startled gasp as he catches his footing.

Next, it's the lacy cuffs of his shirt. One of them catches fire when he's reaching for something to eat, even though there's no fire around. He curses and does his best to stamp it out. While the fire is gone, the lace is blackened and burnt beyond repair, and he stares forlornly down at the cuff. He's pretty sure he didn't see any other shirts in his room.

Last, he's nursing a glass of whiskey at Tauva, glad for somewhere that looks even somewhat familiar, and without warning, the glass is tipped back onto him, covering his whole front with whiskey. ]

Fuck! Fucking fuck!

[ He's looking around for the culprit, fire in his eyes, and a dagger suddenly in his hand. Where did that come from? There are a lot of clothes, there are plenty of places to hide things. ]

[acutabove]

That's a neat trick. I trust it won't tip the battle in your favor, but even if it did you'll hear no complaints from me.

[ geo resonance and all. but Childe doesn't doubt his abilities and his experience make him a formidable opponent in his own right, even when facing off against someone who had countless millennia of battle history tucked under his belt. there was a reason why Morax was collectively referred to as Liyue's martial god in many of the transcripts he'd read, a reason why he was still an imposing, indomitable force despite the defensive nature of geo itself.

he's excited just thinking about it.

as he watches Zhongli move to lay his coat out of the way of whatever imagined paths of destruction the god envisions, Childe himself takes up his position a few paces away. his usual handicap with the bow goes ignored for the moment; against an opponent like Zhongli, it would be an insult not to give it his all.

(though, he'd be lying if there wasn't a part of him that wanted to, anyway, just for the chance to lord it over him on his victory).

still, even as he sets his hands on his hips, watching as Zhongli makes his way back to their makeshift battleground, he can't help but to try provoking him again. it's less serious this time around, more teasing, like the idle banter they had before their mutual games of trickery and deceit. ]

What's the matter? Don't want anyone to see you lose?

[fortify]

It will not, this battle is already mine.

[ Zhongli declares such in a cool and confident tone. Just because he chose to not meet Childe on the battlefield (or Osial) does not reflect his confidence in his once-position as the oldest Archon. Perhaps Childe does not wish to make the connection, but the reason a deal was forged in the first place was because even the Tsaritsa knew there was no hope of taking his gnosis unless he willingly allowed it. It is interesting, though ,for someone who is so hungry to fight strong opponents that he fails to understand what he is up against. Perhaps the docile nature of Zhongli has confused Childe or led him into a false assumption. Or is it that Zhongli no longer has his gnosis that gives the boy an inflated boost? No matter.

Vortex Vanquisher solidifies from the glow of geo energy in his hand before he beckons to the Harbinger with his free one. ]

On the contrary, I would rather not humiliate you in public. I am assuming from your demeanor this defeat will be hard for you to swallow as is. I am not so cruel as to compound on it.

Come, Harbinger Eleven. Strike me down for your Queen, if you can as you claim. [ the glow in his sharp gaze and his tone of voice already say Childe can't.]

[scarredhorns]

"Eh..." Nyuu lived a sheltered life at Maple House, so this is turning into a depressing conversation, which is why she tries to ask how humans are living away from Earth.

"So do humans live in space by your time? Are they on big spaceships, or other planets? Both?"

[acutabove]

[ unsurprisingly, the weapon draws his eye almost immediately. golden and brown and elegant, it looked like it was crafted for the sole purpose of being wielded by the Geo Archon. the different symbols and motifs decorating the polearm are all things that he could associate with Zhongli at first glance, and he finds himself wondering not for the first time how he could have possibly missed all the indications that Zhongli was not who he said he was at first glance.

he'd had his suspicions, of course, but he'd been just a little too slow on the uptake to make them count. ]

You misunderstand me. No matter the outcome of the battle, I will be made all the more better for it. [ as he speaks, his Vision glows; Hydro coalesces into the air around his hand, elongating into his signature polearm that, after a second's pause where he studies Zhongli's own, shifts to mimic the god's weapon. ]

It's not victory I seek, but improvement. The chance to face against the mighty Morax himself isn't an opportunity that comes around every day, after all.

[ it's the best kind of apology, when he thinks about it. what better way to work out his frustrations then crossing blades with the Geo Archon? just the thought of it has him giddy with excitement, adrenaline pumping through his veins strong enough he's practically vibrating with it. ]

I trust you won't hold back.

David Starsky | Starsky and Hutch

[onelovelymoment]

1.

[In an odd coincidence, just before waking up in his cabin aboard the SERENA ETERNA, Starsky was actually a cruise activity director himself. Or playing one undercover, anyway, but details, details. Given that Starsk is not, in fact, Hack Tuppleman (cruise director extraordinaire) but actually quite a good detective, the immediate fact that this definitely is not the AMAPOLA does not escape him. Nor does the other immediate fact that his big blond blintz of a partner is nowhere to be seen.

He remembers leaving Hutch to the wolves in the AMAPOLA's lounge while he went to see what he could of Patsy Cairo and his men, and he remembers spying on them through one of the air vents into their cabin, and then walking back along the corridor to tell his partner what he'd seen - and then nothing. A big old blank. Not good.

The letter, once he reads it, doesn't make any of this much better.

After fighting to go anywhere except deck one and ending up there anyway, the sight of Gal Friday is... arresting. In that it makes Starsky almost trip on his damn white dress shoes as he comes to a full-stop and glances back over his shoulder like he wants to bolt, maybe over the side of the deck. But after a moment he pastes on a weak smile at the greeting that kind of wilts off his face as she reaches out to lei hands on him.]

Gee... Uh. Thanks?

2.

[Starsky is now cooperating more readily. He actually seems surprisingly amiable, for someone in this situation, and he listens to the muster drill with only minimal shifting his weight or bouncing on the balls of his feet. It's not that he's not trying to figure out some way out of this frankly insane situation (though there is a small part of him wondering if he's just lost his damn mind completely, or maybe got cold-clocked by one of Patsy Cairo's associates and he's now stuck in a very weird vivid coma dream, in which case there's no way out except hoping like hell he comes to in a hospital of one sort or another some time soon), it's just that not cooperating was a complete bust so far. So this is a different tactic: biding his time, taking in his surroundings, as strange as they are.

Still no sign of the blintz. Not that he wishes this madness on Hutch, per se. But it's easier to be in sticky situations with someone you trust, so you can put your heads together and watch each others' backs. He glances around the rag-tag group - does anyone look like they want to cause problems? what kind of clothes are those? anyone looking like they might know more than the rest of them? - and tries not to look too obviously disappointed Hutch isn't here.

While he's looking around, he's a beat or two behind everyone else getting his vest over his head, and there's Friday, right there. Not shuddering outright takes a lot of self-control.]

Alright, Miss, I'm doing it. Take it easy. I know how to use a life vest. See?

[And on it goes, pulled theatrically out with his thumbs at his armpits to show her. When her attention shifts to another poor soul, he glances at the person beside him and quips:]

Y'know, this was a lot more fun when I was the guy with the bullhorn.

3.

[Fortunately, Starsk has finely-honed dodging abilities. It does mean he ends up in a leaping forward-roll to avoid the tall stack of plates flying his way that has him crashing into someone's knees. The person goes down, his dodge turns into a sprawl, and china sprays everywhere around their winded forms, while the disembodied voices shriek their command - or their warning.

He's been ignoring them as best he can for the past couple of days, but his nerves are already frayed, and every man's got his breaking point. He doesn't get up, just yells into the air.]

Will you shut up, huh? You really think any of us chose to come here? You want us to leave so bad, why don't you damn ghosts do something useful so we can get the hell off this ship and leave you alone?

2

[wimdy]

[ oh god i kept forgetting i want to tag him.

guess who frequents the bars, tauva included and often, and is also fond of frills and fancy green dress? venti may not be frenchie, but here's a bard from the next table over, startling and glancing over his shoulder mid-drink, taking in the spill. ] Ah, Mister--

Is something the matter? Let's not be too hasty with weapons now!

[ well he's gotten in his share of bar fights, not as a fighter but possibly a spectator or even the cause if perhaps he sung too rowdy or outrageous a song and the crowd was drunk and fight-happy enough. the point is, bar fights interrupt the flow of booze from ghost bartenders, as shady as they are, to his mouth. so perhaps he'll try to keep some peace. ]

[unicaptain]

[ o hey

Stede stares at this man with wide eyes, feeling somewhere between murderous (that's a new feeling, he's not sure how he feels about it) and embarrassed at this outburst. Clearly, this man is too far away to have done this, and he looks around, but doesn't see anyone else there.

Slowly, he sits back down, setting his knife down on the table, and takes a steadying breath. ]

Forgive my outburst. I simply... must have spilled! I must have. [ He's pretty sure he didn't. He picks up one of these strange, flimsy paper napkins and dabs at his shirt ] I really like this shirt, you see. It's a pity-- and my boy isn't here to clean it, I don't quite know... [ how to clean it himself ]

And then I could just have pun block for a bit

[pineapplesalmon]

César is too busy laugh-groaning to reply, except: "Sorry, sorry, I manatee a moment."

[pineapplesalmon]

Well, that's some serious shit there. That's some real higher order thinking, there. You know, the kind that a person can do? But when you're a law-abiding android....

She's most definitely protecting him. César can't argue against it, as she seems more durable. It'd just put them in danger for longer.

There's more and more shit being thrown their way—the ghosts are really angry now—but they're at the edge, between the last table and the hall. About ten feet. He ducks down as a ghost almost manages to throw a teacup at his head.

"Do we make a break for it?!"

2.

[story_of_jack]

[Rather than fidgeting, Jack has spent the entire presentation almost entirely still, watching with an expression of concerned confusion. He looks even more displeased with the life vest he's been compelled to put on.

When the man next to him offers the opening for a conversation, Jack glances a ways down the line at Friday, wondering if she will react to the crosstalk - but it seems she either didn't notice or doesn't care. Fair game, then.]

I can't stop asking, why put up this facade of a pleasure cruise when it is so obviously a lie?

2. have a black sails-flavor jack rackham!

[story_of_jack]

[Jack had been drawn to Tauva for similar reasons, despite it being the sort of place he never would have been allowed prior to 'boarding' this ship. He is therefore taking the opportunity to enjoy the luxury of fine leather seats and perfectly chilled spirits.

Until out of seemingly nowhere, Hell breaks loose. Just as the gentleman nearby is exclaiming profanities, the electric lights flicker, and the candle on Jack's table flares, sending up a flame two feet high. He jumps up to put distance between himself and the fire, only to feel his shoulder collide with the man who is now looking about wildly. His eyes catch the glint of the dagger as he spins and takes a step back. His hand goes to the hilt of his own weapon - ready to draw in case the man took the collision for an attack.]

Captain Jack Rackham | Black Sails

[story_of_jack]

2a. Outside Deck

The first moment he is free to move about as he pleases, Jack climbs upward from Deck One to find a door, any door, leading to the outside. Among the myriad of impossibilities he is grappling with currently is the idea that this sprawling complex is a ship. He can barely feel any rolling under his feet, and the engine, the cause of that low hum coming through the walls, is technology a hundred years ahead of his time. He won't be able to understand it until he sees.

Once outside, he walks to the edge, to the railing, and places his hands on it. The sight of the sea is the only familiar thing here. The way the ship stretches out to both sides, the smooth, clean brightness of it, is still dizzying.

"My God," Jack says to the wind. "It's a floating city."

2b. Adult Pool
cw: nudity

When he arrived at the pool area, the place was deserted. It's owing to this, and the standards of his time, that Jack has piled all of his clothes on a poolside chair and is now sitting in one of the hot tubs completely naked. That is, except for a unique pair of sunglasses over his eyes. The bubbles do provide some modesty, though only just enough.

With his elbows propped up on the side of the hot tub, he lets the fingers of one hand trail over the roiling surface of the water, and absentmindedly sings a snatch of a half-remembered shanty.

"Hm hm hmm~ it's fare ye well, my pretty young girl..."