sail_ooc | TEST DRIVE MEME #8

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TEST DRIVE MEME #8

1. but times have changed for sailors these days

[you wake up.

it doesn't matter where you were before. going to bed? dying? opening the door to face a great evil? same result. you wake up in a soft bed with starched sheets in a cool, darkened room, sunlight peeking out from behind thick curtains. maybe you're alone; maybe you aren't. maybe you immediately notice the folded paper on the bedside table near your head. if you don't, you better fix that real quick: you won't be able to even open the door before you read it.

the note itself is written in a neat hand on white card stock; there is a stylized logo of a ship with the words SERENA ETERNA printed underneath. the note reads as follows:

Dear Passenger(s),

As your cruise director, it is my great honor to welcome you aboard the Serena Eterna, your destination for fun and adventure! We know you could have chosen any cruise line for your vacation, and we're very grateful you chose ours! On behalf of the Captain, I would like to assure each and every passenger that will we do whatever it takes to fulfill all your needs and desires during your journey with us.

At your earliest possible convenience, please attend the mandatory lifeboat drill by the end of the day. I'm sure everyone is very eager to get started on all the fun and sun, but safety always comes first! You can find your life jacket in your cabin's closet; carry it to your assigned muster station on deck one, where I will take you through the drill. If you can't find me in the crowd, just look for the gal with the winning smile!

See You Real Soon!

Sincerely,
Gal Friday

you walk to deck one. you have no other choice: every time you try to step in a direction some unseen being considers "not towards deck one," you find your legs no longer move, staying stock still, frozen. whether compelled quickly by curiosity, or delayed by pure stubbornness, the result is the same, and you are left milling around with other similarly curious or stubborn people.

you see someone in uniform near the front of the crowd. she seems to be a gal, but is missing the winning smile, along with most of her other features. she seems to see you, though, rushing to your side and placing a lei around your neck with great formality. a voice, cheery but artificial, sees to come from nowhere and everywhere.]

Welcome aboard! I'm so happy you could join us!

[you touch the lei. rooster feathers, lotus seeds, and a carved circle of something white and hard, linked onto a silk string.

after the drill is completed, you are seemingly free to go. or, well, your legs work, now. and maybe that's as good as it's gonna get.]

2. tried to amend my carnivorous habit

[the space inside John's where the piano normally sits is mysteriously vacant today. as a matter of fact, the entire piano bar is silent, without so much as a muzak-inspired interpretation of Uptown Girl to hum along to.

the piano itself seems to have disappeared... for the most part. unlucky, unsuspecting passengers who enter the cabin hallway, step out onto the lower decks, or find themselves in one of the other narrow corridors of the ship, may find themselves suddenly facing down a silent, unmoving grand piano. it takes up too much space to squeeze by comfortably...

and then, the cover lifts, exposing what looks to be... teeth?

yeah. yeah, those are its teeth. and it's coming right for you.]

3. that American creation on which I feed

[it had been a difficult October for bahamanuel, the bahamanal. its territory had changed utterly, becoming alien and strange. new predators were encroaching on its hunting grounds. its position in the natural order is under threat. and so, nature finds a way.

the old timers know to be wary of large piles of clothes, but even they won’t think to look twice at the tiny lumps of garish kids’ swimsuits and sundresses - until they feel something latch onto their leg, and then several more things, and anywhere from ten to twenty balled up clothes piles try to take down their prey.

the young must learn how to hunt, after all.]

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"Yeah, actually someone did." He's just gonna eat his mashed potatoes and not mention who that someone was.

"I know I know. I uh... wasn't really thinking."

Man no one let's him have any fun.

"It'll come back if I die. Or well it probably will. Usually that shit gets healed up via respawn. Though last time I woke up with a knife in my shoulder and you know what I should probably just stop talking since I keep saying worse and worse shit and you just got here. Wanna talk about the weather? Or that like... my next door neighbor is a literal dog that talks?"

That isn't a hard no from her, he doesn't think. He's too aware that his first impression he made on her wasn't the best, but he finds himself drawn to her enough that he decides to risk pushing just a tiny little bit.

"I already have a master. But he doesn't always keep me to himself. You did tell me I should try and make connections." Friend was the word she used, but that feels like too much. "Who better to show me how?"

It's not a hard no, as she's so completely confused that she doesn't know how to respond. Valdis stares at him silently for several uncomfortable moments. He seems to be floundering, but not desperate, simply looking for a place to belong. He's a bit like a puppy, very sweet, but...

"I...suppose friendship isn't out of the question. You know, to start."

Erin's head tilts, all smiling interest. "Yeah, I wasn't expecting that, no. I had you figured for missing the kind of rare precision tools one keeps in a well-appointed home kitchen. Though I'll confess that my experience with master chefs is...idiosyncratic. The kinda folks who slay dragons to eat them."

Is that a metaphor? No. No it is not.

[He makes a weak noise in the back of his throat that is mostly assent still mixed with anxiety. He is never not going to worry about it.]

Oh, so he must be pretty influential? Sorry I... did you say worlds? Like. Planets?

His nose wrinkles. "I... don't think I want to know." Yeah, he's judging. He's judging hard. He really didn't want that assumption to be true.

"Um. Yeah. People told me that the dead don't stay dead here. That's still, like, a lot to take in but... wait, you have a talking dog as a neighbor?" Yes, because that's clearly the weirdest part of this entire thing.

That image of a puppy might only grow stronger when he perks up at her use of the word friend. If he had a tail, it would be wagging.

"I appreciate it so much." He finally pulls himself upright and takes a few steps toward her. "Um... is Valdis what you would prefer I call you?"

Valdis continues to stare at him, very much questioning her lack of judgement when it came to teasing new people. First Yato and now Max. Both have come back to bite her very quickly.

"Yes," she says hesitantly, "And what do you want to be called? Just Max?"

"I'm actually a little bit old school. I may be living in the lap of luxury now, but I didn't grow up that way. I learned the art with hand-me-downs and thrift store bargains." And a lot of creativity on top of that.

"That's the cool thing about food. It's got so much range. And it doesn't have to be crazy elaborate to be good. Some of the most timeless recipes to ever exist are also the simplest." Max is letting his nerd really show now. He could wax on about it for a while so it's a good thing she threw a verbal roadblock in his way.

"When you say dragon, do you mean, like... " he opens his arms and pretends to flap them like giant dragon wings until he remembers DUH she's blind. She can't see that. "Like mythical dragons as big as castles. Those kind of dragons?"

"When they can find them, yeah. I'm told most dragons are much smaller." There's a touch of tease to it. "They're nobles among my people, the Knights of the Knowledge of the Tongue. Magical epicureans and artists, valued for their skills and also for being insane enough to go toe to toe with horrors from beyond reality while chanting recipes like a litany to God. Mad lads, love 'em."

(Something, something, two-nickles)

"Yes. Just Max. It sounds less... ridiculous." His hand slips to the back of his neck, rubbing at the rough spot there again.

"Yeaaaaah. I kinda forget that shit I think is normal really. really isn't." He shrugs, because even if he tries to filter himself he ends up forgetting midway through conversations and keeps on saying insane shit.

"Anyone who dies comes back the next day, Friday carries them back to their cabin and tucks them into bed. Which is either really sweet or super creepy depending on how you look at it." But he brightens up at the mention of the dog because he is a simple man who loves dogs. "Her name is Ammy. She's a big white wolf dog and when she barks you can understand her. It's fucking awesome."

"If there's another name you prefer, this is a new reality, you can almost be anything you want to be."

He still seems nervous in that puppy-dog kind of way. It's a little sweet, but also greatly bewildering.

"Has...anyone shown you around or are you just lost?"

[It seems to her that his nerves are probably as a result of being new - which she can't blame him for - and that they'll pass once he's seen that she won't do him any harm just for asking questions. No need to draw further attention to it, then.]

Planets, yes. There are over a hundred inhabited colony worlds in my sector, many of them owned by corporations like Cardalek. My father's fairly influential, yes. He lives near the top of the Tower.

[Unless that's what's making him anxious? She adds, quickly:] I grew up Company, but I didn't stay. I'm a spacer lieutenant, with the Tradelines. Defending the colonies and facilitating trade.

Bash finally gives in to touch, lays his hand on Max's head.

"Hey. You are not allowed to give in to despair. Alright? It is big and scary and it hurts, but the only way out is forward, to keep moving. If you wanna help me and Ava here with slinging coffee, that'd be awesome. I got some premium beans stashed away for when we're feeling fancy. It's something to do, for the now."

[Reno has seen crazier things. Like full rickety houses that try to eat people and shoot rockets in retaliation whenever they're denied. But that still doesn't make it any less bizarre when he spots the piano chasing down blondie over there.]

Hey. Don't I--

[But he doesn't have time to finish his question. Because that's when he realizes the two of them are running towards him. In this very, small, very cramped hallway with only two directions to go.

Well, shit. Time to start running.]

Why did ya have to bring him this way!?

[ Definitely time to start running Reno. He let out a bit of a yelp as it snapped its teeth again, and thank someone for the fact he missed being piano food. ]

This why I'm not a pianist! [ No it isn't. ]

[ He reaches out with a gloved hand to make a grab for Reno's hand. ]

Wrong place, wrong time, ugh, we're going to do this the wrong way.

[ A few feet in front of them there's a very scary, ominous looking portal that is not at all worrisome. ]

Hang onto me!

We're what now?

[He didn't have a whole lot of time to protest. As soon as he felt Demyx's hand on his own he returned the grip. He had no idea what Demyx was planning but it seemed the safe bet to trust him. They worked well together anyway.

Then he spotted the ominous looking portal in front of them. Turned out he did have time to complain.]

Didn't you say it's not a good idea to go through one of those without proper protection!?

Yes, it's a terrible idea! Just don't let go and don't listen to anything!

[ This probably won't kill him, and it's an emergency. They won't be there long enough to mess with Reno's heart, Demyx is going to make sure of it.

They make it to the portal and yoink! ]

She immediately waves him back down to the chair. "It's all right, sit down, please. There's no point in insisting on ceremony here. And besides, what's a lord or lady for if not to take care of their people?"

Not that he's one of her people, but she has to say something to settle him down.

distant rhythm of the drum

[ mitchell doesn’t immediately understand the significance of the cruise ship cabin in purgatory. he’d never been on a cruise before; the room means nothing to him. of course, he’d also not expected to go to purgatory at all. a stake to the heart was supposed to be fucking it for him. whatever this is? he's not a fan.

he doesn’t read the letter, doesn’t even notice it, really. he just goes straight out in the hall, prepared to relive every terrible thing he’s done for eternity. room to room, just like before. that’s how it works, right?

so it’s just by chance he sets off in the proper direction — no mysterious force guiding him required. he’s stopping at each room, though. he jiggles every doorknob, knocks on every door.

none of them open, but he keeps trying. ]

as we drifted towards the storm

[ eventually mitchell ends up where he’s meant to be. he’s not a fan of the woman without a face, and the lei is a bit on the nose for someone who just died in a place called honolulu heights. those are nowhere near the forefront of his thoughts right now though. he's realized almost immediately that nearly everyone here is human. living, breathing human.

panic grips him and he looks like a madman as he gets in the woman's... not face, but you know. general place where her face ought to be. his hands hover just over her shoulders as if he wants to grab her. ]

I can’t fucking be here. Do you understand? [ the answer is either broadly "no," or she just doesn't give a shit, because she's ignoring him as she moves on to the next person. ] Can you hear me? Hello?

[ he gives up and turns on his heels, running both hands through his hair as he tries to think. maybe this is hell, after all. he's doomed to repeat the same fucking mistakes for eternity and it's no less than what he deserves but god he can't take it. ]

Christ. [ he yanks the lei over his head and chucks it. possibly at a person, he's really not paying attention. ] Jesus Christ.

[ death was supposed to be his chance to rest. not this. ]

baby lion lost his teeth

[ much later after breakdowns have been had and all that, mitchell's getting the layout of the ship. popping his head in every shop, investigating the decks, the usual new guy routine. it's all pretty boring, really, until something catches his attention and lures him deeper into the buffet. mixed with the smell of mediocre food is something unsettling and familiar.

blood? blood! crimson, copper-smelling blood.

easily dispensed from a coffeemaker, it would appear. ]

Are you serious? [ he sounds more pissed off than anything, and he's scowling at the machine as if it's personally wronged him in some way. ] This is sick.

[ and he does not mean in the radical, cool, gnarly way. ]

wildcard

[ anything! everything! oh yeah also fine with prose, i'm not picky on format. ]

Edited 2022-12-11 00:38 (UTC)

It is sick. [Just the least crappy alternative.] But if you approached this machine to begin with, you're the kind of creature it's meant for.

[Literally no one except vampires uses it. The man's scent is telling enough - the smell of the undead.

'sup Mitchell, have a teenage vampire. Natsuno is also scowling - he may be less judgmental than he used to, but other vampires still put him on edge.]

The lei hits Goldenglow on the head and gets stuck on one of her ears. She yelps in surprise: getting a lei tossed at your head is by no means painful, but it's the principle of the thing.

She walks deliberately over to John, using her staff almost like a walking stick to keep her balance on the unsteady ground of the ship. "I didn't exactly sign up for this either, mate, but you don't have to hit me about it! I don't want to be here myself. D'you have any idea how you got here? Maybe we could put our heads together on this."

"Oh my god, are you for real?" This man lives with vampires and yet he's still absolutely floored by the news that dragons are real. He's delighted and yet at the same time a little sad to hear that they kill and eat such a rare beast. It almost feels wrong but at the same time... he really wants to try dragon meat! What does that taste like?!

"They sound like... they throw a mean party." Yeah, that's the best he's got. He's still in awe. "My kind of people."

"In your defense, nothing about this place really seems...normal." And Max has already learned that some of the things he thinks of as normal (being a servant to a vampire, for example) really aren't to a lot of people.

"I guess that's... nice of her. She still kind of freaks me out that she has no face but now I feel a little bad about that." It has to suck to be the one in charge of handling the bodies. The idea of tucking them into bed doesn't read as all that weird since Max is used to sleeping with an undead in his own bed already.

"Ammy? That's a cute name. So, does she have uh... a human level of vocabulary or...?"

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TEST DRIVE MEME #8

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II.

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john mitchell / being human

Baby lion lost his teeth

2. as we drifted toward the storm

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