TEST DRIVE MEME #10

[sailmods]

a. that's where we both belong

[you wake up.

it doesn't matter where you were before. going to bed? dying? opening the door to face a great evil? same result. you wake up in a soft bed with starched sheets in a cool, darkened room, sunlight peeking out from behind thick curtains. maybe you're alone; maybe you aren't. maybe you immediately notice the folded paper on the bedside table near your head. if you don't, you better fix that real quick: you won't be able to even open the door before you read it.

the note itself is written in a neat hand on white card stock; there is a stylized logo of a ship with the words SERENA ETERNA printed underneath. the note reads as follows:

Dear Passenger(s),

As your cruise director, it is my great honor to welcome you aboard the Serena Eterna, your destination for fun and adventure! We know you could have chosen any cruise line for your vacation, and we're very grateful you chose ours! On behalf of the Captain, I would like to assure each and every passenger that will we do whatever it takes to fulfill all your needs and desires during your journey with us.

At your earliest possible convenience, please attend the mandatory lifeboat drill by the end of the day. I'm sure everyone is very eager to get started on all the fun and sun, but safety always comes first! You can find your life jacket in your cabin's closet; carry it to your assigned muster station on deck one, where I will take you through the drill. If you can't find me in the crowd, just look for the gal with the winning smile!

See You Real Soon!

Sincerely,
Gal Friday

you walk to deck one. you have no other choice: every time you try to step in a direction some unseen being considers "not towards deck one," you find your legs no longer move, staying stock still, frozen. whether compelled quickly by curiosity, or delayed by pure stubbornness, the result is the same, and you are left milling around with other similarly curious or stubborn people.

you see someone in uniform near the front of the crowd. she seems to be a gal, but is missing the winning smile, along with most of her other features. she seems to see you, though, rushing to your side and placing a lei around your neck with great formality. a voice, cheery but artificial, sees to come from nowhere and everywhere.]

Welcome aboard! I'm so happy you could join us!

[you touch the lei. rooster feathers, lotus seeds, and a carved circle of something white and hard, linked onto a silk string.

after the drill is completed, you are seemingly free to go. or, well, your legs work, now. and maybe that's as good as it's gonna get.]

b. and there's plenty of that down by the sea

[it’s strange to think about, isn’t it? how all those new passengers, the ones grumbling or shouting their way through the forced muster drill, have absolutely no idea what happened just last month. no idea about the labyrinth. no concept of why anyone around them would be a bit more hesitant around shadows.

they’ll learn.

sometimes a shadow is darker than it’s supposed to be. very rarely does anything come of that; just a vague sense that someone is watching you, and little more. sometimes, though, the shadows move. sometimes they grab at your ankles as you walk. sometimes they give you a shove as you go down the stairs. sometimes they pull your hair, or pinch your arm.

sometimes you feel something sharp cut into your lower leg.

that’s not a shadow, though. that’s a fiddler crab. you see the crab, sometimes. the cut isn’t from its claws, which don’t look very intimating; it’s not a very large crab. the cut is from the large kitchen knife crudely taped onto its back. it’s probably fine. it's not chasing you. there isn't evil in its heart. probably.]

c. think I'll go back to the Keys

[one day, in the atrium, two pedestals suddenly appear. on each is a large button: one green, and one blue. pressing the blue button gives you a little treat, popping out of thin air next to you. pressing the green button sends a small electric shock through your body. weird, but, hey, pretty avoidable, right?

except, it seems to be spreading. to every other button on board.

in the elevator. on the soda machine. the arcade. your phone. the bell on Friday’s desk.]

Comments

[skaikru]

"He's not my pet," Clarke hisses, every nerve ending alive and absolutely seething in this moment. The history of Ody the crab spans about year now, and almost all of that time spent in the grasp of Natsuno Yuuki or Palamedes Sextus — two of her closest people, and one now heartbreakingly absent. Ody is a remnant, a trace left behind, and (at least by her judgement) absolutely not evil, so he doesn't deserve being laced up like a decapod berserker for people to laugh or rage at. But a stranger isn't entitled to that story right off the bat.

And when the newcomer hoists the knife-burdened crab into the air, she's absolutely reaching out for the barstool to her right. Dragging it forward. And — it's all in the eyes — threatening to climb onto the seat in order to reach her prize.

"But he doesn't belong to you, either. I'm not asking again, hand. him. over."

[ligero]

"Not Zaharoff." He speaks the man's name coldly: it'd been his first consideration, too, but this is far beyond the pale. Were an arms dealer looking for revenge on them both, Cyrus expects he'd be more direct about it. "If that was what you were wondering."

He sighs, casting his gaze out toward the sea. No landmarks; nothing familiar. Not even his old sailor's instincts can tell him where they are this time. They may as well be floating in an overlarge pool for all he can tell.

"Nor Huan. Nor your brother. But we are far from alone: all seem near as confused as we are."

[allhonourablemen]

Look, he can't help it. Most people back home are too scared to say boo to him, some spunky git threatening to climb up onto a bar stool is just... he remembers being that young and stupid. It's like a kitten threatening him. He's gotta laugh a little.

"Alright, alright, cool your jets," still half-chuckling he reaches up to carefully peel the tape from Ody's shell with a delicacy that betrays his thick fingers, catching the knife in his free fingers.

"Here we are. Watch the passion fingers this time, mate," he suggests as he hands off the crustacean, keeping the knife for himself.

"He a mascot or something?"

also goop

[skaikru]

This was not the expectation of how a late night coffee run would go. One second, Clarke's standing beside the the industrial sized, insulated coffee dispenser; the next, she's noticing a flicker of life in the shadow the large pot casts against the wall. The next, she's registering the distinct sensation of being engulfed. Not in fire, but in a dark, tacky, wet sort of blackness. She tries to jolt back and run, and she tries to scream — but all efforts are voided the second the sludge reaches her knees, and any cries for help are cut off when ooze floods her mouth.

It feels fair to assume, at first, that this is a precursor to another ugly and frustrating death. All over a cup of goddamn coffee, for added insult to injury. She's absolutely furious when her lungs give that first, uncomfortable lurch of wanting air. Silently swearing at the Captain, or at Sparkles, or at whatever being might be higher than those two — and still trying to push hands forward and crawl out of this mess, even if her hands don't feel like they're doing as she commands.

Then, just as suddenly as she'd started to suffocate, she can breathe. Just as quickly as the room had gone dark, it's back in all the fluorescent-bathed glory Windjammer ever had. She can smell dark roast, and feels a push at the back of her consciousness that sounds a lot like a whisper.

And, she freezes. Confusion reigning, with fear as it's second in command. Whatever this is had her, and then just relented? Is trying to... coax?

"What?" she splutters indignantly. But it'd mentioned strength. And this is not an immediate no.

Tauva

[bubblegumheart]

"No idea. Of all the things I'd change if given the opportunity, the names of bars and restaurants wouldn't even make the cut," she announces unceremoniously from behind him. Her tone is light, conversational, and her smile doesn't quite reach her eyes. It's a tough spot to be in- happy to see him and wishing he hadn't come back, all at once.

She'd actually been hoping that she was just imagining that she'd seen him during the muster drill. Coming here had been an attempt to prove that to herself, and that seems to have backfired gloriously.

"How much am I going to regret asking what you're doing?"

1.

[light_mischief]

Skulduggery always enjoys watching new passengers try to fight the inevitable. He also enjoys watching them stare at Friday in confusion and terror, as if she's the weirdest thing they've ever seen. But best of all, he enjoys it when the people don't freak out. That usually means that they're from an unusual enough world to interest him.

He waits until he sees one of the new passengers lift the lei to their mouth before helpfully supplying: "It's bone. And rooster feathers, in case you were thinking of tasting those as well."

[light_mischief]

He comes to a stop a few feet away, maintaining the same respectable distance any stranger would warrant.

"No, I can't imagine you've been here very long at all. You wouldn't be cringing quite so hard if you were used to seeing me wander around." He seems positively delighted by her wariness, tilting his head as he looks at the elevator buttons. "First day?"

[skaikru]

Oh... okay.

That ended up being a remarkably easier fight than Clarke had been preparing for. She absolutely despises the easy, low laughter thrown her way, but so long as the man is un-taping Ody, it stays any drive to climb the barstool and just absolutely launch at him. She watches the descent of the kitchen knife, then immediately jackrabbits her eyes back to the crab in question as he's slowly lowered down — into waiting palms she readily extends.

Ody frets for a moment in the cup of her fingers, then skitters through blood to viciously pince at her thumb. Fucking — ow??

And thus Clarke's trying to wrestle the crab off her, into a safe hold as she answers — "He's been around longer than you have, and merits that much more respect."

[guildmastermind]

“It’s not about taste, it’s a texture thing. Bone sticks slightly to the…” Cue Shiroe turning, seeing Skulduggery. There is a couple seconds pause, and then a sheepish smile. “I suppose you probably already knew that, given.”

Right, as far as reactions go, Shiroe’s on the less freaked-out end. He seems almost as interested in Skulduggery’s outfit as his skinlessness. Sure, the skeleton just talked. But the skeleton also just shared information, and that’s more important.

[allhonourablemen]

"Oh, shit- sorry boss," he ducks his head down to her hand height and gives the whatever-the-fuck-it-is a small but very formal salute, "won't happen again, I respect the brass too much."

The smile that splits his face reveals a couple of missing teeth, and he heaves himself glacially to sit back upright, his joints clicking as he does.

"He pinch off your sense of humour, too?"

Marina Andrieski (23) | The Magicians + AUCR | OTA

[andrieski]

That's where we both belong

Waking up on the ship gets a soft, confused groan before she's able to gather her surroundings. Then she reads the note, frowning even more as she does. "Fuck. Fuck fuck fuck."

There's a long sigh. "Fuck." She reaches for her phone, looking for the tell tale post from Natasha or one of the others, but finds nothing. That's even more unsettling. It wasn't even the time for the yearly cruise. She had a whole half a year before that.

She hates this already. On principle.

So she isn't planning on leaving, but then she gets bored, so she goes outside to get a better idea of it. Only that's a one-track adventure. She's annoyed, but there's only so much she can do and if this is a godly intervention, she's not looking to die again. Even if that was a different version of herself.

"I need a drink," is all she has for after the muster. But she also needs information. Well, there's bound to be someone with information. Now it's just a matter of finding the alcohol.

and there's plenty of that down by the sea

The first time she spots an unusually dark shadow, something in her mind alarms. But that's just the 'nearly being killed' part of her experience kicking in. She tries to ignore it, tries not to think about it. But then the shadows start pinching her. "Back. Off. Asshole." She's just finished the tuts to send a blast of battle magic when she's pushed, which lightly explodes a hole in the wall in front of her.

"Fuck you. I'm not taking responsibility for that." Which is very adult and very useful. It's true. She holds her hands up, making connected Ls like a picture frame, trying to look at the area when she feels something sharp in her ankle. "Motherfucker." She looks down and frowns before moving out of the way. "Somehow this is Ghost One's wife's fault." Yes. She knows her name. No, she's not admitting it.

think i'll go back to the keys

This place is even more cursed than the damn airship they went on and she has the clockwork eye (the left one) to show for that one. It's what you get for helping. Which means she is in no mood to help.

She'd gone from touching the weird buttons, which she knew better than to do, to everything being the buttons suddenly. The call button for the elevator is green and Marina sighs. "I never thought I'd hate Texas less than anywhere, but here I am."

Wildcard

Wildcard me. Anything goes. Plurk is kingdonkey, discord is also kingdonkey#6187

[crushed_pearls]

Erin waves her glass vaguely. "This place isn't big on moving parts. Food doesn't rot, none of the machines have insides, the wine restocks itself from nowhere. A result without a process, y'know? I've dealt with effects with uh...uneven relationships with cause before, but if you want to know the mechanisms that's all Ms. Friday and last I heard she's not big on straight answers about it. I - well, actually." Erin taps out what's left of her cigar and leans back. "Something called the Erda is involved. It seems to have a relationship with communal desire, and it brings, well, you, but also the passengers and the packages we get. These cigars, for instance."

d

[andrieski]

Marina is relieved for a bit of alcohol. Finally. She stops short of the bar, noting the girl sitting there before moving closer. She picks up on the Latin, humming thoughtfully.

"Do you always talk in Latin or is that just a sign you're drunk?"

[light_mischief]

"Hah. I don't make a habit of tasting myself. I leave that to the professionals." He says it nice and flippantly. Because it would be crazy for anyone to taste him! As crazy as someone not freaking out at seeing a walking, talking skeleton!

[guildmastermind]

“Professionals, like those of us who own and operate a tongue.” That isn’t an offer, but it does come out with some dry humor. “You seem to lack that, along with all other musculature. It’s sort of distracting.”

[guildmastermind]

“So it’s all really shitty programming, is what you’re saying. Noclip hard enough and you see how hollow it all really is.” Which makes it the opposite of his past experience in some ways. But still, he can figure out how to handle anything. That’s his job, to follow the chain of effects and brace for what others haven’t foreseen.

[dissimulates]

[Oh wow, this girl produces so much miasma he doesn't even need to provoke her (though he still might, just for fun). It's the good stuff too, a dark beacon of grief, fear and rage.

He's going to hang out with her for a while.]

Mashed potatoes, is it? I suppose there's something to be said for simplicity.

[He puts his cocktail down to grab a plate and scoop up a healthy helping of mashed potatoes.]

Have you been here for a while, Miss? You seem familiar with the dining options.

zero | drakengard 3

[intoner]

a.

[The first thing Zero thinks upon opening her eye: Why am I alive again?

The second thing she thinks upon reading the letter: What the fuck is a 'cruise line'?

Suffice to say that for better or worse, this isn't quite the strangest thing to have ever happened to her. She tries her damnedest to avoid going to deck one, both disinterested in attending and spiteful at the idea of being forced to do anything anyone tells her to do. For all her stubborn will though, there's no avoiding the inevitability of heading for the lifeboat drill. If anyone happens to hear a woman cussing up a storm on the way to the deck...

Well, it's easy enough to see just who's unintentionally living up the "at sea" life by swearing like a sailor.]

Well I'm not happy to join your fucking bullshit. [Zero tears the lei off her neck, chucking it overboard behind her and straight into the ocean.] Save your garbage for someone else.

b.

[There's a woman in white chasing down a crab. Or to be more specific, chasing down the knife strapped to the crab's back.

Does Zero really need a weapon on a cruise ship like this? Honestly, her guess is yes. These shadows have been damn annoying, always disappearing or fading away before she can sock it with her fist. She's no slouch when it comes to fisticuffs, but whatever the hell is going on here is probably weird enough where it wouldn't hurt to have a blade of some kind.

Now if only she could get her hands on it.]

Get BACK here you little fucker—!! [Please don't ask how a tiny little crab manages to scuttle away from her grasp every time.]

c.

[Wildcard me, baybee.]

[dissimulates]

[He sure is taking too long to shape the ice cream into a perfect sphere, isn't he?]

Oh, of course. Here you go -

[Except he bumps his hand into the sneeze guard and the scoop slips from his grip and clutters to the floor. It's fine, five seconds rule!]

[cheeseandrice]

If Skulduggery looks weird to her, she sure doesn't show it!

"My sincerest of pleases and thank yous, sir!" She bows politely. "The very lovely Friday did name the vessel we stand upon, but refused my inquiries! I believe I have taken quite the wrong turn out of the residence of the illustrious Great Runas. I've got to find my way back and make my wish!"

[sabigoe]

[ Those words explain absolutely nothing and it does very little to ease her fears. Even if they have only just met, Fio's worried. Whatever it is he wants to see, surely he can do it without doing something dangerous!

She's already prepared to reach over, to tug him back with all the strength that she has in her body in case he suddenly goes over the rails. She's at least provided with some relief, when she manages to distract him with her teddy bear's presence. Full? Well, Judith is full of soft cotton stuffing and memories obviously, but that's an odd observation to make if that's what he's pointing out! ]

Oh, this is... [ She yanks the bear out of midair, giving her a little squish. ] This is Judith. You can call her Judy. She's pretty soft... if you wanna hold her.

a.

[kingoftheanthill]

Yeah!!

[ There's a swarm of a few thousand ants near Zero, in a tight circle that's rather too big for the pair of deck chairs under which it's attempting to shelter. A lei rests on top of the swarm, held by hundreds of adorable little jaws.

Every single ant is talking in unison.

(They look around quickly to make sure Friday, who seems nice, is out of earshot.) ]

Who'd join your freaking bullshit!!

[ The lei gets flung a couple inches into the air, and comes down dramatically on another part of the swarm, which doesn't make quite the same statement that Zero's fling did. But to be honest, Victor doesn't sound actually mad: he sounds like he's joining a cheer at a football game. ]

Buttons

[broshaw]

[Sharky's literally been here forever, so you think he'd see the danger in two mysterious podiums with buttons on them...]

Oh, for sure! [he makes a wobbly gesture with his hand.] But, uh, just FYI, there's a 50-50 chance one of these buttons does something terrible. That's, like, statistics and shit.

dito voice: hey z!!!! also a

[sabigoe]

[ First, it's the foul language that grabs Fio's attention. Her poor ears... Then it's her appearance that surprises her. This woman seems rather familiar, as if from a dream that experienced long before she became a passenger aboard the ship. Strange to find her alone. There was a young dragon too in that vision, who seemed to always be in this woman's company. But he's clearly nowhere in sight.

She frowns as she watches as the lei sail over the rails and out into the ocean. Surely some kind soul will be able to fetch it later! ]

Um... ma'am? [ Usually, these kinds of people are the ones that Fio steers clear from. She approaches cautiously, with a levitating stuffed teddy bear in tow. ] I don't think you should've thrown that away. It's not garbage.

[astrogator]

Her grip is equally firm, and she brings her left hand to clasp his forearm, just for a moment. 'Citizen Holmes. I'd welcome you, but it hardly seems appropriate, given our situation. Instead-' she tilts her head slightly. 'I'm sorry that you're here, but happy to meet you? I think that works.'

He's possibly sensible not to comment on her age. Not that she wouldn't explain the situation to him in as much detail as he liked, but she's far too quick to take offense at criticisms of her culture. As if that were her duty, as its sole representative here. They do have very different notions of childhood, out on the Tradelines. In policy, at least, it ends at twelve.

Right now, though, she's focused on trying to make this easier for him. 'Has the bleeding stopped? I can give you something for the pain, if you need it. Or get you a drink. That helped when I first arrived.' Calmed her down a little, although she knows better than to say that to him.