TEST DRIVE MEME #8

[sailmods]

1. but times have changed for sailors these days

[you wake up.

it doesn't matter where you were before. going to bed? dying? opening the door to face a great evil? same result. you wake up in a soft bed with starched sheets in a cool, darkened room, sunlight peeking out from behind thick curtains. maybe you're alone; maybe you aren't. maybe you immediately notice the folded paper on the bedside table near your head. if you don't, you better fix that real quick: you won't be able to even open the door before you read it.

the note itself is written in a neat hand on white card stock; there is a stylized logo of a ship with the words SERENA ETERNA printed underneath. the note reads as follows:

Dear Passenger(s),

As your cruise director, it is my great honor to welcome you aboard the Serena Eterna, your destination for fun and adventure! We know you could have chosen any cruise line for your vacation, and we're very grateful you chose ours! On behalf of the Captain, I would like to assure each and every passenger that will we do whatever it takes to fulfill all your needs and desires during your journey with us.

At your earliest possible convenience, please attend the mandatory lifeboat drill by the end of the day. I'm sure everyone is very eager to get started on all the fun and sun, but safety always comes first! You can find your life jacket in your cabin's closet; carry it to your assigned muster station on deck one, where I will take you through the drill. If you can't find me in the crowd, just look for the gal with the winning smile!

See You Real Soon!

Sincerely,
Gal Friday

you walk to deck one. you have no other choice: every time you try to step in a direction some unseen being considers "not towards deck one," you find your legs no longer move, staying stock still, frozen. whether compelled quickly by curiosity, or delayed by pure stubbornness, the result is the same, and you are left milling around with other similarly curious or stubborn people.

you see someone in uniform near the front of the crowd. she seems to be a gal, but is missing the winning smile, along with most of her other features. she seems to see you, though, rushing to your side and placing a lei around your neck with great formality. a voice, cheery but artificial, sees to come from nowhere and everywhere.]

Welcome aboard! I'm so happy you could join us!

[you touch the lei. rooster feathers, lotus seeds, and a carved circle of something white and hard, linked onto a silk string.

after the drill is completed, you are seemingly free to go. or, well, your legs work, now. and maybe that's as good as it's gonna get.]

2. tried to amend my carnivorous habit

[the space inside John's where the piano normally sits is mysteriously vacant today. as a matter of fact, the entire piano bar is silent, without so much as a muzak-inspired interpretation of Uptown Girl to hum along to.

the piano itself seems to have disappeared... for the most part. unlucky, unsuspecting passengers who enter the cabin hallway, step out onto the lower decks, or find themselves in one of the other narrow corridors of the ship, may find themselves suddenly facing down a silent, unmoving grand piano. it takes up too much space to squeeze by comfortably...

and then, the cover lifts, exposing what looks to be... teeth?

yeah. yeah, those are its teeth. and it's coming right for you.]

3. that American creation on which I feed

[it had been a difficult October for bahamanuel, the bahamanal. its territory had changed utterly, becoming alien and strange. new predators were encroaching on its hunting grounds. its position in the natural order is under threat. and so, nature finds a way.

the old timers know to be wary of large piles of clothes, but even they won’t think to look twice at the tiny lumps of garish kids’ swimsuits and sundresses - until they feel something latch onto their leg, and then several more things, and anywhere from ten to twenty balled up clothes piles try to take down their prey.

the young must learn how to hunt, after all.]

Comments

[saltwaterlungs]

Blinks.

"Like... a gate to the underworld?"

Give her literally anything to work with here.

"The Bahamanal is sort of native to here. I don't... think I want to know how the Bahamanalettes happened, but they're just sort of here now."

Huffs, "it's a long story. C'mon- have you eaten?"

[takethatnature]

"I shave my beard and the rest of it mostly takes care of itself." He's not sure he's had to give the hair on his head more than a minor trim in the... probably more than a year by now, but he's not sure if it's been more than two... since he came to the Constant.

[uncodlyawwesome]

Shit. What the hell happened?! Why are there trolls poppin' up all over the place all of a sudden? First Karkat, now this??! This proves none of this shit is random!!

He glances out the window and utterly misses Nepeta stalking him, letting out a sigh of relief when he thinks she's gone. Okay. Okay, he's just. Gonna grab another cone, pretend everything's fine, normal... and then he's gonna try to just, casually retreat back to his sanctum. (That's his cabin.)

[thebadnews]

Maybe it's the knowledge of what's become of him that has him clinging to Cassandra back, or perhaps Percy is still reeling from all the lost time they've had, from when Percy had been convinced that she hadn't survived that initial attack on Whitestone by the Briarwoods. Either way, it seems like both the de Rolo siblings are clinging to each other.

"Yes, I thought it strange that I've simply understood everyone's speech so far." Sure, Common was nearly universally used wherever he went, but there would occasionally be smatterings of Elvish and Dwarvish mixed in. "A neat trick, though. That would have been handy over the course of our adventures."

[thebadnews]

On the one hand, Percy could handle this like a mature older brother.

But also, consider: trauma.

"Then I don't think it will be at all surprising if I threaten you with bodily harm should you break her heart?" He says almost eerily calmly. Delivered with a casualness reserved for someone who's been both possessed by a demon and tortured by a vampire and a necromancer.

"As for this. It's all in a day's work. Though usually I'm getting paid in coin." Not to mention that coin usually gets split between several other adventurers, all noticeably absent.

[fakefeathers]

She stops short again. (Sorry, she does this. They might make it to the buffet eventually.) Different universes? Different universes? And he's never seen a... well, it's true winged Companions are rare. That's the whole point, and why she'd been turned into one in the first place. But... he's acting like she's just a person with wings. Who gives a Companion a compliment to their face like that? He should be telling this to her owner, not her. He shouldn't even be caring enough to give her his name.

Maybe... Maybe she can try the parrot technique--that's what Damien calls it-- to see how Palamedes reacts. Some Companions are capable of learning to say a few words without it raising too many eyebrows.

"Thank you," she says in a purposefully stilted accent, made more convincing by how dry her throat is. "Me...Linnet."

[crushed_pearls]

"I hate to infringe on your brotherly duty, Lord de Rolo, but if I were ever that stupid and cruel you might have to wait in line. Cass has friends here that care about her and at least one outclasses us both combined." Erin flashes Percy a fierce smile. "...I can't vow not to be an idiot. But I'm done breaking hearts."

[angrycrabnoises]

Karkat groans and keeps pushing. Eventually, they manage to shove the piano off the deck, breaking off some of the railing along with it. It drops down with a huge SPLASH into the water. “GOOD RIDDANCE,” he gasps, panting heavily.

He slumps his back against the railing and tries to catch his breath. He could’ve sworn he was more in-shape during SGRUB, but being trapped indoors for half a sweep will do that to you.

Now that the danger has been taken care of, he can actually focus on the weirdness of seeing an alive Nepeta again.

He glances at her. “HEY, NEPETA.” He gives a little wave of greeting before putting his hands back in his pockets.

[nepetaleijon]

She watches from cover as he emerges from the shop, and this time she can clearly see the shape of his horns and the color of the streak in his hair.

Rrrr. Of all the trolls that could pawssibly be here on this boat full of humans, wouldn't it just have to be Mister Ampurra.

Well, she's gonna keep stalking him anyway. Just to keep in practice.

[not_the_last]

"It's the strangest thing. If you don't pay close attention it just seems as though everyone is speaking Common, and then someone will say something that doesn't translate and you realize that it isn't just that word, everything they've been saying is in a different language ..."

His mention of their adventures, however, sets her thinking down a different course as they head into the stairwell. "Percy? Where were you, right before you came here? I have no idea how long I've been gone. Or -- at least, if what they tell me here is true, I haven't been gone at all."

[nepetaleijon]

It is only with the greatest of self-control that Nepeta does not greet Karkat with a delighted pounce, and that only because they're still perilously close to the railing and the railing isn't intact. Instead she just beams.

"Karkat, it's really you!"

[owlmother]

Lev calls in the direction of a bristling lump of shadow, and whether it was its attention he was trying to get or not, it's the shadow that answers--and when it does, it straightens to a grand height of ten feet tall, rumbling with some displeased, resonant sound, and turns to throw a piercing look his way.

And begins to stalk towards him. Maybe... this is help...???

[angrycrabnoises]

“YEAH, YEAH, IT’S ME,” he scratches the back of his head, looking a bit embarrassed. There’s a bittersweet aspect to the way he glances at her. “YOU JUST GOT HERE, RIGHT?”

[nepetaleijon]

"Yes! Meowbe like an hour ago? We were all on the meteor and ... then I was here!"

Something is niggling at her, and she pointedly ignores it.

[angrycrabnoises]

Karkat tenses at that. “WHAT WERE YOU DOING RIGHT BEFORE YOU GOT HERE?”

[nepetaleijon]

"Well ... "

She frowns, as though remembering is an effort.

"Equius went to hunt for Gamz33 like you said. And he told me to hide somewhere safe from any pawssible danger, so I did. And then I was exploring, and ... and then ..."

[graphomaniac]

"The Underworld is in the Silver," Lyubov allows, after a brief pause. "Uh. Look, sometimes reality breaks and things crawl out, and they're just as unhappy about it as we are?" She sighs.

"I ate not," she says. "I don't like, habitually eat breakfast? But— I mean, like. I could go for some tea, I guess. Hot tea."

[graphomaniac]

At the mention of beards, Lev self-consciously rubs his chin; he can't remember when he last shaved.

"I only need to shave like once a week," he says, trying to sound conversational, but the unease in his voice shines through. He's not keen to dwell on the subject, so he tries to change it, "listen, like. I wish not to stay in the corridor, dost thou? Where ... where like, do the people here go, when they're looking to not think about things, nu?"

[graphomaniac]

Lev has seen plenty of strange things in his life, and the shadow seems to at least look like the more familiar of those; in fact, as far as as impossibly tall ethereal helpful shapes go, this one is downright comforting to his eye.

So he waves his stick.

"Canst thou get these buggers off me?" he calls. "Please? I'm only good with kids what are past the chewing on things stage."

[uncodlyawwesome]

So Eridan gets... like, to the doors that lead into the place with the elevators and stuff, or whatever, before he realizes something is off.

He's gotten used to the bahanamal stalking him in the Tommy Bahama, which is how he recognizes the same thing is happening now. He's being tailed. And judging from the missing horns... he can bet who by.

The second he opens the doors to go in, he bolts forward, then hangs a sharp right towards the arcade.

[owlmother]

Children, are they?

Kuro continues on her path towards him, and once she's there, promptly plucks the Bahamanulets off of him in her massive talons. They squirm and scrape ineffectually against her feet. To that, she simply tosses the little things into the next aisle.

They leap to their little cloth limbs immediately and charge--only to balk when Kuro flares out her wings and hisses in a display of a particular kind of authority that can only belong to a very incensed mother, demanding what these troublesome kids are doing attacking random, unarmed people like this.

The little clothes piles seem to shift and bicker--it started it, I was only doing what it was doing!--and Kuro, impatient, batters them with a wing. She doesn't care; scram.

Once they've disappeared down the aisle, she turns back to Lev, looking expectant.

[glittering_gleam]

"Insurance," Goldenglow says with a bit of careful emphasis, "is basically a protection racket. Thou pays a company of rich arseholes some money every month so they'll give thee some of their money in case thou gets sick or injured. Or in my case, thou gets lucky and thy job pays for all of it, no questions asked."

"But that's too depressing to think about for now," she adds, and a storm cloud leaves her face. "This other side sounds very interesting! Are there a lot of ghosts where you're from?"

Luca Esposito | Astra Lost In Space

[basketweaving]

I. Piano Snack

[Who puts a piano in a hallway? What kind of person would do that? The hallway seems narrow enough, even for someone of Luca’s small stature and he blinks rather owlishly at the piano.]

Hello? Is anyone there? Um...if you need help moving this thing I could maybe...?

[No answer? Maybe? Okay then like every teenager that has ever existed, he can’t help himself. He reaches out and moves to plunk a couple of the keys. C, D, E – the lid snaps open and there are suddenly teeth. Huge teeth actually!]

Aaaaaahhhhh! [Luca screams as he turns to run being chased by a piano that’s trying to chomp him. He’s always been a bit of a daredevil.]

II. Tommy Bahama

[Alright things didn’t go well with the weird out of place piano, but surely there’s something normal on board this ship? Possibly? It looked like one of those paradise cruises.

Ah shopping, now that was just an opportunity. As Luca browses the aisles, there’s nothing here that really piques his interest, in fact he finds it all kind of ugly and boring. Here he was hoping to possibly get out of his shorts and vest as it was but it looked like there was to be no luck on that front.

Wait a second. Did he see something move?

Someone’s not really looking after this place, there’s little piles of clothes discarded.]

Does anyone work here? [Maybe he can help, he bends down to reach for the clothes only to be attacked by them. He falls back on his ass with a little shriek.]

What is this place?!

III. Wildcard

[Luca is seventeen and therefore alcohol is off the table, but he’s definitely a fan of standing at the railing on the deck, looking out at the sea with a serene smile. All and Sundries has snacks that he’s likely to pick over and he feels as though he’s hit the jackpot when he finds the arcade in Playback. He might even sit by the pool with his feet dipping in the water just to soak up the sun a little bit.]

[takethatnature]

He can tell something's bothering Lev, but not what; there are a lot of candidates here that aren't beards and the shaving thereof.

The second Bahamulet's been rattling its wicker cage around this whole time, too. Wilson stoops down and grabs it, trap and all. It is no longer visible about his person when he stands up.

"I just got here, but it's a luxury liner, there must be something to do. A library or a smoking room at least, and some kind of... sports area. Maybe somewhere to drink if we're lucky." He's not sure how seriously the ship takes the Volstead Act. And also he hasn't found the abundance of bars on the promenade yet.

[angrycrabnoises]

Karkat hisses under his breath.

“WELL YOU’RE HERE NOW,” he says abruptly, interrupting her train of thought.

“WELCOME TO THE SERENA FUCKIN ETERNA, WHERE SOME SICK FUCK TAKES DOOMED TIMELINE OFFSHOOTS AND PUTS EM HERE SO HE CAN FONDLE HIMSELF TO OUR COLLECTIVE MISERY OR WHATEVER. YOU’RE STUCK HERE FOREVER, AND IF YOU DIE YOU JUST COME RIGHT BACK. BUT HEY, THERE’S A POOL AND AN ARCADE SO IT’S FINE!”