Using his own habits against him? How dare. He'll just have to think of a nickname in return.

"It ain't Hell in the biblical sense, but you're welcome to think of it that way. Lots of us do." Crichton very much included these days. "It looks nice, but this isn't a pleasure cruise."

Oh, right. The phones. "Sure, Time Traveler, I'll give you the run-down. That right there is called a 'cell phone' short for cellular phone. I know you still got rotary phones back in your day. This one isn't quite the same. You can't talk to people on it through voice, but you can type out digital mail or 'text messages.' You need someone's name and their cabin number to dial them. That and taking pictures is about all they do, oh, except they also act as your room key. Hold it to the lock and it lets you in."