TEST DRIVE MEME #8

[sailmods]

1. but times have changed for sailors these days

[you wake up.

it doesn't matter where you were before. going to bed? dying? opening the door to face a great evil? same result. you wake up in a soft bed with starched sheets in a cool, darkened room, sunlight peeking out from behind thick curtains. maybe you're alone; maybe you aren't. maybe you immediately notice the folded paper on the bedside table near your head. if you don't, you better fix that real quick: you won't be able to even open the door before you read it.

the note itself is written in a neat hand on white card stock; there is a stylized logo of a ship with the words SERENA ETERNA printed underneath. the note reads as follows:

Dear Passenger(s),

As your cruise director, it is my great honor to welcome you aboard the Serena Eterna, your destination for fun and adventure! We know you could have chosen any cruise line for your vacation, and we're very grateful you chose ours! On behalf of the Captain, I would like to assure each and every passenger that will we do whatever it takes to fulfill all your needs and desires during your journey with us.

At your earliest possible convenience, please attend the mandatory lifeboat drill by the end of the day. I'm sure everyone is very eager to get started on all the fun and sun, but safety always comes first! You can find your life jacket in your cabin's closet; carry it to your assigned muster station on deck one, where I will take you through the drill. If you can't find me in the crowd, just look for the gal with the winning smile!

See You Real Soon!

Sincerely,
Gal Friday

you walk to deck one. you have no other choice: every time you try to step in a direction some unseen being considers "not towards deck one," you find your legs no longer move, staying stock still, frozen. whether compelled quickly by curiosity, or delayed by pure stubbornness, the result is the same, and you are left milling around with other similarly curious or stubborn people.

you see someone in uniform near the front of the crowd. she seems to be a gal, but is missing the winning smile, along with most of her other features. she seems to see you, though, rushing to your side and placing a lei around your neck with great formality. a voice, cheery but artificial, sees to come from nowhere and everywhere.]

Welcome aboard! I'm so happy you could join us!

[you touch the lei. rooster feathers, lotus seeds, and a carved circle of something white and hard, linked onto a silk string.

after the drill is completed, you are seemingly free to go. or, well, your legs work, now. and maybe that's as good as it's gonna get.]

2. tried to amend my carnivorous habit

[the space inside John's where the piano normally sits is mysteriously vacant today. as a matter of fact, the entire piano bar is silent, without so much as a muzak-inspired interpretation of Uptown Girl to hum along to.

the piano itself seems to have disappeared... for the most part. unlucky, unsuspecting passengers who enter the cabin hallway, step out onto the lower decks, or find themselves in one of the other narrow corridors of the ship, may find themselves suddenly facing down a silent, unmoving grand piano. it takes up too much space to squeeze by comfortably...

and then, the cover lifts, exposing what looks to be... teeth?

yeah. yeah, those are its teeth. and it's coming right for you.]

3. that American creation on which I feed

[it had been a difficult October for bahamanuel, the bahamanal. its territory had changed utterly, becoming alien and strange. new predators were encroaching on its hunting grounds. its position in the natural order is under threat. and so, nature finds a way.

the old timers know to be wary of large piles of clothes, but even they won’t think to look twice at the tiny lumps of garish kids’ swimsuits and sundresses - until they feel something latch onto their leg, and then several more things, and anywhere from ten to twenty balled up clothes piles try to take down their prey.

the young must learn how to hunt, after all.]

Comments

[conjuredrabbit]

"Does 'existing as a lagomorph' count as starting it?"

He gives her a wry look, and then quotes with the air of someone citing religious scripture: "All the world will be your enemy, Prince with a Thousand Enemies, and whenever they catch you, they will kill you. But first they must catch you, digger, listener, runner, prince with the swift warning. Be cunning and full of tricks and your people shall never be destroyed."

[conjuredrabbit]

"Fuck yeah." Surprise, the on-ship translation means you actually get the gloss for this, not just the body language as Bunny moves closer to accept the offered cherry.

...just ignore what red fruit on white fur can look like.

[conjuredrabbit]

Bunny knows the best response is not to run. Not to bolt and flee and become proper prey to chase. He's betting werewolf, because of course he is, hands up as he tries to slowly back away.

"It's no prob...yer fine...I'm...just...I'll come back to eat later. Eep!"

[crushed_pearls]

Erin smiles fondly. Maybe they'll get on fine.

There's the future to consider, of course. No way Giles doesn't warn the lad, but right now...

Right now there's no need.

"You'll do just fine, Bunny. Now! Anything I can do to welcome you aboard?"

[conjuredrabbit]

"Doesn't seem all that much that way here, yet. But I haven't gone too-too deep here into the library. I think I'd wanna be two-legged to try that, but I'm still enjoying bunny time."

As he just lounges himself out beside her hand.

2

[actuallyawolf]

The smell of rabbit hits her nose as she wanders through the ship on the paws of a wolf. It's so unlike anything she's smelled here for so long that she stops where she is, thinking.

It doesn't smell like person.

Silently, she tracks the smell into a lounge, and spying the little white ball of fluff, well. It's been some time; she's more discerning about her prey than certain cougars. Wolves are not ambush predators, but pursuit hunters, but all the same she begins to creep closer, low to the ground.

[conjuredrabbit]

Erin had said he wasn’t back Over There, in the endless forest where the hounds of the Masked Prince of Savage Dusk hunted and killed him over and over and over again, but he’s starting to doubt here, given just how many predators are on this ship.

He scents the air, nose wriggling, and glances around to see if the trickle of fear down his spine is just paranoia or if it’s time to run.

“For fuck’s sake…”

[actuallyawolf]

Oh, it talks.

Ylva stops, and lays down, where she is. "You're a passenger, then, and not a regular rabbit." While she possesses the ability to talk to animals, any animals, if she so wants, generally it's not quite like this. Normally they don't say fuck.

And she always did find it a little hard to eat anything that she'd talked to.

[conjuredrabbit]

“I mean, not like I booked a hell cruise where people keep trying to eat me, but yeah, I am.” The rabbit is still tensed up like it might bolt if she comes too close, ears perked up stiff and high.

[actuallyawolf]

"I don't think any of us did. But we're here anyway."

She doesn't move, at least, head tilted to one side to look at him carefully. "I don't eat people. If someone else tried... well, I can guess." She sounds disgusted, annoyed. "Are you always a rabbit or only sometimes?"

[conjuredrabbit]

“Mm, always, but sometimes I’m on two legs.” Ylva, do you stop being a wolf when you shed the fur?

[actuallyawolf]

She does not, but some people do. She's aware of being an oddity.

"Ah. Yeah. Sometimes I'm on two legs too. I get it." She puts her chin down on her paws. See? She's calm. Relaxed. Not a threat. "'m Ylva."

[conjuredrabbit]

“Folks call me Bunny, no prizes for guessing why.” The longer the conversation goes, the less tense he becomes. Never truly relaxed, he’s not about to binky around her or flop on his side, but the ears no longer look as antenna-straight anymore.

[actuallyawolf]

"It's as good a name as any." Look, she is not in any position to mock names. "Was it the cougar that tried to eat you? Or someone else?"

[conjuredrabbit]

“Succeeded. Caught me up on the deck, gave me a merry chase and had me for dinner. Don’t fret too hard, it’s not nearly my first time being et.” Though there’s an underlying tone of bitterness to it.

[actuallyawolf]

"Well, I guess the coming back to life thing here wasn't much of a surprise for you. Sorry all the same, though. That sucks. Do you want me to track him down and return the favour? I will. He's overdue for it."

She is entirely serious.

"Just 'cause I think we got enough problems without eating each other too."

[conjuredrabbit]

“Mm, do you want to use me as an excuse to perpetuate your thing? I mean, I’m not saying no, just. It won’t help me for you to hunt him. Not really, not in the greater scheme. We know who we are, Miss Ylva. You’re a wolf, and I’m a rabbit and he’s a cougar.”

His whiskers twitch.

“Next time I think I’ll shift back to two legs, see if that ruins his fun.”

[decrypter]

Her fingers twitch just the tiniest bit. It is very hard to be right next to soft fluff and not touch, but that is a person and not an animal, so she has to be respectful.

"Yet being the key word. But I'm in here almost every day - so far nothing terrible has made itself known. It's really almost a sanctuary."

[gnighteverybody]

"For a while! Had a hard time getting around, though, this ship isn't very murderous-ghost-car-accessible."

Impossible to tell if he's joking or not. Because, y'know.

Yakko drifts into a hard turn, pedaling directly towards the Tommy Bahama to the sound a menacing orchestral sting. Surely this will not end poorly!

[crushed_pearls]

Oh, Erin's going in right after him. "Hey Yakko?" she calls out, once he's crossed the threshold, for the Warning Too Late is part of, you see, The Bit.

[gnighteverybody]

"No no, I get it, you gotta seize the op-purr-tunity when it purr-sents itself."

Yakko dusts himself off and stands up at his full not-very-tall height.

"You wanna tell me more about this meownster? This whole purr-ace- purrace? No, no, I can do better than that, this whole... meowvironment? Claw? For st- eh forget it. It's all new to me, is what I'm saying."

[gnighteverybody]

"Yessiree, Erin?" he says, not looking where he's going to glance behind at her.

[crushed_pearls]

"Anyone tell ya about the monster, its children, and the werecougar in this store?"

Nyoooom straight into the store herself.

[gnighteverybody]

"The WHAT?!"

He turns around just in time to see the giant mass of clothes with gaping maw. Yakko screams, taking another hard turn to evade it- and he's launched from the go-kart into the air, soaring like a majestic eagle before hitting the ground with a loud crunch. Limbs sticking out everywhere, a bone protruding.

Except, unlike in the cartoons, Yakko makes a distinctly un-funny shriek of pain.

[crushed_pearls]

Fuck. Erin resumes a human form still going full-speed; the result is an overhead chop with Bifrost that Bahamanuel remembers all too well. Sliced clothes go flying off its form while Erin yells, encouraging it to retreat, for now.

One of these days it'll figure out Erin can't light it on fire any more, but not today. Erin goes rushing to Yakko's side to check those wounds. Please, God, don't make her mercy kill the cartoon.