TEST DRIVE MEME #8

[sailmods]

1. but times have changed for sailors these days

[you wake up.

it doesn't matter where you were before. going to bed? dying? opening the door to face a great evil? same result. you wake up in a soft bed with starched sheets in a cool, darkened room, sunlight peeking out from behind thick curtains. maybe you're alone; maybe you aren't. maybe you immediately notice the folded paper on the bedside table near your head. if you don't, you better fix that real quick: you won't be able to even open the door before you read it.

the note itself is written in a neat hand on white card stock; there is a stylized logo of a ship with the words SERENA ETERNA printed underneath. the note reads as follows:

Dear Passenger(s),

As your cruise director, it is my great honor to welcome you aboard the Serena Eterna, your destination for fun and adventure! We know you could have chosen any cruise line for your vacation, and we're very grateful you chose ours! On behalf of the Captain, I would like to assure each and every passenger that will we do whatever it takes to fulfill all your needs and desires during your journey with us.

At your earliest possible convenience, please attend the mandatory lifeboat drill by the end of the day. I'm sure everyone is very eager to get started on all the fun and sun, but safety always comes first! You can find your life jacket in your cabin's closet; carry it to your assigned muster station on deck one, where I will take you through the drill. If you can't find me in the crowd, just look for the gal with the winning smile!

See You Real Soon!

Sincerely,
Gal Friday

you walk to deck one. you have no other choice: every time you try to step in a direction some unseen being considers "not towards deck one," you find your legs no longer move, staying stock still, frozen. whether compelled quickly by curiosity, or delayed by pure stubbornness, the result is the same, and you are left milling around with other similarly curious or stubborn people.

you see someone in uniform near the front of the crowd. she seems to be a gal, but is missing the winning smile, along with most of her other features. she seems to see you, though, rushing to your side and placing a lei around your neck with great formality. a voice, cheery but artificial, sees to come from nowhere and everywhere.]

Welcome aboard! I'm so happy you could join us!

[you touch the lei. rooster feathers, lotus seeds, and a carved circle of something white and hard, linked onto a silk string.

after the drill is completed, you are seemingly free to go. or, well, your legs work, now. and maybe that's as good as it's gonna get.]

2. tried to amend my carnivorous habit

[the space inside John's where the piano normally sits is mysteriously vacant today. as a matter of fact, the entire piano bar is silent, without so much as a muzak-inspired interpretation of Uptown Girl to hum along to.

the piano itself seems to have disappeared... for the most part. unlucky, unsuspecting passengers who enter the cabin hallway, step out onto the lower decks, or find themselves in one of the other narrow corridors of the ship, may find themselves suddenly facing down a silent, unmoving grand piano. it takes up too much space to squeeze by comfortably...

and then, the cover lifts, exposing what looks to be... teeth?

yeah. yeah, those are its teeth. and it's coming right for you.]

3. that American creation on which I feed

[it had been a difficult October for bahamanuel, the bahamanal. its territory had changed utterly, becoming alien and strange. new predators were encroaching on its hunting grounds. its position in the natural order is under threat. and so, nature finds a way.

the old timers know to be wary of large piles of clothes, but even they won’t think to look twice at the tiny lumps of garish kids’ swimsuits and sundresses - until they feel something latch onto their leg, and then several more things, and anywhere from ten to twenty balled up clothes piles try to take down their prey.

the young must learn how to hunt, after all.]

Comments

[maximumcake]

Bash is right. That is something Erik has stressed to him before, that he needs to preserve himself as his first priority if they ever become separated. Usually, that means in a fight or... if Max gets captured. Does this count as the latter?

"Yes. He would." That seems like enough to convince Max to reach for one of the madeleines. One taste, and he's in love. They'll be gone in a matter of minutes.

"I've been trying to keep up my routine like he taught me but... it's not like there's any chores to do here."

[midnightroads]

"No, not so much. So instead you've got the bigger chore of doing the things that keep your soul afloat, here. There's a reason I'm behind the counter, here. Coffee's kinda my passion, even though it wasn't my work back where I come from. But big picture, I been here on the scale of months. Some folks been around the greater part of a year. So when I talk about taking care of your you, I mean long term as well as short."

Bash leans forward on the counter, looking Max over.

"You're gonna be alright, though. It's a lot, it's a fuckery, but you are going to be alright."

[maximumcake]

"Yes. Actually, that's pretty much the same thing. I take care of his household needs." Is that what the kids are calling it these days?

[maximumcake]

Gravity wins. Max's head sinks all the way to the bar as he lets out a miserable groan. "I don't know how to take a vacation."

[businessorlibation]

Johnny is so very tempted to pat him on the head. He actually lifts his hand, then stops himself.

"Well. You have a while to figure it out."

[maximumcake]

Max would have had more of a reaction to that revelation about no microbes if not for the way, way more concerning absence of this man's pinky finger. Get used to it? How the fuck does a guy get used to that?? How is he so calm about this?

"Oh my God, what happened? Are you okay?"

[not_the_last]

"That's important work," Cassandra says, and means it. "A good steward is invaluable to any noble house. My own steward back home is a treasure, I don't know where we'd be without her."

Stadium Arcadium

[treadwater]

Had Max been made aware that there are literal teenagers on this hellship yet? If not, well, he's about to. It's in Playback where Undine encounters him; she's here for DDR or maybe some Gauntlet: Dark Legacy (Blue Valkyrie needs food badly!), but at seeing an adult in a full suit with his face lit by the glow of a machine, she stops, quietly settling beside the machine to watch him.

[redlightgreenlight]

"And I'm a Queen," She says simply, going back to her book.

"You seem quite loyal, but in a very twisted way. How did he save your life?"

[crushed_pearls]

"Master." There's a dark interest in that word which Erin is just going to leave sitting on the table here. "Yes, well - my point being that you're unlikely, if a kitchen is made at all, to receive one with honey luxuries and much more likely to receive one made to feed a cruise of a thousand plus souls. If you can find the courage to ask."

[maximumcake]

[Uh oh, he's not sure he likes how serious she turns all of the sudden. Her use of the word contract makes him wary. Is that one of those cultural things for her?]

A-all right. I... [He swallows hard against a rising flood of anxiety.] I'll ask. Um. Just. Sometimes, I ask too much when I shouldn't.

Yes. He's... in charge of governing a large chunk of territory. It's a very prestigious role. I'm his personal servant so that comes with a lot of responsibility. [Or, it should. But Max isn't actually a decision maker about much more than superficial details.]

What is your father the director of?

[maximumcake]

"Yeah?" Max perks up with interest. "I used to be a part-time barista while I was in college, but I always hoped I'd get to open my own place one day before..." he trails off before he can manage to bring the mood back down with the rest of that story.

The idea that Bash has been here for months and other for closer to a year is doing a lot to bring back the nervous jiggle in his leg already. What if Bash is wrong? What if he really won't be okay?

"I... don't see what choice I have."

[maximumcake]

That doesn't do anything to soothe Max. The opposite, actually. A while. A while? How is he supposed to cope? He already lost everything once. This isn't a vacation. This is a nightmare. Is he dead? Is this hell? Is that why there are no kitchens?

He doesn't actually say anything out loud, but his chest heaves as he comes dangerously close to sobbing. He wipes at his leaking eyes as covertly as he can, trying not to let Johnny see. What a miserable failure he is.

[maximumcake]

"Yes. And I'm sure she wouldn't know what to do without you either." Like him. Right now.

"Forgive me if this is out of line, but are you some class of nobility yourself?"

[not_the_last]

In another context, she might laugh lightly at that first suggestion -- Arla would be just fine without her, she's quite sure -- but it's too easy to see the like me in his eyes.

"Oh, it's not out of line at all. I am, yes. Lady Cassandra de Rolo of Whitestone." She smiles, carefully warm and gracious.

[maximumcake]

Unsupervised children kidnapped to a cruise ship, oh, he hates that already.

Max has hung his suit jacket on the back of a nearby chair so he can move more freely. His current challenge is a vintage cabinet displaying Galaga on the side of it. He's doing a pretty good job of clearing the level. It's almost as if he had a lot of time alone to master games like these.

The moment he realizes he isn't alone, however, he stops paying attention to the little pixelated invaders and turns his attention to the blue-haired one instead.

"Oh. Hi? I'm Max Maximum. Did you want to play this one?"

[maximumcake]

"You are?" He sits up in his chair so fast already terrified at the possibility she isn't lying.

Twisted? That's not... no! "A good servant should be loyal." He's trying to sound innocent about that but he really just makes himself sound more guilty. "That's... a long story. I'm not sure if I should--are you really a queen?"

[redlightgreenlight]

Apparently that was the right thing to say.

"I am." It's not really a lie, you don't just stop being queen of an entire race just because you locked them in Purgatory. "And good servants should be loyal, but I much prefer mine to be able to entertain themselves."

Or at least she would imagine that she would.

[maximumcake]

Oh boy. A lot of people have really not liked him using that word. He tries his best to play it off casually. "Yeah, as in master of the house?" Innocent. What's the problem? Must be a cultural thing.

"You make it sound like having an industrial kitchen made to serve an army isn't exactly what I've always wanted. Can you imagine?" he sighs wistfully. "I'd never leave it."

[theweakhavepurpose]

"Oh. Right." He looks at his hand as if remembering that just missing appendages isn't normal to most people. Somehow everyone asking him about it hasn't helped him think up a good answer.

"Let's uh... let's pretend it was a fetish thing? Don't worry, as far as I know no one is running around attacking random people so you're safe." He nods as if that was at all reassuring. "Hurts like a bitch, but it's healing. Should be good in a few more weeks I think."

[maximumcake]

"Fetish?" He looks between that missing finger and Deputy Pratt like he's trying to recalculate some internal clock settings in his brain. "What, did someone eat it?" Don't ask him why that's the first thing his mind leaps to. Don't ask.

"I know I don't have a right to tell you your own business, but I hope you don't make a habit out of getting hurt that badly all the time. Unless you're saying it will grow back?"

[astrogator]

[She can tell that she's making him nervous, although perhaps not exactly how much. It's strange to her that someone so important as Max's employer wouldn't have more than two people working in his household, but she decides that might be cultural.

Ari wants to reassure him, and her voice takes on a more gentle tone.]

You can ask whatever you want. Never worry about that. If I don't want to answer I'll say so, but never feel you can't ask. That's how misunderstandings get started.

My father's Director of Finance at Cardalek. That's a megacorporation out in my sector. It has several subsidiaries and one colony world. [Another smile. For a long time she'd have kept this information to herself, but Ari and her father are on good terms again, and here it can't hurt anyway.]

[maximumcake]

Lady. Lady!

Max rocks up to his feet like he's been compelled by a power outside of his own body, and he bows deeply to her, despite his head still feeling woozy.

"My Lady, why didn't you say so before? I've been leaning on you when... I'm so sorry."

[maximumcake]

Shit. He almost pulled a knife on her. But she said...! Well, Erik has gotten in bloody battles too.

Max shoots out of his chair and bows deeply to her, averting his eyes in full supplication. "I'm so sorry for my rudeness, Your Majesty."

But he can't... he can't help himself. He doesn't come out of the bow, but he does chance a look at her, with a hint of flirt in his expression and tone. "What if they could entertain you instead?"

[redlightgreenlight]

Her eyes lift to his. The sudden shift in his entire mentality and body language is a little disconcerting. He's definitely flirting, it's not quite carnal, very polite, an offer not a demand or expectation...And she's really not sure what to do with all that.

"I'm not interested in having servants."