TEST DRIVE MEME #8

[sailmods]

1. but times have changed for sailors these days

[you wake up.

it doesn't matter where you were before. going to bed? dying? opening the door to face a great evil? same result. you wake up in a soft bed with starched sheets in a cool, darkened room, sunlight peeking out from behind thick curtains. maybe you're alone; maybe you aren't. maybe you immediately notice the folded paper on the bedside table near your head. if you don't, you better fix that real quick: you won't be able to even open the door before you read it.

the note itself is written in a neat hand on white card stock; there is a stylized logo of a ship with the words SERENA ETERNA printed underneath. the note reads as follows:

Dear Passenger(s),

As your cruise director, it is my great honor to welcome you aboard the Serena Eterna, your destination for fun and adventure! We know you could have chosen any cruise line for your vacation, and we're very grateful you chose ours! On behalf of the Captain, I would like to assure each and every passenger that will we do whatever it takes to fulfill all your needs and desires during your journey with us.

At your earliest possible convenience, please attend the mandatory lifeboat drill by the end of the day. I'm sure everyone is very eager to get started on all the fun and sun, but safety always comes first! You can find your life jacket in your cabin's closet; carry it to your assigned muster station on deck one, where I will take you through the drill. If you can't find me in the crowd, just look for the gal with the winning smile!

See You Real Soon!

Sincerely,
Gal Friday

you walk to deck one. you have no other choice: every time you try to step in a direction some unseen being considers "not towards deck one," you find your legs no longer move, staying stock still, frozen. whether compelled quickly by curiosity, or delayed by pure stubbornness, the result is the same, and you are left milling around with other similarly curious or stubborn people.

you see someone in uniform near the front of the crowd. she seems to be a gal, but is missing the winning smile, along with most of her other features. she seems to see you, though, rushing to your side and placing a lei around your neck with great formality. a voice, cheery but artificial, sees to come from nowhere and everywhere.]

Welcome aboard! I'm so happy you could join us!

[you touch the lei. rooster feathers, lotus seeds, and a carved circle of something white and hard, linked onto a silk string.

after the drill is completed, you are seemingly free to go. or, well, your legs work, now. and maybe that's as good as it's gonna get.]

2. tried to amend my carnivorous habit

[the space inside John's where the piano normally sits is mysteriously vacant today. as a matter of fact, the entire piano bar is silent, without so much as a muzak-inspired interpretation of Uptown Girl to hum along to.

the piano itself seems to have disappeared... for the most part. unlucky, unsuspecting passengers who enter the cabin hallway, step out onto the lower decks, or find themselves in one of the other narrow corridors of the ship, may find themselves suddenly facing down a silent, unmoving grand piano. it takes up too much space to squeeze by comfortably...

and then, the cover lifts, exposing what looks to be... teeth?

yeah. yeah, those are its teeth. and it's coming right for you.]

3. that American creation on which I feed

[it had been a difficult October for bahamanuel, the bahamanal. its territory had changed utterly, becoming alien and strange. new predators were encroaching on its hunting grounds. its position in the natural order is under threat. and so, nature finds a way.

the old timers know to be wary of large piles of clothes, but even they won’t think to look twice at the tiny lumps of garish kids’ swimsuits and sundresses - until they feel something latch onto their leg, and then several more things, and anywhere from ten to twenty balled up clothes piles try to take down their prey.

the young must learn how to hunt, after all.]

Comments

[crushed_pearls]

Ah, genuine joy. Erin finds a different machine to lean against and basks in it, smiling a little half-smile. "So, if it's not too personal - electromancy, huh? Ever since I've gotten here I've been curious about people's worlds, and, well, that's a new one on me."

[melodiouspacifist]

I haven't seen any kitchens. There have to be some though, right?

[ That's only logical. It's alright Reno, being in the company of redheaded smartasses is a lot he doesn't mind suffering. ]

Let's go down to check out the buffet. That might be the best shot.

[maximumcake]

Yeah, betrayal is what it feels like. God only knows, that's how my dad must feel. He didn't like to talk about it much, but it was messy.

[He laughs bitterly.]

Us? No. We didn't have anything like that. My dad owned an auto repair shop. The closest we got to nannies was "Uncle" Bill keeping an eye on us while Dad was busy helping customers. And we went to public school.

[maximumcake]

Max makes a face at hearing Pratt say he sucks. His kneejerk response is to want to say "no, of course you don't suck!" but he clamps down on it, afraid he will make things even more awkward.

"That's..." a lot to take in. "Wow. You uh. You look pretty good all things considered?" Does he really? Well. For a dead guy of 17 years...maybe?

"Sorry I... don't really know what the right thing to say is. All the dead people I'm used to dealing with are the undead variety. They can't eat..." Whatever that is.

[theweakhavepurpose]

He gives an eyebrow arch, "I look like shit, but thanks. At least I'm not decaying right?"

Right. He's pretty proud of himself. Sure he's emaciated and looks like a strong wind may end him, but he's still kind of just a dude. Go him.

"Oh like zombies and shit? I ... you know I don't think we have any of those here. Got ghosts. Vampires. Werewolves. People that can turn into cougars. But no zombies. Though there were some at the diner but they got stuck there." He finishes up his horrible potato nonsense and sets the bowl to the side, wiping his mouth with the back of his hand. "Must suck to not be able to eat."

[maximumcake]

"Well..." He's going to just. Not make any further comment on how Pratt looks. Because he can't think of a counter point.

"No. Not zombies--hey, wait! There are vampires here? But that guy Yuuki said there weren't any now. He said they all disappeared."

[theweakhavepurpose]

"No clue who that is. But uh.. he might be right. Claudia is gone. And Ai--uh.." He has slipped up and almost mentioned Aiden so many times recently. What gives? Is he secretly back on the boat and staring at them right now? But he will quickly recover and abide by the bro-code of not telling peoples secrets, "The girl with the guitar is also gone. So maybe they did. That'd be a weird coincidence actually. Wonder if their blood dispenser thing got poisoned. That sucks, Claudia was kinda awesome."

Scott Lang | MCU/616 | puttin' out my ant feelers don't mind me - ota

[pissant]

I. "Oh, Hi Mark..."

Scott has woken up in a lot of weird places in his lifetime. It's a bit like a bad habit if he's honest one that he continuously tries to fix but apparently, like so many times before, is unsuccessful. At least this time no one undressed him in his sleep, that's a nice change.

He groans as he looks around the room trying to gauge his surroundings and get his bearings. He's feeling a little sick like he's been knocked around a little and there's a part of him that is dimly aware that he seems to be moving while staying stationary. He's unsure if its general motion sickness or maybe something else right at this moment.

The room he's woken up in is mostly boring, and kinda looks like your average ol' hotel room maybe? Nothing notable stands out aside from some really bad generic art adorning the walls and a small slip of paper at the bedside which he gives a once over. "Vacation? What the fuck does that mean?!" He says to no one in particular. He hadn't been planning any vacation certainly and if he did it certainly wouldn't be on a god damn cruise ship.

But apparently this is what he's doing today. No matter, Lang's good at rolling with the punches. His life basically dictates it.

He's not entirely one to go against the rules in a strange area, apparently out to sea, besides whats a better way to find out more about a place then to just charge head first into whatever chaos is looming on the poop deck. That's a sailing term right?
So he grabs the mentioned life jacket, but leaves it off for now, and heads to what he would assume would be the upper decks so that he can at least confirm what the letter mentions when he gets to where he's going he's greeted with someone putting a lei around his head and it's probably the weirdest one that he's ever seen. Not that he has a shit ton of experience with leis. He grabs it and gives it a once over before laughing.

"Hey man, don't these usually come with one of those tall fruity drinks?" Cause why not make dumb jokes in high stress environments. That's the solution to everything.

II. Chomp, Chomp Motherfuckers...

He hates ships. He hates them. They're so tight and wobbly and he really needed to just get away from stuff for a moment. He's not sure where the piano normally lives but when he makes his way to one of the hallways down below decks as he looks for somewhere to get water, or something to settle his stomach, and is suddenly blocked by a big ol' baby grand he's assuming that the hallway isn't where this thing is supposed to be.

He looks around for maybe a couple of moving men, or something, that would explain why it was just sitting there but spots nothing for now.

"Hey guys? You kinda left your crap in the hallway? This has got to be some sort of safety violation or something." Who is he talking to? No one knows. When no one answers, unsurprisingly, he's walking towards the piano trying to work out a way around it but as he focuses on the thing it shivers...

Wait... What?

He's unsure of how such a large, usually inanimate, object can shiver but before he can think too much on that fact it's going beyond shivering and opening its casing wide so that Lang can see large, sharp, teeth that seem to drip and sit before a vast emptiness, rather than the stings and housing he'd expect to find in such a thing. Scott's eyes go wide and he's scrabbling to turn around as fast as he can, more or less tripping over himself as the piano, or whatever the hell this thing actually is, straight up lunges towards the other in heavy thudding movements.

"What the actual fuck is happening!?" He's just going to run, as fast as he can, not really paying attention to where he's going but knowing he's getting the fuck out of dodge as it slides and shimmies almost effortlessly in the hall behind him.

III. Wildcard!

You know what that means.

SOME NOTES: Brackets or prose, doesn't matter to me. I will match. Scott will come from just after the events of Ant-Man and The Wasp for this one. If you have questions HMU okay? i no bitey. Scott currently has no CW aside from he's probably gonna be pretty foul mouthed about his experiences atm.]

[maximumcake]

"Blood dispenser?" Max is some mix of horrified and intrigued. Usually, he's the blood dispenser.

"Where? Is there one in here?" Is Max planning to stake it out and see if anyone comes to drink out of it? Maybe.

II. CHOMP

[decohere]

Ava has a habit of traveling about the ship invisibly, because you never know who or what you might encounter. And by the clanging and banging of the murderous piano, and... yelling that sounds painfully distantly familiar. In this case it's both and for once she decides not to turn the other direction and let somebody else handle it.

The only warning Scott gets is a flickering of motion down the hallway, before a moment later a hand reaches up through the floor and grabs his ankle to catch him as he runs, and then a sharp yank downwards, to drop him through the floor itself.

She's floating, hovering a few feet above where he falls, and staring. Staring. Staring. This doesn't seem right. Yet. "Hi, Scott."

1

[saltwaterlungs]

"You probably shouldn't call them fruity, it's rude," calls a teenager perched up on a nearby roof. Impossible to tell if she's joking or not from the dryness of her tone.

"Welcome aboard, you're going to want to hold onto that lei, it's magic."

i did the thing, i bit off the temptation apple. *CHOMPED*

[pissant]

A lot of things just happened at once. First he was absolutely running in horror from pianos that wanted to kill him, then he was going through the floor just narrowly missing the sharp jagged teeth and large tongue of the piano as it slammed into the ground after him, and then he was being thrown onto hard metal flooring from a considerable distance. Hard enough that he just about had the wind knocked from him, he needs a moment to recover and groan about it but he doesn't much get the chance because someone seems to be talking and he's vaguely aware that he has to person again.

It takes him a moment or two to process that the someone who is talking has said his name and when he finally does managed to turn around onto his side to find where the voice has come from he's absolutely shocked to see someone familiar in front of him, or rather... Above him. He scrabbles to his hands and knees fighting through his throbbing head and aching chest. "It's you!"

And then a moment of realisation and panic. "Is this some sort of freaky S.H.I.E.L.D bullshit!? What the hell was that thing!?"

[pissant]

He wouldn't get it anyway. He frowns and then plays with the feathers on the lei a bit. "Oh, shit! That's not what I meant by that! I meant like you know... blue drink vibes~." Great recovery Scott. This person's giving off some energy and he makes a mental note not to joke around here in a folder he'll call; 'I'd really rather not get punched over something I said today'.

At the mention of magic he pops a brow up and then offers a sort of lazy smile. "I mean technically I think that's the whole thing of lei right? Supposed to make you feel ways about stuff relating to islands? I dunno I never lived that Buffet lifestyle." No Cheeseburgers in paradise for Lang. He stares at the lei again, actively taking a look at it now more so the casual glance he'd offered it earlier. "What's so magic about this one? Aside from being the wrong material."

[decohere]

Upon his recognition, enough confirmation that this is indeed a Scott from a timeline at least similar enough to her own and not a stranger wearing his face, Ava lands softly upon one foot, and then the other, to steps just a bit closer. Examining him for signs of this being a trick of some sort.

"It's me," Ava agrees, oscillating somewhere between excited to see a friend(ly acquaintance) and concerned. Because this isn't the sort of place most people are happy to end up. Especially when their greeting is... "And I believe that was a piano."

She can still hear it clanging up on the deck above. Ava shrugs. "See, I considered that. That SHIELD recaptured me and this was a really weird, overly elaborate simulation they stuck me in to break down my psyche and..." a blurred wave of her hand. "But it's just a ship. Suspended outside of time, surrounded by eternity... And there's no going back." Because that feels important to get out of the way.

[pissant]

"A piano. A piano... with teeth. Sharp ones! It had a tongue!!" Scotts normal one brain cell is working double time right now as he tries to process all of this. It's a lot for it to handle, it's certainly not picking up the most important aspects of this straight away. Give it a minute...

"Okay... So not SHIELD..." His head hurts and he squishes his face into something that should look probably thoughtful but maybe looks more like he sucked really hard on a lemon and now might be dying. "Wait... go back. What do you mean there's no going back?" It's caught up and his sort of gut feeling about this place seems to be coming to fruition as he stares at the other in a sort of weird desperation. He feels very small right now, which is ironic.

[decohere]

Ava nods along, her expression trying very hard to convey the appropriate level of concern and sympathy toward Scott's shock of the killer piano encounter. Nine months in and she's fairly used to this sort of occurrence, but she also recognizes the fact Scott is going through arrival panic and... well, she feels slightly obligated to help him out. Considering.

"Mn... because you never actually left. Or the you that's you right now is here, but the you that's... there is there." She holds up two fingers, together at first, then splits them into a peace sign. She knows he's spent enough time around the Pyms to have at least some basic exposure to theoretical nonsense, right? But she's keeping terms simple. Not because she thinks he's dumb but you know, probably overwhelmed.

"So now there is you and you... and if you tried to go back..." She crosses her fingers. "Obviously you can't do that. Because you're already there."

[theweakhavepurpose]

"Well they gotta eat something you know." Pratt shrugs. "It's by the coffee, like behind it, so you probably won't accidentally get a mug of blood instead of coffee unless you really fuck up."

Pratt doesn't think any of this is too weird yet, because hey, he just found out vampires are real about six months ago, so he's doing pretty well he thinks. "It's warm so it's not all gross and congealed. I asked Claudia once because the idea of drinking cold blood is somehow a billion times worse than warm."

[maximumcake]

"In my world, they don't have anything that cool. When he's not drinking straight from me, my master is usually having his cold out of the refrigerator. He's never complained about it but maybe he's just used to it by now. But... mm, yeah, they do all pretty universally say it tastes better warm and fresh." Speaking of totally normal things to say.

[theweakhavepurpose]

"That's cuz it's probably really metallic when its cold. Jacob back home would sometimes leave meat out in the snow and then like... eat it raw and that's the grossest shit ever. Though I guess it could have been worse he could have eaten it off a severed arm like a turkey leg instead of butchering people."

Just two dudes with totally normal things to talk about.

"Wait... your master? Dude..."

[maximumcake]

"Yeah. Guess that would make sense." As if literally anything about this conversation makes any sense?

"Wait... wait...butchering...people?" You answer his, he'll answer yours.

[theweakhavepurpose]

"No nono. Wait a sec. We'll get to the cannibal part in a bit but let's tackle the master thing here real quick. The fuck you say?"

Right because that's any weirder than the cannibal stuff.

[maximumcake]

"He IS a cannibal? You're friends with a cannibal?!" Yeah, no, Max is not just letting that drop like what the fuck dude.

"I'm his live-in butler. That's just the word we use. It's nothing." He lies, like a lying liar.

"Cannibal??"

[theweakhavepurpose]

"You're the butler for someone who drinks blood out of the fridge and you call him master? Hold up, you don't get to judge me for the cannibalism thing when you have a brita pitcher of blood in your fridge!"

He is not letting that one go.

"And I wasn't friends with a cannibal. I was second in command of a cult army ran by a cannibal." Wait.... "which sounds way worse! Never mind. Forget that part. I'm a vegetarian now anyway. That's beside the point. What the fuck dude?"

[saltwaterlungs]

This random stranger successfully razzed, Darcy huffs a weak laugh and dismounts from the roof, sliding down the wall and dismounting effortlessly, like she's cool but not putting too much effort into it. Then she leans against the wall with her arms folded, because the coolness she's radiating can't be measured by conventional science.

"No, like, I mean very literally that the lei is magic. Not bullshit magic experience magic. Actual magic. Welcome to the Serena Eternia, your nearest exits are nowhere, and I hope you don't mind getting your food served to you by ghosts, because if you do, you'd better get used to it fast."

An upnod towards the lei, "nobody really knows," unfolds one arm to do magic-y spirit-y fingers in his direction, "it's just important if something really bad happens."

[maximumcake]

"It's not a Brita pitcher! You don't need to filter blood!" That, wait. That doesn't make it sound better at all, either.

"He's a vampire, he doesn't kill people. Obviously." He gestures down at himself, very much alive.

"You were in a cannibal cult?! You were his second?? Holy shit. How the fuck am I supposed to forget that part? Did you..." he's looking at the finger wound now. Remembering that disturbing little comment from before.

"Did you eat your own finger?" Vegetarian his ASS!